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Skullery Maid

Sexuals Aren't All The Same Either... I Think

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Nameless Someone

Congrats Caspian and Birdwing! :)

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MadRat

Congrats from me too. :cake:

You would be a perfect couple. ;) :D

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Chelcii

1. I'm romantic in a twisted, slightly vexed sort of way. Which, I suppose isn't exactly "romantic", but then again I think the level of romance one is drawn to, or exhibits changes just as the person changes do.

2. I have experienced many different types of attraction. No one more than the other in a flamboyant way.

3. I have a very, very high libido at times, though it is also absolutely gone at other times.

4. I enjoy giving and receiving, though, I'm considered much more of a "top" than anything else.

5. I don't have fantasies. I suppose a single thought crosses my mind every now and then, but it is more of a memory factor... I don't suppose that makes any sense.

6. I have had the fortune of finding incredible people that I not only find romantically attractive, but sexually attractive as well.

7. I am...well, I love in a capacity that seems infinite. I am drawn to other women, but have been attracted to at least one man. I do not feel the need to act sexually in a relationship, which has led to the broadening of my once limited label, and brought me to you fine, fine people. I suppose pansexual will do as a faint description. Romantic attraction is my primary.

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MiniLo

Okay, I'm just gonna use Mimir's response as a template and hope nobody notic-- oops.

Gender/self-identity: Cisfemale with genderqueer tendencies, and for the hell of it I'm going to officially coin the term "sizequeer" for this. (As in, I experience a level of dysphoria related to me being bigger than I wish I were in relation to my partner. Ideally I'd be around 18", or he'd be pushing 15'.)

Sexual: A solid demi. When I'm not with my fiance, I rarely crave sex with any sort of intensity (we're in a LDR, so we go months without getting any), but when I am, I do. Though I could take or leave orgasms and sexual stimulation, it's the emotional and mental headspace that I love during sex. I also lean heavily toward kink stimulation like pain and bondage, but I don't get a sexual thrill from them.

Aesthetic attraction: Almost never from people I meet, rarely from photos, and almost exclusively from fetish material. That said, I find my fiance hot, but that's probably because of our intense emotional and romantic bond.

Primary vs. Secondary attraction: If I had a dime for every person or character that I felt a pang of primary attraction for, I probably wouldn't have enough money to go to the vending machine with. I pretty much only experience secondary attraction. At least, that comes first. Primary seems to come in a far second. Then again, my sample consists of a single person, lol.

Libido: Before I went on birth control, it depended entirely on my hormones. For weeks (sometimes months) I could go without thinking much about sex at all, but when I was in estrus (I guess?) I would literally go into a porn-devouring frenzy for a few days (though never masturbating), unable to do or think about anything else until I burnt myself out and felt gross. Literally-- it was like experiencing adrenal fatigue on a semi-monthly basis. But now that I'm on the pill (for medical reasons), I don't get those anymore, and my libido is about as tempered as it was in between bouts. When I'm not with the BF, it's practically dormant.

Fantasy: I love looking at and reading porn (for me, "looking at" means art exclusively), but the mental stimulation rarely ever translates to wanting physical stimulation. I crave actions, situations, and sensations, not people/characters or sex itself. As for the fantasy itself, they're not very vivid or of much use. They're nice for passing the time while I'm working, but on the rare occasion that I'm in the mood for some touching, they don't do much.

Masturbation: I have a tough relationship with it. Sometimes I try because I feel like I have to or that it might help in bringing me up to speed with my BF, but most of the time I'm indifferent. I generally hate the feeling of orgasm, and soloing usually doesn't feel that good either. I'm still trying to figure out if my vague sense of disappointment in how little I climax during sex has to do with me actually wanting to climax more, or whether it's rooted in a vague cultural narrative that's telling me that I should feel robbed if he comes more than me.

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Alter-Echo

Hmm....all this stuff with Birdwing and Caspian makes me wonder about myself...not sure if I'm sexual or demi sometimes...perhaps it shouldn't matter? :unsure:

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Member33070

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Vampyremage

I know AVEN hates to spew this opinion out...but I honestly think that when deciding between gray and sexual, some experience and experimenting is required. I don't know much about your situation, but if you haven't had a ton of relationship experience, I'd think it would be hard to tell for sure if you were demi or full sexual. If you've never been in a relationship where you could "check" to see what sorts of desires you experience, if it develops over time, if you want to please a partner, if there are any "roadblocks" to sexual attraction once you're in a relationship...it's all hypothetical. And it's no fun to base a label on something that's hypothetical...once the experience comes, you might find out your hypothesis was incorrect.

I would honestly even go one step further and say that it is very difficult to truly know if one is asexual without some degree of experimentation. Not to say this is the case for everyone, especially those who are sex-repulsed, but I think its hard to know things like how one will react to sex and sexual situations until/unless one actually experiences those situations for themselves. Around AVEN this seems to be an unpopular opinion, but the more I discuss things with people, sexual, asexual and grey alike, the more I believe this to be true of most (though possibly not all) people.

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Member33070

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Cirdan

I agree with the opinion that experimentation, for those who are unsure of how they will react, and have a general curiosity, is probably a good thing.

On the otherhand if someone is really not into physical affection and/or repulsed then they will "know" they never want sex. Even if they tried it I imagine the fear would make it very difficult to enjoy anyway. So I can see why the general consensus is that people don't have to experiment to know they are asexual (but as I indicated for those close to the boundaries it might help - it has for me certainly).

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Vampyremage

I suppose the experimenting thing really is a lot more relevant to indifferent aces than to repulsed aces. Aside from a mild fluid repulsion (that goes beyond sex fluids) I am mainly indifferent and could not imagine being sure of my own asexuality without having had at least some first hand experience. Level of innate attraction and innate desire I see more as a guideline than a truth, in most people. Experimentation, sometimes even if its only a little, can confirm the truth of it or, in some cases, change one's perceptions of themselves.

As irritating as it is for many asexuals to be told this, there is a reason why the idea that you'll learn to love sex is out there or that once you find the right person you'll see how much you like sex. Of course this isn't going to be the case for everyone, but the fact that it is the case for some leads me to believe that, in most circumstances at least, a little experimentation to confirm one's sexuality is a good thing.

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Alter-Echo

Hmm....all this stuff with Birdwing and Caspian makes me wonder about myself...not sure if I'm sexual or demi sometimes...perhaps it shouldn't matter? :unsure:

It's up to you. I know for me, I just was sick of feeling like I had to limit myself? That might not sound like it makes a ton of sense, but basically...I felt like if I wanted to fit in any bit of the gray spectrum, there had to be something that I "wasn't into"...so I had to figure out what that thing was, in order to justify my label. So...experimenting. But then I'm not in a relationship where I can experiment to that extent.

Then...there's also the whole concept that a lot of people seem to forget - sexuals have "limits" too, things they're not into, things that they don't experience as much of. That's the whole point of this thread I think - "Sexuals aren't all the same either".

So, again, it's up to you. I felt like I lifted a huge weight off myself when I started identifying as sexual, but then again, I was more of a "gray-sexual" and not a "gray-A"...I experience sexual attraction and desire regularly enough that it was a toss up between the two (gray and sexual).

I know AVEN hates to spew this opinion out...but I honestly think that when deciding between gray and sexual, some experience and experimenting is required. I don't know much about your situation, but if you haven't had a ton of relationship experience, I'd think it would be hard to tell for sure if you were demi or full sexual. If you've never been in a relationship where you could "check" to see what sorts of desires you experience, if it develops over time, if you want to please a partner, if there are any "roadblocks" to sexual attraction once you're in a relationship...it's all hypothetical. And it's no fun to base a label on something that's hypothetical...once the experience comes, you might find out your hypothesis was incorrect.

And why not a sexual with demi tendencies? I mean, for me personally, a bunch of the time I am "sexual", where I can experience sexual attraction to a stranger. But there's also a bunch of times where I don't, not right away, and I'm "demi for" that person. It develops later. So I think a demi/sexual hybrid is possible too.

Your label is your choice. Just pick one where you're not limiting yourself (where you're not thinking things like, "Well, I'm demi, so..." and instead are forgoing the label and just thinking about how YOU feel) and you're happy. :cake: :D

*hugs*

Well...from what I can tell, the main difference Between myself and your typical sexual would be the way I become attracted to someone and the way I think about sex.

My attraction differs in the fact that sexual desire has absolutly nothing to do with my initial interest in someone...sure, I can find them cute, pretty, physically appealing...but I feel no..pull...no arousal....nothing. It's only after I get to like someone for who they are and care for them deeply that I feel this...and then my sexual need for them hits like a ton of bricks. LOL

And this leads to my second difference..sex seems to mean more to me than it has for any of the women I've been with or many of the people I've talked to. To me...it's more than a physical need...it's an emotional need...a need to connect and be close to that person in the closest way one can. Sure...if feels good...but if that's what I wanted I could do it myself..but I gain something emotional from it, and I can only do it with someone I care about. I've never been with anyone who quite understood it, for them it didn't mean quite as much.

So yeah...it's for these reasons that I have difficulty connecting and relating to sexuals...none of them seem to get me...I get told that I'm damaged and not quite right. :(

And therefore, I'm not sure where I fit...or if I fit anywhere really.

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Skullery Maid

I think that if we dig down past what people expect sexuality to be and look at people's actual sexuality, I don't know, Echo, if what you're experiencing is actually that rare, or if what's rare is that you openly acknowledge it. I have many friends who feel the same way you do.

People are really defensive about their sexuality. I think its shitty that you've been told you're damaged, but at the same time I understand that the people who told you that were probably acting out of some sort of fear/ insecurity about their own feelings. Its too bad we have so much baggage wrapped up with all this.

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Alter-Echo

I think that if we dig down past what people expect sexuality to be and look at people's actual sexuality, I don't know, Echo, if what you're experiencing is actually that rare, or if what's rare is that you openly acknowledge it. I have many friends who feel the same way you do.

People are really defensive about their sexuality. I think its shitty that you've been told you're damaged, but at the same time I understand that the people who told you that were probably acting out of some sort of fear/ insecurity about their own feelings. Its too bad we have so much baggage wrapped up with all this.

I dunno really...so far I've been in 3 serious relationships..and in each case, the woman seemed to have a much different view on sex and attraction than I did..and it caused alot of difficulties that made the relationships rather unstable from the start. As far as what other people have told me of themselves, I can only go with what I've been told...I'm no mind reader. LOL

I've never understood why people are so defensive...I've always been very open about most things, and I can't be any other way....even though it always seems to get me beaten down into the dirt.

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Lucinda

What were these women's views on sex and attraction that was so different from your's?

Lucinda

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Alter-Echo

What were these women's views on sex and attraction that was so different from your's?

Lucinda

Well...as far as attraction goes, their attraction for me was mostly sexual at first..they liked me, I'm sure..but it seems like they put less thought into things and just kinda "winged it" For me...I put serious though into a relationship and my attraction for someone is purely intellectial and emotional at first..I don't have any sexuaL desire for them at all until I have gotten to know them very well.

As far as sex goes.. to them it was just fun, for me it's something that is meaningful and emotionally fufilling, and something I will do only with someone I intend on staying with. I really enjoy it...but it's something I take a bit more seriously than they all did.

I've been accused of everything from being needy, to being to serious about relationships to being damaged. Personally, I don't think I'm any of those...I just don't take relationships lightly...they are important..not frivilous things to be tossed around, and the same goes for sex.

unfortunately...I have yet to connect with anyone that feels this way..and it has gotten frusterating and makes me quesation myself.

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Lucinda

When you are serious about a relationship, do you think the other person may feel smothered?

When you become very serious about the girl and the relationship, how does that manifest itself ... besides the sex stuff??

The things people are saying to you seem a bit rude and extreme to me. I am wondering if these gals are resorting to those sorts of tactics as it is the only way they can get the message through to you that they need their space??

It could also be that they aren't looking for as serious relationship as you are. Like you said, it is all fun and light with them.

Lucinda

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Skullery Maid

When you are serious about a relationship, do you think the other person may feel smothered?

When you become very serious about the girl and the relationship, how does that manifest itself ... besides the sex stuff??

The things people are saying to you seem a bit rude and extreme to me. I am wondering if these gals are resorting to those sorts of tactics as it is the only way they can get the message through to you that they need their space??

It could also be that they aren't looking for as serious relationship as you are. Like you said, it is all fun and light with them.

Lucinda

My thoughts too... this seems like more like a personality difference. I mean, you feel attraction, you want to have sex with them, but what you feel during it, what you want to get out of it, how you approach relationships... those things aren't matching up with other people.

Sexual vs. asexual is just one of many millions of things that may make two people incompatible. Even if we're only looking at sex specifically, two sexual people could have different libidos, or different sexual preferences, or different approaches to sex (serious vs. flippant, loving vs. wild, kissing vs. no kissing...) that make them incompatible.

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Alter-Echo

When you are serious about a relationship, do you think the other person may feel smothered?

When you become very serious about the girl and the relationship, how does that manifest itself ... besides the sex stuff??

The things people are saying to you seem a bit rude and extreme to me. I am wondering if these gals are resorting to those sorts of tactics as it is the only way they can get the message through to you that they need their space??

It could also be that they aren't looking for as serious relationship as you are. Like you said, it is all fun and light with them.

Lucinda

Yeah...it probably is...I'm not terribly aloof, and I like spending most of time with someone, especially when I come to love them alot. That's pretty much how my love manifests itself...sharing my time and affection with them. It's not that I WON'T give them space...it's just that they never ask for it...I'm expected to automaticly give it to them, and am berated and hated when I don't. The problem is..I have no need for space...if they wanted almost every moment of my free time, I'd gladly give it to them...so it's hard for me to know what someone wants when they aren't telling me anything, ya know? Instead they just hate me and leave me...not so much as a second thought, no communication, just gone.

just another thing I can't do right apparently.

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Lucinda

I just think that is the way some people are. And other people are more like you. Some like being glued at the hip while others don't.

All in all, I just don't think you have met the right person ... yet. In reality, there is alot of luck involved in meeting someone who is compatible in all areas that you deem to be important. Therefore, you don't need to question yourself or think you can't do anything right.

You're cool. :)

You just haven't met the right person, but I have no reason to believe that you never will. And when you do, I will be one of the first you will tell, yes?? ^_^

Lucinda

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Alter-Echo

I just think that is the way some people are. And other people are more like you. Some like being glued at the hip while others don't.

All in all, I just don't think you have met the right person ... yet. In reality, there is alot of luck involved in meeting someone who is compatible in all areas that you deem to be important. Therefore, you don't need to question yourself or think you can't do anything right.

You're cool. :)

You just haven't met the right person, but I have no reason to believe that you never will. And when you do, I will be one of the first you will tell, yes?? ^_^

Lucinda

Thanks...perhaps you are right, maybe it's not my fault for being different, and I just need to find someone who loves me the way I am, and doesn't view my differences as problems.

and yeah...you'll be the first to know. ;)

I suppose there is one question left though...am I sexual or demisexual, or am I so close to the border that it doesn't matter? People around here sometimes ask me what I am...so what do I say?...because I can't say I really know for sure anymore. LOL

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ayuki

Romanticism: In the past, I could be described as panromantic/having fluid romantic attraction. And a lot of it. I haven't experienced very strong romantic attraction in awhile but I am not trying to dissociate myself from a romantic identity.

Attraction: Primary attraction has happened to me maybe once or twice. As for secondary attraction, I can recall many times wanting to kiss people I've had crushes on but my desires for them rarely went beyond touching and things. Only since I started college have I imagined engaging in sex with people I had crushes on (celebrities not included).

Arousal/Libido: I think I tend to be aroused often and enjoy, shall we say, tending to it myself. Also I have a hard time understanding these concepts. I basically will say I have urges but feel no need to act them out with others. Nor do I feel the need to seek out someone to interact with my arousal, so to speak.

Aesthetic attraction: is very common and can be for any gender, manga/anime characters, and various kinks.

Fantasy: I fantasize very often. If it's not sexual, it's romantic or even platonic. When I have sexual fantasies, I am always imagining celebrities whom I fancy engaging sexually with a faceless person attached to a body not my own but understood to be myself. I think these fantasies can sometimes be more appealing if they involve two (or more?) celebrities together (almost always of the same sex). Aside from those, my fantasies tend to be blurry visions of certain seemingly-non-sexual acts (kinks/fetishes are prevalent) that may only involve the object of my desire. Some examples may be a female celebrity I like dressed as an office worker, undressing. I have since discovering the extent of my attraction (see orientation), fantasized about myself sexually with people I've had crushes on. But many times, I've preferred to imagine us connecting in ways that did not involve genitals (that can even be said overall).

Celebrities: Celebrities are the main object of my desire/attraction. I've always been attracted to them. I do not think that this somehow "ruined" "real" people for me. I think it has more to do with my strong responses to fantasy as opposed to real life intimate contact. Celebrities have been a way I affirmed an attraction to women.

Orientation: Pansexual or fluid would most describe the orientation of my attractions, as in they have no more of a tendency towards males than females, towards genderqueer people than transpeople, etc. It could be directed at all or any gender expressions and labels.

Other stuff: I have never kissed anyone nor anything more, do not like much physical contact, I'm a cisgendered female, been guilty of "flirting" without noticing, dated someone that I felt physically unattracted to (the physical contact in this context felt nice but the source of it was not favorable). I have not thrown the concept of demisexuality out of the window because I know that physically in general, the more I feel comfortable with someone the more I can comfortably physically touch them. Right now I am not interested in a romantic relationship. I've been offered by someone who I do find attractive but a lack of interest is keeping me from pursuing it. I felt bad for the person because I know the feelings they are dealing with, having had a crush before. But I truly feel like there is nothing I can give to a romantic relationship. I wonder sometimes if there ever will be a time when I will desire a romantic relationship at all. This is partly a reason I came to AVEN. For now, I am thanking the heavens I did not have to explain further than 'not interested in dating.'

But it does 'feel strange' to go from always wanting to be with someone to having no interest at all. No doubt in a society that places all importance on it, I feel outcasted.

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test account

Old post.

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SupportiveLittleSister

Warning; discussion about trauma-based sexuality ahead, might be yucky or scary for some people

1) Not very romantic. I consider myself polyamorous, but even that's a stretch. I'm possibly aromantic: I desire deep, emotional connections, and sex...but it doesn't bother me if my partner had a partner they loved romantically. I'm 99% sure my GF and I are together as partners as a compromise; she needs a partner, a romantic love, and I need a 'parent'-type who'll love me unconditionally.

2) Vanilla sex does NOTHING for me. I can't 'get off' unless there's some trait of one of my fetishes; even if I have to make it up/read into certain things. This confused me for a while, as I'd had 'vanilla' sexual contact and been very aroused by it, but in my fantasies it was all very grimdark and perverse. I eventually realised I was 'reading into' things, when my GF came to visit and normal sexual contact did very little for me.

3) Because of childhood trauma, my sex drive mostly relates to me as an innocent and my 'partner' as a pervert. Any scenario where I'm being unknowingly manipulated/exploited/used turns me on, from teenage boy pressuring his gf to do things with him, to ageplay scenarios. I find it odd (and annoying!) how I've sexualised situations that I really should avoid and have been damaged by in the past.

4)I claim to be bisexual, but really, I'm more like bi-'romantic' (in that I could get my strong emotional connection with either gender), but heterosexual. I really don't fantasize about or want sex with women most of the time. With my GF, sex is a way to express love, like a kiss or cuddle, but the idea of sex with her doesn't turn me on.

5) I don't see sex as a 'big deal'. I'd be fine with an open relationship; heck, sometimes I even wish I had one (not much nowadays). I think the feelings behind sex are what give it meaning: I hug my Auntie Joan, but that doesn't mean the same thing as when I hug my partner.

6) I'd rather have a lower, or non-existant sex drive, if I could. I'd rather be innocent and not 'need' sex. It's odd how I both crave true innocence and fetishize it (in myself). Or perhaps it's not odd at all. Not sure. *shrug*

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sister spooky

This has been such a fun thread to read! I love that everyone's feelings and experiences are so different. =)

1. I'm incredibly romantic...I'm that schmuck who buys flowers and cooks dinner and gives massages and slips lovey-dovey notes into your lunch box before you leave for work. I love taking care of the people I love. =)

2. I find myself getting aesthetically attracted to people on the street or on TV, but if I want to form a sexual relationship with you, it's because we've already been friends for awhile and I love your company and have slowly but surely fallen head over heels in love with you.

3. My libido is fairly low, but it's there. I look at sex as a physical manifestation of my love for a special person...and I'm not too skilled at it, but I really want to get better with someone who is patient enough to let me. And considering my last relationship ended because I was criticized straight into therapy for being bad at sex, I don't know if this will happen anytime soon.

4. I like both giving and receiving pleasure, but if I had my choice, I'd give more than receive.

5. I don't really fantasize..it's more like re-imaging what has already happened. lol

6. I'm homosexual, but I hate that word...it sounds so clinical to me. I won't stop anyone else from using it though. I just prefer to use the word gay.

7. I identify as sexual even though for a long time I thought I might be asexual...it turns out I only experience sexual attraction within a romantic relationship....I guess my body sees it as a way to express deep love more than anything else. I'm much more likely to express that love in a million other little ways, though. Sex, while definitely fun and pleasurable to experience with the woman I love, is not such a fixation for me as it is for other people. Other expressions of love mean more to me.

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Member33070

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Feo Takahari

I have two completely different sexualities, and they seem to be at war with each other.

The first is that I can be turned on by practically anything if a): I'm specifically prompted to be turned on by it, and b): I have not been turned on by it very many times in the past. When I was younger, this meant I could look at pictures of naked people and be turned on by them, so long as the pictures were marked as porn. However, given the number of years I've had Internet access, I'm now bored by even the most extreme pornography. (Note that I have never had these feelings in "real life," only in the context of fiction.)

The second is that I'm drawn to people who look charmingly distinctive--someone who dyes her hair, someone with an unusual scar, etc. These people are usually female, but sometimes male. I generally don't want to have sex with them, but I'm often intrigued by the idea of starting a romantic relationship with them.

Come to think of it, maybe I should add a third: I have a feeling I'd more easily fall in love with someone who I was friends with for a very long time. Again, this probably wouldn't mean sex unless they specifically wanted sex--I just tend to think of romance in friendly terms.

In all these sexualities, I have a low libido, and I have difficulty understanding the idea of having sex with more than one person.

Adding: Looked up primary and secondary attraction. In both the second and third types of attraction, I follow the "secondary" model in that I care most about how I make the other person feel--which is odd, because the second type of attraction would apparently follow the "primary" model by virtue of being instant.

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hannahkin_skywalker

4. I see people as interesting, pretty-or-unpretty, but just... tree-ish. I wouldn't kiss a tree; I wouldn't kiss a person other than the one to whom I'm engaged. They just- don't- register... on any attraction radar I have, either for their physical or mental traits.

^This. So hard.

I identify as some sort of grey-a or demi. If my input helps, so be it.

1. I'm quite romantic. The emotional aspect of a relationship is extremely important to me.

2. I've only ever felt secondary attraction, and that is to my current boyfriend, a few months into our relationship. I literally woke up one day and realized. "Wow, I actually want to have sexy tiemz with you." And this was after we were both prepared for a celibate relationship (I suspect he is graysexual as well) so it was interesting to begin exploring.

3. My libido is... odd. Some days I have a "normal" sex drive, and others I would engage in anything only for his pleasure. I have trouble orgasming, and I've never experienced attraction to anyone else. When friends point out a cute waiter of either gender, I just shrug. It doesn't click in my head.

4. I'm pretty much a bottom. If I'm top, it's because he likes it. Sexual activites are meh, they're okay, they're nice; some days they're wonderful. What I enjoy most however is being able to give him what he wants.

5. I don't have any fetishes or fantasies. Apparently this (outside of AVEN) is really weird. I've never fantasized and the idea of it sounds kind of meh to me. I do however have kinks.

6. I've never been sexually attracted to anyone else. I've been emotionally attracted to multiple males (not at the same time) before.

7. I am hetero-WTF-sexual, I suppose. It's easier just to let people assume I'm "straight" and exactly like they are, until they know me well. I have trouble in the GSA I run legitimizing my part of the spectrum to the rest of the rainbow.

7. I identify as demi or grey because I feel attraction to one person and I enjoy sex most days.

EDIT: I hate typoes.

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man-in-black

Whoa, far out. Guess I've read them all. I better do this.

Lemme have a smoke first and think some happy thoughts. brb.

ok back. ;)

I guess the only thing that stops me from being a rampant fuck monster is a near crippling fear of std's. I find porn to be a safe outlet for that energy, until I find a trustworthy fuck buddy. Although, that can be problematic, as I've become kind of a porn snob, looking at pornstars as performance artists, reading perhaps too far into the subtleties of their movements, vocals, and the tiniest facial betrayals. This, of course, isn't really a big deal until it translates to my real adventures. As my mind reaches that psychotic excited state, my empathy and intuition reach such a level as I practically read people's minds. That's fine for the moment, sure, it's coitus for the most part, but sometimes I'll see into their past- a lie they told me a week before, their tiny inconvenient realizations of who they are and won't accept, but can't help, because you know, they're orgasming. Still, mostly good, but climax confuses people, even me. It's hard enough going through it myself, but having to read them too sometimes spoils the moment. That's... not the only reason I don't always keep my face visible. I mean, who doesn't think of someone else from time to time? But I think women handle it better. Rolling orgasms bring their confusion back like a boomerang and I get to see them deal with it more each time. Guys just fry their circuits and God bless us, but they've usually not got the insight or honesty to themselves to fully enjoy it (well, by themselves, sure). There are exceptions to this, you know. And I miss them most of all. Psycho-sexual x-ray vision aside, orgasm is a holy/spiritual thing for me. I'm not quite me anymore, but I am more myself than I ever am at any time other than my dreams, or life/death situations. I think that's true for everyone sexing it up out there.

Got no problems with hentai as an erotic medium, although some of it is pretty immoral. I'll say live and let live as long as you're not hurting anybody. Which, I'm exploring my own sadomasochistic possibilities as slowly as possible. I know if I get into that, it's gonna take off and they'll find me dead: 'he choked before his chicken' the papers will read. Bloody embarrassing. Ah, blood, of course. Vampires. The goth scene is pretty sexy to me and punk and emo. God, goth chicks with crazy color hair and lipstick, emo twinks, steampunks at renn-fair- what a fascinating modern age of sexy we live in! My first gay experience was sucking the blood from a friend of mine who used to cut himself. Very vampy, totally left that in the past though. Don't worry, he's fine. Still pale as anything.

It doesn't matter, I like practically all skin tones except for spray tan. I am somewhat compelled to seek a mate outside of my own race. Not much chance of that where I live. Whatever, I'm still young.

Not much for gender confusion in myself. Sure I'm jealous of some of the things women have going on. Pregnancy, childbirth (yeah, ow, i know), pick of any guy at the bar, etc. But that's all. Happened to be born a male, I enjoy it, I'm stickin with it. Not that I dont look at 'chick me' in the mirror sometimes. Imaginary make up. I figure she's doing fine in a parallel universe or something.

Am I prone to monogamy? It's not natural for me. Luckily, I got a girl who understands that. And lurrrvs meee :wub: I try to be romantic. I'm not very materialistic with my romanticism, which is good, cuz I'm poor for the time being. I think romanticism is in the moment, sure, so create it yourself. Catchem off guard with goodness and sweetness, the praise that gives them strength, a smack on the butt as they're walking away and then you call them back and give them a kiss. Idk, i used to have notions of what was romantic when I was a kid and they went totally unappreciated. It was like a Frasier marathon played out by grade schoolers. So romantic? I dont know, I'm aiming for real, so if I come off romantic, you know it's special.

Oh yeah, high libido, by the way. Guess I'll wrap it up, by seeing older posts for things I may have left out. Bet I sound like a freak. I do like big butts and big boobs. Yes, I do realize ya don't always get both. Jury is still out on that I guess. No real choice to be made between the two. I'd hate to make a choice between men or women as well. For the time being, I don't have to. Seriously big ones on the ladies though, I mean it. Guys don't have to be Schwarzenegger, just not bigger than me. But if you are, you better be Schwarzenegger.

Hmm. Celebrities? Some of them are fugly, I don't get it. I'd pay to see Russell Brand and Katy Perry though.

t-t-t-tag! you're it, now! :D

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Pamcakes

It seems to be a common misconception among heterosexual men that women in general can have their pick of any guy in a bar.

Firstly, even in theory this only applies to conventionally attractive women (who are presented as the whole, thus disappearing less conventionally attractive women completely - which is kind of uncool; "Oh, you're not pretty, so you don't count."). Now, allowing for that, there's still the guys who are taken and faithful, the guys who are gay, the guys who are casing someone else, the guys who are disinterested in general/just there to have drinks with their friends, the guys who are turned off by aggressive women, the guys who aren't into casual sex and the guys who just aren't particularly attracted to her, specifically (because everyone has a different ideal, and even Claudia Schiffer has occasional guys who look at her and go, "Eh, I don't see what the fuss is about.").

Once all of these variables are taken into account, you see that even a confident, contemporarily pretty women approaching a strange man runs a reasonable risk of rejection; as high as a man doing the equivalent? Perhaps not, but still, it's a reality that's a far cry from the myth of her being able to win a bedmate for the night with little more than a bat of her lashes and a husky, "Hello."

man-in-black, I'm not having a go at you, just passing a reality check on an assertion I see made a lot - both offline and on - that really is far less accurate than most straight guys seem to think.

P.

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Janus DarkFox

Especially bisexuals, there is no one that have the same hetero/homo leanings and the best thing about them? They can change their mind at any time. Im gray and based on my current understanding, I went from being exclusively Heterosexual to complete asexuality to being bisexual gray with a homosexual preference, hope my mind chemistry is ok?

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