Guest Invisible Pumpkin Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Yes, save me :o What if I save you and you save me? that sound like a good deal! :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
FrozenCherry Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Yes, save me :o What if I save you and you save me? that sound like a good deal! :lol: What I would do without you? :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Invisible Pumpkin Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Yes, save me :o What if I save you and you save me? that sound like a good deal! :lol: What I would do without you? :lol: I know what you would do! You would eat lots of cake, and would have lots of dates!!!! Also you would have much fun in the JJF forum lol. Don't I know you? Well going back to the point, yes... I hate to feel that Im around of a bunch of people and that I'm not so significant for any of them, nor they for me, even when I like to been with them. Seems like something is missing, specially when they all leave... Link to post Share on other sites
MadRat Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I intend to be super rich instead, to such a degree that I'll have a posse of women who sleep at my house like any other multimillionaire, except we'll replace the five-somes with extra helpings of cocaine. :lol: :lol: :lol: Don´t you want to replace cocaine with cakes? ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Jaz Posted May 1, 2011 Author Share Posted May 1, 2011 I fear loneliness more than being alone. I go out of my way to be alone even when I'm around people. It will probably always be that way. I don't like being around people. But, it is a HUGE fear of mine that one day I will wake up and feel crippling loneliness. I knew a guy who was loner like myself. He was older(much)and lived with his mom. He was so depressingly miserable.... it scared me to death. He was always angry, he ate the same things everyday, he rarely went outside, he never even showered. NEVER SHOWERED!!!!!!! EVER! He just made me think to myself "Gosh, is this going to be me?" Being alone is great, but that experience made me realized that I would be willing to sacrifice a little of my alone time to have someone around to spend life with. Heck, I need someone that would at least encourage me to shower. I feel the exact same way. Its fine for me too be alone but sometimes I just need someone to be there for me and it hurts that I have no one. I'm scared that I never will. And that's so sad... I always feel bad for people who end up living like that, even if it was by choice. I believe that everyone should have someone who keeps them living and happy, even if its just a really good friend. No one should have to be lonely forever. I just hope I find someone someday. Thanks for replying :-) Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 The idea of being alone is not as scary. I'm more afraid of the kind of person I could become if I stay alone. Or maybe both issues are the same.... Link to post Share on other sites
Jaz Posted May 1, 2011 Author Share Posted May 1, 2011 Yeah, I do worry about being alone. It's more easy to put that worry into context, so to speak, now that I've found out about asexuality. I'm an aromantic also (so I guess it's weird for me to say I don't want to be alone) as in, I experience no romantic attraction for people. The most would be an intellectual attraction/curiosity. None of the 'butterflies' etc that people seem to report, or a desire for a monogamous relationship, but I do want intimate (emotionally, but allowing for hugs and without that kind of awkwardness) relationship(s). I don't feel like that will be likely for me though, which makes me lonely, but then I think-I'll just take what the hell life throws at me and make the best out of it. :) You have a good view on life, I love your reply. I want the same really, when I think about it, it would be nice to have someone I could talk about anything with at any time and never feel awkward. It would be great to have someone around to talk too when I'm feeling depressed."The most would be an intellectual attraction/curiosity. None of the 'butterflies' etc that people seem to report, or a desire for a monogamous relationship, but I do want intimate (emotionally, but allowing for hugs and without that kind of awkwardness) relationship(s)" This is it exactly, glad I'm not the only one out there Link to post Share on other sites
Samael Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Am I afraid of being alone forever? No. Actually, I'm counting on being alone ;) Being alone is how I've always envisioned my life to be. So far it has worked to my advantage too. It of course helps that I don't desire romantic or sexual intimacy, so I won't feel burdened by them when in solitude. Link to post Share on other sites
infactiamme Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 I suppose in a way I am. Not now because I have the support of my best friends, but maybe when I'm older and everyone else will drift off into relationships.... Ah well, we'll see won't we? ;P Link to post Share on other sites
BØØM Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Personally, I find the thought of being along for a lifetime quite comforting. This may seem quite strange to some people, but solitude can be nice. My advice to you is not to worry about something so uncertain and something that has not happened yet. I've never experienced your feelings before so there is little more I can say. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 The perspective of not having a partner with which I can share all my life looks really sad to me. I'm very romantic and in love with a sexual person, and asexuality means you can never be sure of what's going to stay the same and what's going to change as time passes. I am pretty sure, though, that I would never try rebuilding a relationship with any other sexual if mine were to end - deep down, I feel I wouldn't be able to love anyone else like him. But still, I'd never start another relationship with someone just for the sake of not being alone. I'd rather find a small glimpse of solace with friends, which are still a great gift for every human being. I find nothing strange in being fine alone though. I know many asexuals are also aromantic and I really admire their way of life. ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Observer Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 I could say something sarcastic, like I'm not afraid of being alone...I'm afraid of being surrounded by assholes...but I won't. I'm totally afraid of being alone forever. Never had a relationship other than a few failed friendships. Plus I live in a city of derelicts. Time to find better waters to swim in. I need some non-threatening fish. I'd prefer a fish to be emotionally connected with too. Link to post Share on other sites
LetTheSunShineIn Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 I'm really quite . . . person-dependent. Sometimes I'm okay with being alone for a day, but most times, if I haven't had a little social contact for maybe 4 hours, I get really lonely. I'm in college, so I go into the hallway and hope that somebody's out there, just to say hi. I love my friends and every friendship means so much to me. However, I think that I am aromantic. I worry that all of my friends will start being couples, and then there will be me. I know that they love me and we'll be friends, but I worry that after college I'll live by myself and not have many close friends. So yes, I am afraid of being alone. I'm very afraid of it. Link to post Share on other sites
CaptNemo131 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 So I've known for years that I was different from everyone around me. I didn't figure out I was asexual until a couple of months ago, and only have been 100% positive since January. (When I found AVEN) I have never been attracted to anyone in reality, but I do find certain men attractive (celebrities for example). I have never been in a relationship and I am in my late teens. This is considered very abnormal to the people around me, mostly by my friends who have been in a few serious relationships and have had crushes on various people over the years. I don't want a relationship, not a sexual one anyway. What I want more than anything is someone who actually understands how i'm feeling and who I am, someone who gets that this isn't a 'phase' or something i'll outgrow. I want a non-sexual relationship, but heres the problem, I live in a very, very small "city." I have never met another asexual person before, I hadn't even heard about asexuality until I started doing research to figure out why I felt so different. No one ever talks about asexual's, i'm positive half the people I know don't even know what asexuality is. I am also pretty sure I will never leave this place. The more I think about this the more depressed I become, I am terrified of being alone for the rest of my life. So my question is, does anyone here feel this way or has anyone here ever felt this way? Lonely I guess, and feeling like no one understands that asexuality isn't a choice. I'm scared I will never be in a relationship because of something I cannot control. I am not ashamed of being asexual, but I am scared of being asexual. If anyone here can relate...what did/do you do to cope with this feeling? I told my best friend about being asexual and she supports me so much, but sometimes she doesn't understand the way I feel or why I'm upset. I don't have anyone to turn too and its eating me up inside, because at heart I'm still a scared, misunderstood little girl. If you want to share your opinions and experiences with me I would really appreciate it. Any advice is welcome. Thanks. I feel just about the same way. I don't have a desire for anything beyond a cuddle with my partner, and no one seems to understand when I say that I'm a 19 y.o. virgin whose never been in a real relationship. I don't want sex. It's not that it's gross or anything like that, it's just that I value romance above all else. I want kids once I'm married, and sex is a necessary evil to have a family. I felt lonely beyond belief before I discovered my asexuality, and now, I couldn't be happier with my Platonic relationships, but I'd love to find someone who understands that I just don't need sex to operate in a relationship or in life. Link to post Share on other sites
MadRat Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 I´m not afraid of being alone forever. I´m afraid that people around me can never understand it is my life and I want to be alone. Link to post Share on other sites
BØØM Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 I´m not afraid of being alone forever. I´m afraid that people around me can never understand it is my life and I want to be alone. That's a nice way to put it. I agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Lilie Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 No. If I can't be with myself, I don't see why I would expect anyone else to be able to be with me anyway. My self-worth isn't validated by whether or not I have anyone else. It's not like being with someone else is this wonderful thing anyway. People lie to you, take advantage of you, don't appreciate you until it's too late and you've had enough (then you hear the, "Oh, I'm sorry, I know I messed up, I didn't realize what I had then, but I do now" ). True words but don't give up hope yet. ;) I would never admit it to my friends but I'm also afraid of being alone forever and being an ace raises that probability. -_- Link to post Share on other sites
Jaz Posted May 15, 2011 Author Share Posted May 15, 2011 Thanks to everyone, you opinions are all helpful in there own right, not just to me, but to some of the other people here as well. I just hope that one day I have someone, a really good friend even, that understands me completely and who will always be there for me. Someone who can love me for me no matter what, its difficult sometimes feeling like no one cares, when I know that the people I love really do care, they just don't understand. Its hard for me on the days when I really need someone, to realize that I have no one. I want someone who can make me smile when I am at my most depressed and who I can do likewise for. I hope I don't have to go through life completely alone. Because I don't mind being alone, but I hate being lonely. Its good to know there are people who relate, I just hope it works out for all of us in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
hereforajaynehat Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Yes, I am a bit afraid. I'm a very romantic person at my core. Here's how my chances become ever more limited: 99% of people want sex, and I never do. So...in a room of 100 people, only 1 has a chance. I would be happier if they wanted the same romantic things that I do. (kissing, i.e. A lot of aces don't want the kissing) I'd like to end up with someone who shares my faith. Chances grow slimmer still. I'd like to end up with someone who shares my views on the things most important to my soul. Another one bites the dust. Sure, I could lower my standards...but would I be happy in a relationship with whoever I found? Maybe, but maybe these things I mentioned would come up later...and dang it, it sure is hard when I realize things aren't going to work out after so long. This isn't to say that fate doesn't have a way of bringing unlikely people together. It certainly can. I've done this exact same math in my head. I don't know much about your faith life (I'm a Lutheran), but it's been kind of comforting for me to think that if there's a guy out there who's romantic, comfortable with cuddling, intelligent, kind, has similar goals, is rooted in his faith, and is asexual, and God wants us to be together, it'll happen. I'm still kind of new to the idea of asexuality so I'm still trying to figure out how this fits in with God's overall plan for my life, so this isn't as comforting as I would like, but it does help a little bit. And being dedicated to a life of service means that you're probably going to be overwhelmed with relationships, even if they're not necessarily romantic, and that's also a comforting thought for me. I fear loneliness more than being alone. I go out of my way to be alone even when I'm around people. It will probably always be that way. I don't like being around people. But, it is a HUGE fear of mine that one day I will wake up and feel crippling loneliness. I knew a guy who was loner like myself. He was older(much)and lived with his mom. He was so depressingly miserable.... it scared me to death. He was always angry, he ate the same things everyday, he rarely went outside, he never even showered. NEVER SHOWERED!!!!!!! EVER! He just made me think to myself "Gosh, is this going to be me?" Being alone is great, but that experience made me realized that I would be willing to sacrifice a little of my alone time to have someone around to spend life with. Heck, I need someone that would at least encourage me to shower. Yep, yep. I don't know if I'm really afraid of living the majority of my life alone, but I definitely don't like the idea of growing old alone. I think that bothers me more than anything else. I'd love to get married or have some kind of Platonic life partner, but I'd be happy living with a roommate or family member or anybody who cared about me enough to get me to shower. This is kind of my biggest fear about being asexual. Hopefully it's nothing to worry about for any of us. Doesn't make it easy to stop worrying, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Oggygon Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Short answer - yes. Long ... well hmm, the thought makes me feel unwell. I am alone right now and have been for years but alone always ? I really don't like the sound of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Everyone I know is afraid of being alone at the end of their lives. I don't know any other asexuals, so I'm talking about sexuals. Being in a relationship is no guarantee that you won't be alone eventually, because partners don't usually die simultaneously; someone is left to live alone. It seems to us that it's harder to find relationships, and that's probably true for all asexuals. But believe me, sexuals are worried about the same things. Link to post Share on other sites
MollyJane Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Jaz, i must be only a few years older than you, and i'm the exact same. i go through periods of not wanting or needing anyone, but mostly I just feel totally alone, and while accepting my own asexuality has helped me realize that I need something different from my friends, it just sometimes feels like I've lessened my chances of ever finding someone. And my chances were so low to begin with XD Anyway, to be honest I haven't found a way to deal with the loneliness I've grown accustomed to in my life, let alone this new loneliness of being an asexual amongst a sexual world, but AVEN at least makes me feel accepted. I'm hoping the rest will eventually sort itself out. In the mean time, I understand what you're going through, and am always here to listen. -Molly Link to post Share on other sites
mbc1991 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I can relate with a lot of what the people in this thread have said. I used to be quite afraid of being alone forever truth be told. I'm the only son in my family and there's an expectation for me to carry on the lineage. I actually get somewhat of a kick out of it, seeing the family tree with my sisters married with children and myself alone. They don't know I'm ace though. Back on topic... before I started uni this year, I came across a quote that really resonated with me. Pray that your loneliness... May spur you into finding something to live for, Great enough to die for. I'm ace/romantic and even when I'm surrounded with people I know and get a long with I still feel somewhat lonely at the end of the day. I guess I'm more after companionship now that I think about it, but seriously who's interested in that at my age I guess in the end though, a fair number of people choose to be alone. I don't view it as being terribly bad, as long as you don't become a recluse or hermit. I'm staying hopeful that one day I'll find another ace person unexpectedly and we'll click, until then I'm just going to stay focused on studying, my career and overall happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Samael Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I can relate with a lot of what the people in this thread have said. I used to be quite afraid of being alone forever truth be told. I'm the only son in my family and there's an expectation for me to carry on the lineage. I actually get somewhat of a kick out of it, seeing the family tree with my sisters married with children and myself alone. They don't know I'm ace though. Back on topic... before I started uni this year, I came across a quote that really resonated with me. Pray that your loneliness... May spur you into finding something to live for, Great enough to die for. I'm ace/romantic and even when I'm surrounded with people I know and get a long with I still feel somewhat lonely at the end of the day. I guess I'm more after companionship now that I think about it, but seriously who's interested in that at my age I guess in the end though, a fair number of people choose to be alone. I don't view it as being terribly bad, as long as you don't become a recluse or hermit. I'm staying hopeful that one day I'll find another ace person unexpectedly and we'll click, until then I'm just going to stay focused on studying, my career and overall happiness. I'm the only son too. And that's not good, because I will not be contributing to the lineage in anyway. Perhaps my sister will start a family some day, though I doubt that. I sometimes wonder if I was born on the wrong planet. The idea of having a partner has very little appeal to me, and I'm far more interested in spending time with my work. In fact, I usually work about 10-16 hours a day. Most people seem to be obsessed with their partners, relationships, other drama and some such. Even if they wouldn't be obsessed, they usually are at least concerned if they are going to live their lives alone. I've been alone as long as I can remember and I regard that fact as self-evident as I do the fact that I breathe air every day. I hope I didn't come off as too stern, and I hope you all find your partners though, if it's so important to so many people Link to post Share on other sites
Dharmdom Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Good thread. I think what bothers me most....is accepting that i want to be alone. I mean for the last six years of my marriage ( to a truck driver) i had been complaining abotu the comormised of mariage, and his need for sex, my need to meditate, write, research and generally be alone. I'd complain how i wished i could have tomatow soup three days ina row and then eat hogies for two weeks.....or how i want to take a week and shut off all the electricity. but allas you cant quite do those things when no one else in the family wants to play along. Those tigns sound eccentric.eh what ever.... tell me turning fo the tv for a month and read books isnt good for ya. On the first weekend that i was alone, having my husband leave , i sat with myself and asked "Am i scared to be alone?" i tried to say i was. but i really was not. I am scared of not being able to make it financially and be a failure living out of my car, but i am not scared to live in my car alone. I am more frightened that i am not supposed to not be frightened.... Seems the universe brought me what i have been missing and after a year, woudl you belvie i still havent finished my knit blankit or went a month without television...(well i do have my kids to concider) and when faced with the prospect of getting married recently all i could think was ...but i cant, a year wasn't long enough to get used to makeign it on my own. it felt like i'd have to give up all my ideas or have to compromise and seek permission...and seeking permission was one of the biggest things i hated about being married. Jessy Link to post Share on other sites
Vampireseal Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 No. I've always been something of a loner. I like people, but in small doses. Link to post Share on other sites
Filistata Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 I am so terrified of being single forever...and of being alone. I have a total of four friends that I both talk to outside of school, and like being around. Two of whom I've known since kindergarten. I'm not very good at making friends and it takes me a very very long time to feel comfortable around anyone-in fact the only people I feel completely comfortable with are the two friends I've known for twelve years. Also, I'm (pretty sure I'm) heteroromantic, but I very rarely feel romantic attraction to anyone. I don't have any of the characteristics guys look for in a girl. I'm not pretty, smart, clever, or funny. I'm pretty boring actually-people have said this to my face (I'm not looking for pity, just being honest). So basically, my chances of ever finding a guy who I like, who likes me, and who feels the same way about relationships that I do (preferably asexual) are pretty slim. If I'm completely honest with myself, I think the chances are pretty much non-existent, and it's taking me a very long time to come to terms with that. But I do have friends that care about me (I hope). So for now, I'm not completely alone, just single. It's also kind of strange because I really like being alone...there aren't many people that I like, and I'm easily irritated by them. I'd need to find someone I like being with more than I like being alone, I haven't found anyone like that yet. Sorry for the rant, I'm not really sure if it helped at all. I've just been feeling pretty depressed lately and needed to talk to someone...anyone. And none of my friends could listen. Link to post Share on other sites
Kurai-Tenshi_Niks Posted May 22, 2011 Share Posted May 22, 2011 I used to be afraid of that, but now I don't care.. Link to post Share on other sites
Jaz Posted May 28, 2011 Author Share Posted May 28, 2011 (edited) Jaz, i must be only a few years older than you, and i'm the exact same. i go through periods of not wanting or needing anyone, but mostly I just feel totally alone, and while accepting my own asexuality has helped me realize that I need something different from my friends, it just sometimes feels like I've lessened my chances of ever finding someone. And my chances were so low to begin with XD Anyway, to be honest I haven't found a way to deal with the loneliness I've grown accustomed to in my life, let alone this new loneliness of being an asexual amongst a sexual world, but AVEN at least makes me feel accepted. I'm hoping the rest will eventually sort itself out. In the mean time, I understand what you're going through, and am always here to listen. -Molly Your reply is really amazing, I feel the exact same way about my chances. I'm naturally very picky and that's not good when living in a small town -__- I hope that I too can one day not be lonely any more, thanks for replying. :-) I am so terrified of being single forever...and of being alone. I have a total of four friends that I both talk to outside of school, and like being around. Two of whom I've known since kindergarten. I'm not very good at making friends and it takes me a very very long time to feel comfortable around anyone-in fact the only people I feel completely comfortable with are the two friends I've known for twelve years. Also, I'm (pretty sure I'm) heteroromantic, but I very rarely feel romantic attraction to anyone. I don't have any of the characteristics guys look for in a girl. I'm not pretty, smart, clever, or funny. I'm pretty boring actually-people have said this to my face (I'm not looking for pity, just being honest). So basically, my chances of ever finding a guy who I like, who likes me, and who feels the same way about relationships that I do (preferably asexual) are pretty slim. If I'm completely honest with myself, I think the chances are pretty much non-existent, and it's taking me a very long time to come to terms with that. But I do have friends that care about me (I hope). So for now, I'm not completely alone, just single. It's also kind of strange because I really like being alone...there aren't many people that I like, and I'm easily irritated by them. I'd need to find someone I like being with more than I like being alone, I haven't found anyone like that yet. Sorry for the rant, I'm not really sure if it helped at all. I've just been feeling pretty depressed lately and needed to talk to someone...anyone. And none of my friends could listen. You did help a lot actually, I have one friend who I can tell everything too but I don't think she understands completely. She tries though, which is why we are so close, but I just wish I had someone who understood me 100% completely, and who I was 100% comfortable with. The type of friend who's house you can walk into any day and just feel at home. It seems like in books and on TV people have these super awesome friends that are always around when you need them and always understand and for me that just seems totally unreachable. I want more friends like that, male or female, then I do a relationship. I really depresses me that I want something so simple, but I still can't have it. However it would be nice to try a relationship once or twice, but I am very picky and will I'm not sexually attracted to any one at all there are some people I am romantically attracted too, sadly none of them are a reality. I know just how you feel and am happy you replied, I hope you feel happier soon. :) Edited May 28, 2011 by GirlDreamer Double post merged. Link to post Share on other sites
************* Posted May 28, 2011 Share Posted May 28, 2011 Right now I feel quite confident. I have just finished my last year at university and am writing this post in a house occupied by 7 people (including myself) who remain some of my closest friends. I leave for Japan in July, where i will spend at least a year completely alone and unable to speak the language. And I think that I will be ok, because I know that it will be for a limited time and that I will probably make new friends when I'm there. I'm more worried about the long term. I am at heart a family driven romantic, and I would like nothing more in life than to come home every day to a loving wife and a couple of kids. I'm only 21 and there is plenty of time for that to happen for me regardless of my asexuality, but I must admit that it provides a bit of a barrier. I have some very good friends who understand me, but they will most probably get married and focus on their own families (which I believe is the way things should be). Similarly, my parents won't be around forever and I haven't even decided whereabouts in the world I am going to live yet. My worst nightmare, is spending something like Christmas completely alone. It was always the plan to get married and start a family, and hopefully that will happen. In one way I am lucky, as I am prepared for this "worst case scenario" and I can look to the bright side of being alone. For example, I only need enough money for me, so I can do a job that I really want to do and not care about quitting if I hate it. I can live how I want and where I want. Personally, I can imagine myself travelling the world and meeting people everywhere (I have already started with this Japan thing), thus maximising my chance of always having someone there for me. In conclusion, I am very afraid of being alone, but my asexuality can actually improve my chances of avoiding it. :D Link to post Share on other sites
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