Celina Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 Okay, so this just happened to me and I have to know if it happens to other asexuals. Does anyone get so worked up or afraid of sexual things that they nearly have a panic attack? Today I asked my mother to pick me up underwear at Target (like very basic, Hanes underwear, my mom and I are close enough to ask that stuff). I specifically asked her not pick up ones with patterns. Naturally, she did anyway. Patterned/lacy/fancy underwear is very sexual to me and has always been that way, so I like to stay away from it. That kind of underwear also has a bad connotation for me because my ex-girlfriend would buy it for me, and that made me extremely, extremely uncomfortable and she didn't understand. So, when my mom came home with this patterned underwear, I had a small panic attack. Like, near tears, fast breathing, and I immediately had to dispose of it. I'm sure this doesn't happen to a lot of people, but has it ever happened to anyone else? Sorry if that was a really awkward story, but I hope I'm not alone in the world about this. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
glitchunter Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 I sometimes do the same thing, and I would definitely have a panic attack if my mom got me fancy underwear or, say, a shirt that exposed too much skin! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 I never had panic attacks about anything sexual, even though I never really wanted sex for myself. I used to be very shy and blush a lot whenever some sex talk was made, but I got over it as time passed, by being around people who kept mentioning it every now and then, especially in their jokes. You learn to cope with that sooner or later. :P If you really can't do it, perhaps you could seek an expert's help? S/he certainly won't change how you feel about sexuality, but you can hope to become a little more comfortable with the sexual society and all, which is nice in my humble opinion - since a big part of economy and society are based on the sex industry, either directly or not. Link to post Share on other sites
clarity262 Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 Oh I get major panic attacks because of sexual things either in books, talked about or on TV or something. And they are so hard to manage. The only way I know how to snap myself out of it is to hurt myself because the pain calms me down. And I have talked to a therapist about this and she didn't do anything or say anything that could possibly help. I just wish the world wasn't so sexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucinda Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 Do you feel too uncomfortable to exchange them for what you want? Lucinda Link to post Share on other sites
FrozenCherry Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 Never with my boyfriends (sexuals). I can get an panic attack because of touching (strangers) but that is because of violence traumas and not because of sexual things. Sometimes movies or so can get me afraid but only if sexual scene contains some similarities with scene I had to live on real life (violence). Link to post Share on other sites
Hiraeth Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 Oh I get major panic attacks because of sexual things either in books, talked about or on TV or something. And they are so hard to manage. The only way I know how to snap myself out of it is to hurt myself because the pain calms me down. that happens to me i preserve my sanity by being very careful about what i allow myself to consume, works great so far. i don't watch tv or movies or read fiction or engage in too much casual talk. i think this is a large factor as to why Link to post Share on other sites
Guest member25959 Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 I've never had such a thing happen to me . I tend not to react so strongly to something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
hereforajaynehat Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I didn't have a panic attack, but I did feel extremely uncomfortable the last time that I went underwear-shopping (which was this week.) I mean, I knew Victoria's Secret is pretty much an homage to 'sex sells,' but I still felt totally out of place walking around in a store with posters of women posing in lacy undies. And I'm a full-grown woman! Yeah. I feel yah. Link to post Share on other sites
Mitebsyco Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 I had a panic attack in the middle of a clothes store once. My mother was trying to pick out proper job interview attire, and I just lost it... I didn't know why at the time, but I do now. Link to post Share on other sites
Blood Angel Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Hey Celina, your thread title caught my eye. Although I have never had a panic attack about having sex, you may find it interesting to know that during what they call 'sex education classes' I used to suffer my first panic attacks in my life when thinking about all the sexually transmitted diseases and risks of having sex. I knew what sex was from an early age because I watched 18+ films and saw sex and violence from a young age. It was only when I was about 16 though and becoming a young adult, in college people from the family plannin clinic would come and talk about STI's and give out free condoms, to make sure we were being safe. I'd sit there and have a panic attack, without drawing any attention to my self, as I didn't want people to know I freaked out over the thought of sex. Though I masturbate all the time, I was somewhat effected by this as an adult as whenever the opportunity to have sex comes, I don't freak out.. but I do fail to get hard. Mostly I only really get panic attacks when I get super stoned in an unfamilar enviroment, and even then it's rare. Link to post Share on other sites
RandomDent Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 I used to feel really sick when my exes would try to be intimate towards me (one time I actually threw up, but in his defence I'd been drinking) but never an actual panic attack. Link to post Share on other sites
Celina Posted August 29, 2011 Author Share Posted August 29, 2011 Hi everyone, Thanks for all the responses. It's good to hear that other people get the same reaction--I was really, really nervous that I was just crazy. I think I have a bad reaction to underwear in particular cause of a bad memory with an ex-girlfriend. I used to think that I was grey-A, but as I learn more and more about my reactions to sex, I realize I fall a lot more in the category as asexual. Thanks for the understanding. I appreciate it more than I probably let on. :) Link to post Share on other sites
bluesky85 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Not so much panic attacks but it does cause me severe stress, kind of the opposite of the de-stressing effect it has on most sexuals, It's much worse if the other person is trying to hard to please me Link to post Share on other sites
SSRIs Fail Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 You're not alone. My mom is rather insistent about me being sexual even though I don't want to be. I am very afraid that I'll have to have sex in order to be loved and will never really be happy because of it. Reminders of this fear can set me off quite badly. Link to post Share on other sites
Bambie111 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 When ever people touch me or come too close, I get a panic attack. I only feel safe around my nieces and nephews, who are all very young children. And they only want to play kids games, which I happily join in and play along with them, thus becoming the favourite uncle. Link to post Share on other sites
Bijou Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 I don't know if this counts, but whenever my ex would try to pressure me into having sex, I would indeed have panic attacks. They were small most of the time, but one time I actually went to him, crying and panicking about how I didn't want to have sex and I couldn't believe he kept pushing it on me, and how there must be something wrong with me (this was before I knew about asexuality), and he agreed. :-/ He stopped pushing it on me for a little while, but ended up continuing later on anyway, but my mini-panic attacks never really went away in relation to anything sexual such as that. Link to post Share on other sites
Ace Rimmer Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 I used to kind of when I was younger. I used to freak out and cry if my mom tried to make me wear a dress or anything especially girly or girl-related. I haven't freaked out like that since I was a kid though except once about two or three years ago when I was really drunk and my roommate tried to make me dress up for a dinner party. Needless to say, I was quite embarrassed afterward. Link to post Share on other sites
pennycrayon Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Oh wow... I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I can't say I've had a panic attack but.. There was this one time I was watching I think it was 'The sex education show'. I just started feeling kind of queesy when they were getting into the graphic details (I cant remember what they were talking about). There was another time when I went to the 'lady doctor'. She started telling me how to use a pessary and getting into all the graphic details about it, I literally almost fainted right there and then and had to lie down. Safe to say I didn't use the pessary. Link to post Share on other sites
Missundaztood Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I use to not, but I've been getting these a lot lately! I only get them when thinking about girls having sex together. And I like girls lol It doesn't help that my two closest friends are bi/lesbian and are sexual, unlike me, and one of my classes is about Sexuality( I signed up way before I had the panic attacks). My friends have told me things that I wish I've never known, so that contributes to my panic attacks. TMI! Like how girls finger each other and use fake penises in bed. I think penises are gross so I don't see the appeal AT ALL in using fakes ones! And sticking fingers in "there" is creepy and wrong to me lol + I have a phobia of anything going in there *shudders* Link to post Share on other sites
Heart Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Never with my boyfriends (sexuals). I can get an panic attack because of touching (strangers) but that is because of violence traumas and not because of sexual things. Sometimes movies or so can get me afraid but only if sexual scene contains some similarities with scene I had to live on real life (violence). Funny, I've always been the opposite. I have never freaked out about sexual things in general, I honestly just don't care. It can go on around me all it wants, and I can wear "sexy" things all I want so long as I don't feel like I am affecting those around me (so no overly sexy things, but only because of the effect they have on people around me). I panic around boyfriends. Why? Because then the topic of sex and sexual activity becomes unavoidable; I can no longer just let it happen around me, now I am required to be an active participant. I also thought for a long time that something was wrong with me, which only intensified that. Though I still go through mini-panics now. My current boyfriend is super awesome about it though and has, for the most part, learned to recognize what sort of stuff does that to me, and to hug it out with me when he sees the "warning signs" so to speak. Not so much panic attacks but it does cause me severe stress, kind of the opposite of the de-stressing effect it has on most sexuals, It's much worse if the other person is trying to hard to please me Amen! Any kind of sexual activity is just plain stressful. I guess that may change if I ever become comfortable with myself, but that remains to be seen... I am very afraid that I'll have to have sex in order to be loved and will never really be happy because of it. Reminders of this fear can set me off quite badly. Yes. Just yes. In fact, just reading this is setting me off a bit for a panic attack... Forgive me, but that's the end of my contribution :( Link to post Share on other sites
Cazz333 Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 You're not alone. My mom is rather insistent about me being sexual even though I don't want to be. I am very afraid that I'll have to have sex in order to be loved and will never really be happy because of it. Reminders of this fear can set me off quite badly. This. Have to squash myself afterwards. Pretty much ends them for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Meph Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 umm.. No. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaOfShades Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 Okay, so this just happened to me and I have to know if it happens to other asexuals. Does anyone get so worked up or afraid of sexual things that they nearly have a panic attack? Today I asked my mother to pick me up underwear at Target (like very basic, Hanes underwear, my mom and I are close enough to ask that stuff). I specifically asked her not pick up ones with patterns. Naturally, she did anyway. Patterned/lacy/fancy underwear is very sexual to me and has always been that way, so I like to stay away from it. That kind of underwear also has a bad connotation for me because my ex-girlfriend would buy it for me, and that made me extremely, extremely uncomfortable and she didn't understand. So, when my mom came home with this patterned underwear, I had a small panic attack. Like, near tears, fast breathing, and I immediately had to dispose of it. I'm sure this doesn't happen to a lot of people, but has it ever happened to anyone else? Sorry if that was a really awkward story, but I hope I'm not alone in the world about this. :/ I felt like that for the longest time, and actually still do, about forums... It would remind me of traumatic relationships (very deeply involved to emotionally, that mattered to me deeply, and that I lost the most cruel and traumatizing way). Seeing a computer even reminded me of pain... especially after I had web design clients refuse to pay me to the point of starving, and harassing me sexually... to the point that I couldn't get near one. Because I would get flashbacks of traumas... of heart ache... I would relive them vividly. It's typical of "Post traumatic stress". It doesn't have to be about sex... So yeah, it's perfectly normal... having an ex, all the pain that reminds you... if you panicked associating them at the idea to have to perform and get enslaved mindlessly in the porn crap... it's still be a good enough reason. Even mothers don't respect our limits... no wonder I'm so insane. Well, good luck with that. And yes, it's perfectly normal. You can look post traumatic stress online. I tried to have a therapy for that, but, they're just humans and don't know what they're doing... can't really understand if they didn't go through and overcame it themselves. I'd say... keep it in a locked box (so it can't crawl away on it's own... remind yourself that) and every now and then... touch it telling yourself "it,s only fabric, I control it." Or even better, rip it to pieces, alone, so you won't have to worry about how crazy you look if you scream and curse as much as you want and more, to get it out of your system. Make a tutu for a barbie with the lace or something, to see that lace doesn't have to be evil... Hmm... but my favorite therapy is definitively the DESTROYYYY option. Have fun with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Safaia Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 I don't go into panic attacks (like with my emetophobia) but I do get this sinking, sudden depressing feeling. I'll cry for hours over it. I spent this whole July stressing over whether I'll ever turn out sexual or not. And unlike panic attacks, these feelings last for a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Frostbite90 Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 I've had a panic attack on my 20th birthday, my parents gave me a blow doll and I was freaking out telling them to get it away from me. lol Link to post Share on other sites
whisper in the wind Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 I get panic attacks in response to this topic all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Missundaztood Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 okay, I was wrong. I get panic attacks by anything that reminds me of sex. This past week in school we were watching a documentary on Shelby Knox. Worstexperienceever. I kept getting anxious everytime they'd talk about sex which basically was the whole video. If I had known we were watching this, I would have skipped class! Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad in Stasis Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 I had a panic attack just asking a girl out on a date. If sex was ever brought up, I might die. I'm OK with talking about sex, but if I was asked about it? I just don't know what would happen. I would freak out though. Link to post Share on other sites
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