Jump to content

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

sexualwithasexual

"Married, With Infidelities" article

Recommended Posts

Tals

I think I'd be completely capable of being with a partner who had sex with other people, so long as I knew who they were, and so long as she didn't cuddle them for long afterwards.

It wouldn't be my ideal though, I'd have to be in love to even offer it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lady Girl

Please keep us informed on how it goes for you. And good luck with your letter!

I'm sorry I wasn't able to offer you more than I did. I am actually disappointed in myself for trying to have relationships outside of our marriage...so I can't really say too much. :blush:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sexualwithasexual

Please keep us informed on how it goes for you. And good luck with your letter!

I'm sorry I wasn't able to offer you more than I did. I am actually disappointed in myself for trying to have relationships outside of our marriage...so I can't really say too much. :blush:

I will keep everyone up on this. I have a crush and my partner knows, and has met this person and we were all somewhere tonight and there were hugs all around.. Maybe a beginning? The person I have a crush on seemed a tad uncomfortable. Although she knows I have the crush, I don't know how she feels. Now that we've been living with this for some time now, it's getting to feel a bit normal. I don't spend a lot of time with this person, we're all very busy people, so that helps my partner feel secure I think.

Lady Girl, don't feel too bad. We all make mistakes in life. I think as long as we keep trying to find a way to do things for ourselves, without causing pain to others or ourselves, we're fine. :cake:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lady Girl

Lady Girl, don't feel too bad. We all make mistakes in life. I think as long as we keep trying to find a way to do things for ourselves, without causing pain to others or ourselves, we're fine. :cake:

Thanks, that is what we are trying to do now! It's been a lot easier for us since we found out about asexuality. I do hope it works out for you, and your partner feels secure with it. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
zoidberger
As an asexual woman whose partner was not monogamous for part of our relationship, even though I didn't want sex but only had it because he expected it, it hurt me when he had another partner. It was a threat because it's really difficult to maintain a "sex only" relationship, without emotional content, and that's what the threat is. If the asexual can only offer emotional content, but the other partner can offer both emotion and mutually-enjoyable sex, then the asexual feels a little less...competent, let's say, in the relationship.

I completely agree. I would feel insecure in this type of situation because I'd worry that someone else would be a better complete match for my partner than I am.

I also think that one relationship cannot supply all the types of emotional support one may need. Maybe some can, but for most people, I think that different relationships provide a variety of opportunities for growth on emotional levels. You know? And that doesn't mean they threaten the relationship I have with my chosen lifemate (for lack of a better word).

While I'm not certain if that's true or not, I have a need to be my partner's main emotional support and I want her to be mine. I am okay with friendships but only to an extent. If my partner found a more suitable person for emotional support I would not only be jealous but I would fear that any possible attempt at explaining the emotional stuff would go out the window and it would be directed at someone else. To me that's an emotional form of cheating. *shrugs* I would rather break up and end the relationship than live knowing that I can't satisfy my partner's needs and that someone else is the go-to person. I would rather it be a sex-only thing but that takes you back to the point Sally brought up about emotional connection often being tied into the sexual stuff.

What about the idea of having a third party in which both partners have a connection to? For myself, that is an ideal far more than an actual open relationship, but rather a closed polyamorous relationship. The idea of a third and equal partner that is emotionally close to both of the original partners but allows for the two other partners in the trio to have that sexual relationship that one of the original partners craved while remaining non-threatening because the emotional connection exists strongly for all three and between all three. I have never had the opportunity to experience this in person, but I one day hope to.

It's difficult enough for each party to feel "equal" in a two-party relationship, especially with the always-changing dynamics of relationships. Having a third partner who also wants an equal emotional connection to each of the other parties is an ideal that I just don't think is practical.

This would be a nightmare for me I think. I have absolutely no interest in spreading my emotions further than our monogamous relationship and I would also feel the same "emotional cheating" philosophy if my partner was sharing emotions with someone else. On top of this would be the jealousy aspect that would compare and contrast EVERYTHING and if it wasn't perfectly equal, shit would go down!

Added to all of these points, I believe (just has several others have mentioned) that there are many sexuals that want the sexual component to be combined with their emotional partner. I would venture to guess that it would actually be a minority that could separate the emotional and sexual enough that such a situation could work without blowing up in one way or another.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sexualwithasexual

This makes me think there really is such a thing as "emotional monogamy." Interesting.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sally

This makes me think there really is such a thing as "emotional monogamy." Interesting.

I think rather than a two-person emotional relationship being great, an equal three-person emotional relationship would be impossible.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Avistew
I think rather than a two-person emotional relationship being great, an equal three-person emotional relationship would be impossible.

I think it depends on what you mean by "equal". I hang out in polyamorous contexts and there seems to be some successful triads (triads being three people all involved with one another). The people usually have different relationships with one person as they do with the next, but it's never seemed to be to be imbalanced. It's kind of like with siblings, you don't have the same relationship with all your siblings, but it doesn't really translate into loving one more than the next.

The main problem is that I don't know any of them personally, and the place where I get to know people the most is a forum meant to solve issues and stuff, and triads aren't very common, it's usually people starting up with one partner wanting to explore polyamory and the other asking for help, things like that. I've been moving around a bunch so I don't go to poly meetings a lot, either, and, well, triads are rarer because more complex (you need to have compatible orientations all the way around and to happen to all love one another, which is rarer than V-type configurations).

Triads seem to be more common in same-sex relationships, possibly because there isn't the matching orientation problem (if one person is straight, the other two need to be bisexual).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sexualwithasexual

Just an update.

Nothing too exciting. A long-term commitment to your soul mate is a hard thing to try and open up as far as relationships go. I still think the third person would have to be very, very independent and know themselves well for this to work. The time element alone needed to develop a close enough relationship with someone outside of a primary relationship, in order for me to feel sexually interested, seems to present a problem. How would that make my primary partner feel? Knowing I'm going to need to spend hours cultivating closeness with someone else?

Lately I feel already partially separated from my partner. I'm realizing that because sex in a long term relationship is a signifier for me that the relationship is primary, serious and deeply loving, I'm finding that I see the relationship differently from my partner. She doesn't need the sex part to feel that we are all of those things - deeply loving, committed. She wouldn't sleep in the same bed with anyone else, share resources and vacations, or simply spend much of her time with very many other people. I know all of this intellectually, but somewhere deep on an emotional level, I'm finding myself a little less attached.

And then there are the dreams.

I'm having sex dreams (really just make out dreams, but to my partner, that's more intimate than sex), with another person. Even though I do feel attracted to this person in real life, we are not involved in that way and I don't consciously intend to be. I feel like I'm cheating anyway.

So that's what's happening. I've sort of let my partner know that I'm having dreams like this. I don't tell her exactly, because I'm so upset and she might be too. When I did tell her, she said it's a sign I shouldn't be around this other person. Actually, in real life I don't feel there's any risk of intimacy, and I don't have a choice really, they're in my life. And of course we talk of breaking up, but it's just really hard to come to that...

We've come so far in accepting each other, making it work, and loving each other.. and now I think that it's just gonna get harder... help! Advice please...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lucinda

Can you explain why you are upset by your dreams?

I don't understand your partner's interpretation of the dreams ... namely as being a sign that you shouldn't be around this other person. Do you have more insight on this?? Also, have you told her exactly who you are dreaming about??

Is the person in the dreams a different person than the one you mentioned that you had a crush on??

Lucinda

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sexualwithasexual

Can you explain why you are upset by your dreams?

I don't understand your partner's interpretation of the dreams ... namely as being a sign that you shouldn't be around this other person. Do you have more insight on this?? Also, have you told her exactly who you are dreaming about??

Is the person in the dreams a different person than the one you mentioned that you had a crush on??

Lucinda

Yes, I guess I have skipped some info in my update.

The person in the dreams is the same person I have a crush on. This seemed like it might be okay for my partner, but then I told her that I had told my crush that I was attracted to her. This made my partner upset, and I can understand why. It is a significant step to do that.

I in turn was upset that she was upset, and then decided to really try not to have that crush. I need to be friends with this person, I want to remain friends. I just want everyone to be friends, but I know it doesn't always work that way. I feel like the whole thing simply revolves around my own need to experience attraction, to receive that attention as well. In one of the dreams, my partner was crying. When I told my partner that dream, that's when she said maybe that meant I shouldn't pursue this. She said it lightheartedly, but it upset me anyway. It just felt like my subconscious is trying to tell me something.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
One Silly Boy

I just wanted to chime in since I am exploring this road myself, not sure one hundred percent what path I might be able to emotionally take yet. My asexual wife on this forum has given me permission to explore finding a partner whom I can be physical with and I've been exploring and deeply investigating the concept. I actually really do think I can love multiple people and even wholly!! I am someone who can have really bonding feelings for multiple people, a little bit of this through experience though not sexually but careing friendship and the more I think about this and run scenarios through my head I think this would be amazing. I am not sure if I can find someone who I might bond with and be open to this in this way. But the thought of having a sexual partner as well as a consenting wife who I care immensely for, actually brings me a deep sense of peace and security and happiness!! The thought of keeping us as friends an plutonic and the security and peacefulness it brings her with zero sex pressure is reason enough! So I am researching and trying to find more people to talk to who are poly and in these types of relationships now. I've been talking with a few and am on some other poly forums. I appreciate the views and opinions expressed here, they are immensely helpful to be aware of when exploring.

I'll keep people informed on how my journey goes as well!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kelsea

.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sally

If the sexual partner in an asexual/sexual marriage were to find another partner with whom he/she shares sex and emotional closeness, it might be more likely that the sexual would find the "third" person relationship so satisfying, there would be no reason to continue with the original relationship.

A three-part relationship only works if all parties definitely want to have that situation. If the sexual is simply seeking another relationship because of frustration with the relationship with the asexual, I doubt that it is going to work. And I think the asexual who assumes that it will work just because they want to not deal with a sexual relationship (which I can definitely understand) may be naive to think that the sexual will continue to wish to deal with two partners. That basically takes twice the time and energy and emotional output -- not something that's easy to maintain.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kelsea

.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sally

And I think the asexual who assumes that it will work just because they want to not deal with a sexual relationship (which I can definitely understand) may be naive to think that the sexual will continue to wish to deal with two partners.

Yep, I agree. In my case I'm not assuming it will work. It's just gotten to the point where we've admitted I don't want sex, he does want sex, compromising makes us both miserable, so let's at least give this option a try before calling it quits. If it works, it works; if we need to go our separate ways, I can accept that too.

I wasn't meaning you specifically, Kelsea; should have said that. Some other asexuals have posted that they want their partners to have a "just sex" relationship, or even a "sex plus emotion" relationship, but think that the primary relationship will continue as before, only better for them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
EGAD!

Coming to realize my own asexuality and how most everyone else is sexual and how pervasive it is for people to feel attracted to people in that way and generally think about sex--the idea of monogamy seems silly [insert lengthy discussion about how marriage is essentially a legal contract and monogamy is a social norm invented to ensure a clear linear line of succession].

There are good reasons to keep a relationship monogamous, but if one or neither partner is not getting what they want sexually and every other aspect of the relationship is ok...why not so long as there is communicaton and both parties can feel secure with the arrangement.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kelsea

.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sexualwithasexual

Thanks Sally - yeah, I try to be a realist too, when it comes to this stuff.

And I think my own concept of what it means to 'love' someone is very non-possessive. If I love someone, I want them to be happy, and want to do what's right for them, even if it means letting them go. 'If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it was never meant to be.'

That's pretty much the attitude I'm taking with my own marriage. What will be, will be, and whatever ends up happening, will be the right thing.

Let's hope, anyway...? :D

I like this attitude. Change is inevitable, and I think I feel the most pain when I'm resisting change. We'll see how it goes. I'm trying to take it all as it comes.. I'm glad for everyone's comments and I really appreciate it all! Kelsea and One Silly Boy, please keep us all updated. I'm sure many people are interested in having examples go before them! There are others of note: Agnes Varda and Jacques Demy, and also Jane and Paul Bowles. They stuck together long after they were not really 'together.' Tilda Swinton has an open relationship with John Byrne.... from wikipedia: Swinton lives in Nairn, in the Highland region of Scotland, near Scottish painter John Byrne and their twin children: a son, Xavier, and a daughter, Honor. She travels with her partner Sandro Kopp, a German/New Zealand painter.[28] She has been with Kopp since 2004 and the relationship has Byrne's blessing.[29] In an interview, Swinton commented on her domestic situation: "It’s the way we have been for nearly four years. I’m very fortunate. It takes some extraordinary men to make a situation like that work."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sally

I'm betting that in order to try opening the relationship to a third person without feeling a lot of anxiety about possible loss, etc., you have to get to the point where you're thinking "OK, this just isn't working. We'll try this final thing, and if THAT doesn't help, then screw it, I'm through." It sounds like you got to that stage, Kelsea. But if you're still really worried about losing your partner to someone else, then it's not going to be easy, or possibly even possible.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pandante

So in an open marriage, where you're allowed to have sex outside the marriage, I've never quite understood why some people try to place emotional restrictions on it. Essentially saying: 'you can have sex, as long as it's meaningless.'

When in fact that's exactly the problem in a sexual-asexual marriage. An s-a couple can have sex, but the whole problem is that it is meaningless - because the asexual isn't really enjoying it, and the sexual senses that, and feels unfulfilled.

So in the case of an s-a marriage, emotional intimacy during sex is in fact what is missing, and is precisely the thing that would need to be fulfilled outside the marriage. The sexual partner gets plenty of emotionally meaningless sex within the marriage, so going outside the marriage to have even more meaningless sex seems to defeat the purpose.

The logic is irrefutable. And i think it is the reason why many sexuals in a-s relationships are not interested in or find it hard looking for another partner.

I'm just wondering, though, it sounds like sexualwithasexual is in an a-s relationship without any sex at all and little physical intimacy. In such cases, it may help to seek sexual pleasure elsewhere, even if it is "meaningless". As in the other case, the emotional satisfaction is not obtained, but at least sexual frustration is dealt with. A while back here, I read of a case in an a-s relationship in which the sexual's supplementary relationship with a sex-friend boosted their emotional affection for their asexual partner. What do ppl think?

sexualwithasexual, apologies if i have described your relationship incorrectly.

Although it has cropped up many times before, I think this is a very important topic because it may provide at least partial solutions to a subset of a-s relationships. This thread is good because it tries to close in on the conditions for the solutions to work.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
hotsexgary

I really wasn't expecting to see aces who were intolerant of the polyamorous. There are no inherent problems with open relationships - rather, there are disadvantages, but also serious advantages, especially if one member is asexual and doesn't want to deprive their sexual partner(s).

For me, while I enjoyed my polyamory, I came to the conclusion that it wasn't for me - I think I'm sexually wired monogamously, although emotionally I'm still undecided. If you're asexual, it's because you're wired that way, so if your partner is capable of separating sex from love (as many are), then you can trust him or her to stay emotionally faithful to you while sleeping with other people.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sexualwithasexual

So in an open marriage, where you're allowed to have sex outside the marriage, I've never quite understood why some people try to place emotional restrictions on it. Essentially saying: 'you can have sex, as long as it's meaningless.'

When in fact that's exactly the problem in a sexual-asexual marriage. An s-a couple can have sex, but the whole problem is that it is meaningless - because the asexual isn't really enjoying it, and the sexual senses that, and feels unfulfilled.

So in the case of an s-a marriage, emotional intimacy during sex is in fact what is missing, and is precisely the thing that would need to be fulfilled outside the marriage. The sexual partner gets plenty of emotionally meaningless sex within the marriage, so going outside the marriage to have even more meaningless sex seems to defeat the purpose.

The logic is irrefutable. And i think it is the reason why many sexuals in a-s relationships are not interested in or find it hard looking for another partner.

I'm just wondering, though, it sounds like sexualwithasexual is in an a-s relationship without any sex at all and little physical intimacy. In such cases, it may help to seek sexual pleasure elsewhere, even if it is "meaningless". As in the other case, the emotional satisfaction is not obtained, but at least sexual frustration is dealt with. A while back here, I read of a case in an a-s relationship in which the sexual's supplementary relationship with a sex-friend boosted their emotional affection for their asexual partner. What do ppl think?

sexualwithasexual, apologies if i have described your relationship incorrectly.

Although it has cropped up many times before, I think this is a very important topic because it may provide at least partial solutions to a subset of a-s relationships. This thread is good because it tries to close in on the conditions for the solutions to work.

Thanks for this. You described my relationship very well, actually. I do feel emotionally fulfilled by my asexual partner, but I'm not so sure I can separate sex and emotion as easily as others. I have in the past, to be sure, but now it seems so emotional on one level, but in a different way. I don't think I have strong emotions revolving around the specific person I have a crush on, but just in a general way, I'm very emotional about this whole dilemma. I feel there is this well of emotion just behind my celibacy.

What I keep picturing lately, is a situation where three people could be super close friends, myself, my ace partner and a third person that would be a friend with benefits. I think if we all loved and trusted each other, this could work. I even fantasize a living situation where we'd all live together. I can see why this wouldn't work for some asexuals I guess, mine included, as they would just naturally feel jealous. But my partner actually isn't a jealous type, so I'm not sure what's going on. Is she just more threatened by the idea of losing me? Or is it that she really feels lacking? Probably. The whole thing makes me sad, because I do think I'm thinking of this more now because of her asexuality. In the past, we just thought it was a phase that would shift later. Now that I know our incompatibilities, it's very hard not to start wanting to explore my sexuality outside of the relationship. But she's not going through that of course. Nothing has changed for her, except realizing that she may lose me due to us knowing she's asexual.

But I feel very determined to see if we can find a workable solution. Relationships are creative and fluid. I think we should be able to define them the way that we want. But if we just can't find a way to both feel happy and sustained while calling each other our main squeeze, then I do think we will have to part. I know we'd always be best of friends, but I wish to keep sharing all of the other important intimacies we have as well. This is so hard!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pandante

Thanks for this. You described my relationship very well, actually. I do feel emotionally fulfilled by my asexual partner, but I'm not so sure I can separate sex and emotion as easily as others. I have in the past, to be sure, but now it seems so emotional on one level, but in a different way. I don't think I have strong emotions revolving around the specific person I have a crush on, but just in a general way, I'm very emotional about this whole dilemma. I feel there is this well of emotion just behind my celibacy.

What I keep picturing lately, is a situation where three people could be super close friends, myself, my ace partner and a third person that would be a friend with benefits. I think if we all loved and trusted each other, this could work. I even fantasize a living situation where we'd all live together. I can see why this wouldn't work for some asexuals I guess, mine included, as they would just naturally feel jealous. But my partner actually isn't a jealous type, so I'm not sure what's going on. Is she just more threatened by the idea of losing me? Or is it that she really feels lacking? Probably. The whole thing makes me sad, because I do think I'm thinking of this more now because of her asexuality. In the past, we just thought it was a phase that would shift later. Now that I know our incompatibilities, it's very hard not to start wanting to explore my sexuality outside of the relationship. But she's not going through that of course. Nothing has changed for her, except realizing that she may lose me due to us knowing she's asexual.

But I feel very determined to see if we can find a workable solution. Relationships are creative and fluid. I think we should be able to define them the way that we want. But if we just can't find a way to both feel happy and sustained while calling each other our main squeeze, then I do think we will have to part. I know we'd always be best of friends, but I wish to keep sharing all of the other important intimacies we have as well. This is so hard!!!

You partner is probably feeling sad too, knowing that you are sexually incompatible, and seeing all this change possibly about to happen, unable to do much about it. I know how sad a situation it is when both have come so far, only to see a seemingly insurmountable mountain range ahead. That's why the emotional turmoil is so strong.

I think i may be in a very similar phase as you. My fantasies and desires to live my sexuality outside the relationship are drifting out of control. Sometimes i feel I can contain it, only to find other times when I keep being distracted by it. At the moment i'm having crushes on almost everyone I see!

It really is terribly hard. I have a feeling that a triad only works for longer periods if all three are poly (or poly-compatible, whatever that may include). On the other hand, a friend without benefits for the sexual may work if the sexual is capable of not-falling-in-love and if the asexual consents to this. Putting yourself into a situation in which you might fall in love is a risk, but life's never without risks. Perhaps your partner might think the same.

To help sort your thoughts and emotions, it may be best at this point to establish, together with your partner, exactly what kind of external relationships your partner is OK with. This may be a difficult discussion that may not conclude in a day, because your partner may not be sure what limits to set either. But, if the limits are clear to both, then you'll be less stressed while searching for a solution. And if you've exhausted the possibilities, you may have to re-negotiate the limits. Fantasizing may be fun while fantasizing, but when the thought vanishes, one is left with a very sorrowful empty feeling.

I need to do all this too. And I share your optimism. There must be a solution. Imagine how amazing it will be when you find it!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pandante

`

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kelsea

.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Vampyremage

What I keep picturing lately, is a situation where three people could be super close friends, myself, my ace partner and a third person that would be a friend with benefits. I think if we all loved and trusted each other, this could work. I even fantasize a living situation where we'd all live together. I can see why this wouldn't work for some asexuals I guess, mine included, as they would just naturally feel jealous. But my partner actually isn't a jealous type, so I'm not sure what's going on. Is she just more threatened by the idea of losing me? Or is it that she really feels lacking? Probably. The whole thing makes me sad, because I do think I'm thinking of this more now because of her asexuality. In the past, we just thought it was a phase that would shift later. Now that I know our incompatibilities, it's very hard not to start wanting to explore my sexuality outside of the relationship. But she's not going through that of course. Nothing has changed for her, except realizing that she may lose me due to us knowing she's asexual.

But I feel very determined to see if we can find a workable solution. Relationships are creative and fluid. I think we should be able to define them the way that we want. But if we just can't find a way to both feel happy and sustained while calling each other our main squeeze, then I do think we will have to part. I know we'd always be best of friends, but I wish to keep sharing all of the other important intimacies we have as well. This is so hard!!!

This is very much what I think of when I think of a polyamrous relationship also. Someone in which the two existing partners can have a strong emotional bond with and who the sexual partner can also engage in sexual activities with. I am not in any relationship currently, but I in a way I almost think a polyamorous relationship (for me anyway, I can't speak for anyone else) might be an ideal. I've never understood the necessity of only having that strong emotional bond with a single person and I love the idea of being able to share the love and responsibility of a relationship among more than two people.

I am certain that there would be complications in a polyamorous relationship and some of those complications would be more complicated than a traditional monogomous relationship. However, I can see the advantages of such an arrangement outweighing the disadvantages. Of course, having never actually experienced one first hand, for now this is all just speculation on my part. I hope one day to actually experience one and see if my imaginings live up to the reality.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sexualwithasexual

To help sort your thoughts and emotions, it may be best at this point to establish, together with your partner, exactly what kind of external relationships your partner is OK with. This may be a difficult discussion that may not conclude in a day, because your partner may not be sure what limits to set either. But, if the limits are clear to both, then you'll be less stressed while searching for a solution. And if you've exhausted the possibilities, you may have to re-negotiate the limits. Fantasizing may be fun while fantasizing, but when the thought vanishes, one is left with a very sorrowful empty feeling.

I need to do all this too. And I share your optimism. There must be a solution. Imagine how amazing it will be when you find it!

Thanks Pandante for this.. Good guidelines.. I will try to have this conversation with my partner too. I do sometimes get crushes on lots of people around me, but other times, I don't at all. Very confusing times. And yes, when my fantasies dissipate, I'm left with deep, empty sadness.

[EDIT] Oh - and I also meant to add, part of what the sexual partner needs is the concept of 'the pursuit of happiness'. Not the guarantee of happiness, but at least the possibility of having the kind of sex that they yearn for.

Ironically my husband has been getting less sex since we declared it an open marriage (because we're no longer sexual partners, and he hasn't yet met anyone else) - but the fact that he has freedom to 'pursue happiness' gives him hope, and he's been far happier lately, than he was when we were actually having sex.

This is interesting advice. I want my partner to read this. I totally get what's going on here for your partner, and think it's a really generous, if temporary, solution.

Thanks eveyone!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kelsea

.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sexualwithasexual

Kelsea,

Thanks for your update. Sobering, and really helpful. It's very clear you both really did the best you could given the situation. Although maybe your partner could have given you more one on one attention, while 'dating'.

I wish you the best and I hope you stick around on AVEN.

:cake: :cake:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...