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untitled.

Rant on Pelvic Exams

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untitled.

this is a rant and story

Hi everyone on AVEN,

I thought that perhaps people here would be more understanding of how I will never allow anyone other than myself to touch me where I don't want it again.

I know I am young but it just sickens me how much women pressure other women to get pelvic exams. I think it's ridiculous. Doctors are always pressuring their patients to get it done, and instilling fear of cancer to those who refuse. I think they insist more on a pelvic exam than they do on quitting smoking. Yes, I am doing the 'unspeakable' and questioning doctors.

I think the procedure is inhumane. If you think I just need to suck it up, please listen. This is ranting towards people like that. People that think women just need to "suck it up" or "get over it".

I was a victim of molestation. I know what it is and how it feels. I know how it feels to have someone force your clothes off you, while you scream for someone to help you but nobody knows and nobody hears. Nobody knows. Then he proceeds to feel your body, touching it only the places that matter to him, and you are helpless. And I refuse to say anymore about it past that point. You already know what happens. There is a reason, I like to say to some, that I refuse to have sex. There is a reason that I refuse to have some metal object pried into my body and someone, I don't care if it is a doctor, force their way into me. I don't care if this puts my life at risk. Then you may say "well then that's your problem". And maybe it is, but this is a rant and this is a story and if it's my problem so be it. Please understand that it doesn't have to be your problem either. You will call me ignorant, naive. You'll think I'm just someone whose "hormones" have gotten the best of them. Everyone likes to blame hormones, right?

Fear hangs over me that I will be later pressured into having this procedure, or if anyone finds out that I haven't had it, they will criticize me so. It is not a unreasonable fear, as you can find many examples of times where women are pressured into this.

_____________________________________________________

please don't continue to read if you're just going to tell me to grow up. I had a purpose for writing this, and if you feel like you've wasted your time, or I am wasting mine, don't continue to make a problem for yourself. please don't try to "solve" mine. don't tell me to get used to it or that I'll have to do it. It's no better than the people who say I have to have sex. yes, this is life-threatening, although I am healthy and exercise. If you believe that all I want is sympathy posts and pity, perhaps you're right. Perhaps that's what I'm looking for, and if you can't accept that, then that is okay too. But I really just want people to learn. To learn about alternatives, to really understand their choices, to really understand that they can just say no. They can just take the risk and refuse. We take higher risks tanning, driving, and eating unhealthy food. We take larger risks walking on the street, any moment you can be hit by a car. This is not to say you should take all risks, this is simply informing you that you have to option of taking the risk. And if you don't want to, that is okay too. This is just to inform, not to conform.

______________________________________________________

It still annoys me that I have to be labeled "woman" anyway. I'd like to be neutrois someday. I want to be physically free from gender and the torture it causes. However, if a hysterectomy requires something similar to a pelvic exam, I'd rather just take birth control pills to stop menstruation.

I think it's silly to have to keep around the pelvic exam when the CSA blood test has already been developed. This blood test should be something acclaimed and deserves more public attention, but it seems to me it's been going unnoticed.

Perhaps it is naive for me to say that I would rather die than have that procedure, but I really believe it to be that way. The shame I still feel has driven me to attempted suicide and nobody ever understands why. They don't know why. I continue to live though, day by day, sometimes feeling a hypocritical scorn for anyone who might consider suicide, throwing their lives away; then later I become that person and want nothing more than to disappear in the humiliation I feel every time I remember. If you have been a victim of molestation or rape, do you understand? That someone reaching into you there, and you are so vulnerable. And afterwards the shame. The trauma never leaves you. It hasn't left me, even all these years. But yes, I would rather die than to feel something like that again. Even now that I've grown to respect living so much more, I can't help but to remember sometimes.

I hope that, even though this is a rant you may find silly or naive, there was something learned from it. Maybe about the CSA test. Maybe about how, if you're one of those who laugh at those refusing this exam, you may not know why. That some people already want to be gone from this world and if they for any reason want to stay, would rather live without having to experience the reason that made them want to die.

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herpaderderderderder

I feel the exact same way. -hugs-

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untitled.

I feel the exact same way. -hugs-

Thanks. I think it's just too rare to find anyone now that would challenge the medical industry... Whenever I save up enough I may just pay that Onconix, Inc. (in NC) a visit to ask about their blood test. It seems like the only place it's offered is there. It's so sad...

I read on a health ethics site:

Women in China are forced to have IUDs implanted into their uteruses, and are forced to submit to four mandatory pelvic exams a year to make sure that the devices are still in place; if a woman misses an exam, or removes the IUD, she is imprisoned and sterilized by force; if she's pregnant, she will be forced to have an abortion.

I think things have gone too far...

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Waterbottle20

I doubt someone would call you "silly" or "naive" because of self-harm, it's just obvious that you have debilitating issues that will not serve you to ignore. If you think avoiding a pelvic examination will make all your problems go away, then so be it. But I'm sure you're well aware that your problems are still there whether or not you avoid them, aren't you.

As for the risk-justifications... I can swear to you that you wouldn't be saying any of that if you actually later find out that you had cancer... First off human beings are statistically much more likely to develop cancer than to get in a car crash, or die from anything that you listed. But that's besides the point: There are some risks we need to take IN ORDER to experience life (i.e. walking down the street). Your risk, however, is being taken in order hide away from part of life that could be protecting you, in order to delay confrontation. It's nothing but squandering. You deserve better. Whoever did this to you doesn't deserve to still be effecting your life.

Of course noone here will be able to help you get over life- altering trauma in a single forum post, but might I suggest finding someone to talk to? This statement "The shame I still feel has driven me to attempted suicide and nobody ever understands why. They don't know why." leads me to believe that you've yet to talk to anyone. There's many qualified people out there who deal with people who've experienced what you have.

My friend in junior high/ highschool was a cutter. She would try to hide the scars at school. I never knew why she was like that until we got to be very close friends... That was when she told me she was molested by her step father at a fairly young age. After she told her mother what happened and their relationship blew apart, her mother actually told her that she blamed her- her little daughter- for ruining their relationship. Could you imagine? When she told me what her mother thought she suddenly burst into tears. I had no idea how to help her from a blow that I couldn't even imagine recieving. She would get drunk every single night.. And I'm pretty sure she had a nasty bout with heroin. But 10 years later and it seems she's found herself a happy and sober life... Anything's possible.

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fugu

I can understand your feeling and I may be ignorant and naive as well that I haven't done that exam. Having a female doctor examines breasts once during medical check up is enough embarrassing for me. **hugs**

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ronley

As I am a male that has not been through anything similar to what you have I cannot pretend to know, or to even fully understand what you have been through or what you live with. That said, I fully believe every person has a right to do whatever they wish with their own body. You appear to be fully aware of any risks, and have made an informed decision.

Those who cannot understand tend to try to push what they see as right, but they cannot decide what is right for you. On the rare occasions I encounter people with incessant advice in my own life I try to understand that these people will simply never understand the entire scope of the issue, and accept the fact that their advice comes from a place of good intention. I do not know where you live, I hope it is somewhere no one can force you to do this. Assuming it is, don't let anyone pressure you into it. You know what is right for you, no one else does.

Good luck, stay strong (you clearly already are)

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Novalia

To start with, none of this post is silly or naive, and never let anyone tell you it is!

Intimate examinations are a very private, personal and invasive thing for ANYONE. Whether they have a past that is affecting them or not. I've never heard from or met a woman who's had to have these examinations and doesn't absolutely dread them and hate them. And I know plenty who just outright refuse, because let's face it, none of us really want a total stranger poking about in the nether regions. They might be doctors, but we don't personally know them, we don't personally know we can trust them, we only know that we're TOLD that we can trust them. And that doesn't make it any easier to deal with, because it's just too personal.

At the end of the day, the only person who can decide what's right for you is you. As long as you make an informed decision and know any possible risks, no one should ever pressure you. They should try to educate you, but never pressure or force you.

In the UK, there's not really any pressure for these things until you reach 25 (at least, last time I heard about it that was the case, or something similar) unless there's a suspected problem, so I'm lucky. But next year, as far as I know, I'll be asked to go for one. I'm not sure what my reaction will be yet, but it's my body and my choice. As is your body and YOUR CHOICE.

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Batman's Ace

First off human beings are statistically much more likely to develop cancer than to get in a car crash, or die from anything that you listed. But that's besides the point: There are some risks we need to take IN ORDER to experience life (i.e. walking down the street). Your risk, however, is being taken in order hide away from part of life that could be protecting you, in order to delay confrontation. It's nothing but squandering. You deserve better. Whoever did this to you doesn't deserve to still be effecting your life.

Of course noone here will be able to help you get over life- altering trauma in a single forum post, but might I suggest finding someone to talk to? This statement "The shame I still feel has driven me to attempted suicide and nobody ever understands why. They don't know why." leads me to believe that you've yet to talk to anyone. There's many qualified people out there who deal with people who've experienced what you have.

untitled., I hope you interpret Cyru's post with some generosity.

Cyru, I'm know you're trying to help, but I don't think this was a fantastic way of approaching the issue.

First of all, I'm not sure entirely what the point of a pelvic exam is. I've never been pressured to have one, and I've never been told what a doctor would be checking for, but I sure as heck don't like the idea. Second, people have a tendency to make a bigger deal out of certain tests than they should. I'm gathering from the tone of things here that there's something to do with cancer--but the only cancer I can think of that they'd be checking for is not even in the top five of cancer killers--which, from the statistics I found, would put it below automobile deaths. This doesn't mean it's not a risk, but honestly the most likely cancer to kill you is in the lungs, and that won't be found in a pelvic exam.

Cyru, whoever did that to her doesn't deserve to affect her life. But it doesn't work that way. The abuse I got was purely psychological, but it took years just to acknowledge it, and however I choose to handle things from here on out, I will be responding to what happened. Even learning to move beyond it would be in some measure acknowledging it and confirming that it has an effect on my life. I can't flip a switch and ignore it. I can't go to a psychologist and talk about it for a while and have it stop affecting me. Heck, I talked to a counselor for three years, and we'd barely made progress--and that was an unusually good psychologist, who never got impatient or assumed he was the expert on my mind or tried to fix me with drugs. untitled. is protecting herself from further damage. Good for her. Maybe she'll start to heal, but for now, at the very least, she's right to avoid an invasive exam, especially since she's expressed suicidal inclinations.

untitled., I will echo the thought that you should talk to someone professional. They tend to have better ideas than peers on how to make progress in healing. Keep in mind, if you go in to talk to someone voluntarily, you have a measure of control over things--if the psychologist pushes too hard or doesn't believe you or something, you don't have to go back. You choose who to talk to, who to trust. But it is very important that you do look for someone to help you work through things. We can only offer so much advice, being online and not knowing you personally. Just, be careful how you approach the suicide topic. They'll want to make sure you'll be alive long enough for them to help you.

I hate writing long comments. Sorry about that. Hugs.

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MadRat

*hugs*

I wasn´t a victim of rape or anything like this but I feel the same way about exams on gynaecology. I´ve never been there. I will rather take this very little, almost nonexistent risk of cervix cancer than to put myself in this shame and pain. Because the first might kill me (or a shark might kill me. Or an asteroid.), but the second will surely kill me - mentaly, emotionaly... It would turn me into depressed human wreck. No, thank you very much...

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herpaderderderderder

I feel the exact same way. -hugs-

Thanks. I think it's just too rare to find anyone now that would challenge the medical industry... Whenever I save up enough I may just pay that Onconix, Inc. (in NC) a visit to ask about their blood test. It seems like the only place it's offered is there. It's so sad...

I read on a health ethics site:

Women in China are forced to have IUDs implanted into their uteruses, and are forced to submit to four mandatory pelvic exams a year to make sure that the devices are still in place; if a woman misses an exam, or removes the IUD, she is imprisoned and sterilized by force; if she's pregnant, she will be forced to have an abortion.

I think things have gone too far...

Four pelvic exams a YEAR? What the HELL?! That is taking things way too far. Ugh, definitely never moving to China. Also... forcing women to have abortions is just... disheartening. :( It's their body, and they should be able to choose what they want to do.

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Waterbottle20
They might be doctors, but we don't personally know them, we don't personally know we can trust them, we only know that we're TOLD that we can trust them.

That seems like the completely wrong thing to say and will just exacerbate the problem.

If you're unable to trust a male doctor you can request a female doctor.

First off human beings are statistically much more likely to develop cancer than to get in a car crash, or die from anything that you listed. But that's besides the point: There are some risks we need to take IN ORDER to experience life (i.e. walking down the street). Your risk, however, is being taken in order hide away from part of life that could be protecting you, in order to delay confrontation. It's nothing but squandering. You deserve better. Whoever did this to you doesn't deserve to still be effecting your life.

Of course noone here will be able to help you get over life- altering trauma in a single forum post, but might I suggest finding someone to talk to? This statement "The shame I still feel has driven me to attempted suicide and nobody ever understands why. They don't know why." leads me to believe that you've yet to talk to anyone. There's many qualified people out there who deal with people who've experienced what you have.

untitled., I hope you interpret Cyru's post with some generosity.

Cyru, I'm know you're trying to help, but I don't think this was a fantastic way of approaching the issue.

First of all, I'm not sure entirely what the point of a pelvic exam is. I've never been pressured to have one, and I've never been told what a doctor would be checking for, but I sure as heck don't like the idea. Second, people have a tendency to make a bigger deal out of certain tests than they should. I'm gathering from the tone of things here that there's something to do with cancer--but the only cancer I can think of that they'd be checking for is not even in the top five of cancer killers--which, from the statistics I found, would put it below automobile deaths. This doesn't mean it's not a risk, but honestly the most likely cancer to kill you is in the lungs, and that won't be found in a pelvic exam.

Cyru, whoever did that to her doesn't deserve to affect her life. But it doesn't work that way. The abuse I got was purely psychological, but it took years just to acknowledge it, and however I choose to handle things from here on out, I will be responding to what happened. Even learning to move beyond it would be in some measure acknowledging it and confirming that it has an effect on my life. I can't flip a switch and ignore it. I can't go to a psychologist and talk about it for a while and have it stop affecting me. Heck, I talked to a counselor for three years, and we'd barely made progress--and that was an unusually good psychologist, who never got impatient or assumed he was the expert on my mind or tried to fix me with drugs. untitled. is protecting herself from further damage. Good for her. Maybe she'll start to heal, but for now, at the very least, she's right to avoid an invasive exam, especially since she's expressed suicidal inclinations.

untitled., I will echo the thought that you should talk to someone professional. They tend to have better ideas than peers on how to make progress in healing. Keep in mind, if you go in to talk to someone voluntarily, you have a measure of control over things--if the psychologist pushes too hard or doesn't believe you or something, you don't have to go back. You choose who to talk to, who to trust. But it is very important that you do look for someone to help you work through things. We can only offer so much advice, being online and not knowing you personally. Just, be careful how you approach the suicide topic. They'll want to make sure you'll be alive long enough for them to help you.

I hate writing long comments. Sorry about that. Hugs.

It's true that the cancers that can be found there are not as common nowadays as, say, breast cancer in women, or prostate cancer in males (men definitely need to get those invasive prostate exams from time to time too, so rest assured it's not just the label of "woman" who has to go through it, which she said was an additional irritant factor.) but it's not excessively rare; it's only because of Pap smear tests that cervical cancer is no longer one of the most prevalent cancers out there like it used to be.

I definitely understand that there's no switch to simply be flipped. Even because I used to have a... less traumatic... depression I can realize that. But there are both helpful or harmful steps that can be taken. I'm not saying that the first step that should be taken is to get a pelvic exam. I'm definitely not saying that. But deciding to never get one (even if she is showing terrible symptoms, remember she said she would choose death over it.) whilst not talking to anyone that has the power to help you on a psychological level will not save you from anything.

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never odd or even

I read on a health ethics site:

Women in China are forced to have IUDs implanted into their uteruses, and are forced to submit to four mandatory pelvic exams a year to make sure that the devices are still in place; if a woman misses an exam, or removes the IUD, she is imprisoned and sterilized by force; if she's pregnant, she will be forced to have an abortion.

I think things have gone too far...

i would whole heartedly agree. that's bullshit!! i believe in equality, not persecution... communist fail!!!

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Murmur

I'm so sorry, sweetie... I know how you feel. I've had some similar trauma in my life before, so I can empathize.

**big hug**

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Guest

If you're talking about pap smears, you really only need those if you have contracted HPV. If you aren't sexually active, you won't have HPV, so they're not necessary. Pelvic exams are somewhat different, and are really only necessary if you are having symptoms, or want to make sure you are fertile.

But since the majority of women are sexually active and are concerned about being fertile, doctors push this on everyone. You can simply ignore it, no one can force you to get the exam (unless you live in China like someone said...)

I don't get them done, and never will unless I have symptoms that make it necessary, or become sexually active.

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Enigmatic Soul

Cyru: It is often hard to find female doctors that take your insurance, that's what's going on with my mom right now.

As for me, I'm fully thinking about refusing a pelvic exam as well...

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Novalia

In reply to the person who picked up on what I said about trusting doctors:

I am in absolutely NO WAY saying we CAN'T trust them. Don't get me wrong.

What I'm saying is, that it's quite often the way people feel about it, whether they're male or female doctors. And that being told we can trust them and even knowing deep down that we can, often doesn't really make us feel very much better. Because trust is mostly earned, and in these cases it's not if it's the first time we see this doctor.

I'm just saying it's totally normal and perfectly understandable to feel that way and be unnerved or upset by the possibility, not that we shouldn't trust them.

Sorry if anyone seemed to find that offensive.

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Batman's Ace

If you're talking about pap smears, you really only need those if you have contracted HPV. If you aren't sexually active, you won't have HPV, so they're not necessary. Pelvic exams are somewhat different, and are really only necessary if you are having symptoms, or want to make sure you are fertile.

But since the majority of women are sexually active and are concerned about being fertile, doctors push this on everyone. You can simply ignore it, no one can force you to get the exam (unless you live in China like someone said...)

I don't get them done, and never will unless I have symptoms that make it necessary, or become sexually active.

I recall my doctor actually telling me not to bother with a pap smear. Maybe this is why he didn't mention the pelvic exam.

People often seem to forget that just because a certain exam can be a good thing doesn't mean everyone should get it. I had an EKG, a stress test, and some MRI test to check for heart conditions--but while the diagnosis could save someone's life, the tests are expensive and time consuming, and unless there's a specific concern most people shouldn't get tested for heart disease.

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abea

Pelvic exams don't bother me in the least. But I am completely furious that you are being pressured, shamed and guilted into getting this exam, particularly as an abuse victim. For someone to not understand how this procedure would be traumatizing for you is just beyond me. And I know that doctors have to push health screening procedures, but at the end of the day, it IS NOT ON THEM. It is on you, it is your choice, and they NEED to respect that.

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CrazyCatLover

I hate pelvic exams as well. Last time, the gyn had me make a new appointment and told me to take Xanax before it. At that appointment, I still couldn't handle it so she rescheduled again. For that one, she knocked me out with laughing gas. According to the Journal of Women's health pelvic exams are ineffective for women without symptoms. I, unfortunately, do have symptoms (and am having diagnostic surgery in two weeks); but there's no reason why women who don't should be subjected to such a procedure. I encourage you to show this article to your gyn. If zhe blows you off completely, it's time to find a new gyn. The local women's shelter helped me find my, by the way.

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RandomDent

It is most definitely your choice whether or not you should get regular check-ups.

However, I would recommend some kind of counselling for your anxiety related to that area so that you could go. It is unpleasant, but it may be more bearable if it was orchestrated on your own terms.

I only say this because there's always the chance that you may get some kind of problem down there, and for me personally I would be much more fearful of several unknown doctors messing around down there over the course of a year treating something, than I would one doctor checking me over once every few years.

But I reiterate - it is YOUR CHOICE. People can only advise you, not command.

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Kotoko

First, untitled., I can sympathize. I have never had any traumatic experiences such as yourself and I'd like to think of myself as fairly well acquainted with the medical field being a nurse, but I have yet to get a Pap smear or a pelvic exam. The thought is way too uncomfortable and humiliating.

You certainly have every right to refuse procedures and tests. Doctors, ethically, should not be pressuring their patients into anything - encouraging, yes, but pressuring, no. Explain to them that you know and understand the risks, but you are not willing to go through with it at this time and you will see them if you ever change your mind, and hopefully they will back off. If you must, remind them of their ethical obligation to recognize patient autonomy and the right to informed consent (look up medical ethics if it ever interests you). Be firm and don't back down.

That being said, I don't think you should completely write-off these kinds of tests for the rest of your life. Certainly, take the time to heal your emotional and psychological self first, but if the need arises I hope you will take the necessary steps to maintain your health. From the sound of it, it's hard to imagine your past experiences will ever be forgotten or forgiven. However, it sounds like it's still seriously affecting your life. I hope you are seeing someone about this in order to get you through it so that, one day (hopefully soon), you will be able to move on a little bit.

As a side note, I've never heard of CSA testing. I'll have to look into it and perhaps might quiz one of the docs about it.

First of all, I'm not sure entirely what the point of a pelvic exam is. I've never been pressured to have one, and I've never been told what a doctor would be checking for, but I sure as heck don't like the idea. Second, people have a tendency to make a bigger deal out of certain tests than they should. I'm gathering from the tone of things here that there's something to do with cancer--but the only cancer I can think of that they'd be checking for is not even in the top five of cancer killers--which, from the statistics I found, would put it below automobile deaths. This doesn't mean it's not a risk, but honestly the most likely cancer to kill you is in the lungs, and that won't be found in a pelvic exam.

Yes, lung cancer is particularly deadly, as are a number of other types of cancers. However, cancer - no matter the type - sucks. The symptoms suck. The tests suck. The treatments very definitely suck. The point of these tests is to make early diagnoses because the earlier you catch cancer, the easier it is to treat and therefore easier on the person. Once a cancer spreads, it becomes very difficult to treat. I can't tell you the number of times we've gotten admissions in the hospital for vague symptoms and, after several tests, find out they have cancer that has already spread; in most of these cases, prognosis is already poor. The thought on everyone's mind is pretty much: If only we had caught it sooner.

I'm not trying to scare anyone here. It's just reality. I still don't think doctors should resort to scare tactics to pressure their patients into getting invasive tests done, but there is a logic and reason to these tests and I don't think they should be downplayed in importance, either.

(There are also other factors to the importance of these tests for early detection - it saves the health care system lots of money. But that's a whole other story.)

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NotAllHere
I've never heard from or met a woman who's had to have these examinations and doesn't absolutely dread them and hate them

I don't dread or hate them. Sure, definitely not something I'm dying to have again, but it didn't hurt, didn't kill me, was over in about thirty seconds.

That said- if the OP doesn't feel she needs this test, she shouldn't have to do it. Maybe she'll get cancer and die- maybe she won't, it's all her choice.

And I reiterate what others have said. Seek someone to talk to- if you don't feel comfortable talking to a strange psychologist, maybe someone you do trust. As someone mentioned, if you go voluntarily, you can choose to continue the sessions or not. I've had some serious suicidal thoughts before, and I know how hard they can be to deal with. They can take over every other thought in your head and they don't tend to ever completely go away. Without dealing with problem or cause of the thoughts, they can rarely be manageable.

I wish you luck, untitled. in whatever you decide you are going to do.

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Meph

Although I understand where you are coming from, I highly doubt the doctor is doing it just to see your parts. Would you have a problem if it were a female doctor? You could always request a female and by law they must appoint one to you. Other options could be, possibly, full body scans but those are expensive. I am a male, and eventually I am going to have to get my prostate examined... Am I sacred about this? Absolutely, it will be something totally foreign and intrusive and I heard thet sometimes it hurts, so I also have to weigh the possibilities and ask myself: What do I care more about, my happiness or my health?

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Pamcakes

They're uncomfortable, but necessary.

However, of course it is ultimately your choice between whether you would rather undergo a brief period of physical discomfort and emotional awkwardness, or live with the possibility of an undiagnosed cervical cancer growing inside you. I am extremely sorry this issue is causing you so much stress, and that you have been through such dreadful experiences in your life; it's a sad reality that, while both only aim to protect people, neither the medical profession or the security (specifically, airports) one have yet come up with a good solution to the problem of people who find necessary procedures genuinely traumatising (security-wise, full-body scans and patdowns in particular are a very curly issue as far as sensitivity to people who may find them threatening goes, and medically, pelvic and prostate examinations and mammograms have the same inherent problems), sometimes due to having undergone sexual abuse in their lives.

The problem is, there's no easy answer; it's entirely your call, but I do think protecting your life could be worth it.

P.

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Great Thief Yatagarasu

The only reason I'd ever get one done is if I think I might be unhealthy there, or that there's something going wrong (like cancer or something) - I don't care for regular health checks for when I'm not ill anyway, so why would I want some doctor prodding and poking at my vagina when there's no need for them to? Seriously.

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GrannyWeatherwax

First of all, hugs to you untitled. Sounds like things have been rough for you. Second of all, I agree that their is social pressure to get certain types of exams. But if you feel your doctor is pressuring you, you can usually switch doctors. I always carefully choose my doctors because there are somethings I do not want to be pressured about; if a doctor violates my boundaries or pressures me, I can walk out. Third, I echo what others have said about you considering seeking good therapy from someone. Please, please do so. I have been in therapy many times. A good therapist can do so much for you. In my case, therapy both saved my life and made moving forward towards my goals possible. Bad therapy is awful though, so you might want to interview 2-3 therapists before settling on someone.

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Waterbottle20

What do I care more about, my happiness or my health?

You mean:

Temporary happiness, or permanent health?

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Member25303

I don't dread or hate them. Sure, definitely not something I'm dying to have again, but it didn't hurt, didn't kill me, was over in about thirty seconds.

That said- if the OP doesn't feel she needs this test, she shouldn't have to do it. Maybe she'll get cancer and die- maybe she won't, it's all her choice.

I wish you luck, untitled. in whatever you decide you are going to do.

OP,

I agree with this statement....I have had pap smears, and pelvic exams before....and all are over in a minute for me...and I have a female doctor....I don't hate them but I don't enjoy them either. I agree that it is up to you, it's your choice if you want to have a pelvic exam or not. I am sorry for what you have been through, and no you are not being naive or anything, you have the right to choose what you want for yourself medically.

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Sally

First of all, I'm not sure entirely what the point of a pelvic exam is. I've never been pressured to have one, and I've never been told what a doctor would be checking for, but I sure as heck don't like the idea. Second, people have a tendency to make a bigger deal out of certain tests than they should. I'm gathering from the tone of things here that there's something to do with cancer--but the only cancer I can think of that they'd be checking for is not even in the top five of cancer killers--which, from the statistics I found, would put it below automobile deaths. This doesn't mean it's not a risk, but honestly the most likely cancer to kill you is in the lungs, and that won't be found in a pelvic exam.

If you don't know what the point of a pelvic exam is, you must not be a doctor. Nor do you even know about cancers which can kill you, including vaginal, cervical, ovarian, and uterine cancer -- and also rectal cancer, which is often checked during a pelvic exam.

It is everyone's right to decide whether they have an exam or not. It's not cool to give other people medical advice when you're not a doctor and you don't any idea what you're talking about.

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test account

Are you having any symptoms that worry you? That's the only time i bothered to get examined, and i was 36 by then.

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