untitled. Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 this is a rant and story Hi everyone on AVEN, I thought that perhaps people here would be more understanding of how I will never allow anyone other than myself to touch me where I don't want it again. I know I am young but it just sickens me how much women pressure other women to get pelvic exams. I think it's ridiculous. Doctors are always pressuring their patients to get it done, and instilling fear of cancer to those who refuse. I think they insist more on a pelvic exam than they do on quitting smoking. Yes, I am doing the 'unspeakable' and questioning doctors. I think the procedure is inhumane. If you think I just need to suck it up, please listen. This is ranting towards people like that. People that think women just need to "suck it up" or "get over it". I was a victim of molestation. I know what it is and how it feels. I know how it feels to have someone force your clothes off you, while you scream for someone to help you but nobody knows and nobody hears. Nobody knows. Then he proceeds to feel your body, touching it only the places that matter to him, and you are helpless. And I refuse to say anymore about it past that point. You already know what happens. There is a reason, I like to say to some, that I refuse to have sex. There is a reason that I refuse to have some metal object pried into my body and someone, I don't care if it is a doctor, force their way into me. I don't care if this puts my life at risk. Then you may say "well then that's your problem". And maybe it is, but this is a rant and this is a story and if it's my problem so be it. Please understand that it doesn't have to be your problem either. You will call me ignorant, naive. You'll think I'm just someone whose "hormones" have gotten the best of them. Everyone likes to blame hormones, right? Fear hangs over me that I will be later pressured into having this procedure, or if anyone finds out that I haven't had it, they will criticize me so. It is not a unreasonable fear, as you can find many examples of times where women are pressured into this. _____________________________________________________ please don't continue to read if you're just going to tell me to grow up. I had a purpose for writing this, and if you feel like you've wasted your time, or I am wasting mine, don't continue to make a problem for yourself. please don't try to "solve" mine. don't tell me to get used to it or that I'll have to do it. It's no better than the people who say I have to have sex. yes, this is life-threatening, although I am healthy and exercise. If you believe that all I want is sympathy posts and pity, perhaps you're right. Perhaps that's what I'm looking for, and if you can't accept that, then that is okay too. But I really just want people to learn. To learn about alternatives, to really understand their choices, to really understand that they can just say no. They can just take the risk and refuse. We take higher risks tanning, driving, and eating unhealthy food. We take larger risks walking on the street, any moment you can be hit by a car. This is not to say you should take all risks, this is simply informing you that you have to option of taking the risk. And if you don't want to, that is okay too. This is just to inform, not to conform. ______________________________________________________ It still annoys me that I have to be labeled "woman" anyway. I'd like to be neutrois someday. I want to be physically free from gender and the torture it causes. However, if a hysterectomy requires something similar to a pelvic exam, I'd rather just take birth control pills to stop menstruation. I think it's silly to have to keep around the pelvic exam when the CSA blood test has already been developed. This blood test should be something acclaimed and deserves more public attention, but it seems to me it's been going unnoticed. Perhaps it is naive for me to say that I would rather die than have that procedure, but I really believe it to be that way. The shame I still feel has driven me to attempted suicide and nobody ever understands why. They don't know why. I continue to live though, day by day, sometimes feeling a hypocritical scorn for anyone who might consider suicide, throwing their lives away; then later I become that person and want nothing more than to disappear in the humiliation I feel every time I remember. If you have been a victim of molestation or rape, do you understand? That someone reaching into you there, and you are so vulnerable. And afterwards the shame. The trauma never leaves you. It hasn't left me, even all these years. But yes, I would rather die than to feel something like that again. Even now that I've grown to respect living so much more, I can't help but to remember sometimes. I hope that, even though this is a rant you may find silly or naive, there was something learned from it. Maybe about the CSA test. Maybe about how, if you're one of those who laugh at those refusing this exam, you may not know why. That some people already want to be gone from this world and if they for any reason want to stay, would rather live without having to experience the reason that made them want to die. Link to post Share on other sites
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.