Cheshire Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I need help figuring things out. Okay to start I used to consider myself pansexual because I had no preference for any gender or person at all. Then I found the definition asexual and I was like 'Wait that fits me better.' The thing is I have had sex while in a relationship because the person I was with was sexual, and while I am not sexually interested in people or in sex in general I think I would probably be okay having sex in the future if I was emotionally attached enough to the person and it was something they wanted. This makes me wonder if I can actually consider myself asexual. To summarize I don't ever want sex and do not find people sexually attractive, or physically attractive really, but can deal with it, for lack of a better way to put it, for my partner if I care enough for them. Is there a better term for me? I like the term asexual and feel it fits me best, but I don't want to use it if it isn't right for me. Thanks for any help anyone can offer and if there are any questions that need to be asked of me in order to better answer my question feel free. Sorry this is so long by the way. Link to post Share on other sites
Member33070 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I do think asexual probably fits you best. You said you don't experience sexual attraction, which is all that's "required" according to the AVEN definition. Some asexuals do desire sex for other reasons - to please their partner, to have children, things like that. Using a theoretical model, it's called "secondary sexual desire": Secondary sexual desire is the desire to engage in sexual activity solely for the sake of the happiness of the other person involved, or for another ulterior motive such as the conception of children. [...] According to the model, asexuals are people who lack primary sexual desire. http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Primary_vs._secondary_sexual_attraction_model but notice asexuals don't have to lack secondary desire. ;) If you like the asexual label, I'd say it still fits you perfectly. Link to post Share on other sites
Cheshire Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 Thanks for giving such a good answer, with links and all :D Link to post Share on other sites
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