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Any asexuals like me, over 60?


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30 minutes ago, Mocha Jo said:

I didn’t figure it out until 59!

I dont know how to react to that. Had you been 'aware' something was different or was it sudden like in my case?

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8 minutes ago, will123 said:

I dont know how to react to that. Had you been 'aware' something was different or was it sudden like in my case?

It took me 2 failed marriages - one to a male one to a female - to figure out that t was the sex part that I didn’t want that caused the failures. Yes, I can be dense.

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40 minutes ago, Mocha Jo said:

It took me 2 failed marriages - one to a male one to a female - to figure out that t was the sex part that I didn’t want that caused the failures. Yes, I can be dense.

:(

Oh...

In my case I was just 'muddling' along in life, never romantically or sexually involved with anyone of either gender.

 

Until that fateful day in 2005 when I read the newspaper article about asexuality and everything was perfectly clear. 

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On 9/14/2019 at 7:15 PM, Mocha Jo said:

Thought i’d Stop on here and say hi- I usually try to keep up with the younger set over at the over 50 thread but it moves fast there! Welcome to everyone who are newly discovering themselves. We aren’t weird!

They can wear you out. 

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Something I have been thinking about lately is if asexuals should even be included in the (in Canada it is lgbtqia+ I think) since we are the absense of. Or at least that is how I feel. I feel like all that stuff of who you feel you are sexually but what if you don't feel anything. Do I really want to be part of something when I am missing what everyone else is talking about? I am not saying this is correct, but I am saying that for me it is about me not everyone else and that 'label' is something I don't feel I have earned, or deserve I think. I feel the asexual part of me works just great if I don't discuss or advertise. 

I briefly had a grey badge up on Ravelry after they stated their motto on sexual orientations being completely at home at Ravelry. I took it down when I realized sexual orientation is what I don't have. I don't even know most days if I am a man or woman inside. I feel more 'other'. 

My daughter inlaw told me that at the university that she works there is a conference going on about sexual choice and orientations etc. She said there will be one key speaker regarding asexuality. He has already published a paper I believe. Perhaps that is the problem, no one else wants to talk about their own asexual feeling either. Now one lone man will be getting up to speak about it. She will be giving me details soon. I'm hoping I can get his talk in PDF form and perhaps post it. 

To be honest I have never heard another human being say the word 'asexual' out loud in my hearing range in person. All the other things on that LGBTQIA+ I have heard out loud. 

So I think I am trying to rationalize many different things regarding asexuality and I think we all can not be told what to think but perhaps we can feel a little more like we are part of the human race instead of 'other'.  Perhaps we just need to hear more about other peoples experiences and their own private reasons for feeling the way they do whether innate or learned or subconsciously formed for sanity. I mean one thing we probably all agree on is however we got here, we all deserve to be heard, respected and not feel ostracized. 

Is there any sense in my chatter?  Oh my brain knows how to chatter. It is a result of having a mind that thinks in pictures not words so I over explain from every angle unless I'm put down. 

 

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On 8/31/2019 at 4:17 AM, yyy said:

Close to 60. Will be 59 in September. I have not read all the replies in this discussion and will probably post more of my thoughts and comments later, but ever since I was old enough to know what sex was I have always known that things  such as  dating, courtship, flirting, cuddling, and anything related to sex or eventually having sex was NOT my destination. 

I originally thought that maybe it was because  it means  a person is meant to something in which celibacy would be required such as become a nun or priest.

I eventually realized that a lot of what I saw around me regarding religion was also  

a big phony thing .  

A lot of people , as you probably know, react with their own prejudices or presumptions. One major one is  that you really want  to have a "relationship"  and are desperate for "love"  and must have had a "deprived childhood" but you are some unfortunate thing who cannot "get it"  etc etc.

So you cannot just tell anyone about your asexual orientation.  As far as "Identifying"  I   never had an emotional need for approval from society or others and it is fine with me not to "belong."   I  basically always realized that "belonging"  was a trap.  I could write a book about that. People should not strive to belong. And yet, people are taught from day one to "be together"  with others.  

 

I did have an unhappy childhood but that has nothing to do with being asexual.  People think that  asexuality is a negative thing  that certain people  out of protecting themselves from emotional hurt   "turn" into. 

But not everyone who is  sexual  has had a happy childhood either and more often than not, if the truth were known,  sexual people engage in sex because of their dysfunctions and emotional pain and anger etc.  But you don't hear people saying that  the one  major thing wrong with a sexual person  is that they engage in sex.

 

Perhaps I did not put that in the best possible way. Maybe later on I will elaborate more. 

 

But there are probably a lot of people who are asexual who are  over their 60s. 

Society has not yet recognized them though.  Most probably have had to follow societal ways because they grew up decades ago when society was more circumscribed. Women got married and stayed at home taking care of kids. Men  became breadwinners.

Only in this day and age with the internet  can people just post on a website like this. Of course before the internet was invented,  some people might have formed a "club"  in which people meet up in a room and talk about being asexual and send a newsletter to members and  such but that would have been nothing like the internet. 

 

Older asexuals are out there.  Society is the main thing holding them back and misinforming them about  what they are. 

I think you put it all quite easy to understand your points. You have actually given me some things to think about on top of all the other things, lol.

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On 8/31/2019 at 12:03 PM, Benny The Jet said:

 

So in conclusion:  Hello everyone. My name is Benny and I’m an asexual.

 

 

Welcome Benny, I am fairly new myself. I feel sad for you because you had a plan, and made new plans and they all seemed fair to me. The other persons needs seem to have put you on a new road. Perhaps the 'Yellow Brick Road' hahah, sorry. I enjoy your style of writing and hope to see more. 

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On 9/24/2019 at 3:48 PM, witchlin said:

Something I have been thinking about lately is if asexuals should even be included in the (in Canada it is lgbtqia+ I think)

I think a lot of it depends on a few factors. Such as, if LGBT+ is a big tent for all sexual and gender minorities; if asexuality is an orientation. To mention a couple of things that might play into it. In addition, being ace doesn't prevent people from being LGBT+ in some way (such as being trans or non-binary or being homoromantic or other things that may fall under the LGBT+ umbrella). I know asexuality is sometimes included in Pride events. But I've also heard some aces say they weren't welcome or felt out of place in LGBT+ spaces. Seems it can depend on local organizations, school clubs, etc., and what their stance is. Some people argue that the A in the extended acronym stands for Asexuality and some argue that it stands for Ally, and some say it stands for both or they include to As, one for each.

 

When it comes down to it, I don't know if it matters in the abstract. What seems to matter is how it pertains in individual cases (persons and groups). Generally though, I tend to prefer a "big tent" approach when it comes to saying who belongs or doesn't belong in any group or setting. Otherwise you start getting into gatekeeping and the idea that some people are "true" or "pure" and others aren't.

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Hi, I am new, well over 60 and just discovering that this part of my life fits me really well and there are others like me. I have always known I was a lesbian (in the closet young teenager to 40, out of the closet 40+). I am a little sad that I didn’t discover Asexuality and have all this information when I was much younger. I feel I have missed a lot of opportunities to make decisions that would have been more me. Now I feel it is too late for me to change my circumstances. I am not saying I couldn’t change, just that I have a lovely home with a partner who loves me and it would be a great upheaval and hurt me too much to do anything about it. So basically I have just decided to keep this to myself (I don’t want to hurt my partner or disrupt our settled life which I like too) and enjoy chatting on the forum and reading everything I can find instead. At least I now know what I am and can feel less of an odd one out now.

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5 hours ago, Lanaril said:

At least I now know what I am and can feel less of an odd one out now.

That's good.

Welcome and :cake: !

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On 9/27/2019 at 6:01 AM, Lanaril said:

Hi, I am new, well over 60 and just discovering that this part of my life fits me really well and there are others like me. I have always known I was a lesbian (in the closet young teenager to 40, out of the closet 40+). I am a little sad that I didn’t discover Asexuality and have all this information when I was much younger. I feel I have missed a lot of opportunities to make decisions that would have been more me. Now I feel it is too late for me to change my circumstances. I am not saying I couldn’t change, just that I have a lovely home with a partner who loves me and it would be a great upheaval and hurt me too much to do anything about it. So basically I have just decided to keep this to myself (I don’t want to hurt my partner or disrupt our settled life which I like too) and enjoy chatting on the forum and reading everything I can find instead. At least I now know what I am and can feel less of an odd one out now.

Welcome to AVEN :) :cake:

 

I was 44 (I'm almost 58 now) when I found out about asexuality and identified as such. I too wish I had known about it a lot sooner in life. Trying to be heterosexual when in fact I wasn't, isn't a lot of fun. You're trying to be 'normal' but not accomplishing anything.

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On 9/24/2019 at 6:48 PM, witchlin said:

Something I have been thinking about lately is if asexuals should even be included in the (in Canada it is lgbtqia+ I think) since we are the absense of. Or at least that is how I feel. I feel like all that stuff of who you feel you are sexually but what if you don't feel anything. Do I really want to be part of something when I am missing what everyone else is talking about? I am not saying this is correct, but I am saying that for me it is about me not everyone else and that 'label' is something I don't feel I have earned, or deserve I think. I feel the asexual part of me works just great if I don't discuss or advertise. 

 

I briefly had a grey badge up on Ravelry after they stated their motto on sexual orientations being completely at home at Ravelry. I took it down when I realized sexual orientation is what I don't have. I don't even know most days if I am a man or woman inside. I feel more 'other'. 

 

My daughter inlaw told me that at the university that she works there is a conference going on about sexual choice and orientations etc. She said there will be one key speaker regarding asexuality. He has already published a paper I believe. Perhaps that is the problem, no one else wants to talk about their own asexual feeling either. Now one lone man will be getting up to speak about it. She will be giving me details soon. I'm hoping I can get his talk in PDF form and perhaps post it. 

 

To be honest I have never heard another human being say the word 'asexual' out loud in my hearing range in person. All the other things on that LGBTQIA+ I have heard out loud. 

 

So I think I am trying to rationalize many different things regarding asexuality and I think we all can not be told what to think but perhaps we can feel a little more like we are part of the human race instead of 'other'.  Perhaps we just need to hear more about other peoples experiences and their own private reasons for feeling the way they do whether innate or learned or subconsciously formed for sanity. I mean one thing we probably all agree on is however we got here, we all deserve to be heard, respected and not feel ostracized. 

 

Is there any sense in my chatter?  Oh my brain knows how to chatter. It is a result of having a mind that thinks in pictures not words so I over explain from every angle unless I'm put down. 

 

I know how you feel. In Canada, some media outlets seem to use LGBTQ2S (two Spirits) a lot, no mention of A. When I've come out to the half dozen or so friends, not one of them was aware of asexuality. Other than a mention in a explanation of the 18+ letter acronym in a paper during Toronto's Pride Week (now Pride month), I haven't seen or read anything about asexuality in the Canadian MSM. I grew up east of Toronto, so I was well aware of the LGBT community, and even though Pride was/is covered closely, asexuality seems to be forgotten or omitted.

 

The only reason I found out about asexuality was this article:

 

 

A couple of other threads you might want to check out:

 

 

 

 

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13 hours ago, will123 said:

Something I have been thinking about lately is if asexuals should even be included in the (in Canada it is lgbtqia+ I think

This is something I have often thought about in the past. I feel asexuals get lumped in with the LGBT crowd because it is an already existing long standing  support group for anyone who is not like a straight person and where else is there for asexuals? I am lucky, I do feel I belong to the LGBT crowd because of my homoromantic side. I have thought I was a lesbian since I was a teenager but it is only recently that I understand why I am not interested in the sex. So I am used to and fit in with the local lesbian groups. However I have always felt a bit sorry for the Trans community and now the asexual community as if they were squishing in with the homosexual crowd because they hadn’t their own special place to go to. Please don’t misunderstand me and think that I don’t want them in the LGBT meetings, I have many friends who are not “lesbian gay or straight”, but I just wish they also had their own support groups who understand exactly who they are and what their needs are, also so that straight people don’t think “Oh, they must be gay then with the same problems”.

 

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  • 1 month later...

Hi. I'm 70 next month. I'm glad to meet you all! I'm perfectly happy with my lack of sexuality but I do get lonely sometimes. 

Also, is anyone else sick of all the fake sex scenes in EVERYTHING? Do they just run out of dialogue???

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Hi.

I'm 70 next month. I never came out as such but when I do  mention it, it's as if I've I've spoken in another language. It doesn't bother me much. I've been living around hypersexuals my whole life and it just simply bores me.

I do get lonely for like minded people sometimes.

Edited by bharani1949
didn't realize the other one posted
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@bharani1949 Welcome to AVEN! :cake: :)

 

I just turned 58 and am still a virgin. I found out about asexuality when I was 44.

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On 11/3/2019 at 1:51 AM, bharani1949 said:

Hi. I'm 70 next month. I'm glad to meet you all! I'm perfectly happy with my lack of sexuality but I do get lonely sometimes. 

Also, is anyone else sick of all the fake sex scenes in EVERYTHING? Do they just run out of dialogue???

I agree with everything you said.

I'm new here (waiting to have an account), and hoping there'll be people I can talk to. I don't know anyone my age (almost 70) that I can talk to. 

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15 hours ago, 4mini said:

I agree with everything you said.

I'm new here (waiting to have an account), and hoping there'll be people I can talk to. I don't know anyone my age (almost 70) that I can talk to. 

Welcome.  Look around...most of us don't bite...we don't have the teeth to do so if we wanted to.

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On 9/14/2019 at 8:15 PM, Mocha Jo said:

Thought i’d Stop on here and say hi- I usually try to keep up with the younger set over at the over 50 thread...

:P I'm sure they'd be thrilled to see this comment, to be thought of as "younger," as some have mentioned they feel "old."

 

:) Hello, and welcome to all of the new people! :cake:

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@4mini, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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13 hours ago, 4mini said:

I agree with everything you said.

I'm new here (waiting to have an account), and hoping there'll be people I can talk to. I don't know anyone my age (almost 70) that I can talk to. 

Welcome to AVEN! :) :cake:

 

You're not alone here. Lots of friendly folks here that are happy to answer any questions your may have about asexuality.

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Thank you all for welcoming me! That feels good! 

Is there a group where I could talk to someone(s) in person? I live in northern New Jersey if there's anyone near here.

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18 minutes ago, 4mini said:

Thank you all for welcoming me! That feels good! 

Is there a group where I could talk to someone(s) in person? I live in northern New Jersey if there's anyone near here.

I suggest that you should open up a little more if you are seeking friends. You reveal nothing about yourself in your profile.  A lot of people (although by no means all) in asexuality.org tell nothing about themselves. Is there a tendency among asexuals to be as private and non-descript as possible? When a person reveals nothing, the person leaves no incentive to anyone to want to get acquainted.

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You're right. I should say more about myself. I feel like I'm getting old all of a sudden. I have been doing photography for years (creative, abstract photography). I live alone but have 2 cats. I was married a long time ago, and had boyfriends since then, but was never really interested in sex. I thought it was just me...didn't know there were others who felt the same. I am female. 

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8 hours ago, jay williams said:

I suggest that you should open up a little more if you are seeking friends. You reveal nothing about yourself in your profile.  A lot of people (although by no means all) in asexuality.org tell nothing about themselves. Is there a tendency among asexuals to be as private and non-descript as possible? When a person reveals nothing, the person leaves no incentive to anyone to want to get acquainted.

Put me in the group. I'd rather not publicize my life on my profile, but don't mind discussing what I'm up to on the threads.

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