What is the status of demisexuals and grey-a's in relation to the community?

[henrik]

Demisexuality and Grey-A's are a part of the asexuality community as well. So naturally they'll be a part of this podcast as well. This is what the brave crew of the starship A Life discusses this time around.

Please do add your thoughts about the subject, but I urge you to listen to the show first. It will considerably clarify the poll and give tons of thought-provoking entertainment. You can find the show here:

http://alifepodcast.wordpress.com/

[Pandoren]

I'm not going to say I'm elitist because I don't think that way. By the definition of asexuality, demis and grey-a's are not asexual and I don't call them asexual, but I don't have a problem with them being part of our asexual community under the umbrella since they are closer in our society to us and share a lot of the same problems.

(Wow, reading that back, I actually sound like an ass!)

[Pandora's Fox]

I'm demi and I believe the person in question should be free to decide for them self. As Acer said, either way they should always be welcome to our community and fit under the asexuality "umbrella".

[philos-phobos]

I just found out about asexuality recently and it's been this amazing experience to find other welcoming people who think the same way as I do.

I think of myself as being a romantic demi, but if I think about it I act more like an aromantic ace. Basically I'm still trying to figure out where the heck I fit into everything else. I think that if demis and grey-As weren't a part of the community I wouldn't feel as comfortable trying to explore and figure out who I am, and places like Aven wouldn't seem as welcoming to those who are questioning.

(Haven't listened to the podcast yet, but I'll get on it as soon as I can).

[dooomninja]

yep with ~acer~ on that one :)

[PiF]

within the asexuality flow chart of definitions acer is probably spot on

within the community however..i rarely care what shade of asexuality anyone is..i either like you or i do not

[mylittlehazmat]

*shrugs* Honestly, the phrasing of the poll puts me off what the question actually is. Are greys/demis asexual? Well, no, they're grey/demi ... are they part of the asexual community? Hell yes, if they want to be. Are they "ace"? Yes, because I've never seen "ace" used specifically and only ever for "asexual". Ace is kind of a colloquialism for anyone in the ace community, not solely for asexuals. So. Bler. Your question is confusing, but I put "they should be free to choose" because while a demi/grey is not asexual (we've already covered this) they are apart of our community, and I have no issues with them being part of the community.

[zoidberger]

i think each person should decide what terms (if any) fit them best. who is anyone to decide someone else's sexuality for them?

personally, i'm definitely somewhere in the demi/grey-a area... though i'm not really sure about that, because even though i can want and enjoy sex with my fiancé, i still don't believe i understand what sexual attraction is -- even in relation to my partner. i identify with lots of the stuff that asexual people discuss here on AVEN and am probably closer to asexual than sexual... but sometimes i just feel that i can be a little too sexual in certain circumstances (haha, that sounds kind of odd...) to call myself completely ace. consequently, i don't actually consider myself either of the two. i feel completely comfortable in the asexual community, and other demi/grey-a/unsure/unlabelled folks should be made to feel welcome as well.

Yeah, I was going to write something quite similar. I'm not sure if I actually know what sexual attraction is or experience it... but I do enjoy sex and can sometimes have a drive for it. So basically I often identify with demis and asexuals. If it weren't for my relationship, I would identify fully with asexuals. What does that mean? I have no idea :lol:

[eee]

demi, and i consider myself ace just because I don't really care about sex, i don't crave it, without a loved one I can go on a life time without sex. For me, it's more of a mentality then physical. I can have sex but I don't feel sexual attraction. If I never fell in love, I would have been the same old ace and aromantic through and through. For a long time, I never thought about love, romance, sex or was even remotely looked for it. I met someone and it changed but still am asexual and aromantic to the rest of the world.

[Guest]

I'm a grey-a and I think that every group has their in betweens.

Straight and gay have the bisexuals/pansexuals/polysexuals/etc

Transgendered not only have FTM and MTF, but they also have genderqueers/gendernonconformists/etc

And we have asexuals and sexuals and the grey-As/demis/etc.

In the first two groups there is little doubt that the "in betweens" belong to the group. So why shouldn't grey-as and demis be part of the ace community as well?

[ANTI-ALL]

I VOTED "OTHER" BECAUSE IT DEPENDS ON THE SPECIFIC CASE. SOME GREY-A'S ARE MORE ASEXUAL THAN OTHERS, AND IN THE CASE OF PEOPLE WHO ENJOY SEX I SIMPLY CANNOT UNDERSTAND ON WHAT GROUNDS THEY WOULD CLAIM TO BE ASEXUAL. ONE OF THE PANELLISTS WAS TALKING ABOUT HAVING WET DREAMS, AND MASTURBATING IN A "NON-SEXUAL" WAY. SERIOUSLY, HOW ON EARTH DOES THAT WORK? PERHAPS SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST DESPERATE TO ASSOCIATE THEMSELVES WITH THE ASEXUAL COMMUNITY, FOR WHATEVER REASON, AND THUS USE LOOSE TERMS LIKE "GREY-A" AS A MEANS TO JUSTIFY THEIR INVOLVEMENT IN THE COMMUNITY.

AS FOR MYSELF, I'M A HETEROROMANTIC ASEXUAL AND I ONLY FOUND THIS OUT RECENTLY. I THOUGHT I WAS HETEROSEXUAL, UNTIL I ACTUALLY HAD SEX AND DISCOVERED THAT I HATED IT. I WAS TOLD THAT IT ONLY FELT UNPLEASANT BECAUSE IT WAS MY FIRST TIME, AND BY THE TIME I GOT TO MY SECOND SEXUAL ENCOUNTER I WOULD FEEL COMFORTABLE. I DIDN'T. I HATED IT MORE THAN EVER! I MUST ALSO ADD THAT I'VE NEVER HAD SEX SOBER IN MY LIFE BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T LIKE IT, AND I CAN’T BRING MYSELF TO DO IT IN MY RIGHT MIND. NOT BECAUSE I CAN'T GET PHYSICALLY AROUSED, I JUST DON’T WANT TO, WHICH PEOPLE FIND RATHER STRANGE SEEING AS I’M A GUY. I SIMPLY DON'T LIKE IT, AND THE REASON WHY I DISCOVERED THE TERM "ASEXUALITY" IS BY DOING SOME RESEARCH, BECAUSE I REALIZED THAT PEOPLE GENERALLY DON'T HAVE INDUCE AN INTOXICATED STATE OF MIND JUST TO TRICK THEMSELVES INTO HAVING SEX. IT OUGHT TO COME NATURALLY.

IT IS FOR THIS VERY SAME REASON THAT I DON'T BELIEVE IN THE NOTION OF PEOPLE NOT HAVING SEX BEFORE MARRIGE, BECAUSE IF I LIVED MY LIFE BASED ON THAT IDEA I WOULD HAVE ONLY DISCOVERED MY ASEXUALITY AFTER GETTING MARRIED AND THIS WOULD OBVIOUSLY CAUSE A WHOLE HOST OF OTHER PROBLEMS.

[mylittlehazmat]

Anti-All, I would just like to point out to you that using all caps on the internet is akin to shouting at everyone. Despite the fact you're using periods, I can't get rid of the feeling I should be stepping back from the screen and plugging my ears. Apologies. x.x

[MadRat]

I identify myself as gray-A and I consider myself ace. AVEN is the only one place where I can be who I am, no matter that I don´t know who I am.

So don´t kick me out of this wonderful community! Nooo!!! Please!!! :lol:

[ANTI-ALL]

Yeah, sorry about that (The caps). I guess it's a bad habbit.

[ANTI-ALL]

P.S: A repost without the caps ;)

"I voted "other" because it depends on the specific case. Some grey-A's are more asexual than others, and in the case of people who enjoy sex I simply cannot understand on what grounds they would claim to be asexual. One of the panelists was talking about having wet dreams, and masturbating in a "non-sexual" way. Seriously, how on earth does that work? Perhaps some people are just desperate to associate themselves with the asexual community, for whatever reason, and thus use loose terms like "grey-a" as a means to justify their involvement in the community.

As for myself, I'm a hetero-romantic asexual and I only found this out recently. I thought I was heterosexual, until I actually had sex and discovered that I hated it. I was told that it only felt unpleasant because it was my first time, and by the time I got to my second sexual encounter I would feel comfortable. I didn't. I hated it more than ever! I must also add that I've never had sex sober in my life because I really don't like it, and I can’t bring myself to do it in my right mind. Not because I can't get physically aroused, I just don’t want to, which people find rather strange seeing as I’m a guy. I simply don't like it, and the reason why I discovered the term "asexuality" is by doing some research, because I realized that people generally don't have induce an intoxicated state of mind just to trick themselves into having sex. It ought to come naturally.

It is for this very same reason that I don't believe in the notion of people not having sex before marriage, because if I lived my life based on that idea I would have only discovered my asexuality after getting married and this would obviously cause a whole host of other problems."

[Deremna]

You cannot put "zombies" on a poll and not expect me to pick that one!! :lol:

I believe I would be grey but I do call myself asexual (or nonsexual as my boyfriend prefers). I understand how someone could be sexually attracted to someone else and even if I sometimes am, I just don't feel the need to jump their bones. I wouldn't say demi because I have had sex with people with no emotional attachment and I am currently in a relationship with someone I love dearly but most of the time, I have zero interest in any sexual acts with him. I get a very, very rare flare up but that's about it.. So, grey-a and I loves it here whether people believe I'm a true ace or not!

[Deremna]

It is for this very same reason that I don't believe in the notion of people not having sex before marriage, because if I lived my life based on that idea I would have only discovered my asexuality after getting married and this would obviously cause a whole host of other problems.

I would just like to add that I feel this is a wonderful point and I agree whole-heartedly.

[Moon Thief]

I believe it's the individuals choice to decide if they are in the asexual community or not.

[Guest member25959]

Why shouldn't Grey-A's be considered apart of the Asexual community? The defeniton of Asexuality is 'lack of sexual attraction, and they experience lack sexual attraction, albeit from time to time.

But in the end, its their choice to identify, just like how some Asexuals consider themselves apart of the LGBT and some don't.

[ooze]

I am grey-a and I don't consider myself asexual, because I am not asexual. I am close, though, so I appreciate being a part of the ace community. I'm just not literally ace. Of course, I think other people should be able to decide for themselves.