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Sexual Loose

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I have just divorced after 15 years of marriage with an asexual. I had visited this site prior to the divorce to understand and was amazed to find so many people with experiences similar to mine. We decided we would be better as friends and still care for each other. There was just too much difference in the way we express love and I have had a deep void.

I now find myself overwhelmed by the affects this has had on me over the years. I want to jump into bed with anyone. I just want to be wanted (in a way I relate to). Very shortly after the break-up, I did arrange a ncmo. Things went really well and really fast, but he kept loosing his erection when attempting to put the condom on. We were very open with each other and I could tell he really wanted to, but said it was the pressure (that comes with something not working as expected). I understand this happens sometimes and didn't take it personally. Oddly enough, I think that came more easily from all the years of practice in accepting that someone is telling you the truth that they want/love you and don't want sex.

I also understand that a guy can get psyched out once this happens and have trouble the next time. So, I don't want to expect anything from this guy. I have considered trying another and another and another until I finally get what I've been missing.

The issue is that the split is very new and I know I am in an emotionally fragile period. I have competing emotions: I don't want to feel like a slut; I don't want to wait on sex any longer; I don't want to jump headlong into something that could hurt me in the long-term - like not being cautious enough because I'm eager; what if something similar were to happen with the next ncmo - I would be crushed.

Has anyone been through this? Does anyone else feel this? I opened up to my BF about the situation and she says I sound "so mal-nourished". That's exactly how I feel. I want food so badly. The intensity of what I'm feeling confirms for me that we made the right decision. Apparently, what I was able to do for so long, I can't any longer. I think it was inevitable.

Someone please help. I feel so alone in this.

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MadRat

I´m asexual but I think I can understand you. I don´t want to have sex with another person but I have libido and masturbate a lot. I would be frustrated if I couldn´t do it. I´m horny asexual. :lol: So I get it when you say you don´t want to wait for sex anymore.

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Thank

Thank you for the sympathy.

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