Sexual pleasure

[never odd or even]

i'm intensely curious by nature. of course i'm curious. however, whenever i recognise even some semblance of a drive and i attempt to take things into my own hands so to speak i just feel ridiculous; and i mean really really silly and usually ends up going nowhere either because of that or because ok my bodily ignorance. i did have a once partner try to help me on various occasions and that too failed dismally.....

for me, its like its a world i cant quite connect to no matter how much i try i can only look through a window (although i get this all over the place)... its intensely frustrating. of course i want to experience this. can i? NOOO... tis shit.

[BlackRose]

It would hurt anyway because - OMG, WHERE IS SPOILER BUTTON? WARNING? TMI - I can´t put even one finger inside. It hurts like a Hell, so I masturbate only by stimulation of outer parts of my genitals.

There's a good chance you have a muscle disorder called vaginismus, which can be treated (if you wanted to).

As an aromantic asexual, I don't know anything about sexual pleasure. Then again, I have no desire to, either, so sexual pleasure does not exist in my world. In my world, I am incapable of understanding the appeal of sexual attraction or desire.

But, you understand the appeal of pleasure in general, right?

[Samael]

But, you understand the appeal of pleasure in general, right?

I do, but I am a man of few pleasures anyway.

I "discovered" sexuality only about a year ago, because I realised people are usually sexually motivated. Since then, I've tried to study sexuality; sexual desire among other things. So far I've learned things about human sexuality in theory, I think, but it all seems very alien to me. I can't relate to sexual motives or behaviour at all.

[Hayley]

As an asexual who regularly has sex I have to say it's not amazing, for me. I enjoy sharing such pleasure with my partner but it's not earth-shattering. I don't crave it, he's usually the one to initiate things, but I'm happy to have sex. My libido used to be stronger, but since having a baby it's a lot lower.

[Redbeard]

A few weeks ago, when I finally decided to do some research and find out if anyone felt the way I did about sex, I nearly wrote off asexuality without even looking at what it was. I just assumed that I couldn't be asexual because I do experience and enjoy sexual pleasure. Good thing I read about it anyway, because it turned out that's what I am after all...

I masturbate regularly and I enjoy it. Not just the orgasm, but the path to the orgasm and the relaxation afterwards. It's far more than just a few seconds of moderate pleasure others describe. I would definitely have to say that it is the most pleasurable thing I've ever experienced. I often try to find new ways to increase the pleasure I get. The way I masturbate now is vastly different and far more pleasurable than it was when I first started. There have been times where I have stretched a session out to over an hour before the orgasm and I can be absorbed by bliss. I rarely have fantasies or think of other people, so when I masturbate, I'm almost exclusively focused on the pleasure. I find it amazing that such a small fraction of my body's surface area is capable of producing such intense sensations.

I've also had sex and have been given a hand job by a woman, so I also have (limited) experience with a partner. That felt good, too. It's definitely a different experience than solo, but I don't know that it's better. She could do things that I can't do to myself, but I have a direct feedback mechanism, so I know what's working and can keep doing it.

Despite how much I like it and how good it all feels, I don't really crave it and don't really need it. Even if I'm in the middle of a masturbation session, I can just turn it off and stop if I need to, and I don't end up feeling frustrated or unfinished. If I don't masturbate for a few days, I don't really feel any different. I don't start to feel aroused all the time, my mind doesn't obsess over finding release, I don't get horny and feel like the world is going to end. I deliberately held off for two weeks a few years back, just to see if it would jumpstart some sort of sexual urges, but it had no effect on me. As for sex, I haven't done anything with a partner for eight and a half years, so that should give you some idea how much I need it. Even the day after I first had sex, I was indifferent toward it. If someone told me that I could never feel sexual pleasure again, I would certainly be disappointed, but I wouldn't feel that my life was over.

[MadRat]

It would hurt anyway because - OMG, WHERE IS SPOILER BUTTON? WARNING? TMI - I can´t put even one finger inside. It hurts like a Hell, so I masturbate only by stimulation of outer parts of my genitals.

There's a good chance you have a muscle disorder called vaginismus, which can be treated (if you wanted to).

TMI! WARNING!

My muscles are OK but my hymen is unbreakable. <_< I don´t want to go to a gyneacologist only because of it. It doesn´t matter when I don´t plan to have sex.

[Yolly]

(FYI I'm demisexual)

I'd say I don't experience sexual pleasure. I masturbate and have had partnered sex but I feel nothing I would describe as pleasure from it. Oddly I sort of understand the idea that many people experience intense pleasure from sexual activities; because I experience intense, so I assume others feel that intense feeling as pleasure. But I just experience it as intense. I don't know how much sense that makes to anyone else, but it's the only way I can describe it. If I had a choice between experiencing sexual pleasure and losing my libido I would pick the latter.

Partner-sex and solo-sex both give this kind of pleasure, but it's much much better with a partner for me. Any female partner, even one I'm not attracted to, or don't feel close to, or who isn't really into it. That's because the pleasure itself is just physical, and I just get lost in my own pleasure. Intercourse just feels physically more pleasurable.

I've got to be honest, this really doesn't sit at all well with me. You can really have a good sexual experience with someone who you can tell is uninterested, or disliking the experience??

[test account]

It would hurt anyway because - OMG, WHERE IS SPOILER BUTTON? WARNING? TMI - I can´t put even one finger inside. It hurts like a Hell, so I masturbate only by stimulation of outer parts of my genitals.

There's a good chance you have a muscle disorder called vaginismus, which can be treated (if you wanted to).

TMI! WARNING!

My muscles are OK but my hymen is unbreakable. <_< I don´t want to go to a gyneacologist only because of it. It doesn´t matter when I don´t plan to have sex.

WARNING: TMI coming--

I used to be unable to insert even one finger. The pain of attempting it was unbearable. I thought maybe I had a medical problem but it turned out to be just poor muscle tone, that is, the muscles weren't used to stretching and so they couldn't without pain. By a fluke I discovered that if I masturbated to orgasm, I could then insert one finger (to my relief--I was scared I might be abnormally formed). In time I worked that up to three fingers, and finally an artificial device I purchased from a sex shop. It was painful at first but the more I trained my muscles to stretch and relax, the easier it became. I had partnered sex for the first time a few weeks ago and it was very smooth and comfortable. Both I and my partner felt very good about that. It's totally up to you of course--not everyone would want to do this--but I can say for myself that sex doesn't have to be painful always.

[Member 35376]

It is extremely difficult for me, maybe even impossible, to say anything at all about sexual pleasure because every powerful feeling inside of me is "merged" with countless other powerful feelings. So it is very rare that some powerful feeling at all exists in an "isolated form" within me. Though I can say this much.. my emotional life becomes highly flexible in every aspect due to this and the outcome of that is that I am pretty neutral towards sex even though I cannot say if sex actually feels "good" or "bad".. which might sound like some strange paradox but it is as close to the truth as I can describe.

This is also the reason why cuddling for me is a hundred times more preferred because it involves very "light feelings" who don't merge with each other.. cuddling is more "pure" in an emotional way for me. Sex is.. severely "blurred" in an emotional way. EDIT: In comparison between cuddling and sex, cuddling of course feels infinitely more good than sex and thereby sex is in that comparison a bad feeling. But if sex actually feels good or bad in itself, that is as said, quite impossible for me to answer.

[Data]

I just wanted to know people's take on sexual pleasure.

For me, sexual pleasure is the greatest and most important thing in life. (I'm sexual.) I'm curious how different asexuals (as well as sexuals) feel about sexual pleasure. How important is it to you? Do you understand it? Do you like it? Do you crave it? What does it feel like for you? Obviously this will be very different for different people; I'd like to hear a lot of perspectives.

I can understand asexuality, but understanding not liking sex or masturbation is much harder for me to understand. What is it like? If you don't feel that pleasure, do you want it? Are you curious? Would you change so you could feel it?

I hardly feel any, and often none at all, don't have any feeling related to orgasm either, so it would be hard for me to care about it/crave for it. The description of arousal don't even feat my experience I don't feel like any part of my body gets hotter I just feel something best comparable with muscle spasm that doesn't hurt.

Are you curious?

No I have too much "non experiences" related to sexual matters. To be curious I would have to experience it normally.

Would you change so you could feel it?

Since birth yes, now I am to used to it.

Here's what it's like for me. Imagine being hit with a hammer on your toe. The pain takes over everything you're thinking and feeling. You can't concentrate or think about everything else. It's intense and localized pain.

Sexual pleasure is like that, except the opposite: intense, localized pleasure that takes over everything. Imagine how much better you feel when you're not in intense pain than when you are in pain... that's how much better I feel when I experience sexual pleasure than when I don't.

Well I don't think that comparisons like that work tbh, negative experiences are stronger then positive ones, and I have hard time believing that anybody would trade an hour of feeling like being burned alive for an hour of any pleasure.

There's nothing else I've found that gives this kind of pleasure. Good food and massages and hot showers are nice but they don't burn with the same intensity.

Don't like messages or showers, food is ok but the most pleasure I had ever got was from thinking/understanding scientific concepts or math.

Scratching an itch is the closest non-sexual feeling, I think.

That is supposed to be pleasurable?

I was thinking that this is just a chore done to relief unwanted sensation.

Partner-sex and solo-sex both give this kind of pleasure, but it's much much better with a partner for me. Any female partner, even one I'm not attracted to, or don't feel close to, or who isn't really into it. That's because the pleasure itself is just physical, and I just get lost in my own pleasure. Intercourse just feels physically more pleasurable.

This doesn't really make much sense to me because physically intercourse it is very similar to masturbation. Even if it were 10x better then solo sex then it would still be meh to me, and I doubt that it would because sex seem like it would feel very strange, and forced without sexual attraction. That is what it did seem to me when I could have sex.

[Salmacis]

As other people have said, I cannot give an opinion of it, because I have never felt it. The pleasure I feel during sex is that of intimacy - it is highly sensual, but not sexual or erogenous. I've never been 'aroused' or felt the desire to touch my own genitalia. I did once just to see what all the fuss was about: I might as well have been rubbing my arm for ten minutes for all the pleasure I got from it ;)

[BlackRose]

It would hurt anyway because - OMG, WHERE IS SPOILER BUTTON? WARNING? TMI - I can´t put even one finger inside. It hurts like a Hell, so I masturbate only by stimulation of outer parts of my genitals.

There's a good chance you have a muscle disorder called vaginismus, which can be treated (if you wanted to).

TMI! WARNING!

My muscles are OK but my hymen is unbreakable. <_< I don´t want to go to a gyneacologist only because of it. It doesn´t matter when I don´t plan to have sex.

The idea that a hymen is some sort of seal that gets broken is a myth. There is a medical condition called 'imperforate hymen' which can lead to problems when girls start menstruating, and they have to have an operation so they can menstruate. But that's very rare and you would know if you had that because you couldn't menstruate. Otherwise hymens don't actually 'break,' but they stretch and they can tear if you or someone else is rough with it, which can hurt for a little bit.

It really is much more likely that the pain is caused by muscle tension, though you'd have to see a gynecologist to make sure, and you don't need to unless you're in pain from it.

[BlackRose]

(FYI I'm demisexual)

I'd say I don't experience sexual pleasure. I masturbate and have had partnered sex but I feel nothing I would describe as pleasure from it. Oddly I sort of understand the idea that many people experience intense pleasure from sexual activities; because I experience intense, so I assume others feel that intense feeling as pleasure. But I just experience it as intense. I don't know how much sense that makes to anyone else, but it's the only way I can describe it.

That is really interesting. Hard for me to imagine though. I wish I knew what 'intense' felt like. I get intense pain and intense pleasure, but I don't know what just 'intense' feels like!

Partner-sex and solo-sex both give this kind of pleasure, but it's much much better with a partner for me. Any female partner, even one I'm not attracted to, or don't feel close to, or who isn't really into it. That's because the pleasure itself is just physical, and I just get lost in my own pleasure. Intercourse just feels physically more pleasurable.

I've got to be honest, this really doesn't sit at all well with me. You can really have a good sexual experience with someone who you can tell is uninterested, or disliking the experience??

Maybe this analogy will make sense: can you really enjoy a delicious chocolate cake if you know the person who baked it was uninterested or didn't enjoy the experience?

Or, imagine someone is rubbing your back, and it feels really good. Would it feel less good physically if you thought the person was uninterested or not enjoying giving you a backrub?

[BlackRose]

I hardly feel any, and often none at all, don't have any feeling related to orgasm either, so it would be hard for me to care about it/crave for it. The description of arousal don't even feat my experience I don't feel like any part of my body gets hotter I just feel something best comparable with muscle spasm that doesn't hurt.

That is a really good description. I can imagine that.

So it seems like there are two groups here: ones that feel some pleasure from sexual stimulation, but don't really crave it, have emotional attachments to it or want it all the time; and ones that don't feel any pleasure from sexual stimulation at all.

Here's what it's like for me. Imagine being hit with a hammer on your toe. The pain takes over everything you're thinking and feeling. You can't concentrate or think about everything else. It's intense and localized pain.

Sexual pleasure is like that, except the opposite: intense, localized pleasure that takes over everything. Imagine how much better you feel when you're not in intense pain than when you are in pain... that's how much better I feel when I experience sexual pleasure than when I don't.

Well I don't think that comparisons like that work tbh, negative experiences are stronger then positive ones, and I have hard time believing that anybody would trade an hour of feeling like being burned alive for an hour of any pleasure.

I think you're right that negative experiences are generally stronger than positive ones.

But sexual pleasure is the one exception, for me. It's the one thing that's as strong and physical and sensory as pain.

But, no, I wouldn't take an hour or torture in exchange for an hour of sex.

Don't like messages or showers, food is ok but the most pleasure I had ever got was from thinking/understanding scientific concepts or math.

My degree is in math and I get pleasure from math also. But it's not physical pleasure. It's very different.

Scratching an itch is the closest non-sexual feeling, I think.

That is supposed to be pleasurable?

I was thinking that this is just a chore done to relief unwanted sensation.

When I'm really itchy, scratching feels really good. Does it not for you?

Partner-sex and solo-sex both give this kind of pleasure, but it's much much better with a partner for me. Any female partner, even one I'm not attracted to, or don't feel close to, or who isn't really into it. That's because the pleasure itself is just physical, and I just get lost in my own pleasure. Intercourse just feels physically more pleasurable.

This doesn't really make much sense to me because physically intercourse it is very similar to masturbation. Even if it were 10x better then solo sex then it would still be meh to me, and I doubt that it would because sex seem like it would feel very strange, and forced without sexual attraction. That is what it did seem to me when I could have sex.

Well, for me at least, intercourse is not at all physically similar to masturbation. It just feels much different. And it still feels amazing whether or not I'm attracted to the person at all.

[Asexy Existentialist]

Maybe this analogy will make sense: can you really enjoy a delicious chocolate cake if you know the person who baked it was uninterested or didn't enjoy the experience?

Or, imagine someone is rubbing your back, and it feels really good. Would it feel less good physically if you thought the person was uninterested or not enjoying giving you a backrub?

This is essentially what you're doing when you buy a cake or a massage, isn't it?

[Data]

My degree is in math and I get pleasure from math also. But it's not physical pleasure. It's very different.

I guess that I just don't experience much of physical pleasure overall.

When I'm really itchy, scratching feels really good. Does it not for you?

No.

Well, for me at least, intercourse is not at all physically similar to masturbation. It just feels much different. And it still feels amazing whether or not I'm attracted to the person at all.

You may experience it physically but it doesn't mean that the reason for it is psychical stimulation. For example grief can induce physical pain, my only point is that if the stimulation is mechanically similar then there must be something else that makes the experience different, no?

[oneofthesun]

Partner-sex and solo-sex both give this kind of pleasure, but it's much much better with a partner for me. Any female partner, even one I'm not attracted to, or don't feel close to, or who isn't really into it. That's because the pleasure itself is just physical, and I just get lost in my own pleasure.

Maybe you shouldn't tell women that you don't care if they're not really into it.

[zoidberger]

Partner-sex and solo-sex both give this kind of pleasure, but it's much much better with a partner for me. Any female partner, even one I'm not attracted to, or don't feel close to, or who isn't really into it. That's because the pleasure itself is just physical, and I just get lost in my own pleasure. Intercourse just feels physically more pleasurable.

I've got to be honest, this really doesn't sit at all well with me. You can really have a good sexual experience with someone who you can tell is uninterested, or disliking the experience??

Maybe this analogy will make sense: can you really enjoy a delicious chocolate cake if you know the person who baked it was uninterested or didn't enjoy the experience?

Or, imagine someone is rubbing your back, and it feels really good. Would it feel less good physically if you thought the person was uninterested or not enjoying giving you a backrub?

Although I understand the analogies, for me sex has a huge emotional component to me. The physical pleasure that I get out of sex is entirely dependent on the emotional component. Though I could still achieve orgasm, I wouldn't be anywhere near as into it if I was having sex with someone who wasn't interested. I've seen other sexuals on this board mention something similar, so I think there can be some definite variability here.

As far as sexual pleasure, though things feel great, I still have a horribly low desire. I'm unsure that I could come up with a true definition of sexual attraction or relate to it, but by no means is it anywhere near the most important thing in my life. I could easily go without sex for the rest of my life and it wouldn't need to be a conscious decision.

I'm honestly not sure what it is that makes me not want that pleasure all the time, it usually is just that I can't really be bothered or my mind is on other things.

Partner-sex and solo-sex both give this kind of pleasure, but it's much much better with a partner for me. Any female partner, even one I'm not attracted to, or don't feel close to, or who isn't really into it. That's because the pleasure itself is just physical, and I just get lost in my own pleasure.

Maybe you shouldn't tell women that you don't care if they're not really into it.

I didn't see anywhere that BlackRose tells this to women he's involved with... why make such assumptions?

[Asexy Existentialist]

Partner-sex and solo-sex both give this kind of pleasure, but it's much much better with a partner for me. Any female partner, even one I'm not attracted to, or don't feel close to, or who isn't really into it. That's because the pleasure itself is just physical, and I just get lost in my own pleasure.

Maybe you shouldn't tell women that you don't care if they're not really into it.

I think he should, because then the woman has a chance to change their mind. Having sex with someone who's not really into it because you "just get lost" in your own pleasure... sounds creepy to me. And also like you're more animalistic and less attentive to your partner during sex. No wonder she's not into it!

[BlackRose]

:( No need to insult me. Have some cake instead.

I do care if my partner is into it! I want her to be into it and I work to make it good for her too.

And yes, a lot of the pleasure and experience is mental as well as physical. It's a lot better if she's into it.

What I said was that the physical pleasure of intercourse is really strong and intense, more so than masturbation, even if my partner isn't into it. That's because the stimulation is mechanically different. Like CBC Radio Girl said, physical pleasure is physical pleasure.

[zoidberger]

Partner-sex and solo-sex both give this kind of pleasure, but it's much much better with a partner for me. Any female partner, even one I'm not attracted to, or don't feel close to, or who isn't really into it. That's because the pleasure itself is just physical, and I just get lost in my own pleasure.

Maybe you shouldn't tell women that you don't care if they're not really into it.

I think he should, because then the woman has a chance to change their mind. Having sex with someone who's not really into it because you "just get lost" in your own pleasure... sounds creepy to me. And also like you're more animalistic and less attentive to your partner during sex. No wonder she's not into it!

Just because that doesn't suit you doesn't mean that he doesn't care what his partner feels. In fact, there are quite a few aces I've seen express that they play video games or read books while their partner have sex with them. I don't understand this at all, but these aces prefer that they don't have to show extreme interest/enjoyment. It's part of the compromise they've come up with in their relationship.

[test account]

:( No need to insult me. Have some cake instead.

I do care if my partner is into it! I want her to be into it and I work to make it good for her too.

And yes, a lot of the pleasure and experience is mental as well as physical. It's a lot better if she's into it.

What I said was that the physical pleasure of intercourse is really strong and intense, more so than masturbation, even if my partner isn't into it. That's because the stimulation is mechanically different. Like CBC Radio Girl said, physical pleasure is physical pleasure.

I can understand where you're coming from, but do you feel that you should make a fair exchange in any interaction? If your partner is enjoying herself, that's fair. If she's not, how do you compensate her for the pleasure she's given you? Do you do other things that she likes? Do you pay her? Anything?

I told my lover (so he's decided to call himself) that I feel wrong taking pleasure from him if I'm not in love with him, even though he enjoys what we do. I feel like I should compensate with affection. He told me I can pay him in hugs. It's a bit weird but do you get what I'm saying? I just think physical pleasure should come at the price of affection. If you can't feel and give affection for sex, you should abstain. That's my personal issue with it.

[Yolly]

(FYI I'm demisexual)

I'd say I don't experience sexual pleasure. I masturbate and have had partnered sex but I feel nothing I would describe as pleasure from it. Oddly I sort of understand the idea that many people experience intense pleasure from sexual activities; because I experience intense, so I assume others feel that intense feeling as pleasure. But I just experience it as intense. I don't know how much sense that makes to anyone else, but it's the only way I can describe it.

That is really interesting. Hard for me to imagine though. I wish I knew what 'intense' felt like. I get intense pain and intense pleasure, but I don't know what just 'intense' feels like!

I find it quite difficult to imagine too, and I experience it! I imagine (though I can't be sure) that it is actually intense something; but I've yet to work out what that something is. Oddly, I still experience a drive to masturbate, say, even though I wouldn't describe anything I feel during it as pleasure. Maybe the scratching an itch analogy works here, I wouldn't describe scratching an itch as pleasurable per say, but it does relieve the itch and the itch definitely drives me to scratch. Masturbation to me is like scratching an itch, but scratching doesn't make the itch go away (I have never orgasmed) but I still feel the need to scratch regardless.

Partner-sex and solo-sex both give this kind of pleasure, but it's much much better with a partner for me. Any female partner, even one I'm not attracted to, or don't feel close to, or who isn't really into it. That's because the pleasure itself is just physical, and I just get lost in my own pleasure. Intercourse just feels physically more pleasurable.

I've got to be honest, this really doesn't sit at all well with me. You can really have a good sexual experience with someone who you can tell is uninterested, or disliking the experience??

Maybe this analogy will make sense: can you really enjoy a delicious chocolate cake if you know the person who baked it was uninterested or didn't enjoy the experience?

Or, imagine someone is rubbing your back, and it feels really good. Would it feel less good physically if you thought the person was uninterested or not enjoying giving you a backrub?

From what else you've written in response to this; I understand that physical pleasure in and of itself is not affected by the interest of the person your having sex with. Like cake doesn't taste any different depending on how whoever baked it felt about baking it. But for me, sex is so much about mutual pleasure/interest that my overall pleasure would be negative were the person I was having sex with disinterested. I think I understand what you're saying now, that physical pleasure doesn't change depending on the circumstances in which you receive it (same as pain feels the same whether someone hit you on purpose or by accident). Taking into account the whole experience would you still enjoy such a scenario? On an emotional as well as physical level? That's what sets off alarm bells for me, because it easily leads in my mind to the possibility of not responding appropriately to non-consent during sex (not that I'm accusing you of such obviously!).

[Catster]

As an aromantic asexual, I don't know anything about sexual pleasure. Then again, I have no desire to, either, so sexual pleasure does not exist in my world. In my world, I am incapable of understanding the appeal of sexual attraction or desire.

Good thing I don't have a libido either. You could say that sexually speaking I'm as dead is it will ever get. I guess that compared to you, on this axis I'm at the opposite end ;)

I am pretty much like this I mean when people go on about having sex and missing it and all that kind of thing it is totally foreign that being said I do enjoy masurbating occasionally because the throbbing is nice but thats all I don't think about anything whilst doing it. I would like to try sex to see what it is like but again there is no emotion there.

[MadRat]

It would hurt anyway because - OMG, WHERE IS SPOILER BUTTON? WARNING? TMI - I can´t put even one finger inside. It hurts like a Hell, so I masturbate only by stimulation of outer parts of my genitals.

There's a good chance you have a muscle disorder called vaginismus, which can be treated (if you wanted to).

TMI! WARNING!

My muscles are OK but my hymen is unbreakable. <_< I don´t want to go to a gyneacologist only because of it. It doesn´t matter when I don´t plan to have sex.

The idea that a hymen is some sort of seal that gets broken is a myth. There is a medical condition called 'imperforate hymen' which can lead to problems when girls start menstruating, and they have to have an operation so they can menstruate. But that's very rare and you would know if you had that because you couldn't menstruate. Otherwise hymens don't actually 'break,' but they stretch and they can tear if you or someone else is rough with it, which can hurt for a little bit.

It really is much more likely that the pain is caused by muscle tension, though you'd have to see a gynecologist to make sure, and you don't need to unless you're in pain from it.

Hymen can be perforated only a little and it´s enough for menstruation blood to get away but still it can be "unbreakable" without pain when a girl wants to have sex. A lot of sexual women have very painful first sex. And it is possible to go to the gyneacologist and let him to break this abnormaly tight hymen. I would go there if I were sexual but I have no motivation to do it because I´m not. :D

[oneofthesun]

I think he should, because then the woman has a chance to change their mind. Having sex with someone who's not really into it because you "just get lost" in your own pleasure... sounds creepy to me. And also like you're more animalistic and less attentive to your partner during sex. No wonder she's not into it!

Maybe it's not what Black Rose meant but that's the impression I got from reading the top post too. And I have talked to women who complain about this very thing with men... they just get lost in the physical pleasure and aren't thinking about their partners at all. Not something I would want to experience.

[Lady Heartilly]

I have never had any drive or curiosity for sexual pleasure whatsoever. My SO helped me experience an orgasm or at least something close it not that long ago. The best way I can describe it is that it felt like rainbows and sunshine. :lol: Rainbows and sunshine are nice, but too much exposure to the sun tends to burn my skin, so I assume orgasming more often may have a similar negative effect. I realize I'm talking in metaphors and not making much sense right now.

All I'm saying is that it was nice to experience something different and pleasant, but I felt no need to do it again since then and would feel fine if I went the rest of my life without ever experiencing it again. I did find it enjoyable, but it also didn't seem to accomplish anything. It wasn't nearly as good of a feeling I get when I've finished writing a story or sewing a dress or even watching a good movie. It's pleasurable, but once it's over, it's over. There's nothing to show for it or take from it. The only reason I'd like to try it again is to prove to my SO that he is capable of getting such a reaction from me and raise his self esteem. Since it at least accomplishes that, I'd certainly be willing to try to experience that level of pleasure again, but I have absolutely no motivation whatsoever to do it on my own.

[BlackRose]

The best way I can describe it is that it felt like rainbows and sunshine. :lol: Rainbows and sunshine are nice, but too much exposure to the sun tends to burn my skin, so I assume orgasming more often may have a similar negative effect. I realize I'm talking in metaphors and not making much sense right now.

:lol: :D :lol: I think that's a good description. But it's UV rays that burn your skin and orgasms do not produce UV rays as far as I know. Just imagine sex is like super strong sunscreen :lol:

[Ayruen]

I'm an aromantic asexual and I neither need sex nor do I feel anything special while having it,there isn't even an emotioal component to it for me (most of the time I think of totally sex-unrelated things during intercourse). When I'm in a relationship it's okay for me to have sex with my partner once in a while, if he wants it, but I never initiate it myself (I'm not really comfortable with being naked in front of another person and I'm disgusted by bodily fluids - not the best premise to have a (partly) sexual relatonship , I know :lol: ).While orgasms are nice, I can reach them easier and way more comfortable by myself than by having sex with another person. So for me, it's really hard to understand why people want to have sex and why it feels so exceptional like it's often described.

[Data]

I don't think that the reason is only being rather anhedonic for me.

The concept that sex is supposed to be different then masturbation other then being awkward is counter intuitive for me. It would be like expecting different fork to make the meal taste differently I can have little sensation for stimulating the organ in specific way, what other person have to do with that? I don't feel like there is anything special about lubricated hole.