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For 30-somethings and those around that age

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Samael

Jeez, you're scary Samael! :P I'm not sure I can detach emotionally long enough to win ever - I'm too passionate. But it's not a bad thing to learn some balance, so I'll definitely take this under advisement! ^_^

Well, detachment comes easily to me. It's something that people have occasionally made remarks about. I like to analyze and break down the bigger picture. :)

Say, I don't know if you thirties have talked about it before, but I'd be curious to know what are your current plans for life (owning a house, starting a family, building a career etc.) Have they changed over time since your twenties?

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Samael

Say, I don't know if you thirties have talked about it before, but I'd be curious to know what are your current plans for life (owning a house, starting a family, building a career etc.) Have they changed over time since your twenties?

When I was 20 it was my goal to stay single, pursue the career my mum wanted for me, and never own a thing (the 'virtues' of poverty, chastity and industry).

This year it was my goal to buy a house and have sex - big ticks on both of those already - so now it's my goal to finish my uni degree in 2 more years, change my job, and get into a relationship. Those things might take a bit longer :P

Even though I'm sure it's a common goal, the nature of "staying single" eludes me still. I suppose that since it's a goal, it might be challenging to achieve it. As such, do people usually have a strong desire to pair off, resisting the "temptation" of it being hard?

Congratulations on achieving some of the goals that you've set for yourself. I am curious though about one of your long term goals: relationships. I've gotten the picture that they weren't essential to you earlier. Why have they become so now?

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chimchongdong

Anyway, what about you Samael? Where do you imagine you'll be in the next decade of your life?

And where's all our other 30 somethings? Samael requires answers here! He's a scientist! Give him data!! :P :lol:

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii....I'm 30 tooo. and newww. where are you guys congregating and chatting now? I'd like to chat to some 30+ year olds...

When I turned 30, my family members were all sympathetic, like, "it's ok, well, it's not, but suck it up and deal with it" or something...i was like, "what? 30's cool...it sounds so much cuter and evener than 29"

I mean, honestly, there's nothing cuter than a 30 year old...they're just little balls of fun wisdom and kindness dropping about, ready for whatever, flinging societal status cares to the wind...

It's just tough finding friends...anyway, would love to talk to some of you :)

camille

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Samael
The ultimate goal of your strategy would be to make him lose logical control which would make him emotionally vulnerable

This is still making me laugh every time I read it! I have a mental picture of you Samael (as I imagine you to look) dressed in a lab coat, and regarding my former love interest dispassionately, poking him with a pencil, and torturing him into an emotional mess until his brain explodes, hehehe! ...ah i'm so cruel! :P

Yeah, well, I only do the poking when I feel interested in a specific situation.

Your stories are always so full of things to analyze that I sometimes feel like a kid let loose in a sweets shop :cake:

Anyway, what about you Samael? Where do you imagine you'll be in the next decade of your life?

Oh, to be honest I have absolutely no idea. Sure, I have made plans, but I've come to notice that you may not be able to reliably plan for the future ;) There have been developments during the past few years that I couldn't have anticipated, especially career-wise.

I aim to focus more on my occupation in the coming years. Also, I've started thinking about buying a permanent residence somewhere, as it's usually wiser to do so in the long term as opposed to staying on rent.

Then, I plan to travel more. I like traveling a lot actually, especially when I get to go to places alone which means I can come and go independent of the schedules of others. There are still many places that I'd like to see - Australia being one of them.

Also, I'd like to learn a new language in the near future, as I already feel fluent enough with a few foreign languages, English being one of them. It takes time to learn the language, so one has to carefully choose what language time will be spent on learning.

In short, my plans are somewhat self-centered, I think. Maybe there will be some other person down the road with whom I may share companionship. However, I don't plan for it :)

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TheEvaTree

Say, I don't know if you thirties have talked about it before, but I'd be curious to know what are your current plans for life (owning a house, starting a family, building a career etc.) Have they changed over time since your twenties?

I still dream (and work for) working as a skilled(educated) gardener. A dream that caught me at 26, for real. Paying my debt, building up a good personal finance, so I can travel the world with no inhibitions. I have friends abroad I can't see/visit because of the pile of mammon for cheap airfares& other necessary expenses exceeds my income level at the moment. I'm working hard for chancing the boring facts, making them lesser and lesser boring :lol:

Well, detachment comes easily to me. It's something that people have occasionally made remarks about. I like to analyze and break down the bigger picture. :)

Ditto! Me too! :lol:

- And there's my trouble. Because my type of detachment very often make ppl feel uncomfortable.

I'm extremely independent, and prefer my own company to their (attached)ways of socializing in a way that seems like addiction to feel socially secure, for the majority of my time.

In short( :lol:) ; I'd much much rather hang out with me and be authentic, real and a 100% myself in everything I do, say and create - rather than limiting myself, humour the group, crowd or person I'm with, in order to fit in, or feeling I have to be someone else than myself, because other ppl might feel uncomfortable with my independency, personality, values, worldview, open mindedness, perception of life, energy, blablabla...

Which can be and is quite painful, because I really need genuine equal friendships without falseness - but based on genuine values, and with ppl who have the maturity and backbone to speak out loud about what they honestly believe/think/feel/?/?....Phew....who would have thought that is so difficult for so many of us?

...Or it could be me who aren't socializing with the right ppl?...Actually I DO know I'm not hanging out with the type of ppl I need. It's just that I don't know where to meet the folks I like, the ones who really are who they say they are. Kind of have the feeling there aren't so many of them around...I hope I am wrong. I really do. :unsure::cake: :cake: :cake:

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TheEvaTree

Anyway, what about you Samael? Where do you imagine you'll be in the next decade of your life?

And where's all our other 30 somethings? Samael requires answers here! He's a scientist! Give him data!! :P :lol:

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii....I'm 30 tooo. and newww. where are you guys congregating and chatting now? I'd like to chat to some 30+ year olds...

When I turned 30, my family members were all sympathetic, like, "it's ok, well, it's not, but suck it up and deal with it" or something...i was like, "what? 30's cool...it sounds so much cuter and evener than 29"

I mean, honestly, there's nothing cuter than a 30 year old...they're just little balls of fun wisdom and kindness dropping about, ready for whatever, flinging societal status cares to the wind...

It's just tough finding friends...anyway, would love to talk to some of you :)

camille

Hi Camille...welcome :)

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Crazy Cat Lady

hmmm, goals? In my 20s as compared to my 30s?

I used to want to buy a house. But, now, after having seen most of my friends who own houses, have no money to do anything else, I am happy to continue to rent, so I actually have extra money and money in my savings account. My extra money now goes towards travelling. I know - for the future - it would be smarter to have a house, but my other issues with it are that I'd have to fix things (or hire someone to...)! I know *nothing* about fixing anything, so a LOT of money would probably be spent there. Now, I just call my landlord and it's up to him... Besides, I can't afford one where I am, certainly not on my own!

In my late-20s and early 30s, I was in a long-term relationship and wanted to marry him. We lasted 10 years (though we didn't get married). Now, for the most part, I'm resigned to being single/alone. I am romantic, so I'd love to find someone, but asexual makes that very hard.

Work... well, in my mid-20s, I was working toward a library degree. I got it and have been working in libraries for over 10 years now. Now, I'm not all that happy about my job anymore, but don't know what else I want to do. I'd love to work somehow with animals, but I don't know exactly what, and I'm not sure I want to go back to school again, either. I also hate change, which makes things difficult for switching jobs, going back to school, or moving.

Speaking of moving, I'd love to leave the city I'm in - it's gotten too big for me - but with aforementioned issues with change, that would mean not only moving, but job hunting, too!

I guess I'm a bit of a mess now... moreso than I was in my 20s, I think. :( Sorry this got so long.

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TheEvaTree

Say, I don't know if you thirties have talked about it before, but I'd be curious to know what are your current plans for life (owning a house, starting a family, building a career etc.) Have they changed over time since your twenties?

I still dream (and work for) working as a skilled(educated) gardener. A dream that caught me at 26, for real. Paying my debt, building up a good personal finance, so I can travel the world with no inhibitions. I have friends abroad I can't see/visit because of the pile of mammon for cheap airfares& other necessary expenses exceeds my income level at the moment. I'm working hard for chancing the boring facts, making them lesser and lesser boring :lol:

Well, detachment comes easily to me. It's something that people have occasionally made remarks about. I like to analyze and break down the bigger picture. :)

Ditto! Me too! :lol:

- And there's my trouble. Because my type of detachment very often make ppl feel uncomfortable.

I'm extremely independent, and prefer my own company to their (attached)ways of socializing in a way that seems like addiction to feel socially secure, for the majority of my time.

In short( :lol:) ; I'd much much rather hang out with me and be authentic, real and a 100% myself in everything I do, say and create - rather than limiting myself, humour the group, crowd or person I'm with, in order to fit in, or feeling I have to be someone else than myself, because other ppl might feel uncomfortable with my independency, personality, values, worldview, open mindedness, perception of life, energy, blablabla...

Which can be and is quite painful, because I really need genuine equal friendships without falseness - but based on genuine values, and with ppl who have the maturity and backbone to speak out loud about what they honestly believe/think/feel/?/?....Phew....who would have thought that is so difficult for so many of us?

...Or it could be me who aren't socializing with the right ppl?...Actually I DO know I'm not hanging out with the type of ppl I need. It's just that I don't know where to meet the folks I like, the ones who really are who they say they are. Kind of have the feeling there aren't so many of them around...I hope I am wrong. I really do. :unsure::cake: :cake: :cake:

In my experience it's very difficult to find people like that. It takes courage and a bit of arse to be yourself, and many people I notice are more concerned with acceptance. But who knows? If you give people a sense that they're safe with you, maybe they'll open up more and show their stuff?

Yeah, I'll see :) :lol: :cake:

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TheEvaTree

hmmm, goals? In my 20s as compared to my 30s?

I used to want to buy a house. But, now, after having seen most of my friends who own houses, have no money to do anything else, I am happy to continue to rent, so I actually have extra money and money in my savings account. My extra money now goes towards travelling. I know - for the future - it would be smarter to have a house, but my other issues with it are that I'd have to fix things (or hire someone to...)! I know *nothing* about fixing anything, so a LOT of money would probably be spent there. Now, I just call my landlord and it's up to him... Besides, I can't afford one where I am, certainly not on my own!

In my late-20s and early 30s, I was in a long-term relationship and wanted to marry him. We lasted 10 years (though we didn't get married). Now, for the most part, I'm resigned to being single/alone. I am romantic, so I'd love to find someone, but asexual makes that very hard.

Work... well, in my mid-20s, I was working toward a library degree. I got it and have been working in libraries for over 10 years now. Now, I'm not all that happy about my job anymore, but don't know what else I want to do. I'd love to work somehow with animals, but I don't know exactly what, and I'm not sure I want to go back to school again, either. I also hate change, which makes things difficult for switching jobs, going back to school, or moving.

Speaking of moving, I'd love to leave the city I'm in - it's gotten too big for me - but with aforementioned issues with change, that would mean not only moving, but job hunting, too!

I guess I'm a bit of a mess now... moreso than I was in my 20s, I think. :( Sorry this got so long.

Ditto to the not wanting a house so I can travel the world instead! And I don't like the thought of having to fix everything myself either...but who knows, I might change attitude... :cake:

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Samael

I don't think it's possible for plans to be self-centered in a negative sense--they are necessarily concerned with self and I think you have some very interesting goals. Have you considered learning Mandarin or cantonese? Or do you already speak one of these? China is looking like becoming a very prominent country in the near future.

If you ever do come to Australia be sure to look me up--I'll probably have more stories for you to poke at and I'd love to meet you :D

I started learning the basics of Mandarin in the past. It has, after all, most total speakers in the world. If the current trend continues, China will indeed become a very important (financial) centre in the world (isn't it one already? :) ). The syntax of the language appears very much simplified compared to many other languages, making Mandarin an attractive choice altogether.

I'll visit Australia eventually, so unless you live in the middle of the desert there or something, I'll be sure to swing by :)

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Samael

hmmm, goals? In my 20s as compared to my 30s?

I used to want to buy a house. But, now, after having seen most of my friends who own houses, have no money to do anything else, I am happy to continue to rent, so I actually have extra money and money in my savings account. My extra money now goes towards travelling. I know - for the future - it would be smarter to have a house, but my other issues with it are that I'd have to fix things (or hire someone to...)! I know *nothing* about fixing anything, so a LOT of money would probably be spent there. Now, I just call my landlord and it's up to him... Besides, I can't afford one where I am, certainly not on my own!

In my late-20s and early 30s, I was in a long-term relationship and wanted to marry him. We lasted 10 years (though we didn't get married). Now, for the most part, I'm resigned to being single/alone. I am romantic, so I'd love to find someone, but asexual makes that very hard.

Work... well, in my mid-20s, I was working toward a library degree. I got it and have been working in libraries for over 10 years now. Now, I'm not all that happy about my job anymore, but don't know what else I want to do. I'd love to work somehow with animals, but I don't know exactly what, and I'm not sure I want to go back to school again, either. I also hate change, which makes things difficult for switching jobs, going back to school, or moving.

Speaking of moving, I'd love to leave the city I'm in - it's gotten too big for me - but with aforementioned issues with change, that would mean not only moving, but job hunting, too!

I guess I'm a bit of a mess now... moreso than I was in my 20s, I think. :( Sorry this got so long.

If you stick to renting it sure can be easier. Buying a house tends to be more of an investment for the long term.

Would like to work with animals? How about an animal attendant for example in a veterinary hospital? Only a few years in school would be needed for that, I think.

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Samael

I still dream (and work for) working as a skilled(educated) gardener. A dream that caught me at 26, for real. Paying my debt, building up a good personal finance, so I can travel the world with no inhibitions. I have friends abroad I can't see/visit because of the pile of mammon for cheap airfares& other necessary expenses exceeds my income level at the moment. I'm working hard for chancing the boring facts, making them lesser and lesser boring :lol:

Where are your friends living? Within Europe, it tends to be far cheaper and faster to use the train network instead. You're correct about the airfares though, they can sometimes be really high.

Building a good finance has been my first priority. I think that once you don't have to worry about money that much anymore, you're free to really do whatever you want in your spare time.

A gardener? Sounds like you get to have a real hands-on, proactive approach in your job. My job involves more a theoretical participation only, making me somewhat jealous ;)

Ditto! Me too! :lol:

- And there's my trouble. Because my type of detachment very often make ppl feel uncomfortable.

I'm extremely independent, and prefer my own company to their (attached)ways of socializing in a way that seems like addiction to feel socially secure, for the majority of my time.

In short( :lol:) ; I'd much much rather hang out with me and be authentic, real and a 100% myself in everything I do, say and create - rather than limiting myself, humour the group, crowd or person I'm with, in order to fit in, or feeling I have to be someone else than myself, because other ppl might feel uncomfortable with my independency, personality, values, worldview, open mindedness, perception of life, energy, blablabla...

Which can be and is quite painful, because I really need genuine equal friendships without falseness - but based on genuine values, and with ppl who have the maturity and backbone to speak out loud about what they honestly believe/think/feel/?/?....Phew....who would have thought that is so difficult for so many of us?

...Or it could be me who aren't socializing with the right ppl?...Actually I DO know I'm not hanging out with the type of ppl I need. It's just that I don't know where to meet the folks I like, the ones who really are who they say they are. Kind of have the feeling there aren't so many of them around...I hope I am wrong. I really do. :unsure::cake: :cake: :cake:

I think I know what you're talking about here. Obviously, you value quality more than quantity, so to speak. It feels that the majority of people prefer quantity, making it more difficult to come across those who we'd really like to spend time with.

Oh, and I noticed that you actually quoted my signature. That merits some major :cake: for you ^_^

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Crazy Cat Lady

Change is really hard when you're feeling pressured or don't know what steps to take to make things happen. I spent quite a few years feeling locked and when change was forced on me by other people I nearly flipped out. I hope you're not feeling that bad, because I remember it as the most stressful time in my life. :cake:

Thank you. It's not as bad as my message made it sound. At least it doesn't feel that bad. Somehow it sounded much worse once it all got typed out. I'm thinking - at least for the work situation - I may never change that until/unless I'm forced to, so if that ever happens, it may turn out to be a "blessing in disguise".

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Crazy Cat Lady

Ditto to the not wanting a house so I can travel the world instead! And I don't like the thought of having to fix everything myself either...but who knows, I might change attitude... :cake:

I'm already thinking in the back of my mind that it just doesn't make sense to rent for the rest of my life. But... I just don't want to give up my annual cruise! It is one thing that I constantly look forward to. I do go months without having one planned (like right now), usually while I search for a potential roommmate to share costs, or right now, it's due to an eye injury that has finally healed - I think! (YAY!) Of course, buying then means moving... Blah! On the up side... I could adopt more cats, if I wanted to! :P I'm limited to two in my rental place, so looking at it that way, renting may be a good thing!

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Crazy Cat Lady

Would like to work with animals? How about an animal attendant for example in a veterinary hospital? Only a few years in school would be needed for that, I think.

Thank you for the suggestion. I have thought of that, but biology was never my strong point! Actually, none of the sciences were. I have thought about asking if they'd take volunteers to help with anything at my vet's office (at least that could help me determine if I'd enjoy doing that), but then, I think about all the tough things that could happen there, and I'd be afraid of how difficult it would be. :( (As you can tell, lots of thoughts about that have gone through my head!)

I do volunteer with cats right now, so something working at some kind of shelter would be fun, but then, would I make enough money to be able to continue to travel? For most of the positions at the shelter I volunteer for (or at least the position that I know of that appeals to me - adoptions coordinator), I think you need a car (which I don't have, and don't plan to... I have my license, but hate driving... HATE to the point of being phobic). I'm not exactly sure of the reason for needing a car - could be due to all the cats in foster? I know the foster parents are there when people are considering the cat they have in their household, but I bet an adoption coordinator has be to there, too.

Some kind of animal behaviourist would be really interesting, I think (anyone here ever read anything by Temple Grandin (she is also autistic, but has a masters degree in some kind of animal behaviour program)?). But, I suspect that would be a lot more years of school (and more science?)!

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slippydooz

Is there still a tinychat scheduled today at 1 EDT?

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AnotherMember

Is there still a tinychat scheduled today at 1 EDT?

Sorry I didnt log in :( :mellow::blush: :redface: , i was feeling a bit... i didnt sleept all night long :P lol

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Romeburns

Hmm, interesting thread. I just browsed, but thought I might as well throw in. I just turned 30 last Saturday and. . . . . . . . well, I feel the same overall. I think my major "change" to adulthood took place in my mid-20s, so it's been the same in a lot of ways since then. However, lately I've been blessed with the opportunity to have a relationship with someone I admire on so many levels, and this Friday just earned my doctorate in a profession I love. So there is some change going on. I feel more inclined to be satisfied with working on a relationship and fleshing out my professional development now (and paying back student loans, ugggggh) than I used to be. Many people tell me I look at have a bearing of someone 2/3 my age, which I suppose is good, but I appreciate the calmer things in life now. Anyway, that's a pile of stream of consciousness, but the point is I like being 30 :).

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AnotherMember

I just turned 30 last Saturday

belated_birthday_graphics_01.gif

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Romeburns

Thanks Yummy, you're very kind :)

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AnotherMember

Thanks Yummy, you're very kind :)

;) Send greetings from me to eee while you both are in the barn LOL im kidding :lol: Hope you had a lovely birthday and that this year become an awesome one for you!

Hey Yummy and the person formerly known as Frozen Cherry, I've noticed you guys have got very militant lately. Any particular reason you'd like to share? I'm a very nosy person and like sticking it into other peoples' business ^_^

I wish I could tell you something but I can't, not because I dont want it, just because I dont understand that :lol: could you use other words please? militant? what you mean? :mellow: Sorry, my english isnt that good :redface:

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