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Im sexual, wife is not, but ok with occasional sex! I want her and i need her. She does the same about me, but not the same way, never sexually desire!

I feel an urge to say to those asexs, who talk about how the absence of sex, is making it possible to value other things in a relationship : please, dont tell me, that your love is on a higher level, just because you dont want the sex-bit! It is just love without wanting sex, thats it! Some aces might even feel love on a lesser level! It might be primitive to want/desire sex, but it doesnt make the sexual less human!

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  • 4 months later...

I'm sexual and have been with my asexual man for over two years. He 'came out' a little while ago after I asked him directly if he is asexual. He had heard the term before but was afraid of the consequences if he accepted it. From my point of view it was a relief when he said it; because then I knew there wasn't anything wrong with us, the reason we had challenges in the bedroom was because we didn't have all the information as to how we are different. NOW we know, so we could actually make a new start. There was also a sorrow that came over me, as I got scared that he had never really wanted to have a sexual relationship, and that I had in any way forced him. And my perspective on him changed, so much so that at first I felt as if the boyfriend I had been with was no more, there was another version of him sitting in front of me. I grieved my idea of who I had thought he had been, and that we would never share mutual love in a sexual way, he would never look at my body like I looked at his etc.

After that initial grief, what I firmly felt, and was important that he knew, is that I never felt any less love, I knew rationally that he was the same person. And with a little time where I cried a lot and he held me, we talked and talked and talked. I continued to also reassure him how proud I was of him and his openness. We talked about how we could best to this, because just as he is asexual person, I am a sexual person. And he is a romantic asexual, he loves cuddling and has no issues with nudity and closeness.

Most important is giving ourselves time, time to adjust emotionally, mentally and understand how this translates into our physical/practical life together.

He feels like he has lied to me, to which I say, I understand why he was afraid to accept this part of him. And no matter what, I always want us to be ourselves 100% and to take it from there. I don't want to go back to what we had, when we thought the challenges was due to his insecurities or inexperience, because we tried to make something happen that never would, and that's the worst feeling. We both feared that there was something wrong with us, and it's a relief to understand we're just different.

I said yesterday that it is important that he doesn't feel like he has to compensate, he is complete, he is loving and wonderful. This is not about power for me, it is about accepting, understanding and finding a way. And we are so far.

We've talked about me having a romantic relationship with him an potentially having a sexual relationship with another man. And we feel like that is something we are giving each other, allowing for me to explore that. It takes the potential pressure of my man, and it frees me up to express my sexual self. He doesn't feel threatened at all by this.

Communication is key for us. We are open to that we change, our opinions and feelings might change. But we are committed to each other, and love finds a way.

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Minerva

How did you raise the idea of having a sexual relationship outside your relationship with him? I'm thinking about raising this with my wife but even bringing it up could be awkward, making her feel like she's failing, or just not wanting it through jealousy.

I had actually thought about it a while, just because it could be so stressfull for us both when it came to sex. And my initial take on it was phrased as "How would you feel if I had a sexual realtions with someone else? While being in a romantic relationship with you?" And he responded that he had read of other mixed relationships that had similar arrangements. And If I would want to explore that he would be fine with that. We talked about how it actually would free him from the pressure of "performing" and feeling that I wasn't satisified. We see it as a way for me to express my sexual self and at them same time him getting to be his asexsual self. It is not in any shape or form about commitment, because we are planning our life together. This is just an option for me to explore. And he wants me to be happy, just as I want him to be. We talked about every step of the way, from me getting an account on Tinder (it worked for me ;) ) and when I was meeting this other man, what him and me talked about. And afterwards when I came home, I felt free anf grateful that we get to have it all. And when I walked in the door I looked at my bf and said "It was good. I feel good." And he smiled and said "That's all I want."

Having said that, I don't know how much I'll act on this, but I'm thankful that I have the option. We both feel free to be ourselves now. Time will tell how this will unfold. There is always a risk in any relationship. And honestly I would have to take a long and hard look at myself if I had to be in a romantic relationship without any kind of sexual realtions. I don't think I could do that, it's not who I am. As much as he is asexual I am sexual.

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Sounds like it went about as well as you could expect.

I've mentioned it to my (now) asexual wife in roughly the same kind of way, but making it very, very hypothetical, and she said she wouldn't like it as she'd feel she failed in the relationship, so I left it there at that point. I've gently suggested to her (at another time entirely) that she seemed like she could be asexual to me, and she just said 'hmmmm'. I'm not sure whether that was agreement, apathy, or ignorance. She's always been vaguely involved in the LGBT+ movement so she must've come across the term, but how much she knows, I have no idea.

I'm not at all sure she'd greet it with the equanimity your partner did, sadly.

Yes, I could actually ask him if you like, why he is ok with this. It baffled me a bit to be honest, the only thing that he has said is that he is afraid I might fall for another man, but we talked about how that is a risk no matter what. And we both have had to reasure each other. To my bf that I feel loved and love him and that we are open all the way. And for me that he actually IS ok with this. I'm not looking at this as a way out, or something that I wanted to to, but purly as a way to express my sexual side without needing to adjust or holding back. And after two years with by boyfriend I felt liberated being appreciated for my sexual and physical side. It means something to me to be validated in that aspect, feeling wanted and sexy. And afterwards I really looked forward to go home to be with my love. It has been a weird and wonderful time I can tell you that!

It is challenging no matter what. I think I got very lucky (how I see it) with how my partner handled this. I believe, as I'm sure asexuals will say for themselves (or correct me if I'm wrong), that it might be a process for some to get to the point where my bf is, if they get there at all or are even interested in discussing it.

As to how my bf 'came out'. I asked him directly. And he paused and than said 'Yes'. And everything shifted between us, and as painful as it has been, we are better as individuals and as a couple now, because we are who we are 100%.

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It means something to me to be validated in that aspect, feeling wanted and sexy. And afterwards I really looked forward to go home to be with my love. It has been a weird and wonderful time I can tell you that!

Must be nice..

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I'm torn about how my wife would think about it. On the one hand, she doesn't set much store by being conventional in general, but I think she wants to have a self image as a 'good wife', and that would clash with me having sex with someone else. And she's never been of the 'don't even flirt with anyone else' persuasion and when friends have had, um, situations, she generally takes the 'if it was just a mistake and there are mitigating circumstances, get past it' line, and various of her gay friends have open(ish) relationships and specialist interests and she wouldn't dream of judging them.

But even so, once it's out there, it's out there and even asking the question could do irreparable damage, so it's a big decision.

I agree. I trusted that it would be ok to bring it up as an option for us, we can be quite rational about things to a certain extent an discuss things openly without fear of judgement or being 'shut down'. I also asked my bf about why he is so ok with me having a sexual partner, and he says he just doesn't have the same connection to it at all, and it's just no big deal to him that I have sex with someone else. As I stated earlier, we have talked about his fear about me falling for someone else, but he also trusts me emotionally and my judgement. We have tried it now, I'll take my time and see how we'll move forward. I know for sure I'd rather have the relationship I have with my bf to risk us in any way shape or form that we were not both comfortable with. I hope you can find a way to work it out with your wife. I feel we should all be able to express our sexual or asexual nature.

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Thanks. I guess one way to present it would be that she just can't be a 'good wife' in the sense of making me feel desired by desiring me herself, but she can be a 'good wife' by allowing me to feel desired by someone else.

I wonder how jealous she feels if I flirt with other women - I do sometimes but seldom in front of her, just out of manners really. She flirts incorrigibly and it really doesn't bother me. If she doesn't mind me flirting, and I don't think she would, how different would that seem to an asexual from actual sex? I have no idea.

I don't think there are universal 'right' or 'good' answers to this.

My bf doesn't get jealous in general, I've never given him reason to either. He is in general a very easy-going and care-free man but also slightly oblivious person to other people's flirting or sexual innuendos ;) If that is due to asexuality or not I don't know. For him it is this whole other world he just doesn't know. He found it quite facinating that the other man I had sexual relations with found it a turn on that I was 'another mans woman', that had never occurred to my bf ^_^

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It's also complicated by our partners knowing that while they may not have any emotional associations with sex, sexuals (mostly) do. So if we have other partners, it may not trigger that visceral sexual jealousy but they'll be anxious we'll form a bind with them, and they probably have a point.

We definitely have a point. If sexual has a choice of being only with an asexual who can't offer full-hearted participation in physical/emotional sex, or starting an additional relationship with another sexual, that second relationship is definitely going to threaten the asexual.

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I can see how it could be perceived that way but the bond could be more of a FWB arrangements which wouldn't necessarily be a real threat to, say, a long and otherwise happy marriage, shared property, raising kids. That kind of thing can happen in non 'mixed' relationships too.

True. But you never know -- meaning neither partner will know what the second relationship will turn into, and the asexual (or original sexual partner) has to wait and worry. I've seen FWB arrangements turn into emotionally bonded relationships and end the original relationship. And if the asexual has their partner turn away from them due to a deepened secondary relationship, the asexual has more worry about finding another relationship due to their asexuality. After all, that's probably why the sexual partner started the secondary relationship to begin with: the asexuality factor.

When someone has a rational reason to worry about losing something, it doesn't do any good to reply to them that other people could lose something also. Why would that reassure them?

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Thanks. I guess one way to present it would be that she just can't be a 'good wife' in the sense of making me feel desired by desiring me herself, but she can be a 'good wife' by allowing me to feel desired by someone else.

I wonder how jealous she feels if I flirt with other women - I do sometimes but seldom in front of her, just out of manners really. She flirts incorrigibly and it really doesn't bother me. If she doesn't mind me flirting, and I don't think she would, how different would that seem to an asexual from actual sex? I have no idea.

Flirting to me is very different to sex. Flirting is just harmless fun, with none of the consequences that sex brings to the table. I don't have to worry about my partner getting another woman pregnant if he flirts, for example. I don't mind if people I am with flirt. My ex flirted with everything with two legs. Another ex flirted with some people, I didn't mind. The only time it did bother me is when one of them tried to hide the fact they were flirting from me... cause then they were lying to me and if they felt they had to hide it, I wanted to know why and what it meant to them that it was that big a deal they couldn't just tell me.

However, kissing, or sex with someone else would bother me in various ways. Especially if the partner expected me to do those things with them, as they would be things that would be in my "I don't really want to, if you're doing that with someone else... there is nothing special left about it for me".

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If you can make do with an occasional one night stand or vacation fling, that could conceivably work out all right. If you need to have an ongoing sexual relationship with a woman other than your wife, you should divorce your wife first, then reenter the dating pool afterwards. It's not fair to shop around for a second wife while keeping the first as a fallback option.

Right now it sounds like you're waffling about whether you might leave your wife for another woman. I don't advise proposing this plan to your wife in it's present form. Figure out whether you're going to stay with your wife or not. If you are definitely staying, then come up with a form of nonmonogamy limited enough not to threaten your marriage and run that plan by your wife.

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And if their partner can say 'I love you every bit as much, and being desired is emotionally necessary for me. I'd rather you desired me, but if you don't, I can get that from someone else without it affecting us'

There is no reason that anyone can say that definitively. When emotion is present in a relationship, it doesn't tend to stay in one discrete box.

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So far you've shown little aptitude for keeping sex and love in separate boxes. If you try to maintain an ongoing relationship outside your marriage and either you or the other woman fails to keep those boxes separate, someone gets hurt. I don't think I like those odds. If you are going to try ethical nonmonogamy, why not start small and see if you and your wife can handle occasional one night stands? I think that's just sensible risk reduction for people who probably aren't poly in real life.

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I'm pretty sure that's not going to end up being a conversation about poly relationships in principle. It's going to be all about addressing her anxiety that you're about to leave her for another woman. That's the part I think you need to think through a bit more before you broach the subject.

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And if their partner can say 'I love you every bit as much, and being desired is emotionally necessary for me. I'd rather you desired me, but if you don't, I can get that from someone else without it affecting us'

There is no reason that anyone can say that definitively. When emotion is present in a relationship, it doesn't tend to stay in one discrete box.

But they can't say it definitely won't happen - there's quite a few posts on AVEN from asexuals saying their sexual partners have sex with other people and it appears to be working okay. These things can be managed, often, it appears.

A mixed relationship has to include box-managing anyway. Sexuals have to keep the 'sex' and 'love' boxes separate if they want to stay in the relationship, which takes constant mental effort. I'm sure asexuals box-manage too, though it seems to me from all the labelling and defining that AVEN posters love, they tend towards boxing emotions into discrete elements more anyhow.

When I seek sexual connection, speaking only for myself her, I don't seek a connection with the other person romantically, we have to like each other and be attracted to each other as a basic prerequisite for me, and be sexually compatible ^_^ . I've only done this once, and I might not do it again. And both my bf and I are happy that I did it, because now I have had experience and we as a couple can take it from there. Figuring out what works for the both of us. For me sex is not why I fell in love with my asexual bf, not why we've stayed together, and I can't see why it would make me leave. But having sexual relations with another sexual person allows me be to really connected with that side of myself. I talked with my bf about this how I compare it to the need to be with kindred spirits on other aspects of my person, like that I'm a woman, interested in movies and books etc. Me and this other man that I was with had the sexual aspect in common, we 'connected' on that level, and for me it felt like I got to freely express a part of who I am. As I'm still processing how I want to proceed, communicating with my bf, I have also felt shame that I have this sexual side to me, that I feel the need to express myself in that way. Dealing with that, how to best do that, and address the cultural overlays of me 'breaking' the social construct of monogamy and me as a woman being the sexually active one.

It is to me (us) a challenge, but as long as we can talk about everything, respect each other and be open to changes in opinions and feelings on how we handle the difference in sexual nature, we are very confident that we will find a way that works for us. I hope that you will too. I know for me when I was so insecure with my bf before he 'came out' as asexual, I needed to accept that he never means me any harm or to hurt me. And if I feel hurt, it's a matter of addressing why and communicate as to where we are 'missing' each other. And I have had to learn to see his love where it is, not where I would prefer it to be. We have a different love-language when it comes to the physical bit, but there is an abundance of love ^_^

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What do you do when your asexual partner doesn't recognise that they are just that and they don't even want to talk about it?

You do what you do when anyone doesn't want to talk about something: after trying several times, you recognize that it's their right to not talk about something. What are you going to do, bully them to get them to talk?

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Thanks. I guess one way to present it would be that she just can't be a 'good wife' in the sense of making me feel desired by desiring me herself, but she can be a 'good wife' by allowing me to feel desired by someone else.

I think one of the most difficult ways of showing love, is to let someone go, because you think that way they'll be happier.

My partner would do that for me, and that's ironically the primary reason I could not ever leave her.

My wife was kinda sexual till menopause - she liked sex but only as a physical thing, no emotional component at all. Then when she lost that at menopause, she became effectively asexual (though there are plenty here who'd argue that point). She's also very good at acting so she fits in so she 'gets' sexuality more than a lot of lifelong asexuals.

I watched a documentary on autism recently, and it was an eye opener to me in many ways. For one thing, it seems to me that asexuality is to sexuality, as is autism to sociality. There seems to be some "primitive hardwiring" missing, but it's still possible to replicate and "act" that part using other areas of the brain. To me it sounds like there's a very good chance your wife was asexual all along, but she was so good at "replacing" the sexual bit using other mechanisms in her brain, you just didn't notice until recently, when it was no longer possible for her to do so.

It's also complicated by our partners knowing that while they may not have any emotional associations with sex, sexuals (mostly) do. So if we have other partners, it may not trigger that visceral sexual jealousy but they'll be anxious we'll form a bind with them, and they probably have a point.

We definitely have a point. If sexual has a choice of being only with an asexual who can't offer full-hearted participation in physical/emotional sex, or starting an additional relationship with another sexual, that second relationship is definitely going to threaten the asexual.

No. The asexual is not "definitely" going to be threatened. Both in my and Minerva's case, the asexual partner seems to have full trust in the other, and not to feel threatened at all.

And as a poly person, I don't get all this "threat" talk anyway. Either you're one of those rare mono-amorous people. Then you won't fall for someone other than your partner anyway, case closed. Or if you do have that innate ability to love several people, what exactly is the problem with living it?

As I'm still processing how I want to proceed, communicating with my bf, I have also felt shame that I have this sexual side to me, that I feel the need to express myself in that way.

Ditto. And for me, as an unattractive, sexual "man" (at least in biology and sexuality), I honestly don't see a path out. My sexuality is not something I can express with my partner, but it is also not something I have any reliable way to express with anyone else. I'm neither attractive enough, nor willing to play the social "games" required for a man to convince a woman to have casual sex with him. I can't make the typical "exchange" of love, devotion and financial security in exchange for sex, because I already have a life partner. And when there's the very rare woman who likes me anyway, I don't want to "use" her for fulfilling my sexual pleasures. I want to show her that I love her for her, and want to engage in sexual activities only as a way of expressing my feelings, not as a way to meet my sexual desires. And it's hard, because those sexual desires are very strong, and I'm very desperate.

At the end, I'm giving up on sex, because there are more important things to me in this world than being happy, or even than living a life that is bearable.

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What do you do when your asexual partner doesn't recognise that they are just that and they don't even want to talk about it?

You do what you do when anyone doesn't want to talk about something: after trying several times, you recognize that it's their right to not talk about something. What are you going to do, bully them to get them to talk?

And then you stop making it about them, and concentrate on the responsibility and choice you do have, yourself - decide if you can bear letting it rest and make your peace with the situation as it is, or otherwise, leave the relationship. You don't need any admission, communication, or permission from the partner for that - and to realize that independence is immensely liberating, IMO.

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On 9/16/2016 at 10:09 PM, Mysticus Insanus said:
On 9/16/2016 at 9:54 PM, Sally said:
On 9/16/2016 at 1:55 PM, Apostle said:

What do you do when your asexual partner doesn't recognise that they are just that and they don't even want to talk about it?

You do what you do when anyone doesn't want to talk about something: after trying several times, you recognize that it's their right to not talk about something. What are you going to do, bully them to get them to talk?

And then you stop making it about them, and concentrate on the responsibility and choice you do have, yourself - decide if you can bear letting it rest and make your peace with the situation as it is, or otherwise, leave the relationship. You don't need any admission, communication, or permission from the partner for that - and to realize that independence is immensely liberating, IMO.

On 9/16/2016 at 9:54 PM, Sally said:

You do what you do when anyone doesn't want to talk about something: after trying several times, you recognize that it's their right to not talk about something. What are you going to do, bully them to get them to talk?

x

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Doesn't it depend on the circumstances though? At the time of our problems I recognised my responsibilities as a parent as paramount as we had three children under the age of two, one severely disabled. As a Christian I couldn't let any selfishnesh in my own personal life get in the way of being a responsible parent and thus I stuck with the relationship I had with my wife. We are good friends now but nothing more than that. Having now thought through our pre-family relationship though I sort of realised that she was probably asexual all along but disguised it well and went along with the infrequent sex before we had children. I just thought she had a low libido at one stage but perhaps this was a smokescreen to hide her true self.

One thing I have now realised is that whilst many people say sex between partners is a small part of a relationship, they may not realise the importance of it for some.

As far as not talking about it, I think that is just rubbish. That is why wars occur..........no communication............... and it is communication that is always at the heart of any relationship.

If the partner chooses not to talk, then that's it - you just have to accept it. You can't make them, and it's their choice.

Seeing as you say you're a Christian, I suppose you're familiar with this saying:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change

the courage

to change the things I can change

and the wisdom

to tell one from the other.

I found that tis is one of the best lessons there is in life, especially in terms of relationships and social situations, in general.

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Having now thought through our pre-family relationship though I sort of realised that she was probably asexual all along but disguised it well

. . .

I just thought she had a low libido at one stage but perhaps this was a smokescreen to hide her true self.

Those are kind of pejorative things to say. If she didn't know there was such a thing as asexuality (as I didn't), she wasn't disguising it, and she wasn't trying to hide her true self. What she was likely doing was just the best she could: having sex that she knew you expected even though she didn't want it or enjoy it.

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I know my bf had read about the term asexuality a long time ago, but he was afraid to go there, what it would mean. And as he is a romantic, when he decides he wanted a partner and met me, we both see now in retrospect that he "acted" sexually but he truly is an ace. Because he pushed the potential of asexuality far back in his mind, and because we did have sex he just put our challenges in that area down to aspects like insecurity etc. I don't feel like he has tricked me, I completely understand that he was afraid, this is an enormous process for him personally. At first I was afraid of what him being asexual would mean for me, for us. I took it personally, that it somehow was a rejection of me. I all of a sudden felt that he was a different person etc. I went through all of the emotions I could. I grieved the idea I used to have about who he and we were. Some hopes I had, I had to let go of. But we've moved past the initial emotional rollercoaster. And we are better now, because we are both our true selves. And we knew all along that we wanted to stay together and make it work. We are discussing options, trying things out, and are very hopeful that we can do this. Communication is key.

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Having now thought through our pre-family relationship though I sort of realised that she was probably asexual all along but disguised it well

. . .

I just thought she had a low libido at one stage but perhaps this was a smokescreen to hide her true self.

Those are kind of pejorative things to say. If she didn't know there was such a thing as asexuality (as I didn't), she wasn't disguising it, and she wasn't trying to hide her true self. What she was likely doing was just the best she could: having sex that she knew you expected even though she didn't want it or enjoy it.

She's had 25 years to date to say something about her lack of sexual enjoyment. I'm sure most people would have at least communicated some information within that time frame. What's more, I gave her a choice. I stopped having infrequent sex (she had never initiated any type of sexual encounter in her life) after she said one night that she was bored with sex. I thought she may have been bored just with me but on reflection this does not appear to be the case. Also, don't forget I didn't know about asexuality either. It works both ways.

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I know my bf had read about the term asexuality a long time ago, but he was afraid to go there, what it would mean. And as he is a romantic, when he decides he wanted a partner and met me, we both see now in retrospect that he "acted" sexually but he truly is an ace. Because he pushed the potential of asexuality far back in his mind, and because we did have sex he just put our challenges in that area down to aspects like insecurity etc. I don't feel like he has tricked me, I completely understand that he was afraid, this is an enormous process for him personally. At first I was afraid of what him being asexual would mean for me, for us. I took it personally, that it somehow was a rejection of me. I all of a sudden felt that he was a different person etc. I went through all of the emotions I could. I grieved the idea I used to have about who he and we were. Some hopes I had, I had to let go of. But we've moved past the initial emotional rollercoaster. And we are better now, because we are both our true selves. And we knew all along that we wanted to stay together and make it work. We are discussing options, trying things out, and are very hopeful that we can do this. Communication is key.

Absolutely spot on about communication.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Doesn't it depend on the circumstances though? At the time of our problems I recognised my responsibilities as a parent as paramount as we had three children under the age of two, one severely disabled. As a Christian I couldn't let any selfishnesh in my own personal life get in the way of being a responsible parent and thus I stuck with the relationship I had with my wife. We are good friends now but nothing more than that. Having now thought through our pre-family relationship though I sort of realised that she was probably asexual all along but disguised it well and went along with the infrequent sex before we had children. I just thought she had a low libido at one stage but perhaps this was a smokescreen to hide her true self.

One thing I have now realised is that whilst many people say sex between partners is a small part of a relationship, they may not realise the importance of it for some.

As far as not talking about it, I think that is just rubbish. That is why wars occur..........no communication............... and it is communication that is always at the heart of any relationship.

If the partner chooses not to talk, then that's it - you just have to accept it. You can't make them, and it's their choice.

Seeing as you say you're a Christian, I suppose you're familiar with this saying:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change

the courage

to change the things I can change

and the wisdom

to tell one from the other.

I found that tis is one of the best lessons there is in life, especially in terms of relationships and social situations, in general.

Isn't that what I have done though..........accepted my position, albeit reluctantly? I'm only talking about my position on this site because my wife cannot or does not want to and it's a bit of a mental release to do so. The only thing that makes it slightly easier is that I know I am not alone. I can tell you this much though: suppressing one's sexuality is damn difficult and the desire to communicate in a way that is most common is forever lost.

It's no wonder that less and less people are committing to relationships..........it's too time consuming in this day and age of media communication. Good luck to them I say.

Reading through the comments on various threads it is not difficult to determine how many asexual people are lonely though and very sad it is for us all.

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Doesn't it depend on the circumstances though? At the time of our problems I recognised my responsibilities as a parent as paramount as we had three children under the age of two, one severely disabled. As a Christian I couldn't let any selfishnesh in my own personal life get in the way of being a responsible parent and thus I stuck with the relationship I had with my wife. We are good friends now but nothing more than that. Having now thought through our pre-family relationship though I sort of realised that she was probably asexual all along but disguised it well and went along with the infrequent sex before we had children. I just thought she had a low libido at one stage but perhaps this was a smokescreen to hide her true self.

One thing I have now realised is that whilst many people say sex between partners is a small part of a relationship, they may not realise the importance of it for some.

As far as not talking about it, I think that is just rubbish. That is why wars occur..........no communication............... and it is communication that is always at the heart of any relationship.

If the partner chooses not to talk, then that's it - you just have to accept it. You can't make them, and it's their choice.

Seeing as you say you're a Christian, I suppose you're familiar with this saying:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change

the courage

to change the things I can change

and the wisdom

to tell one from the other.

I found that tis is one of the best lessons there is in life, especially in terms of relationships and social situations, in general.

Isn't that what I have done though..........accepted my position, albeit reluctantly? I'm only talking about my position on this site because my wife cannot or does not want to and it's a bit of a mental release to do so. The only thing that makes it slightly easier is that I know I am not alone. I can tell you this much though: suppressing one's sexuality is damn difficult and the desire to communicate in a way that is most common is forever lost.

It's no wonder that less and less people are committing to relationships..........it's too time consuming in this day and age of media communication. Good luck to them I say.

Reading through the comments on various threads it is not difficult to determine how many asexual people are lonely though and very sad it is for us all.

Why dont you have sex with other people?

I can understand that she doesnt want sex, so you dont have sex with her. But she cant force you to live like an eunuchus and be celibate. I would never accept that if I was you. You could try to have sex with other people no matter if se likes it or not.

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Anthracite_Impreza
Why dont you have sex with other people?

I can understand that she doesnt want sex, so you dont have sex with her. But she cant force you to live like an eunuchus and be celibate. I would never accept that if I was you. You could try to have sex with other people no matter if se likes it or not.

Some people are monogamous, dude, they only want sex with their partner.

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