Covalency Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Society has this way of making certain things revolve around other things. Once you know what the 'other things' are and how important they are, they can trivialize other things. Based on my experiences, where I came from, how I spoke in a platonic environment and the people I knew, society would have labeled me as the first person out of my group of friends to lose their virginity and my friends still do think so up to this day. Even if I were to come out and tell them in a very serious tone, they'd still believe that I was not a virgin, even though they have NEVER seen me with a girl but my reputation as someone who is accustomed to 'places like those' and being around 'people like those' spoke for me. Best part is: If someone genuinely asks that question, I'd answer yes because I don't lie to people. Their assumptions are what makes them wrong. In the end it all comes down to how smart you are, you can choose to have it affect you or you can make it forgotten by conducting yourself in a manner that allows for them to 'assume' that you are just like everybody else, without actually telling them that you aren't. If you do tell them that you are, it will look embarrassing because what you would expect from them wouldn't be what you would get. Either you take the pain or make silent fools out of them. Link to post Share on other sites
J7W Shinden Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 If it's the one you proved the point that it's not the area but the age, it posted in quote but not..on the..forum? wat That's true. It posted in the wrong place... lol. Dunno how that happened!! You are smart. I'll edit it now. (worked!) LOL Glad to help! As for the inquiry, close! I'm actually 19, though I don't look a day over 17 as people say, and all who approached me are younger kids mid-teen to a year under, so that does narrow down the population survey (particularly I was pointing to a young hopeful the other day.) To me that's relieving news that people stay away the older you are, but I wish you luck in whatever it is you hope for. Link to post Share on other sites
sophiz Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Society has this way of making certain things revolve around other things. Once you know what the 'other things' are and how important they are, they can trivialize other things. Based on my experiences, where I came from, how I spoke in a platonic environment and the people I knew, society would have labeled me as the first person out of my group of friends to lose their virginity and my friends still do think so up to this day. Even if I were to come out and tell them in a very serious tone, they'd still believe that I was not a virgin, even though they have NEVER seen me with a girl but my reputation as someone who is accustomed to 'places like those' and being around 'people like those' spoke for me. Best part is: If someone genuinely asks that question, I'd answer yes because I don't lie to people. Their assumptions are what makes them wrong. In the end it all comes down to how smart you are, you can choose to have it affect you or you can make it forgotten by conducting yourself in a manner that allows for them to 'assume' that you are just like everybody else, without actually telling them that you aren't. If you do tell them that you are, it will look embarrassing because what you would expect from them wouldn't be what you would get. Either you take the pain or make silent fools out of them. Interesting post... I am the same way. :) No one would assume I was a virgin for so long (based on the way I look, my age.. my personality), but I wanted to ask - when you say "it will look embarrassing" if you tell them you're a virgin - do you mean it would be embarrassing for YOU or THEM (the people who asked?) I think it could be embarrassing for both, but moreso for the virgin.. because of how society judges virgins (well moreso male virgins... female virgins don't have the same stigma.) I've only had maybe one or two friends directly ask if I'm still a virgin (because I admitted I hadn't had a bf, so they wondered), and I told them honestly I was... but if some random person asks me I would have likely lied and said "of course not", or just carried the conversation as if I were sexually experienced. It's really none of their business & that's a personal issue to me, that I would only tell my partner after some time dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Institutionilized Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 I think in today's society to have vast numbers of "partners" is a status symbol. If you have no partners, you have no status. This is stupid, but society is stupid, also. My thoughts exactly. <_< Link to post Share on other sites
simplymaya Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 well I know that a lot of people are trying to "re-virginize" themselves because they had sex at the wrong time and i guess 2 years or so when the Jonas Brothers were famous they had "purity rings" so they don't give it up until they find "the one" so I guess these have been very commericalize i guess it is more of a stigma on guys because its very mainstream...so many movies/tv shows about it. i think also for girls but it's like if you have it too young then you are bad but you have to late you are bad (and bad = slut for the first one and bad as in prude for the second one) i guess you can never win! but for me I am glad I never gave it up or was forced to give it up (well nobody was interested!) and that I will still be like this until the day i die (unless some WEIRD thing happens!) Link to post Share on other sites
RosettaAce Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 The attitude that I've run into with my circle is the idea that since I'm a virgin I'm "innocent" -read "weak". Therefore I am not world wise enough to take care of myself and need protection. This is annoying for me more than embarrassing since I fail to see how having sex would make one more street smart. All in all I think that it’s considered embarrassing because losing your virginity is seen as some sort of rite of passage in western society and if you haven't lost it by a certain age you are somehow socially incomplete. Link to post Share on other sites
Vampyremage Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 While I agree that considering virginity to be embarassing is a bit annoying, the lack of tolerance or understanding of alternative viewpoints is not going to help matters. To this, I don't even know what to say. Words escape me and the stupidity of the above comment. Wishing death upon someone for a viewpoint is not only childish but also potentially highly insulting. Link to post Share on other sites
Mozambike Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 While I agree that considering virginity to be embarassing is a bit annoying, the lack of tolerance or understanding of alternative viewpoints is not going to help matters. To this, I don't even know what to say. Words escape me and the stupidity of the above comment. Wishing death upon someone for a viewpoint is not only childish but also potentially highly insulting. I know. For me, it isn't a bit annoying, it describes the attitude of null intellect of the person who say that. Link to post Share on other sites
suds00 Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 you can blame it on us old folks who came of age in the 60's.lol.not me however. Link to post Share on other sites
ESPAN Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Because this world is full of moral-less people who cannot appreciate someone for their virginity. It's a respectable thing to be a virgin. It's embarrassing because people make it this way. Most people who "down" virginity are not virgins themselves and gave regrets. Link to post Share on other sites
Vampyremage Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Because this world is full of moral-less people who cannot appreciate someone for their virginity. It's a respectable thing to be a virgin. It's embarrassing because people make it this way. Most people who "down" virginity are not virgins themselves and gave regrets. There is nothing morally better or morally superior about being a virgin. It is what it is, nothing to be ashamed of but nothing to lord over people like some mantle of greatness either. Link to post Share on other sites
Beta Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 It's absolutely stupid to be ashamed of your virginity. The argument that "X person is a loser because they are a virgin" is a stupid one, especially as the age people give it up is younger and younger. People as young as 13 feel the social stigma to do so, which is just wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Mismatched Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Virginity is only embarassing if you want to have sex. But if you don't want to it is as inconsequential as the color of your shirt. It is like the confusion between shy and introverted. If you want to talk to people and be the center of attention, but you are afraid or something is holding you back, then you are shy. But if you don't want to talk to people, then you aren't shy. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Sex is an act that happens in a short period of time. It doesn't mark you forever; it doesn't change who you are. Unless you want to make it the center of your being, of course, and feel baseless "pride" because you haven't participated in that action and wear a Crown of Pure Virginity (which will seem silly to others). Or--unless you have participated in that action and want to make it the center of your being, and wear a Crown of Regret and Sadness and Self-pity (which will seem silly to others). Link to post Share on other sites
Mismatched Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Sex is an act that happens in a short period of time. It doesn't mark you forever; it doesn't change who you are. Unless you want to make it the center of your being, of course, and feel baseless "pride" because you haven't participated in that action and wear a Crown of Pure Virginity (which will seem silly to others). Or--unless you have participated in that action and want to make it the center of your being, and wear a Crown of Regret and Sadness and Self-pity (which will seem silly to others). After I had sex, I feel absolutely the same as I did before. Before I didn't label myself as a virgin, because I didn't care if I had sex or not. I still dont' care about sex so I have no reason to feel anything different about not being a virgin. But in terms of explaing to people why I am so uncomfortable with the idea of me having sex, it is just easier to say that I am a virgin, because they just wouldn't understand someone who is not a virgin but is still so unfamilar and uncomfortable with sex. No matter how much sex I have, my comfortable level never changes. And I don't even think anything physically changed for me either. Also, the whole breaking the cherry thing is a myth. When a girl has sex for the first time the hymen isn't a barrier that needs to be broken and that never grows back. The hymen already has a opening in it or else girls won't be able to menstrate properly. The hymen breaking can just be attributed to the fact that typically for the first time the girl is tense and nervous and it contracts and it is ripped a bit. But it does heal. Some girl's hymens don't even rip the first time because they are more relaxed. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Sex is an act that happens in a short period of time. It doesn't mark you forever; it doesn't change who you are. Yeah, its a way to spend an hour. Like playing a game of tennis*, but far more enjoyable**. * I'm not referring to sexual abuse/assault, which is a big deal and has emotional ramifications that I do not take lightly ** Because I'm sexual and I think sex is the bees knees Link to post Share on other sites
BØØM Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I don't think it's embarrasing at all. I don't understand why anyone would think it is. I have not really thought about it until now... Hmm Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Yeah, its a way to spend an hour. Like playing a game of tennis*, but far more enjoyable**. * I'm not referring to sexual abuse/assault, which is a big deal and has emotional ramifications that I do not take lightly ** Because I'm sexual and I think sex is the bees knees Ha. Well, maybe a way to spend a boring 10 minutes, but then I'm asexual. Cats and cake are the true bee's knees. One tries to imagine a bee's knees and one cannot do so, probably because one lacks imagination. Link to post Share on other sites
PiF Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 hour? you have to do it 20 times?????...3 minutes is enough for any man or beast i don't think virginity is embarrasing..some people are embarrased by it Link to post Share on other sites
Pamcakes Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 hour? you have to do it 20 times?????...3 minutes is enough for any man or beast Not necessarily every woman, though. ;) And all jokes aside, plenty of men prefer to take their time, as well. There's definitely a mood when all a Sexual wants is a quickie, and definitely a mood when they'd rather make it more of an extended session. Long, slow, lazy lovemaking can be extremely intense, as can a series of brief, sharp bursts punctuated by pauses to allow both partners to hold off the inevitable climax(/es). Believe it or not, but plenty of people consider "sex" to include not only intercourse, but also foreplay as well. So, even if you don't count the kissing and caressing leading up to naked time, with all the kissing and caressing and shifting of focus and general mucking around that can occur after sex itself has been initiated, where both (or more) partners are savouring the journey rather than fixating on reaching their destination as quickly as possible, sex can very, very easily take an hour or more. However, a three-minute-quickie can be equally fulfilling, when the mood's right. P. Link to post Share on other sites
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