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Any asexuals like me, over 60?

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daveb
3 hours ago, Rockblossom said:

There is, but cheating is encouraged and you can chalk up any wrong answers to forgetfulness or fogged-up glasses.  Both are considered valid excuses.  

I thought the entrance exam was if you can enter you pass. :P 

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will123

On a serious note, with the number of asexuals in their 50s growing older there will be a lot moving in. 

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Nick2

When you move in I will be ready to move to the 70s thread...wait...does that exist?

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will123
3 hours ago, Nick2 said:

When you move in I will be ready to move to the 70s thread...wait...does that exist?

I don't think so. That's an interesting thought, folks of that demographic discussing their non-heteronormative identities. I'm sure we'll have advice for the younger folks. Hopefully we can help them understand that identifying as asexual doesn't mean a lifetime of being isolated from society.

 

I may not have wanted a sexual or romantic (I'm aro too) partner, but it doesn't mean I adverse to friends of the opposite sex.

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bharani1949

Just turned 70 on the 29 Dec.   I wish I could find other asexuals to hang out with. I'm not ashamed of it nor do I fear rejection. I figure the most I,d have to deal with is boredom on the other persons part. Why be freaked out if someone is asexual? It's not as if I'd be dangerous.

Slept through the passing of the year, I'm in Siem Reap Cambodia and they party hard. Not my schtick (sp?). Don't drink. Don't do drugs. Used to dance but my knees don't like it anymore🤣.

Anyway, Happy New Year guys and gals and everyone else

 

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pickles mcgee
On 1/2/2020 at 2:30 AM, bharani1949 said:

nor do I fear rejection.

I've never feared rejection either-- asexuality seems benign.

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teatree
On 1/8/2020 at 4:37 AM, pickles mcgee said:

asexuality seems benign.

It does, doesn't it? ☺

 

On 1/2/2020 at 5:30 AM, bharani1949 said:

Just turned 70 on the 29 Dec.   I wish I could find other asexuals to hang out with.

If you lived in New England, I would!

 

C'mon, @Nick2, we have our work cut out for us to make this thread more exciting.... 

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teatree

And by "more exciting" I meant more active.... 😬

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will123
14 hours ago, teatree said:

And by "more exciting" I meant more active.... 😬

Be careful what you wish for...

 

Us 50 year olds are coming.

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Benny The Jet
On 1/8/2020 at 4:37 AM, pickles mcgee said:

I've never feared rejection either-- asexuality seems benign.

Interesting comment.  I have pondered if the sort of women who have gay male friends might also have asexual male friends for the same reason (and if not—why?).  The gay male friend(s) may be seen by many as “non-threatening”, but perhaps not so much the “benign” asexual male friend. There seems to be a slight difference, in that her being seen by her female friends (as well as potential straight male suitors) with openly and obviously gay men may elicit a smile (or even a chuckle) from them, while her hanging out with an asexual man might not be seen the same way, as there really isn’t such a thing as being “openly asexual” (is there?).  That makes me think that aces are really in a different category than most of the other sexual orientations in that we don’t have “alternate” sexual proclivities—we have no sexual proclivities.  In fact one could infer that we have no sexual orientation at all.  I very much believe that a serious relationship (especially a living together relationship) between an ace and a non-ace is is going to be a rare thing.

Edited by Benny The Jet
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Place
On 12/28/2019 at 4:07 AM, will123 said:

@Catpaws Great points. For AVEN I created a different username than I normally use for my online use. As much as I'm comfortable discussing my personal life here with fellow aces, I don't want someone Googling the other name and having it turn up here (if that's possible).

 

I think the generational thing also applies to younger people questioning their identity much sooner than us older folks. I was 44 when I stumbled onto asexuality. This year there have been several people post here that they just found out about asexuality and they're in their 50s.

 

I agree with you about keeping our asexuality under wraps. Facing possible backlash isn't going to help our happiness if we randomly tell people. It took me 12 years to actually come out to a friend. The decisions to come out to other friends took a lot of reflection and thought on my part. Trust me if you think it's hard coming out to a friend, deciding who I should tell isn't easy either. Thankfully each time is a little bit easier.

Well I have just found out I’m asexual and I am 61!!! Somewhere on here I wrote that I put it down to the time I grew up. None of my friends raved on about sex, and ‘good girls’ didn’t engage in it until married. I was heteroromantic, so how could I ever know I was asexual? Through 2 marriages I just thought I had a low sex drive. (Which I do!!!!). But never questioned it as an orientation or really thought about it. A few years ago I flippantly told my husband I was asexual, not even knowing what it was and that it existed in people like us. I just said the word as I knew ‘a’ meant not. Only this year have I started exploring what it is- what I am.

Edited by Place
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teatree
2 hours ago, Place said:

None of my friends raved on about sex, and ‘good girls’ didn’t engage in it until married. I was heteroromantic, so how could I ever know I was asexual? Through 2 marriages I just thought I had a low sex drive.

I did have one friend who was sexually active in high school, and I always remember thinking "Ewwwww!" Was always attracted to guys, just didn't want anything past that stage. And I always thought my marriage's lackluster sex was my husband's fault! (Thought that it might be different with someone else....) So the signs were all there, just didn't know there was a name for it.

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Mocha Jo

Thought I'd stop over in my own demographic and say hi! The 50's thread is so busy I can't keep up- I really only get around to checking in once a week or so.

OK, how did that "quote" box get there?? Sigh. Things like that make me feel old. I am so not tech oriented.

 

 

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daveb
1 hour ago, Mocha Jo said:

OK, how did that "quote" box get there??

I removed it for you. Maybe you accidentally hit the quote button in the toolbar above the post?

 

Enjoying a lovely rainy day here after a couple of hours in the morning when it was dry enough for a nice walk in the nature park. :) 

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pickles mcgee
45 minutes ago, daveb said:

Enjoying a lovely rainy day here after a couple of hours in the morning when it was dry enough for a nice walk in the nature park. :) 

It's been pouring over here on the east side most of the day.  I love the sound.

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daveb

We had some blue sky around 8 this morning so I went out for my morning walk. There was a tiny amount of driplets, but I stayed pretty dry. Then there was a bit more rain as I was driving back home around 10 or so. The rain got stronger after that and has kept up most of the day. Still raining now. And I agree, love listening to the sound of the rain (especially when I'm indoors). :) 

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LeChat
4 hours ago, Mocha Jo said:

...OK, how did that "quote" box get there??...

:) If you'd like some help in knowing how to get rid of it (in case it happens, again, in the future), what I do whenever I accidently click on the "quote" button is click the cursor on the bottom of the quote box (as though you're going to type something underneath), then hit "backspace" key a couple of times (which will erase the whole quote box).

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Place

What is that quote box for?????

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Skycaptain

@Place, if you quote another post in your post, by clicking on the quote button it will appear in your post like this

 

2 hours ago, Place said:

What is that quote box for?????

Sometimes people click it accidentally and don't know how to get rid of it. 

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jay williams
On 1/21/2020 at 1:51 PM, Place said:

Well I have just found out I’m asexual and I am 61!!! Somewhere on here I wrote that I put it down to the time I grew up. None of my friends raved on about sex, and ‘good girls’ didn’t engage in it until married. I was heteroromantic, so how could I ever know I was asexual? Through 2 marriages I just thought I had a low sex drive. (Which I do!!!!). But never questioned it as an orientation or really thought about it. A few years ago I flippantly told my husband I was asexual, not even knowing what it was and that it existed in people like us. I just said the word as I knew ‘a’ meant not. Only this year have I started exploring what it is- what I am.

Good for you to discover that it is perfectly good to be asexual. If you like guys, there are plenty who also have no need for intercourse. Sex is for breeding! LOL

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richbo

I'm 71 and just found this site and think it's wonderful.  I've also been a bit of a technophobe and avoid using the internet but after recently realizing how guilty I felt after sex and what I did to avoid it I know I did a bit of exploring and belong here.  Accepting my asexuality explains so much about problems and difficulties in my life It's quite a relief to find others who share the same attitudes.  By identifying as asexual I can drop the phony identities I adopted over the years to survive.  I always felt I was "behind enemy lines" when engaging with others and needed defensive cover.  I'm new to this internet stuff but I hope to catch on soon.  Thanks for being here.

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Skycaptain

@richbo, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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will123

@richbo Welcome to AVEN. The site is a great resource and wonderful community.

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daveb

Welcome, @richbo! :cake: is offered here as a welcome, as well as for other occasions

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JDP

61 here. Haven't had sex in ten years and don't miss it, although my wife probably does. 

 

I don't agree sexual people aren't threatened by asexuality. Sexual women certainly are. From what they tell me, they'd rather find out a boyfriend or husband is gay than be told he's asexual, which is a term they don't understand or accept.

 

The perception, which is deeply ingrained in probably 99 percent of the population, is everyone, even children, has a sexuality.

 

We come along and tell people sexuality is just a construct. They don't want to hear that. 

 

I also question the definition of asexuality as a sexual "orientation," which is akin to describing atheism as a religious orientation. If one has nothing to express sexually, how is that person on a sexual spectrum? 

 

I find the pressure on me to be sexual oppressive, even as I get older. No one I know can wrap his or her head around the concept. 

 

 

 

 

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jay williams
21 hours ago, JDP said:

61 here. Haven't had sex in ten years and don't miss it, although my wife probably does. 

 

I don't agree sexual people aren't threatened by asexuality. Sexual women certainly are. From what they tell me, they'd rather find out a boyfriend or husband is gay than be told he's asexual, which is a term they don't understand or accept.

 

The perception, which is deeply ingrained in probably 99 percent of the population, is everyone, even children, has a sexuality.

 

We come along and tell people sexuality is just a construct. They don't want to hear that. 

 

I also question the definition of asexuality as a sexual "orientation," which is akin to describing atheism as a religious orientation. If one has nothing to express sexually, how is that person on a sexual spectrum? 

 

I find the pressure on me to be sexual oppressive, even as I get older. No one I know can wrap his or her head around the concept. 

 

 

 

 

Well, there is no doubt that most people, men and women, are upset by the idea of never having sex with a partner. I am certain that many people would avoid (or quit) a relationship that is "sexless." As for me, I like skin contact, touching and cuddling. I just don't have any need or desire for the act of copulation---and that has truly hampered my ability to have a girlfriend. Yet, I do believe that a relationship can be very intimate without having to copulate from time to time. 

It is interesting that you say that your wife "probably" misses sex. I would never want a relationship with someone that is not close enough to know for sure the partner's intimate needs.  I don't mean to be critical of you, but you do come across as being less than thrilled with your relationship. At the same time, you make very good points! 

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JDP
7 hours ago, jay williams said:

Well, there is no doubt that most people, men and women, are upset by the idea of never having sex with a partner. I am certain that many people would avoid (or quit) a relationship that is "sexless." As for me, I like skin contact, touching and cuddling. I just don't have any need or desire for the act of copulation---and that has truly hampered my ability to have a girlfriend. Yet, I do believe that a relationship can be very intimate without having to copulate from time to time. 

It is interesting that you say that your wife "probably" misses sex. I would never want a relationship with someone that is not close enough to know for sure the partner's intimate needs.  I don't mean to be critical of you, but you do come across as being less than thrilled with your relationship. At the same time, you make very good points! 

My marriage is what it is. We're growing old together, which is ultimately what matters.

 

I keep it sweet and affectionate. We cuddle and spend some time together, every day, but we have always slept apart. It works out better for both of us.

 

If I had to do it over again, obviously I wouldn't, but she would.

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