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MadRat

Sexuals, would you like to become asexual?

  

  1. 1. Would you like to become ace?

    • No
      36
    • Yes, for the rest of my life
      30
    • Yes, but only temporarily
      11
    • Other
      13


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Gho St Ory Qwan

What if sex interests you but you aren't interested in sex with others?

Then you'd still be aware of such stuff.

Not really sure how it works, you are interested in who have sex with whom? Or just in theory of, as a theoretical thing it is just like anything else, seeing uncountable evidences of gravity every day does not distract me, and I know the theory of it. I think about them as much as I think about sexuality when I see it. If I would see something unexpected then that could make me think about it, otherwise it is just a background.

Well, I'm interested in sex intellectually. I was just pointing out, just because you don't have the drive to engage in sexual activity with people it doesn't mean you don't want sex being a part of your life, or that sex and the obsession with it and how it effects people's lives and communication doesn't interest you.

If absolutely none of that interested you then you could be able to ignore it more, but many asexuals have a form of interest in it like sexuals, even without the sexual attraction.

Or if like me, you knew about sex and abuse from an unusually young age (I was assessing people for their rapist potential at, at least 5 yrs old),

That sucks, but that is also a problem for sexual females. I don't have to do it as a male.

Mine was due to my mom having dealt with child abuse for years during her several jobs in social care. She just wanted us all to be aware and able to avoid or spot dangerous situations. As a result I never had a time I can remember being care free, not knowing about sex, positive or negative, and as a result, I can't realistically switch off and ignore most sexual things. I've lived pretty much all my life being aware of it for a good reason, so its impossible for the likes of me. Probably unwise, especially for females who seem to be slightly more in danger of attacks and harrassment. I think females will notice sexual things more in the fact sexual attention is a common thing in normal life for many of them. They have to plan nights out taking into consideration their safety, with the idea people will threaten their safety for sexual reasons. So maybe females will be more unable to ignore the emphasis of sex in our world too.

it's not hard to see sexuality in this word. It's just not something that you see as something worth the positive attention it's given.

Why not just see it as something that you aren't interested in doing, like with uncountable other things that you see every day, that you aren't interested in. I don't feel like I should share feelings with other humans specifically. I don't feel like lacking sexual attraction is anything special to lack among potentially limitless amount of possible feelings. Humans are just a specie, a result of natural selection there isn't anything objectively good about being a statical human.

People focus on loosing weight and looking young a lot too. I am the same with that as I am with sex. I am not interested in all three things, but they're shoved in my face constantly because it's assumed I care about them, to the point of obsession. Even if I say someone about food, or romance, or looks, it's assumed to be linked to one of more of those three. When it's not. I have to be aware of it because my words are misinterpreted to be about those things, and it's constantly brought up to me, so I naturally notice it because I have to spend loads of my time explaining 'no, it's not about this, or that'.

So I can't just not see it.

Everything I do is assessed in some way in relation to those things, sex being the big one. So I still think many people in a similar society to mine can't just ignore sexuality. Even if you're not aware of a lot of it, like myself, there is still huge amounts you can't avoid thinking about.

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Kapitæn M.

Might save me a lot of anguish.

Well, not really. Still a stupid romantic.

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CBC

I've identified somewhere in the demisexual/grey-a area for a while now so I definitely don't feel like I'm fully sexual (and honestly, neither of those terms seems completely right either, but whatever), but I would defnitely prefer to be completely asexual, yes. I certainly felt (and thought I was) 100% ace when I joined this site seven years ago and I wish I still felt the same now. Being not completely ace has caused me a fairly large amount of mental distress that is by no means what I would deem "worth it" for whatever bit of fulfilment or enjoyment I've gotten so far.

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Pandante

I'd love to be asexual.. it'd be the easiest solution to the problems in the relationship with my asexual partner. Also, i find sexuality quite annoying and distracting because it's everywhere u go.. every poster, every ad, every movie is screaming sexuality.

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hotsexgary

I love sex. The "sexuality" pandante is talking about is in my opinion, fake, unnecessary, and far from wholesome.

At the same time, I'm pretty sure I would have cured cancer by now if I had been born asexual

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MadRat

I love sex. The "sexuality" pandante is talking about is in my opinion, fake, unnecessary, and far from wholesome.

Pandante would give up his sexuality for his asexual wife. It would make their relationship easier if they were both asexuals. It makes sense to me. He values his wife more than his sexuality and this is beautiful.

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Blood Angel

Since I am still unsure on my sexuality, I will say that if I am a sexal after all, then I would obviously like to be asexual. Definately not an aromantic asexual, but still an asexual. I say this because an asexual will have a clean mind. The way I see it, even if an asexual has sex then it's perfectly innocent and the way sex is intended. Whereas a sexual is more primitive it's as if life consists of seeking sex and when you meet somebody, it's always about weather they want to fuck them or not. It just seems such a horrible way to live!!

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Avistew

I wouldn't, because I have sexual partners and enjoy what sex provides. We also live in a society that's predominantly sexual, so I would become more excluded if I did, on top of not really getting advantaged from it (I'm not sexually frustrated, nor do I have an ace partner I wish I could be ace too for).

So, not for me, no.

EDIT: on the other hand, I guess if I could turn off arousal at will it might be handy... I'm not sure I would want to though... But having it as a power to turn asexual at will would be more useful than any of the others. I don't need to turn asexual momentarily out of curiosity, because I'm already not attracted to female, so I can just project that asexuality is feeling the same way towards men as well.

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Pamcakes

I love sex. The "sexuality" pandante is talking about is in my opinion, fake, unnecessary, and far from wholesome.

Pandante would give up his sexuality for his asexual wife. It would make their relationship easier if they were both asexuals. It makes sense to me. He values his wife more than his sexuality and this is beautiful.

I agree that this is beautiful. :wub:

As a single person, I would not give it up, because I see no good reason to surrender that part of me; Sexual people espouse the evils of sexuality all the time, but this seems to be founded more in guilt/aversion, and thus unhealthy, than anything else. As a person who was very much in love with a non-libinous person, and was with him for six years, trying to make it work, I would have given up my sexuality for him, if I could.

People often say, "don't change yourself for love," and while this can have a lot of merit, I think a better philosophy would be, "don't change yourself for love in any way that will leave you as a person you like less"; when it comes to major personal reform, sometimes I think love - self-love, erotic love, platonic love, filial love - is the very best reason.

Don't ever give up anything you'll really miss, for love, but if there's someone you're genuinely committed to, and there's something you can happily surrender that will make you a better partner for them, then why wouldn't you?

Don't change yourself when there's nothing inherently wrong with you, because you think it'll make you more attractive to some nebulous theoretical future partner, but if you have a trait that makes your established, loving relationship difficult, that it is in your power to change, your free will to do so, and that you are able to live a joyous and fulfilling life without (these are very important caveats), then I don't see anything wrong with it.

If I were in love with someone who was a recovering alcholic, or had bad experiences with a loved one's alcholism, I would gladly give up drinking*. If I were in love with someone who was an ex-smoker, or who had lost a loved one to lung cancer caused by smoking, I would give up smoking**. If I were in love with someone who had zero interest in sex, or for whom sex was genuinely distressing, and giving up sex was as easy for me as giving up drinking or smoking, I would give it up without a moment's hesitation.

We all sacrifice something for love, when it finds us, even if it's just the option of having sex with whomever we fancy without constraints or repercussions. Let people define for themselves what is and isn't too much of a sacrifice; even if they are wrong, the choice is always and forever their own.

P.

* I enjoy the occasional glass of wine with dinner, or fortifieds after, but do not drink heavily, and while I do enjoy my fortifieds in particular, I am not particularly attached to alcohol in my life.

** I enjoy the occasional (here meaning I allow myself a maximum of half a dozen a year - conscious of not allowing a habit to form - and even then almost never reach that quota) celebratory cigar on special occasions (such as sharing one with one of my dearest friends at his wedding), and while it is a pleasurable indulgence, it would cause me no great suffering to give up.

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eamonn

I wouldn't give up sex. I like it.

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Pandante

I love sex. The "sexuality" pandante is talking about is in my opinion, fake, unnecessary, and far from wholesome.

I'm with you there.

At the same time, I'm pretty sure I would have cured cancer by now if I had been born asexual

Hehe, yes. I happen to be a scientist, and my career in the last two or three years has been affected by the complications of living out my sexuality (just because it affected concentration and productivity). At the moment, however, I feel it's not worth breaking up to save this career.

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Pandante

Thanks, MadRat and Pamcakes, for your kind words :redface: . Pamcakes, as usual, I totally agree... I don't think there are rules in deciding what to give up for love. Each to their own. Your modified philosophy is a good guidline, though.

If I became asexual, i wouldn't miss sex, right? I wouldn't feel I lost anything important. I'd be rid of the sexual frustrations that troubled me and I could enjoy the relationship to the fullest. So it's an obvious answer as to the poll for me ^_^

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BunnyK.

I wouldn't give up my sexuality. For one, I've had periods already where sex was so unappealing that I'd rather have done the dishes. Maybe it's just that it was such a horrible period in other ways, but I know what it's like and don't really want to go back.

Secondly, I'd rather give up a partner than give up what makes me, me. I love people and value them, and it's easy for me to feel like if a romantic relationship with one person ends, I can find one just as nice with another partner, and still value the person just as much, albeit in a different way.

And for me, not to get too weird, sexuality is too closely connected to the joy and mystery of life. It's an expression of whatever force makes the world turn and the trees grow leaves. Cutting it off would to me be like giving up the ability to see color. It's not going to end my life, but I'd definitely be losing something.

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Lucinda

And for me, not to get too weird, sexuality is too closely connected to the joy and mystery of life. It's an expression of whatever force makes the world turn and the trees grow leaves. Cutting it off would to me be like giving up the ability to see color. It's not going to end my life, but I'd definitely be losing something.

Yes, that creative energy! :) I can feel it all the time and it is especially intense and blissful during kundalani.

Lucinda

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< retired >
...it is especially intense and blissful during kundalani.

I googled kundalani, expecting it to be another one of those mysterious mental/physical phenomena that only human females experience, like menstruation. This is the best reference I could find: Wikipedia:Kundalini. If I'm not on the right track, let me know! :)

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Sally

Why would anyone who has a fairly large group out there with whom to have a relationship want to change to someone who may never find another person with whom to have a comfortable relationship? It would be like asking any member of a majority group if they wanted to join a minority.

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CBC

Why would anyone who has a fairly large group out there with whom to have a relationship want to change to someone who may never find another person with whom to have a comfortable relationship? It would be like asking any member of a majority group if they wanted to join a minority.

Well, that's certainly true for the majority I suppose, but there are undoubtedly people out there who are sexual but would rather not be for a variety of reasons. Just because someone experiences sexual attraction or because their body has "urges" or whatever, it doesn't mean that they automatically enjoy or value such things, or that they desire to have a relationship with another person. There are people who have reasons for wishing to not act upon (or even to suppress) those parts of who they are, which obviously isn't healthy and is probably largely unsuccessful in the end... so undoubtedly, I'm sure such people might want to choose to be asexual if that was possible.

Basically what I'm saying is that just because someone is sexual, it doesn't automatically mean they are going to enjoy their sexuality... if that makes some sort of sense.

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honor is all

Why would anyone who has a fairly large group out there with whom to have a relationship want to change to someone who may never find another person with whom to have a comfortable relationship? It would be like asking any member of a majority group if they wanted to join a minority.

Well, that's certainly true for the majority I suppose, but there are undoubtedly people out there who are sexual but would rather not be for a variety of reasons. Just because someone experiences sexual attraction or because their body has "urges" or whatever, it doesn't mean that they automatically enjoy or value such things, or that they desire to have a relationship with another person. There are people who have reasons for wishing to not act upon (or even to suppress) those parts of who they are, which obviously isn't healthy and is probably largely unsuccessful in the end... so undoubtedly, I'm sure such people might want to choose to be asexual if that was possible.

Basically what I'm saying is that just because someone is sexual, it doesn't automatically mean they are going to enjoy their sexuality... if that makes some sort of sense.

I second this response. If there were no antisexual sexuals you wouldn't have notions such as celibacy or the anti sexual online forum. I have witnessed quite a few sexuals newly acquainted with asexuality saying "lucky devils", "what a catharsis", "wish it was me coz girls annoy me lately (he thought ace and aromantic was the same)" and the funniest one: "finally, someone living out the Greco-Roman philosophy ideal" LOL so don't jump to conclusions people. And as for the ethnic minority group. I can testify (due to my location and nature of work) that there are COUNTLESS people going to great lengths to assimilate into the cultural values of their partner even if the partner is from a highly different, much discriminated ethnic group.

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Pandante

Why would anyone who has a fairly large group out there with whom to have a relationship want to change to someone who may never find another person with whom to have a comfortable relationship? It would be like asking any member of a majority group if they wanted to join a minority.

Well, that's certainly true for the majority I suppose, but there are undoubtedly people out there who are sexual but would rather not be for a variety of reasons. Just because someone experiences sexual attraction or because their body has "urges" or whatever, it doesn't mean that they automatically enjoy or value such things, or that they desire to have a relationship with another person. There are people who have reasons for wishing to not act upon (or even to suppress) those parts of who they are, which obviously isn't healthy and is probably largely unsuccessful in the end... so undoubtedly, I'm sure such people might want to choose to be asexual if that was possible.

Basically what I'm saying is that just because someone is sexual, it doesn't automatically mean they are going to enjoy their sexuality... if that makes some sort of sense.

I second this response. If there were no antisexual sexuals you wouldn't have notions such as celibacy or the anti sexual online forum. I have witnessed quite a few sexuals newly acquainted with asexuality saying "lucky devils", "what a catharsis", "wish it was me coz girls annoy me lately (he thought ace and aromantic was the same)" and the funniest one: "finally, someone living out the Greco-Roman philosophy ideal" LOL so don't jump to conclusions people. And as for the ethnic minority group. I can testify (due to my location and nature of work) that there are COUNTLESS people going to great lengths to assimilate into the cultural values of their partner even if the partner is from a highly different, much discriminated ethnic group.

Glad people think this way. Yes, it's a bit more intricate than just majority/minority or being what defines oneself.

For one, even though i'm sexual, i don't feel like my sexuality defines me in a particularly important way. And considering my circumstances I don't want it to. But this depends on the person, because different things have different values for people. And accepting that is the path to tolerance and making sense of why people act or react in certain ways.

Also, I don't think there is anything wrong in redefining yourself by exploring new ideas and values and discovering new cultures. I don't think what defines you is a static thing; it was shaped by your journey through life and it may continue to change as one learns and discovers new things about life.

honor-is-all has basically said this: Wanting to change sexuality is like wanting to marry into another culture. It involves some sacrifices of what may have defined you, but you will be imbued with new values that define you. One goes to great lengths for love :)

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Coolwhoami

I am sexual and quite happy that way. I don't really feel like it defines me in any major aspect though, it simply is.

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Hub

Absolutely not. For me, there is such joy, such bonding, some fun, such spirituality in being sexual with someone I love. I suppose if I'd never known that before, I wouldn't miss it. But, having experienced it, life would feel far more hollow without it. It's part of my enormous current quagmire...that's what life for me currently IS, as my wife is currently nonsexual.

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Someone2

Yes, I would.

It would make celibacy a whole lot easier, but I haven't felt sexual attraction/libido yet (I'm 15, but not a late bloomer), so I don't know how much it can affect someone or change their (strong) opinion on matters.

It would also give me a sense of security... and make celibacy more 'permanent'. I'm afraid of just waking up one day (not literally!) and finding myself a mother to four young kids, unemployed and chasing after toddlers with no time of my own while a husband goes out to work.

I'm afraid of hormones/attraction/whatever it is getting in the way of my dreams and life plans. I don't want to be a mother. People say that you might change your mind later in life, but that's what I'm afraid of. :mellow:

I have no idea what sexual attraction/libido feels like. I don't know if I want to know.

I wish there was a site like this for celibacy, with a logo and its own colours. It's kind of like being indifferent to sexual orientation, not caring where you fall under, since it's of no relevance to your life. I know of Celibrate, and I'm sure there are others around that I haven't found yet.

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Nameless Someone

No

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trany101

I would love to be able to be as many different sexualities, races, genders, etc. as possible. It would make learning about them and respecting them much easier.

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Down in Texas

I agree with Hub, my answer would also be no, because I am a very highly sexual person. I cannot imagine anyone not wanting to feel the joy, pleasure and intimacy that I experienced when things were good. It is a natural high your whole body is totally relaxed, at times you feel as if you are floating on the ceiling and sometimes you feel your legs will not even support you body’s weight. But oh what a marvelous feeling that is to a sexual. However, since we are talking hypothetically anyway, what if we could look at it from both perspectives? What if once in a relationship a Sexual could experience the Asexual world for a while then, have the Asexual experience the Sexual world. After having done this, we could both sit down and decide which we had rather be. There would be more harmony in the marriage sexuality. However that does not guarantee there would not be other problem that would then become or take the place in a relationship that the current debate over sex is in this forum. We would most likely then be discussing some other form of dissatisfaction. All I can say is we all are who we are. We cannot change who we are and we cannot change who the other might be in the relationship. So we must learn what we can from each other without making the other feel bad for who they are since they cannot change who they are any more than we can change who we are. Why can we not find a harmonious way to co-exist? Where we can all be content, with whom we are and let the others find the happiness they deserve also without all this judgment.

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Holding Hands

As I am in a relationship with an asexual, I wish I was. But I guess it would make things harder in some ways and easier in other ways. It's a tough question.

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LarryT

I would, yes.

The reason I would (and I would gladly entertain the argument that I have no idea what I am talking about) is that I believe it would add legitimacy to the life style I already lead. Having only recently been introduced to the world of asexuality, I think I understand what difficulties this orientation presents, however, it seems to me that the fact that asexuality is an orientation and not a choice would lead to some security of purpose.

If you are a sexual person who chooses not to have sex, seeming society has only two templates for you: either you are an asocial freak who lives in mother's basement, or you are an abusive priest waiting to happen.

My hope would be that if I could claim an orientation, that at least the enlightened world would respect that.

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Nagarosh

Why would I want to change who I am?

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noysoffer

I'm dual sexual, meaning demisexual with men and completely lesbian with women, and I wish I could be completely asexual. I've always been some sort of anti-sexual for cultural and practical reasons, and I don't really like the way that I can enjoy something so utterly wrong like sex. It's an utter waste of time, and I guess that the only good things about sex are the way that it burns calories, the way it enables you to do whatever you won't allow yourself to do usually, and the intimacy you achieve when you have sex with someone you love.

Nonetheless, sex is immoral and in our age, we can reproduce through in vetro fertilization, and therefore, this is an unnecessary sin.

As some of you may see, I'm only starting to rediscover my sexuality after a very long period of prudence, which I want to continue, so sorry about the harshness.

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Skullery Maid

I'm dual sexual, meaning demisexual with men and completely lesbian with women, and I wish I could be completely asexual. I've always been some sort of anti-sexual for cultural and practical reasons, and I don't really like the way that I can enjoy something so utterly wrong like sex. It's an utter waste of time, and I guess that the only good things about sex are the way that it burns calories, the way it enables you to do whatever you won't allow yourself to do usually, and the intimacy you achieve when you have sex with someone you love.

Nonetheless, sex is immoral and in our age, we can reproduce through in vetro fertilization, and therefore, this is an unnecessary sin.

As some of you may see, I'm only starting to rediscover my sexuality after a very long period of prudence, which I want to continue, so sorry about the harshness.

I just wanted to say hi. I've seen your posts but I don't respond because I honestly have no idea what it's like to battle against religious morality. I'm thankful that's something I never had to deal with. I wish you luck. :cake:

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