Need some advice

[Queenbea63]

Hello,

I stumbled on this site by accident today by doing some reading so I can understand what my partner is going through, and how I deal with it.

We met a year ago and have been exclusive with each other and he has subsequently moved in with me. The first few months of dating we had sex, although he has to masterbate to completion. Then about July sex got rare and he said it was the housing situation, I was living with family at the time. Since we moved though its been once since we moved. I am a sexual person and for a long while took it personally. We did talk about the 'problem' but he said he is in his comfort zone now and he is getting older (50).

For a long while I took it as something I was doing or not doing, and we have talked about faithfulness to one another so I don't think its that he is cheating. All the while I was getting more and more frustrated. (so much so that I started councilling). He is a great person and tells me he loves me, and will hug or cuddle with me but thats where the intimacy stops. (no kissing)

He has been on his own for 14 years and I am his longest relationship. He has said that sex is not the important part of the relationship and that this is how he has felt in all his previous relationships (and there has been a few). Also it came to light recently that he has almost never initated sex, even with any of his past relationships which lasted 3-6 months at the most.

At times I cry because sadly I am one of the ones who feels the 'connection' with sex (my problem, not his).

We talked about whether he has a physical condition and he says he is fine...sooo this is why I am here, for learning and to understand that perhaps this is how he truly is.

Thanks for listening to my rambling heart

[3veR]

I can relate to that. I think he's fine. I think he loves you too. I also think the reason he never initiated sex is because not being able to complete would probably also make you feel like you were the problem. It's probably easiest for him to avoid the whole deal altogether. The biggest part is for you not to take it personally. That might have been one of the reasons his past relationships didn't last long. I now that's one of the reasons mine didn't.