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Jaz

Anyone afraid of being alone forever?

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Jaz

So I've known for years that I was different from everyone around me. I didn't figure out I was asexual until a couple of months ago, and only have been 100% positive since January. (When I found AVEN) I have never been attracted to anyone in reality, but I do find certain men attractive (celebrities for example). I have never been in a relationship and I am in my late teens. This is considered very abnormal to the people around me, mostly by my friends who have been in a few serious relationships and have had crushes on various people over the years. I don't want a relationship, not a sexual one anyway. What I want more than anything is someone who actually understands how i'm feeling and who I am, someone who gets that this isn't a 'phase' or something i'll outgrow. I want a non-sexual relationship, but heres the problem, I live in a very, very small "city." I have never met another asexual person before, I hadn't even heard about asexuality until I started doing research to figure out why I felt so different. No one ever talks about asexual's, i'm positive half the people I know don't even know what asexuality is. I am also pretty sure I will never leave this place. The more I think about this the more depressed I become, I am terrified of being alone for the rest of my life.

So my question is, does anyone here feel this way or has anyone here ever felt this way? Lonely I guess, and feeling like no one understands that asexuality isn't a choice. I'm scared I will never be in a relationship because of something I cannot control. I am not ashamed of being asexual, but I am scared of being asexual. If anyone here can relate...what did/do you do to cope with this feeling? I told my best friend about being asexual and she supports me so much, but sometimes she doesn't understand the way I feel or why I'm upset. I don't have anyone to turn too and its eating me up inside, because at heart I'm still a scared, misunderstood little girl. If you want to share your opinions and experiences with me I would really appreciate it. Any advice is welcome. Thanks.

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Saineolaí

Hiya. Well, adolescence is hard - that much I can definitely relate to. And everyone of every orientation and stripe is afraid of being alone ("feeling" alone, I should probably say). I know I was chronically, during my entire school life - not because of my asexuality, but for a litany of other reasons. I remember in particular feeling that my father was my only friend, and dreading the day he would die and leave me completely, utterly alone. Really, we all have a lot more in common with sexuals than not.

I understand your desire for a non-sexual romantic relationship, and although I'm aromantic myself, I can tell you that even if you don't find another asexual, there are plenty of "inter" couples who make it work, and that anyone worth having a relationship with will accept and love you wholly, just as you will them, even if it takes a while to find them. And as strange and unbelievable as it seems right now, just as long as you're "you", you will find your place in the world. I certainly wouldn't have believed that just a year ago, but it is true.

And on the off days, come here to unload and have :cake: It's what we're here for.

Love Sain

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test account

Hmm.

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dooomninja

I have never been in a relationship and I am in my late teens. This is considered very abnormal to the people around me, mostly by my friends who have been in a few serious relationships and have had crushes on various people over the years.

*high five* :D :cake:

So my question is, does anyone here feel this way or has anyone here ever felt this way? Lonely I guess, and feeling like no one understands that asexuality isn't a choice. I'm scared I will never be in a relationship because of something I cannot control. I am not ashamed of being asexual, but I am scared of being asexual. If anyone here can relate...what did/do you do to cope with this feeling? I told my best friend about being asexual and she supports me so much, but sometimes she doesn't understand the way I feel or why I'm upset. I don't have anyone to turn too and its eating me up inside, because at heart I'm still a scared, misunderstood little girl. If you want to share your opinions and experiences with me I would really appreciate it. Any advice is welcome. Thanks.

it's only really in the last year i have had anyone to turn to ever (now i have about 3 decent friends :blush: ) so yh kind of use to this :lol: . The best thing i found to do was just enjoy myself when i did that more people would spend time with me. So am i never lonely? Of course not, some times is hurts so much i want to cry and all i can think about is snuggling up with someone -_- , then i go on and live my life, if i find someone who cares all the better but it doesn’t seem likely so i’m just going to enjoy my time heading six foot under :lol:

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Trolley In The Dark

Actually, I have never been afraid of being alone forever, but it is a very understandable sort of fear for alot of aces, as we all know. Akin to what dooomNinja suggested, I've just enjoyed myself as much as I can, and stay close to the people who understand me fully. So I have never really been alone at all. Plus, I have a huge extended family that understands me to the fullest extent.

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Guest member25959

I sometimes worry about ending up living alone, but other times I hope for it.

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PiF

Anyone afraid of being alone forever?

not really..I accept that asexuality is a major curve ball when it comes to relationships

but assuming that because you may not have a partner means you are or will be alone is a negative direction

I have plenty of friends and away from aven make friends easily

so if the question was..are you aware that being asexual you may not be in a relationship forever...then I would say sexuals can have the same answer either way

being alone and not being in a couple are very different things

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phantomwriter

I certainly know how it feels to be misunderstood. That's the main reason I even came to AVEN in the first place, and certainly the reason I started posting. Because my peers didn't understand why I wasn't interested in the guys that were interested in me, I wanted to seek out a place with people that did understand. Since finding AVEN I no longer feel as lonely. I used to worry about being "alone" forever. What helped me was acknowledging that I may never get married or have a long-term romantic relationship and to come to terms with that possibility. Even if that did happen, I would still have my friends and family, so I wouldn't really be alone. I'd also try to do things throughout my life that will make me feel good about my place in the world, like becoming a high school teacher (which I'm in the process of doing right now). And like Averillo said, unexpected things happen in life all the time. For instance, I'm starting to date this guy who I'm actually interested in (this RARELY happens, lol). So just keep living your life, and if you ever start to feel lonely, just come here!

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Amadeusia

I often find myself wondering if a day will come when I'll stop wanting to be alone.

At the moment, I don't want a relationship, but at the same time, I want to want one, if that's possible to understand.

Sometimes I just feel so empty it hurts.

I'm afraid of being alone, yes.

I hope Averillo is right, but I also hope that there will still be people willing to take me haha

Ah, shoot. :/

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FrozenCherry

Yes, save me :o

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RandomDent

I sometimes worry about ending up living alone, but other times I hope for it.

Totally agree! Let's live alone together, FH :D

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mylittlehazmat

I think everyone is afraid of being lonely. Whether or not that means being "alone" is up to the person. I can live alone for the rest of my life and not be lonely so long as I still have my friends, my communities ... but there are people I know who literally have to be with people 24/7 or they go insane. So, everyone is afraid of being lonely ... but where that puts them in terms of being alone is a very personal kind of thing.

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Moon Thief

At times I used to feel alone a lot, and feared that it would be like this forever. I'm sure at times I will have these feelings come back, and everyone has these thoughts at times. Sometimes friends is all you need though, and although they might not be your future companion they still are comforting to be around when that loneliness takes over.

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R_1

I have been the kind to enjoy solitude since 14 (17 now) and being with someone else doesn't make me comfortable at all until I see them as objects or props to the environment. In a way, I see no importance into having another person to be with and I prefer spending my times with animals. Outside world social interaction doesn't interest me one bit.

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Jaz

Hiya. Well, adolescence is hard - that much I can definitely relate to. And everyone of every orientation and stripe is afraid of being alone ("feeling" alone, I should probably say). I know I was chronically, during my entire school life - not because of my asexuality, but for a litany of other reasons. I remember in particular feeling that my father was my only friend, and dreading the day he would die and leave me completely, utterly alone. Really, we all have a lot more in common with sexuals than not.

I understand your desire for a non-sexual romantic relationship, and although I'm aromantic myself, I can tell you that even if you don't find another asexual, there are plenty of "inter" couples who make it work, and that anyone worth having a relationship with will accept and love you wholly, just as you will them, even if it takes a while to find them. And as strange and unbelievable as it seems right now, just as long as you're "you", you will find your place in the world. I certainly wouldn't have believed that just a year ago, but it is true.

And on the off days, come here to unload and have :cake: It's what we're here for.

Love Sain

First off, thank you Sain, you are a gem. Your kind words made me feel so much better, you have no idea. I appreciate you taking your time to reply to my post and telling me exactly what I needed to hear. I just have to remember this when I next feel down. Thank you, I wish there were more people like you in the world. :)

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Jaz

Firstly, life never turns out as you expect. It is often random. Things change unexpectedly.

I read a great quote today: "The emotion you feel now will not be the last one." I find this to be true. Times when I'm feeling lonely and that I'll never have somebody to share my life with, a friend will call me or I'll meet a new person and I feel okay again.

Something else though that has helped me is playing the fear to it's extreme. So let's suppose you really do stay where you are for the rest of your life, and you never meet that someone special. What will you do about that? If it's an intolerable situation for you, you will certainly do something about it to make it change. That's how life is. People who put up with bad situations only do so because they have learned to get used to it. If you really can't stand it, you are driven to find a solution.

You may find you end up doing things which right now you cannot possibly imagine. At one time, I was terrified of the internet and wouldn't dream of posting on a forum like AVEN. Now I post here every day. At one time, I was afraid to smile at a man in case he thought I was interested in him. Now I do internet dating! So please take heart - your life will change to accommodate your needs for sure!

Thank you, I love the quote, I had never heard it before! I understand that sometimes in life you just need to remember that 'its get better.' Just sometimes I have trouble remembering that and I become depressed. Thanks for reminding me that, I only hope that I have the strength to change things if I need too. And I defiantly relate to the last bit, I felt nauseous the entire night the first time I ever posted something here, turns out I didn't need to. The people here are just nice and amazing, nothing to be scared of any more. Thanks for replying :)

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Jaz

I have never been in a relationship and I am in my late teens. This is considered very abnormal to the people around me, mostly by my friends who have been in a few serious relationships and have had crushes on various people over the years.

*high five* :D :cake:

it's only really in the last year i have had anyone to turn to ever (now i have about 3 decent friends :blush: ) so yh kind of use to this :lol: . The best thing i found to do was just enjoy myself when i did that more people would spend time with me. So am i never lonely? Of course not, some times is hurts so much i want to cry and all i can think about is snuggling up with someone -_- , then i go on and live my life, if i find someone who cares all the better but it doesn’t seem likely so i’m just going to enjoy my time heading six foot under :lol:

Thank you :D that's a new response to that admission. LOL!

And I feel the exact same way, I only have one real fried as of now, I make friends easily enough after people get to know me. A lot of people avoid me because of the way I dress/look (I'm an androgynous goth) I have actually had people cross the road so they didn't have to walk past me on the side walk. This is just because I have black hair and dark make-up, and black clothes. I am probably the most harmless person in this area, but when people judge me by how I dress it just gets to me. Its those times when I want someone to actually notice something's wrong...and then actually want to hear the answer. I'm scared to come out to everyone about being asexual because I feel it might make people avoid me even more. Sometimes I just can't deal with it. I feel a lot better now that I have read everyone's response, sometimes I just forget that I am not the only person that's going through this. I know I will probably never find anyone...I just have to figure out a way to accept that and appreciate what I have. Thank you :)

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Jaz

Actually, I have never been afraid of being alone forever, but it is a very understandable sort of fear for alot of aces, as we all know. Akin to what dooomNinja suggested, I've just enjoyed myself as much as I can, and stay close to the people who understand me fully. So I have never really been alone at all. Plus, I have a huge extended family that understands me to the fullest extent.

I love that you have a family that understands you! I wish I could have that more then anything, however my family still lives in the dark ages. Aside from my main family (parents, brother) the majority of my family have very VERY different views on things. They believe that being homosexual is wrong, my aunt once told me that she thought watching two people of the same sex kiss is "revolting." My other aunt calls people with different skin tones "Darkies" So I obviously cannot turn to them for support, considering I don't exactly get along with them (for obvious reasons). They also still see me as a kid, they don't believe I have real problems or real fears. I shouldn't have my own opinion or outlook on life, I should have theirs! I don't currently have anyone who understands me fully...One close friend but even she has a hard time understanding my fear. I am so glad that you have people that understand you, it gives me hope that someday I will too :)

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Jaz

I certainly know how it feels to be misunderstood. That's the main reason I even came to AVEN in the first place, and certainly the reason I started posting. Because my peers didn't understand why I wasn't interested in the guys that were interested in me, I wanted to seek out a place with people that did understand. Since finding AVEN I no longer feel as lonely. I used to worry about being "alone" forever. What helped me was acknowledging that I may never get married or have a long-term romantic relationship and to come to terms with that possibility. Even if that did happen, I would still have my friends and family, so I wouldn't really be alone. I'd also try to do things throughout my life that will make me feel good about my place in the world, like becoming a high school teacher (which I'm in the process of doing right now). And like Averillo said, unexpected things happen in life all the time. For instance, I'm starting to date this guy who I'm actually interested in (this RARELY happens, lol). So just keep living your life, and if you ever start to feel lonely, just come here!

Thank you, I love your response, you made me feel a thousand times better. Its awesome that you've found someone your interested in, I hope that works out for you :)

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Jaz

I often find myself wondering if a day will come when I'll stop wanting to be alone.

At the moment, I don't want a relationship, but at the same time, I want to want one, if that's possible to understand.

Sometimes I just feel so empty it hurts.

I'm afraid of being alone, yes.

I hope Averillo is right, but I also hope that there will still be people willing to take me haha

Ah, shoot. :/

I feel the EXACT same way. You are not alone in feeling this way. I rally hope that one day it will change but I'm terrified that it won't. I know I just have to wait until things change, but its so hard to do that sometimes. I hope things get better for all of us that feel this way :(

*hugs* and I hope you feel better one day...

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Jaz

Yes, save me :o

Aww sorry :(

I'll figure out how to save myself first then come back for you...try reading the other replies, they helped me a little :)

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Jaz

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply to my post, it means the world to me. You are all amazing and unique and I hope that for those of you that feel the same as me, things get better for all of us. For those who have people that understand you and who are happy with their life, I am happy for you. You give people like me hope that one day I will have that too. Love you all :cake:

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FrozenCherry

Yes, save me :o

Aww sorry :(

I'll figure out how to save myself first then come back for you...try reading the other replies, they helped me a little :)

I did not demand you personally to save me, lol... It is Smallville where was that song where some sings "someone save me" or something like that. I do not even know whos song that is. So I was just calling superman or what to heck marsupilami is good enough *whubba* .... I seriously do not want to be alone, under my headless humor I am just scared and bitter old maid... <_<

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Holly Hobgoblin

Well, as you probably already know, the fear of being alone forever is not just for asexuals. It's a very common thing for people of all orientations to feel, probably mostly due to society's pressure of finding "the one." (We can probably blame Disney for that. lol.) I'm socially awkward AND a homosexual, so finding a girlfriend in conservative Arkansas is difficult for me, too. (I'm 18 and I've never even gone out on a proper date!) I can only imagine how much harder it would be to find another asexual.

Sometimes, the idea of a woman ever falling in love with me seems so impossibly far away and untouchable that it gets downright depressing. When this happens, I usually combat it by hanging out with a good friend and/or repeating to myself that every person is an island and can be an island. I don't need another person to make myself complete. I'm complete as I am.

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test account

Hmm.

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Tiranasta

I think everyone is afraid of being lonely. Whether or not that means being "alone" is up to the person. I can live alone for the rest of my life and not be lonely so long as I still have my friends, my communities ... but there are people I know who literally have to be with people 24/7 or they go insane. So, everyone is afraid of being lonely ... but where that puts them in terms of being alone is a very personal kind of thing.

I disagree. I know that I, personally, have never felt lonely, and do not fear it as I have no conception of how it feels.

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Amadeusia

I suggest a big group hug for all the lonely people out there.

*starts a group hug*

AND of course, cake for everyone :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake:

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Jaz

Yes, save me :o

Aww sorry :(

I'll figure out how to save myself first then come back for you...try reading the other replies, they helped me a little :)

I did not demand you personally to save me, lol... It is Smallville where was that song where some sings "someone save me" or something like that. I do not even know whos song that is. So I was just calling superman or what to heck marsupilami is good enough *whubba* .... I seriously do not want to be alone, under my headless humor I am just scared and bitter old maid... <_<

I know. But I would save you if I could <3

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Jaz

Well, as you probably already know, the fear of being alone forever is not just for asexuals. It's a very common thing for people of all orientations to feel, probably mostly due to society's pressure of finding "the one." (We can probably blame Disney for that. lol.) I'm socially awkward AND a homosexual, so finding a girlfriend in conservative Arkansas is difficult for me, too. (I'm 18 and I've never even gone out on a proper date!) I can only imagine how much harder it would be to find another asexual.

Sometimes, the idea of a woman ever falling in love with me seems so impossibly far away and untouchable that it gets downright depressing. When this happens, I usually combat it by hanging out with a good friend and/or repeating to myself that every person is an island and can be an island. I don't need another person to make myself complete. I'm complete as I am.

Yeah I realize the feeling is pretty common, I just feel that sometimes other people have more of a chance in finding 'the one' then I do. But I understand that life is hard for everyone at times. I'm the same age and I've never been on any dates at all, or kissed anyone for that matter. There simply hasn't been anyone I was interested in.

And to the second part...Amen! :)

I suggest a big group hug for all the lonely people out there.

*starts a group hug*

AND of course, cake for everyone :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake:

Yes! Cake and hugs all around :D

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FrozenCherry

I know. But I would save you if I could <3

Thank you :) *Wishes all the best for you* :cake:

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