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MelodyPond

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Ok, I have only come out to three people. Person one, was confused but accepting. Person two, seemed supportive, and person 3 was really honestly supportive.

Person two has since embarked on a quest to talk me into dating a mutual friend. I have told him I am not ready for a relationship, having only realized I'm gray-A very recently. The friend isn't ready for a relationship (and has told friend two this) because he's recovering from a traumatic injury and trying to get his life back together. Additionally, we just aren't interested in each other, which we have also each told friend 2. I also told friend one nothing about being gray, just that I am asexual. However, in the process of trying to convince me we are meant to be, friend two told me that of course I would WANT to have sex automatically if I was in a relationship. I said I'd rather skip to the cuddles, only to be ignored. Friend two is gay, so one would think he would understand incompatible sexual orientations but he doesn't get it.

I don't want to completely go postal on him, because he really does mean well, but I feel, well, kinda betrayed in a way. Am I just overreacting? Advice on how to handle this (gently) would be appreciated.

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Hmm... well, it looks like you've already stated your position on the matter multiple times. At this point in time, it seems like the only thing you can really do is to stand firm against any more attempts to make you and the mutual friend hook up. I personally would speak with the mutual friend, to be sure that you're both on the same page about friend 2, and just patiently and politely turn down all of friend 2's offers with regards to any relationship matters.

Personally, I don't think you're overreacting, because as well-meaning as some people are, they can just get downright irritating sometimes. That being said, I'm sure that you still really want to be friends with them, so being firm is the way to go. Sooner or later (sooner, hopefully), if he's a good friend, he will finally get the message that you don't need the help, and then maybe he'll finally ask what it is that you want and how you feel about things, and actually listen.

The point is, only you can decide when you feel comfortable enough to get into a relationship, and no one else should be able to dictate that for you.

(**On the other hand, if this friend has a history of only "getting" things when you go postal on him, and things usually end up alright even after you yell at him, it might not be a bad idea to do so. One time, one of my friends kept avoiding me, so I hunted him down and yelled at him about it, and that worked out alright... but the dynamics of our relationship allowed for it.**)

If it's REALLY bothering you, I would just find someone--either a close mutual friend who doesn't mind keeping your frustration a secret, or a COMPLETE stranger who's willing to listen and not judge (there's a lot of us here on AVEN, lol)--and just rant your irritation away. I personally would pick the "complete stranger" route, just to avoid all unnecessary drama. Having said that, I offer to listen any time you like; just give me a PM! =)

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I wouldn't feel betrayed. Like you said, I think the friend means well. It's probably just his/her personality to try and forcefully help people. Sounds like you've already talked the thing in circles, but maybe just reiterate that it's not that you -need- the help finding someone, you're just in a spot where you need a break from all of it right now.

Maybe tell them that you're going to have to stop talking to them until they stop bringing it up? That should do the trick :P.

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Personally, I don't think you're overreacting, because as well-meaning as some people are, they can just get downright irritating sometimes.

If it's REALLY bothering you, I would just find someone--either a close mutual friend who doesn't mind keeping your frustration a secret, or a COMPLETE stranger who's willing to listen and not judge (there's a lot of us here on AVEN, lol)--and just rant your irritation away. I personally would pick the "complete stranger" route, just to avoid all unnecessary drama. Having said that, I offer to listen any time you like; just give me a PM! =)

Thanks Faelights, I might have to take you up on venting. :) My computer is down though, so I"m only online at work for a while. :-( But yes, ranting sounds very very appealing!

And thank you Froggles, stop talking to him if he doesn't stop is an excellent suggestion! Thanks!

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