BlackRose Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 I just wanted to know people's take on sexual pleasure. For me, sexual pleasure is the greatest and most important thing in life. (I'm sexual.) I'm curious how different asexuals (as well as sexuals) feel about sexual pleasure. How important is it to you? Do you understand it? Do you like it? Do you crave it? What does it feel like for you? Obviously this will be very different for different people; I'd like to hear a lot of perspectives. I can understand asexuality, but understanding not liking sex or masturbation is much harder for me to understand. What is it like? If you don't feel that pleasure, do you want it? Are you curious? Would you change so you could feel it? Here's what it's like for me. Imagine being hit with a hammer on your toe. The pain takes over everything you're thinking and feeling. You can't concentrate or think about everything else. It's intense and localized pain. Sexual pleasure is like that, except the opposite: intense, localized pleasure that takes over everything. Imagine how much better you feel when you're not in intense pain than when you are in pain... that's how much better I feel when I experience sexual pleasure than when I don't. There's nothing else I've found that gives this kind of pleasure. Good food and massages and hot showers are nice but they don't burn with the same intensity. Scratching an itch is the closest non-sexual feeling, I think. Partner-sex and solo-sex both give this kind of pleasure, but it's much much better with a partner for me. Any female partner, even one I'm not attracted to, or don't feel close to, or who isn't really into it. That's because the pleasure itself is just physical, and I just get lost in my own pleasure. Intercourse just feels physically more pleasurable. There are other things I like about sex: the feeling of attraction, the emotional closeness, the warm cuddly feeling, the physical feeling of satisfaction afterwards, giving someone else pleasure, the sight and smell and taste of my partner. These things are all separate from the physical sexual pleasure I experience during intercourse. But the pleasure is the main motivation. It's why I think about sex all the time and why I want sex all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
mylittlehazmat Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 I imagine I have a fairly low sex drive, I can go for months without becoming aroused in any way, and then I may have short periods where I will, ahem, be a fiend. But most of my existence is sexless, regardless of with myself or with others - sex with others has always been traumatic for me, so I don't even bother counting it in an instance like this. I like orgasms. They feel nice. Generally speaking, I don't get aroused enough to feel an intense orgasm, so it really seems kind of pointless to do, but when the itch is there. I've been experimenting with how to get a better orgasm, but so far, I've got nothing and I'm fine with that because it really isn't a big part of my life. Instant pleasure is ... meh. I'm much happier with, I suppose, less intense pleasures that last longer. Reading a book, taking the day off, eating your favourite food, taking that ridiculously hot shower in the morning to prepare you for the day. Eh, sexual pleasure just seems like work in the end, and it's a bit of a waste of time. *shrug* That's how I look at it. It's not something I feel the need to actively pursue unless my body is like NAO PLZ KTHX. Half the time I don't listen anyways. Tl;dr - Waste. Of. My. Precious. Time. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackRose Posted May 6, 2011 Author Share Posted May 6, 2011 I like orgasms. They feel nice. Generally speaking, I don't get aroused enough to feel an intense orgasm, so it really seems kind of pointless to do, but when the itch is there. I've been experimenting with how to get a better orgasm, but so far, I've got nothing and I'm fine with that because it really isn't a big part of my life. Instant pleasure is ... meh. I'm much happier with, I suppose, less intense pleasures that last longer. Reading a book, taking the day off, eating your favourite food, taking that ridiculously hot shower in the morning to prepare you for the day. Orgasms are one kind of sexual pleasure, but when I wrote the post I was thinking more of the pleasure of sexual stimulation before orgasm, or leading up to orgasm. I love making it last a long time and just luxuriating in the pleasure. Do you ever feel that? Link to post Share on other sites
mylittlehazmat Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 I like orgasms. They feel nice. Generally speaking, I don't get aroused enough to feel an intense orgasm, so it really seems kind of pointless to do, but when the itch is there. I've been experimenting with how to get a better orgasm, but so far, I've got nothing and I'm fine with that because it really isn't a big part of my life. Instant pleasure is ... meh. I'm much happier with, I suppose, less intense pleasures that last longer. Reading a book, taking the day off, eating your favourite food, taking that ridiculously hot shower in the morning to prepare you for the day. Orgasms are one kind of sexual pleasure, but when I wrote the post I was thinking more of the pleasure of sexual stimulation before orgasm, or leading up to orgasm. I love making it last a long time and just luxuriating in the pleasure. Do you ever feel that? Well, yes, and it usually is better than the orgasm itself ... but, eh, my opinion is much the same as of the orgasm. It's just kinda there. I would rather pour myself a bath and sit and stew in the hot water for a while. Same time frame, better feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Member33070 Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 Never really experienced it. I have an absent libido and never masturbate. I randomly had an orgasm once (really randomly, just sitting playing a computer game, not doing anything to cause it) and it felt nice. But I don't crave experiencing it again. I don't really know why, it's just...eh. I really don't know how to explain it because there aren't really any words to use. I just don't feel that craving or desire. To get on a weird topic, usually when I dream, I'm someone else. A psychologist would say that this is my true self or that I'm repressing something, I'm sure. I've had a lot of dreams where my dream self feels this sexual urge, something like "OMG NEED SEX NOW" and arousal, so I know what it feels like, I've just never experienced it in real life and I don't know why. I've never been aroused or "horny" in real life. It might be something related to being grossed out by it or afraid of consequences were I to have sex with someone - pregnancy, STDs, injury, etc. But I highly doubt it. I'm not actually thinking about any of these things constantly, I only think about them when someone asks why I don't have a libido and I try to justify it. I don't have any diseases that cause a low libido and I don't take any medicine except OTC allergy medicine and Aleve! Libido and such have nothing to do with being asexual, because some of us have really high sex drives and I know that. I don't know why I don't have a sex drive, I just don't. It's probably kind of like...imagine some food you just find bland. Not gross, just...you need some seasoning on it. Maybe plain spaghetti noodles. Just the noodles. Now imagine everyone in the world going "OMG plain spaghetti noodles are so totally orgasmic GOSH I love them", and you were thinking, "Ehhhh, they're kind of bland...why bother?" Assume you can't add spices to them or do anything to make it better. You either eat the plain spaghetti noodles or not. Personally, I'd choose not to. Bleh. That's the best analogy I can come up with at the moment. *SHRUG* Link to post Share on other sites
BlackRose Posted May 6, 2011 Author Share Posted May 6, 2011 I just don't feel that craving or desire. I've never been aroused or "horny" in real life. I don't mean feeling aroused or horny... I mean the actual pleasure from sexual stimulation. Are you curious about it? Do you want it? If you could have it would you take it? I mean, noodles might be bland, but pleasure always feels good, right? Sex is just pleasure, right? I mean, you enjoy non-sexual pleasure, don't you? I guess what I'm wondering is, if I found out that some people got amazing pleasure from noodles or something random, I'd be amazingly curious and I'd try to figure out how I could get it. Do people ever feel like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Member33070 Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 Not really...I don't really know why. Sometimes I think about trying it just so that I can say I have. But personally I don't have this insane craving to... I guess I could liken it to drinking, smoking, and doing drugs...a lot of people enjoy these things quite a bit and feel arguably similar sensations of happiness (a lot of people I know smoke pot and that's what they told me about it anyway *shrug*). I know that these things could make me happy but I still just don't feel the need to try them. Maybe it's really effective brainwashing against sex and drugs and drinking from my childhood. I don't know.... Link to post Share on other sites
Asexy Existentialist Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 Sexual pleasure is the greatest and most important thing in life? What about children? Feeding the hungry? The earth? World peace? A fair government? Personal rights? Love? Self-love/happiness/confidence etc? Religion? Look, I get that sex can feel fantastic, really, but if it's the greatest and most important thing in your life... to me, that says a lot about you and your life, and not in a good way. And I understand sexual pleasure, but I would never change myself to experience it the way that you do. For one, it's not really all that fantastic. And besides, there are too many things that come with it that I think I'm a better person without. And I don't mean that in an elitist way, it's just a lot easier for me to be a good person without that temptation there. Plus, I do experience good food and new episodes of Doctor Who and a hot, wonderful shower probably as intensely as you feel sexual pleasure, if not more so, because from my experience... the new episode of Doctor Who feels better in so many ways I can't begin to describe them to you. To replace that with sex is exactly like Hazmat said: waste of time. TLDR; Sex really isn't all that important, if it was my life would be incredibly sad, Doctor Who feels a hundred times better than sex (and I'm not being silly, it really does). Link to post Share on other sites
mylittlehazmat Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 I just don't feel that craving or desire. I've never been aroused or "horny" in real life. I don't mean feeling aroused or horny... I mean the actual pleasure from sexual stimulation. Are you curious about it? Do you want it? If you could have it would you take it? I mean, noodles might be bland, but pleasure always feels good, right? Sex is just pleasure, right? I mean, you enjoy non-sexual pleasure, don't you? I guess what I'm wondering is, if I found out that some people got amazing pleasure from noodles or something random, I'd be amazingly curious and I'd try to figure out how I could get it. Do people ever feel like that? Sex is just pleasure, it's a certain kind of pleasure. However, some people prefer backrubs over eating cake, and others prefer to take long baths to walking on the beach and others prefer cold days snuggled by the fire to basking in a sun beam ... people have these preferences. Why? IDK. They do, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Vdougie Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 I love the feelings of orgasms. They are nice, but not the greatest thing in the world. If I could choose, I would have never want a libido in the first place. It can be distracting at times. Link to post Share on other sites
Rhaenys Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 Sexual pleasure is the greatest and most important thing in life? What about children? Feeding the hungry? The earth? World peace? A fair government? Personal rights? Love? Self-love/happiness/confidence etc? Religion? Look, I get that sex can feel fantastic, really, but if it's the greatest and most important thing in your life... to me, that says a lot about you and your life, and not in a good way. And I understand sexual pleasure, but I would never change myself to experience it the way that you do. For one, it's not really all that fantastic. And besides, there are too many things that come with it that I think I'm a better person without. And I don't mean that in an elitist way, it's just a lot easier for me to be a good person without that temptation there. Plus, I do experience good food and new episodes of Doctor Who and a hot, wonderful shower probably as intensely as you feel sexual pleasure, if not more so, because from my experience... the new episode of Doctor Who feels better in so many ways I can't begin to describe them to you. To replace that with sex is exactly like Hazmat said: waste of time. TLDR; Sex really isn't all that important, if it was my life would be incredibly sad, Doctor Who feels a hundred times better than sex (and I'm not being silly, it really does). I am pretty much wondering the same thing . but understanding not liking sex or masturbation is much harder for me to understand. What is it like? If you don't feel that pleasure, do you want it? Are you curious? Would you change so you could feel it? Hi BlackRose :). I am asexual with a pretty high drive. I don't know if by cravings you mean urges because those happen to me out of the blue and quite often. So yes I feel the pleasure but I'm very very apathetic to it. It does nothing to me just feel good for not even a minute . I wouldn't change it cause like I said I couldn't care less. There are other things I like about sex: the feeling of attraction, the emotional closeness, the warm cuddly feeling, the physical feeling of satisfaction afterwards, giving someone else pleasure, the sight and smell and taste of my partner. Now Black I mean no offense or anything harmful towards you or other sexuals . I am just stating my take on it. I am a repulsed ace.....a very repulsed one. I get upset at the slightest sexual thing ( once it's not myself like masturbation ). I hate the emotions that come with it almost everything you've described up there from emotional closeness to sight , smell , taste of partner ( ) makes me sick that automatically sets off my alarm bells to avoid that person should they express interest like that ( yeah yeah I know they are not gonna rape me but I can't help but feel angry / weird ). I dislike people's attitudes towards it as well. Other than that sex to me is a hassle , a waste of time & not worth the emotional trauma that will hit me after wards ( this will bring out my inner psycho on my partner or whoever I had sex with :lol: ) I would never change myself to experience those things like you do as well. Pleasure isn't worth it to me especially temporary pleasure . The only change I wish was that my repulsiveness would go down. That's just how I feel I hope I don't offend anyone . I'm sorry in advance if I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Vampyremage Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 The physical sensations from sex can be nice but I would certainly never describe them as the best thing ever. I'm not sure if its because I am lacking the mental and emotional aspect of sex that most sexuals seem to have, but it just seem like the be all and end all of ultimate pleasure to me, not even close. The sensations are nice but if they go on too long, I have a tendency just to get bored with it all. Maybe I just need that mental engagement to enjoy myself for any real length of time, but sex has never really been all that great to me. I far prefer masturbation over sex. I know how the give myself the most pleasure and it only has to go on for as long as I can remain interested, which isn't usually all that long. I get to enjoy the physical sensations, which are usually rather nice, without having to worry about the mental boredom and without having to worry about another person being involved. Seems like the best of both worlds to me. Its always personally confused me the fact that sexuals prefer sex or, more particularly, the fact that masturbation doesn't really do much for many of them when compared to sex. For me, that's what I'd choose pretty much every single time. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackRose Posted May 6, 2011 Author Share Posted May 6, 2011 So yes I feel the pleasure but I'm very very apathetic to it. It does nothing to me just feel good for not even a minute . I wouldn't change it cause like I said I couldn't care less. OK, so this is what I'm curious about and trying to understand. You feel intense pleasure but you're apathetic about it? I just assumed everyone who felt intense pleasure would have the same emotional reaction I do, and the reason people didn't was because they didn't feel the same physical pleasure. But this is interesting. What is it like to feel pleasure and be apathetic about it? It's totally foreign to me. Wow, this explains why I'm such a hedonist! I have a strong emotional reaction to pleasure that other people don't... There are other things I like about sex: the feeling of attraction, the emotional closeness, the warm cuddly feeling, the physical feeling of satisfaction afterwards, giving someone else pleasure, the sight and smell and taste of my partner. Now Black I mean no offense or anything harmful towards you or other sexuals. I am just stating my take on it. I am a repulsed ace.....a very repulsed one. I get upset at the slightest sexual thing ( once it's not myself like masturbation ). I would never change myself to experience those things like you do as well. Pleasure isn't worth it to me especially temporary pleasure. The only change I wish was that my [feelings of repulsion] would go down. No offense taken at all! I know everyone is different and I'm curious and trying to understand. If you changed so that your feelings of repulsion went down, wouldn't you experience things like me? Or would you still be apathetic towards the pleasure? Link to post Share on other sites
BlackRose Posted May 6, 2011 Author Share Posted May 6, 2011 Sexual pleasure is the greatest and most important thing in life? What about children? Feeding the hungry? The earth? World peace? A fair government? Personal rights? Love? Self-love/happiness/confidence etc? Religion? Look, I get that sex can feel fantastic, really, but if it's the greatest and most important thing in your life... to me, that says a lot about you and your life, and not in a good way. TLDR; Sex really isn't all that important, if it was my life would be incredibly sad I am pretty much wondering the same thing . I don't mean any offense to anyone either. But just like you think a life focused on sex is sad and empty... a life without sexual pleasure seems sad and empty to me. Good thing we both have it how we want! :) I do care about world peace, personal rights, and so on in the grand abstract sense... but I was talking about in my life personally. I don't really care about having kids or religion. Link to post Share on other sites
Vdougie Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 My orgasm last for about 10 seconds or less and that is it. It is not even close to earth shattering good. It takes alot of work to get an orgasm sometimes. My libido is not even that strong. I just like masturbating for fun sometimes when either I am bored or just horny. There are more important things in the world other than sex, and I am happy that you think that all to life is not just sex. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackRose Posted May 6, 2011 Author Share Posted May 6, 2011 My orgasm last for about 10 seconds or less and that is it. It is not even close to earth shattering good. It takes alot of work to get an orgasm sometimes. Orgasms don't usually last longer than a few seconds... it's more the hour of pleasure leading up to it that I like. But that's "work" for you, not pleasure? Link to post Share on other sites
Rhaenys Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 OK, so this is what I'm curious about and trying to understand. You feel intense pleasure but you're apathetic about it? I just assumed everyone who felt intense pleasure would have the same emotional reaction I do, and the reason people didn't was because they didn't feel the same physical pleasure. But this is interesting.What is it like to feel pleasure and be apathetic about it? It's totally foreign to me. Wow, this explains why I'm such a hedonist! I have a strong emotional reaction to pleasure that other people don't... Not necessarily cause you're sexual and I'm asexual so there would be some differences. Apathy comes because I see these urges as annoying . I just want to get it over and done with however the only time for it to end and go away completely would be the pleasure in the end. Bad analogy time It's like after a long day and you're extremely tired and you take a nap and a friend calls and interrupts your sleep. Now being her friend you don't want to tell her to " Shut up " so wait till she hangs up. Same thing with the pleasure I've really got no choice but to experience it for the urges to stop completely. No offense taken at all! I know everyone is different and I'm curious and trying to understand.If you changed so that your feelings of repulsion went down, wouldn't you experience things like me? Or would you still be apathetic towards the pleasure? No What I meant by my repulsion would go down was that I would stop being offended by every slight sexual thing made towards me. Even if my repulsion went down I can still be classified as not interested or indifferent.. Even if I wasn't repulsed I can still dislike being close to someone . Link to post Share on other sites
Vdougie Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 My orgasm last for about 10 seconds or less and that is it. It is not even close to earth shattering good. It takes alot of work to get an orgasm sometimes. Orgasms don't usually last longer than a few seconds... it's more the hour of pleasure leading up to it that I like. But that's "work" for you, not pleasure? Well, let me clarify myself better. I do not know about you, but maybe because your a female, and typically female orgasms last longer than a male's, but when I am masturbating as soon as I start having an orgasm, my spincter muscle muscle tightens up, and I start ejaculating. As soon as I am done ejaculating, the feeling goes away. What I mean about "work" is that I can sometimes masturbate for 5 to 10 minutes before I ejaculate. I do feel some pleasure while masturbating, but it is not as strong when I finally ejaculate. I do feel pleasure when I masturbate, but what I mean is that it takes more energy to masturbate than to achieve an orgasm. Everybody doesn't feel pleasure the same as everybody else. Link to post Share on other sites
Miriel Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 I'm asexual. Sexual pleasure is nice, but that's it. Just nice. I don't find it to be the greatest thing ever; I don't even find it to be the most pleasurable thing ever. I prefer that first moment when you step into a hot shower, or a morning spent slowly waking up in a warm bed. And orgasms themselves are just meh. I like the moments right before them, and I like the relief, but the actual climax is mostly just blah. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackRose Posted May 6, 2011 Author Share Posted May 6, 2011 My orgasm last for about 10 seconds or less and that is it. It is not even close to earth shattering good. It takes alot of work to get an orgasm sometimes. Orgasms don't usually last longer than a few seconds... it's more the hour of pleasure leading up to it that I like. But that's "work" for you, not pleasure? Well, let me clarify myself better. I do not know about you, but maybe because your a female, and typically female orgasms last longer than a male's, but when I am masturbating as soon as I start having an orgasm, my spincter muscle muscle tightens up, and I start ejaculating. As soon as I am done ejaculating, the feeling goes away. What I mean about "work" is that I can sometimes masturbate for 5 to 10 minutes before I ejaculate. I do feel some pleasure while masturbating, but it is not as strong when I finally ejaculate. I do feel pleasure when I masturbate, but what I mean is that it takes more energy to masturbate than to achieve an orgasm. Everybody doesn't feel pleasure the same as everybody else. No, I'm male. I was referring to the pleasure I feel from masturbation or intercourse before ejaculation. It's not "work" for me because it feels so good. Lol, where did you get the idea I was female? Link to post Share on other sites
Vdougie Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 My orgasm last for about 10 seconds or less and that is it. It is not even close to earth shattering good. It takes alot of work to get an orgasm sometimes. Orgasms don't usually last longer than a few seconds... it's more the hour of pleasure leading up to it that I like. But that's "work" for you, not pleasure? Well, let me clarify myself better. I do not know about you, but maybe because your a female, and typically female orgasms last longer than a male's, but when I am masturbating as soon as I start having an orgasm, my spincter muscle muscle tightens up, and I start ejaculating. As soon as I am done ejaculating, the feeling goes away. What I mean about "work" is that I can sometimes masturbate for 5 to 10 minutes before I ejaculate. I do feel some pleasure while masturbating, but it is not as strong when I finally ejaculate. I do feel pleasure when I masturbate, but what I mean is that it takes more energy to masturbate than to achieve an orgasm. Everybody doesn't feel pleasure the same as everybody else. No, I'm male. I was referring to the pleasure I feel from masturbation or intercourse before ejaculation. It's not "work" for me because it feels so good. Lol, where did you get the idea I was female? :redface: :redface: :redface: I got no idea! I thought I saw it on your profile. I must have got it confused with someone else's. Sorry about that! I cannot masturbate that long before ejaculating. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackRose Posted May 6, 2011 Author Share Posted May 6, 2011 :redface: :redface: :redface: I got no idea! I thought I saw it on your profile. I must have got it confused with someone else's. Sorry about that! I cannot masturbate that long before ejaculating. It's fine. No worries. You can if you practice, but I guess that doesn't appeal to you :( It's also easier and more pleasurable during intercourse than when you masturbate. Link to post Share on other sites
Vdougie Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 :redface: :redface: :redface: I got no idea! I thought I saw it on your profile. I must have got it confused with someone else's. Sorry about that! I cannot masturbate that long before ejaculating. It's fine. No worries. You can if you practice, but I guess that doesn't appeal to you :( It's also easier and more pleasurable during intercourse than when you masturbate. I have tried "edging"(you stop yourself from ejaculating before the "point of no return") before, but my orgasm wasn't any stronger. It sometimes made it weaker or I came too early. Link to post Share on other sites
MadeOfStars Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 I like orgasms, and yes, they are intensely pleasurable. But nothing that lasts a few seconds at a time could ever be the "greatest and most important thing in life." Maybe because I don't currently have any partnered sex, and when I did (manual/oral — never intercourse) the only part of it I liked all that much WAS the orgasm (the rest of the time I felt super self-conscious and physically, constantly waffling between mild pleasure and discomfort) I don't really understand what you're saying about the part leading up to the orgasm being so awesome. I guess that just hasn't been my experience. I am very hypersensitive to touch in general, so I found it very hard to relax and enjoy anything sexual. I haven't done anything sexual in a few years, but when I think about it in retrospect I have mostly uncomfortable feelings. Parts of it were good, but there was always an overall anxious feeling that went along with it. Kind of like if you really love a certain food, but every time you eat it it immediately makes you sick... you might have liked it somewhat while you were eating it but overall it's just not worth it. However, since I'm in control when I masturbate, I don't get any of that and it's just pleasurable. So for your questions, it's not really too important to me. When I want to orgasm, I masturbate and within a few minutes have had a few seconds of pleasure. Otherwise, I don't really care much about it. I certainly don't understand why sex is important enough to people to cheat, lie, steal, murder, or start wars over. To me, the greatest and most important thing in life is to feel connected to the universe. To the world, to nature, to history, to art, to the stars. That's not something I can get through brief physical pleasure with one other person. Link to post Share on other sites
DesJ Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 This is really fascinating for me to read, actually. I can enjoy the physical sensation of masturbation, and I'll do it if I'm bored or to help myself fall asleep. I very very rarely feel any sexual urges, and even when I do they don't feel particularly pressing, as in I could just ignore them if I so chose. Put it this way, I've never been distracted by arousal. As for sexual pleasure simply feeling good and why wouldn't I want to pursue something that feels good, all I can say is that it's a bit like a really really rich chocolate cake. It's very good, but enough is enough and I wouldn't want to eat it all the time. It's also about as important to me as good chocolate cake. It tastes good, don't get me wrong, but I've got, like, other things to do. I also often feel a certain amount of guilt and disgust with myself after I masturbate, and sex with a partner isn't pleasurable for me at all, physically or psychologically, so I tend to just avoid it altogether. I do wish that partnered sex was a bit less unpleasant so that I might one day share it with someone I love, but other than that it's sort of like how I don't spend any energy wishing I liked watermelon as much as other people seem to, there are plenty of other things I do like. Link to post Share on other sites
test account Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 Regarding being apathetic to intense physical pleasure -- when I have been given physical sexual pleasure it was as if it was happening to someone else. I enjoyed it at the time but afterwards it was like I changed jobs and went back to being ordinary me who doesn't have sex. I have trouble seeing myself as a sexual person even though I know I am subconsciously. I know because when I can forget "ordinary" me I become somebody else I don't know very well yet. She's very physical and sensual and romantic, unlike pragmatic, cerebral, ordinary me. It's nothing creepy or insane, it's just me learning more about who I am and getting used to new things. Link to post Share on other sites
MadRat Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 Gray-A here. I agree sexual pleasure is great but I can´t say it is the best thing in the world. For example, great metal concert can give me feelings of the same intensity but in different way. This huge crowd shouting so loud, the chance to be so close to your favourite band - it´s something what you can´t experience every day. Or cuddling with my pets. The emotional closenes, love and trust which they can express gives me intensive emotional pleasure, which starts in my chest, not...ehm...down there, and go through my whole body. Or rather soul. Sports can bring intensive experience, especially adrenaline. Any female partner, even one I'm not attracted to, or don't feel close to, or who isn't really into it. That's because the pleasure itself is just physical, and I just get lost in my own pleasure. Intercourse just feels physically more pleasurable. This is something what I can´t understand. People I don´t feel close to are not allowed even to touch me without my consent. Masturbation is the only sexual activity which I can enjoy. And I would become crazy if I couldn´t do it. But sex with a partner? Surely not with someone whom I´m not attracted to. I´ve been sexualy atracted only to one man in my whole life and I can´t get him. The end of the story. (Maybe to more than one, but I´m not sure if it really was sexual attraction because it wasn´t intensive enough.) And it is still like: "He is so perfect, what would he do with a loser like me?" If he wanted to have sex with me ( :lol: :lol: :lol: ) I would be more nervous than aroused, I think. I have extreme issue with being naked around people (and it DOESN´T feel good, but sex is supposed to feel good). :redface: I would not be able to relax and if I wasn´t relaxed it would hurt. <_< It would hurt anyway because - OMG, WHERE IS SPOILER BUTTON? WARNING? TMI - I can´t put even one finger inside. It hurts like a Hell, so I masturbate only by stimulation of outer parts of my genitals. Long way towards orgasm is 1000 X better than when it is done quickly. The phase just before orgasm is the best. Sex with a partner is something what I will never understand completely. Why should I go through shame and uneasiness from being naked around someone or from explaining I desperately need to keep my T-shirt on, and from explaining I´m 26 years old virgin? Why should I do it when I can take care of my damned libido by myself? And when I´m 99% aromantic who doesn´t need a partner anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Vampyremage Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 Gray-A here. I agree sexual pleasure is great but I can´t say it is the best thing in the world. For example, great metal concert can give me feelings of the same intensity but in different way. This huge crowd shouting so loud, the chance to be so close to your favourite band - it´s something what you can´t experience every day. I personally really liked that comparison. For me, going to a really great metal concert and being right up at the stage is better than sex could ever be. Its an intense and emotional experience, something that I can lose myself to and just be immersed in the music and the atmosphere. I never felt like I could lose myself to sex in that fashion. Again, no mental or emotional connection to sex, but plenty of emotional connection to a great metal show. Link to post Share on other sites
DesJ Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 Why should I do it when I can take care of my damned libido by myself? This is exactly how I feel. On the occasions when I feel aroused, or purposefully read smutty fanfiction for fun, I find no reason why masturbation wouldn't be "enough". A bit of a lead up, then orgasm, then I'm fine for days. I get much less sexual pleasure out of partnered sex, and I'd much rather cuddle or play video games with someone I care about than have sex with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Samael Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 As an aromantic asexual, I don't know anything about sexual pleasure. Then again, I have no desire to, either, so sexual pleasure does not exist in my world. In my world, I am incapable of understanding the appeal of sexual attraction or desire. Good thing I don't have a libido either. You could say that sexually speaking I'm as dead is it will ever get. I guess that compared to you, on this axis I'm at the opposite end ;) Link to post Share on other sites
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