will123 Posted March 15, 2020 Share Posted March 15, 2020 On 3/4/2020 at 10:55 AM, daveb said: The thread is pinned near the top of the "Older Asexuals" forum. I think in large part that is because many of us started in our 50s (and some in their 40s or younger) and started/stayed in the 50s thread because that's where the action is. I didn't embrace AVEN until I was in my 50s. I found out about asexuality and promptly identified as asexual when I was 44 (in 2005). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Diana DeLuna Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 On 3/15/2020 at 10:52 AM, will123 said: I didn't embrace AVEN until I was in my 50s. I found out about asexuality and promptly identified as asexual when I was 44. Asexuality was practically non-existent in our day. I get an impression (no stats to back it up so anyone more knowledgeable please come set me straight) that younger Aces ironically often have a harder time identifying with the lgbtq+ crowd than we old farts. What I hear again and again from young people is they don't feel right about lgbtq inclusion because they've "never experienced oppression." True, most Aces at any age in the free world cannot point to systematic oppression the way gay men suffered for hundreds of years and still suffer, sometimes brutally. But older aces seem to have suffered far more negative consequences for their life choices (or "lack of life choices") than our younger counterparts. In our histories, most us oldsters can point to: Traumatic sexual experiences while trying to conform to make themselves normal. Traumatic experiences at the hands of others trying to make the Ace conform and be normal, up to and including corrective rape. Bullying and erasure. So much erasure. In my case, it was multiple others in succession actively refusing to hear me when I'd state "I am asexual," telling me that the way I feel is not valid or legitimate and is something to "get over" in order to become a fully actualized human being. When you go through life feeling like a Cosmic botch job already, all that's needed to drive a stake thru your psyche is someone you THOUGHT was a good friend to casually inform you in your late 40s that you have have deep psychic problems you're afraid even to examine, and you'll never be fully formed. The most recent ex-friend weaponized all my self-doubt against me, which is easy to do after a lifetime of invalidation and erasure. When you spend decades losing friend after friend over your ace/aro and find yourself depressed and isolated in midlife, it's kind of nice to have at least the IDEA of the support of the LGBTQIA+ community. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 5 minutes ago, Diana DeLuna (IvoryBill) said: But older aces seem to have suffered far more negative consequences for their life choices (or "lack of life choices") than our younger counterparts. Our peers don't or can't understand why a lot of us have never had a significant other either thru marriage or romance. From what I've read from the younger aces, they get a better response to their coming out to friends. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nick2 Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 Yeah, without knowing it we just thought something was wrong with us and I never imagined there were others like me. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Diana DeLuna Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 @Nick2 @will123 Exactly! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 14 hours ago, Nick2 said: Yeah, without knowing it we just thought something was wrong with us and I never imagined there were others like me. It's one thing if we know we're asexual (but don't want to out ourselves) and we're 'solo'. If a person has perpetually been single, but doesn't know why (asexuality is unknown to them), it would be difficult to deal with personally and 'socially'. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kelly Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 On 3/4/2020 at 10:55 AM, daveb said: I think in large part that is because many of us started in our 50s (and some in their 40s or younger) and started/stayed in the 50s thread because that's where the action is. I am in my 60s, but joined AVEN when I was 46. I did first make a post in the over 50s thread after turning 50. Stores around here open about an hour early just for the over-60s peeps. I take advantage of that, and scored TP, paper towels, and anti-bacterial dish soap. Amazing how hard it is to find such things in stores nowadays. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 I can see hand sanitizers and disinfectants being in short supply since we're all being vigilant in cleaning, but like others can't see why TP would be at the top of SOME people's list of items to hoard. Was there something on social media that prompted this? I can see some people having six months supply of it and running out of food in three days... 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 @will123, yes the rush on boggo started on the Internet 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nick2 Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 Back in the early 70s, my grandma, who was recovering from a stroke, saw on Johnny Carson that their might be a TP shortage. I think it must have been a skit or joke. But after she died we found a closet at her place full from floor to ceiling with TP. She was ahead of her time. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Diana DeLuna Posted March 31, 2020 Share Posted March 31, 2020 4 hours ago, Nick2 said: Back in the early 70s, my grandma, who was recovering from a stroke, saw on Johnny Carson that their might be a TP shortage. I think it must have been a skit or joke. But after she died we found a closet at her place full from floor to ceiling with TP. She was ahead of her time. Is that what she left your family in her will? 😉 Carson's joke probably piggy-backed on the hysteria of that era: OPEC embargo and nationwide gas shortages. All gas stations were rationing, and when our odd/even day came up, we'd queue up and wait for hours to fill up our extremely inefficient cars. Carson probably made some snarky crack about toilet paper being next for rationing, scaring your poor Gran into stockpiling. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted April 3, 2020 Share Posted April 3, 2020 On 3/30/2020 at 3:38 PM, Nick2 said: Back in the early 70s, my grandma, who was recovering from a stroke, saw on Johnny Carson that their might be a TP shortage. I think it must have been a skit or joke. But after she died we found a closet at her place full from floor to ceiling with TP. She was ahead of her time. On 3/30/2020 at 8:02 PM, Diana DeLuna (IvoryBill) said: ...Carson's joke probably piggy-backed on the hysteria of that era: OPEC embargo and nationwide gas shortages. All gas stations were rationing, and when our odd/even day came up, we'd queue up and wait for hours to fill up our extremely inefficient cars. Carson probably made some snarky crack about toilet paper being next for rationing, scaring your poor Gran into stockpiling. Oh, wow! That sort of reminds me of how my grandmother, apparently, liked to keep everything and not throw anything out. I remember one time she'd decided to gift me an old, partially used shampoo bottle that she'd had in her house; the shampoo was decades old, from the 60s or 70s. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted April 3, 2020 Share Posted April 3, 2020 Ha! My grandmother would sometimes give us things like free bank calendars as Christmas gifts. (back in the day - she's been dead for some years now) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nick2 Posted April 3, 2020 Share Posted April 3, 2020 53 minutes ago, LeChat said: Oh, wow! That sort of reminds me of how my grandmother, apparently, liked to keep everything and not throw anything out. I remember one time she'd decided to gift me an old, partially used shampoo bottle that she'd had in her house; the shampoo was decades old, from the 60s or 70s. I would love to have seen the expression on your face. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted April 3, 2020 Share Posted April 3, 2020 30 minutes ago, Nick2 said: I would love to have seen the expression on your face. Ha, ha...I don't really show my emotions on my face, often, but inside, I was feeling like/thinking (opens Christmas gift from Grandma: 'What's this? Oh; it's a shampoo/body wash.') ('Wow. The label/lettering looks old; I've never seen modern shampoo bottles look like this. How old is this?' (Turns bottle over and sees date on it.) ('My grandmother wanted to give me her almost empty shampoo/body wash, from the 1960s/70s? Umm...I guess that's okay...I shouldn't be ungrateful...) I did actually did finish it off and use it; I grew up being told all about how my mother's family couldn't afford things, that I shouldn't waste things. I liked learning about old items when I was young, so, while young me was surprised and confused, a part of me was also a bit curious at what it'd be like to use something that old. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
teatree Posted April 4, 2020 Share Posted April 4, 2020 5 hours ago, LeChat said: I remember one time she'd decided to gift me an old, partially used shampoo bottle that she'd had in her house; the shampoo was decades old, from the 60s or 70s. Vintage! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted April 4, 2020 Share Posted April 4, 2020 17 minutes ago, teatree said: Vintage! Yeah; exactly! That's kind of what I thought at the time. Ha, ha! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted April 4, 2020 Share Posted April 4, 2020 5 hours ago, daveb said: Ha! My grandmother would sometimes give us things like free bank calendars as Christmas gifts... Yup; exactly. It's almost as though all grandparents give/gave similar gifts. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 Question for USA members: Is there any childfree members over 60 who loves to road trip travel only and has time to travel (retired, SSI,SSDI and or social security). I'm looking for fellow asexual travel buddies once coronavirius is gone or controlled Quote Link to post Share on other sites
teatree Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 Sorry, @newgirl...in my 60s and work full time! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MaryAnneH Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 21 hours ago, newgirl said: Question for USA members: Is there any childfree members over 60 who loves to road trip travel only and has time to travel (retired, SSI,SSDI and or social security). I'm looking for fellow asexual travel buddies once coronavirius is gone or controlled I'd be interested once the Rona is no longer an issue...! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
palacinky Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 66 here, retired and decaying! Not childless but my adult "child" (she would be so pissed if she heard me use that word) no longer lives at home. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
teatree Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 22 minutes ago, palacinky said: 66 here, retired and decaying! Why decaying? Based on age or health or both? 66 is not old! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
palacinky Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 (edited) Teatree, thank you for asking. I was referring to perfectly natural processes of decay. 66... not old/old but not young either. Old for the dating world, and when you combine it with woman/trans/over 65... that spells old. I have no problem with the word. Edited June 10, 2020 by palacinky 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 @palacinky, welcome and ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
palacinky Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 Thanks Dave, thou Portlandian. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 3 hours ago, palacinky said: Teatree, thank you for asking. I was referring to perfectly natural processes of decay. 66... not old/old but not young either. Old for the dating world, and when you combine it with woman/trans/over 65... that spells old. I have no problem with the word. Welcome to AVEN! I've felt like that for a while and I'm 58. I think being aro pretty much kills any idea of trying to meet others. I've never put a lot of thought into it, but I can relate to others on here that fear trying to meet a person of the desired gender when sexual activity is unwanted... 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 @palacinky, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
palacinky Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 Thank you Sky! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Antique Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 On 3/17/2020 at 9:14 PM, Diana DeLuna said: But older aces seem to have suffered far more negative consequences for their life choices (or "lack of life choices") than our younger counterparts. In our histories, most us oldsters can point to: Traumatic sexual experiences while trying to conform to make themselves normal. Traumatic experiences at the hands of others trying to make the Ace conform and be normal, up to and including corrective rape. Bullying and erasure. So much erasure. In my case, it was multiple others in succession actively refusing to hear me when I'd state "I am asexual," telling me that the way I feel is not valid or legitimate and is something to "get over" in order to become a fully actualized human being. When you go through life feeling like a Cosmic botch job already, all that's needed to drive a stake thru your psyche is someone you THOUGHT was a good friend to casually inform you in your late 40s that you have have deep psychic problems you're afraid even to examine, and you'll never be fully formed. The most recent ex-friend weaponized all my self-doubt against me, which is easy to do after a lifetime of invalidation and erasure. Graduated from college in 1970. Sex,drugs and rock and roll was all the rage. Going from the prim and proper 50s-mid 60s it was confusing enough, and then to add the insult of being asexual without knowing it. I embrace your experience and understand it very well. Engaged in sex that I didn't want more times than I can remember. Never got what the big deal was !! Didn't like it, kept feeling like a square peg in a round holed world but knew that if I didn't follow through as expected there would be psychological hell to pay. After years of therapy, finally was able to find out who the ME in me really is. As a result, now recognize that I am a sex-repulsed asexual and although I like closeness, cuddles, hugs and the like I have no intention in making myself participate in sex again. Thank you for sharing you experience as it has brought light to me and helps me feel less alienated. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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