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[cuddleslut]

I'm a sex positive, sex loving, queer identified, cis gendered female who is dating a transman who thinks he may be asexual (although, he refuses to talk about it much). I'm a monogamous girl who currently isn't opposed to opening our relationship up.

We've been together for a little over 2 years, 1.5ish of them were amazingly, wonderfully sexual. Several times a day slowly turned to once a week. Once a week some how dwindled down to 2 weeks then into nothing. At all.

I'm tired, and mostly over thinking that it's something I'm doing, or not doing. How pretty/fat/attractive/loveable I am or not. My emotions are not always logical, regardless of how rational I try to be.

I'm a lovey-dovey, touchy-feely girl. When I have an amazing day all I want to do to celebrate is make out (now, past me would want to make out and fuck) I'm in love with a guy who has no desire, what so ever, or make out (or fuck). I never thought I would say that I'm tired of cuddles, but damnit I am. When they are used as a substitution for any other kind of activity.

I don't really know what I hope to get out of this post. To not be the only one?

[Faelights]

When did your boyfriend first mention that he thought he might be asexual?

I don't want to presume anything, so I think it's really too bad that your boyfriend doesn't seem to want to talk about it, but I respectfully wonder if he really is asexual, or if something else has happened. I'm going to go through some definitions below, and if you know them already, I'm sorry!

Generally, we make a distinction between a lack of sex drive/libido and asexuality. When someone lacks a sex drive, well, pretty self-explanatory, they don't experience an urge to engage in any sexual activity. When someone is asexual, however, they don't experience an urge to engage any sexual activity with a particular individual. So sometimes you have an asexual who has a sex drive, like me. =P

Having said that, it seems as though your relationship was very sexual to begin with, and continued to be sexual for quite a while up until now. That's why I can't be but a little concerned that what your boyfriend is experiencing isn't asexuality, but is in fact a sudden decrease in sex drive, which COULD possibly have roots in something more serious, i.e. it might be a good idea to go get it checked out by a doctor or something first, just to rule out any possibility of that type of problem. Of course, if he's sure that his behaviour has its roots in asexuality, then it's definitely his identity to choose.

In other news! I am also a sorta-maybe-quite-a-bit-okay-REALLY physically affectionate person myself. Having no significant other right now, I totally get depressed enough to cry sometimes from the lack of physical affection, so I think I know a little bit of how you're feeling about this >_<; I do hope the situation changes for you soon!

[cuddleslut]

He first mentioned it several months ago. Novemberish? I've thought about other factors, and there will always be other factors to think about, but I defiantly don't think they are IT. When it gets to be too much for me and I HAVE to talk about not getting sex (or anything) he either shrugs and says " I'll cuddle you" or states that "everyone else brakes up with me because I no longer want to have sex." I've thought about it, honestly, I have. I bet I also would, if I didn't love the fucker. :)

One of the reasons it hurts is because he does have a sex drive, he's just not into sharing it with me? I don't know about the word choice, it seems wrong but I can't think of a better way to state it. He gets horny, he'll watch porn and jerk it. I just am no longer allowed to watch/be a part of it. Mutual masturbation was the last physical thing we had.

I'm sorry that you don't get enough cuddles and physical attention! I hope you find a cuddle person that's right for you. Thank you.