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Bountiful Harvest, April 7, 2011 in Romantic and Aromantic Orientations
people when looking for answers often convince themselves they have found it and adapt to that way found
life isn't that simple..the fluidity from any person about who and what they are is forever evolving and this I feel is just one of those evolving momments
as to the finer tuning bits..some will be along soon I am sure
but for now..be you..don't worry too much..see where life takes you
Just as sexuality is fluid, so is romantic identity. You shouldn't panic about it, just see what happens and go with it! :)
I consider myself heteromantic, so I'm afraid I can't give you much advice. Still, I hope you find your answer!
All I have to relate is that I have a friend who is a lesbian and often wonder what is would like to be in a relationship with her (not really a romantic attraction or anything, but I guess it counts?).
I guess I'm heteroromantic who likes the look of men :D It's not a crush I don't think, then again it could develop into one (usually a strong aesthetic attraction develops into a romantic one) also as I don't converse with men too much I might not be giving it time to develop? I might experiment. . . :/
So my main question is what constitutes a squish and what constitutes a crush, what is the key difference? :o
I'm a bit of a hypocrite, I pedal the notion that it's all fluid and you should be yourself yet after joining AVEN I find the need to box myself has increased...strange. I feel conflicted if I can't fall back on a definition, I guess they act as a safety blanket.
I think the standard difference is a crush has that physical aspect to it while the squish is purely romantic. As someone put it, the difference is between instead of wanting to be naked with the person, you just want to be with him/her.
Also, just throwing it out there, you say it confuses you that you can't tolerate guys that much but are confused that you might be becoming romantically attracted to some. But, if you think about it, that could make sense if you look at the stereotypical gay sexual whose circle of friends is all girls.
Anyways, love is love. Nature is fluid, it is society that gives us labels and roles. Be true to yourself and, more importantly, enjoy some cake. :)
I identify as bi-romantic, but I started having crushes on guys during middle school and only on girls starting in college. I define a crush as wanting to be with someone romantically (I personally see signs of wanting to hold his/her hand or hug).
I'm not really sure if it was because I changed from being heteroromantic to biromantic, or if I was always biromantic and just hadn't seen any girls I liked. I think I was sort of "fascinated" by boys back when I was younger because I was intimidated by them but I also wanted boys to like me because I had pretty low self-esteem.
I'm not sure if I can help, because I am definitely heteroromantic. I'm just wondering about the whole "squish" thing. Where I come from, nobody says that word. Everyone around here says "crush". Whenever somebody likes somebody else in any romantic way, even when it's a five-year-old girl who wants to be friends with a five-year-old boy, that's referred to as a crush. I had no idea that there was any distinction there. But I have been looking for a way to distinguish the sort of crush that children and asexuals get from the sort that normal teenagers and adults get. For me, a crush is as simple as wanting to be in the same room as a guy and/or talk to him. Often, when I'm near him, it's as much as wanting to hug him and, on rare occasions, to kiss him. I like looking at good-looking guys as much as anyone else on this site, but it's not always aesthetic for me, since I've been known to develop crushes over the Internet without even a clear idea of what the guy looks like. Actually, it's been a long time since I've had a crush on anyone, partially because of a guy I went out with when I was fifteen who couldn't keep his hands to himself, and partially because of a guy I thought was "the one" when I was sixteen who not only chose my sister instead of me but turned out to be completely normal (meaning not asexual). Also, I know that every guy I've ever met in person (at least the ones close to my age) has been completely normal, and that if I should ever happen to find myself in a relationship with one of them, there are certain issues that are bound to come up eventually. So I prevent that from happening by keeping my heart to myself. If I happen to think to myself "that guy is really good-looking" or "that guy and I have a lot in common", I find myself cancelling that out by saying: "Forget it, Elinor. Even if he did like you, which I doubt, he's normal, and he wants to do things that you don't want to do." I will admit, there are a few guys on this site who have sort of piqued my interest (I'm sure that they know who they are), but it's been a long time since I've had a major crush on anyone (unless you count movie stars who are completely unaware of my existence). Anyway, I don't know if I was any help, or if I've just made things worse, but I really hope that I was of some help to you, and I hope that you find the answers that you seek soon!
-Elinor (Future Crazy Cat Lady)