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Have you ever been threatened with sexual assault because of your asexuality?


AtroposHeart

  

3 members have voted

  1. 1. Have you ever been threatened with sexual assault because of your asexuality?

    • Male-yes
      4
    • Male-No
      29
    • Female-yes
      20
    • Female-No
      89
    • Transgender-Yes
      4
    • Transgender-No
      8

This poll is closed to new votes


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Sockstealingnome

Well, except for the occasions in which asexuals are "hunted down" and raped in order to make them experience sexuality (which is sometimes because the rapist honestly believes the asexual will enjoy the experience and realize they were foolish to avoid sex, and sometimes because the rapist thinks the asexual values "purity" and wants to destroy it).

Good point but I actually meant hunted down as in being killed for it. Probably should've clarified that.

People are close minded in general. Btw it's not only women (or people in general) who are gay or asexual who get threatened with rape. Back home, a friend of mine who ran a rape support group told me she had a 17 year old customer who got raped for liking a chubby guy in class and for openly telling people she only like chubby guys (btw she was a modelesque above average looking girl). One day after class (or was it between classes when no one was around) she got grabbed and dragged by the hair to the toilets by the class 'athlete' who told:'I'm gonna teach you taste no matter what it takes'. Then minutes later before beating her and knocking her out he said: 'I hope I you've learnt to like straight men now'(I didn't know you body type decides your orientation :rolleyes:). The girl never reported the rape to the police (why do so many rapes go unreported, that always puzzled me). She said: 'It's my fault. I've should have kept my mouth shut about any non-mainstream tastes I may have'. This is none of the reasons why I hate conormity and expecatation. If it wasn't for the TV adverts and magazines showing sprinters as the only type worth lusting after (I think they are ugly too) this girl wouldn't have had to go through this. :(

You know I used to think the same thing about why a rape victim never reported their rape but after reading the survival stories, all of the underlying reasons became apparent. There's the shame and like that girl's case, blaming yourself for what happened. After I was sexually assaulted, the first thing I thought was 'Oh I shouldn't have done X, Y, and Z. I should've left when I had the chance' and eventually I came to see that, that was the wrong thinking. But you don't realize that as it's happening. Thankfully, those weren't traumatizing situations and I feel really sorry for that girl, not just for the rape but because now she feels she has to hide her true preferences.

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Sockstealingnome

A quote from that link:

Sometimes in the beginning the sex drive can be so strong that you end up sleeping with people that you don't even like. Then you wake up one day and finally realize it.

That's what I mean by regretful sex.

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Sexuals are free to practice their desires and they certainly don't need me for any of that.

Well said! Unfortunately they will probably try to use the same argument against us doing as we will as some do against homosexuals wanting to do what they will; for whatever reason, they've decided it's "just wrong" for people to pursue happiness the way they want to, and strongly feel that we're all obligated to acknowledge their preferences as superior.

I still have no idea why they feel slighted when we say we'd rather abstain, but I've definitely seen it a hundred times--if we don't want to do it, we must be saying it isn't valuable or judging them for wanting/needing to do it. ::shrug::

I've been thinking on the notion of being "wasted". Given the chance, I'd gladly "exchange positions" with someone who would like to but for some reason can't have the stereotypical deal, which usually encompasses activities such as dating, falling in love, having sex, getting married, starting a family and so on. I have zero interest in those things, but I bet there are some people who are interested but simply unable. I've been asked out, I've been hit on, I've been propositioned but I have no use for such requests. Maybe someone else would have. I think this just may be what is referred to when they say you're being wasted.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Kinsey Coated Fury

I've never been threatened assault but guys have definitely been like "I can change that" or "prove to me you're NOT lesbian" .... I can't prove to you anything.... >.< All I can tell you is "DO NOT WANT" and stand firmly behind that, and you better believe it.

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wow...I um...I don't want to make a big deal out of little things, like saying I was going to be raped or something, which is a bit extreme for what's happened, but I do realize that the way these men treated me is completely wrong. One boyfriend (I use the term loosly, we dated for a week before I dumped him) whom I randomly meant at a bar during my 'I'm not really asexual, I'm just shy' phase, was always buying me food and drinks and stuff, but then he always wanted to kiss me, even though I told him i didn't want to kiss. he'd do it anyway, which I knew didn't bode well for other activities, so I dumped him.

Another guy on facebook kept telling me how much he wanted me, after I told him over and over that I was asexual, and kept guilting me about how it was because he was 'ugly' and a girl as pretty as me would never want him back or something. Eventually it got really irritating, I was tired of explaining why I didn't want to sleep with him, especially since the asshole had a girlfriend, so I blocked him.

yep. So I wouldn't say I've ever been threatened with rape, but had I continued speaking to either of these guys, things could have gotten nasty.

I voted yes, because I think a guy shoving his tongue in your mouth when you expressly tell him you don't want to, and his only babbling drunken excuse is how hot you are, that counts as assault. Didn't scar me for life or anything, but certainly made me wary of dating a 'strait' guy again.

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I do realize that the way these men treated me is completely wrong. . . . I wouldn't say I've ever been threatened with rape, but had I continued speaking to either of these guys, things could have gotten nasty.

YES. Good for you. It's really important that we don't treat men who like us as if buying us food/drinks constitutes permission to touch us sexually or that we are not holding up our end of a perceived deal if we accept material gifts.

That's why I stopped talking with the guy who told me he could tell I was attracted to him unconsciously. I saw where that was going--it's the overused and dangerous mantra of "you don't know what you want/*I* know what you want/What I want is what will happen."

Very wise of you. I really wish that people didn't believe that being attractive is a deliberate signal for sex or that attractive women are "wasted" if they're not being courted/pawed/screwed.

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[...]attractive women are "wasted" if they're not being courted/pawed/screwed.

Extremely off topic, but that reminded me of how men courted women in the 1800's. No sex stuff. All manners. Why can't people have manners like that anymore? :sigh:

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  • 1 month later...
reasonsfordefyingreason

Several early adolesant neighbours have seen me on the street and tried to menace me/impress their mates by threatening me with sexual violence. Of course they don't actually know about my asexuality so I don't think it counts. Although it may count as ableism as most of my neibours and classmates think I'm mentally retarded (not that I can fault them for this belief as I do look and behave strangly/childishly and have never specifically tried to fix their assumption) so they may have thought I would be easy to lure over. Or mabye it was just cause I was the only female passer by at that moment. A guy in my first highschool definatly had that idea and decided I would make a brilliant fuck doll due to my percived mental disability. His dream was shattered when he started feeling up my leg under a table and i plunged my foot into his shin. :twisted: It was the only time I ever wished I had high heeled shoes.

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Sockstealingnome

Several early adolesant neighbours have seen me on the street and tried to menace me/impress their mates by threatening me with sexual violence. Of course they don't actually know about my asexuality so I don't think it counts. Although it may count as ableism as most of my neibours and classmates think I'm mentally retarded (not that I can fault them for this belief as I do look and behave strangly/childishly and have never specifically tried to fix their assumption) so they may have thought I would be easy to lure over. Or mabye it was just cause I was the only female passer by at that moment. A guy in my first highschool definatly had that idea and decided I would make a brilliant fuck doll due to my percived mental disability. His dream was shattered when he started feeling up my leg under a table and i plunged my foot into his shin. :twisted: It was the only time I ever wished I had high heeled shoes.

I understand you're not mentally retarded but just the fact they believed you were and wanted to take advantage of you? SICK.

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  • 9 months later...

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