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For 30-somethings and those around that age


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4 hours ago, ClaryFray1984 said:

Talked to my mum again today. I think she understands me now. :)

Thatā€™s so awesome~ congratulations! šŸ’—

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VanillaBean
On 5/1/2020 at 10:09 PM, Bec87 said:

Similar, for sure @VanillaBean. All of my friends but one are now married with families of their own, and despite their best efforts, donā€™t really understand my situation or ā€œlifestyleā€. Iā€™ve had a few problems with depression and anxiety over my life so I feel a lot like Iā€™m starting from scratch in my 30s, basically on my own, and sometimes it really gets to

me. Ā Iā€™m an introvert, love solitude and can easily spend days - weeks even -Ā at home alone without any thought to needing company, but then Iā€™ll spend five minutes with another human and realise there is a gaping void in my life where real connections with others are supposed to live. Today is my birthday and I canā€™t help but sit and think, ā€œdamn. Is this it?ā€Ā 
not meaning to sound depressed - Iā€™m not - Iā€™m just really aware of how quickly time is passing, and how hard it is getting to connect to other people when no one seems to be like me...Ā 

Hey @Bec87, sorry to hear you're feeling like you're missing out. I understand how you feel with time passing around you and feeling as though there needs to be more to life than what we've been given. I do wish there were more people like us openly available to be friends. I'm also somewhat an introvert, so perhaps this works against us here, which is why I've spent the last decade or so coming out of my shell a lot more. I'm meeting up with an Ace group in a few weeks time and am hoping to find a like-minded friend somewhere in there. I hope you can find something close to what you need to feel more whole again. And a belated happy birthday...I hope you were able to find something to help celebrate a little.

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  • 2 weeks later...
bluedragonwings

So whatā€™s the unofficial length of time you can stay in here before having to move to older brackets. I mean I know not everyone does but in general.Ā 

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1 hour ago, bluedragonwings said:

So whatā€™s the unofficial length of time you can stay in here before having to move to older brackets. I mean I know not everyone does but in general.Ā 

Whenever you reach whatever age is "the new 40" (which I think is 50 at this point)

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Skycaptain

@bluedragonwings, I post in everything from Teens to Over 60's. There's a general gravitation of most ages to the Over 50's, thoughĀ 

Ā 

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Hi all,

Ā 

Turning 30 in August (though with coronavirus pandemic deleting half the year maybe it shouldn't count and I get to stay 29 until next year... no...?)Ā  Hoping it's okay to join this group.Ā  Is anyone else this age still confused about their orientation, whether they are actually ace or just inexperienced etc.?Ā  This is a major confusion for me and feels a bit unsolvable at the moment!

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hi and welcome! Have some cake šŸ°

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ClaryFray1984

Hi all I had a birthday last month so I am tragically close to 40 then 30 and still have the mentality of a 27year oldĀ  lol x

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MakeupJunkie4
On 6/4/2020 at 3:56 PM, LVG said:

There are certainly days I feel over 50.Ā 

It's so funny how elderly people say things like "32?? You're so young!!" and I'm like "Then why do I feel so old..?!"Ā šŸ˜‚

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@carryfiasco, welcome to AVEN šŸŽ‚ šŸŽ‚Ā 

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1 hour ago, MakeupJunkie444 said:

It's so funny how elderly people say things like "32?? You're so young!!" and I'm like "Then why do I feel so old..?!"Ā šŸ˜‚

Because age can't be measured in years alone ;) (38 here and only just starting to feel somewhat adult-y ...)

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On 6/8/2020 at 5:45 PM, Kharina said:

Turning 30 in August (though with coronavirus pandemic deleting half the year maybe it shouldn't count and I get to stay 29 until next year... no...?)Ā 

Hello Kharina, that is such a good idea! I will postpone my birthday to next year. I could not celebrate it this year with this crazy pandemic anyways.

And age really does not matter anymore nowadays šŸ™‚.

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cressida-cressida
On 5/1/2020 at 1:09 PM, Bec87 said:

Similar, for sure @VanillaBean. All of my friends but one are now married with families of their own, and despite their best efforts, donā€™t really understand my situation or ā€œlifestyleā€. Iā€™ve had a few problems with depression and anxiety over my life so I feel a lot like Iā€™m starting from scratch in my 30s, basically on my own, and sometimes it really gets to

me. Ā Iā€™m an introvert, love solitude and can easily spend days - weeks even -Ā at home alone without any thought to needing company, but then Iā€™ll spend five minutes with another human and realise there is a gaping void in my life where real connections with others are supposed to live. Today is my birthday and I canā€™t help but sit and think, ā€œdamn. Is this it?ā€Ā 
not meaning to sound depressed - Iā€™m not - Iā€™m just really aware of how quickly time is passing, and how hard it is getting to connect to other people when no one seems to be like me...Ā 

Ā Ā @Bec87Ā @VanillaBeanĀ I really get this. I'm 37 and over the last few years it's become clear what being, as I like to think of it, 'dispositionally single' mean for the longer term. Every year it feels like my life gets more different from the rest of my friends.Ā I only recently read about 'queer time' and the notion of a second adolesence. Feel like I might be in the middle of that!

Ā 

I love my own company and can get a bit ratty when society intrudes, but mostly I think that's because I never find connection in society. It's a lot of work with no pay off. And, same as you, I feel like I know no-one like me. I lack... community. I want there to be somewhere that I fit. Basically, I'm super lonely but not so much from a lack of people asĀ from a lack of connection. (I've cheered you both right up... I can tell! :)Ā ) Hope you're both doing okay.

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@cressida-cressida, I considered myself resolutely single, until at 47 I thought "maybe I could have a relationship which didn't involve sharing a bed ", so I'd suggest keeping your options open šŸŽ‚ šŸŽ‚Ā 

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Hi! I'm new here too. @KharinaĀ I'm also turning 30 in August :)

Also definitely still not totally sure where I stand, but I know that when I read about people's asexual experiences they really resonate with me. I was in a relationship for seven years, and I'm a performer (when venues are open!), soĀ I'm aware that people view me asĀ sexual and sensual. Which continues to confuse my own sense of identity!

No one in my life, as far as I know, identifies as asexual so if there's a forum for new pals to connect, I would love to the do that!

Ā 

Xx

Ā 

Ā 

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@Mononoaware, welcome to AVEN šŸŽ‚ šŸŽ‚Ā 

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3 hours ago, Mononoaware said:

Hi! I'm new here too. @KharinaĀ I'm also turning 30 in August :)

Also definitely still not totally sure where I stand, but I know that when I read about people's asexual experiences they really resonate with me. I was in a relationship for seven years, and I'm a performer (when venues are open!), soĀ I'm aware that people view me asĀ sexual and sensual. Which continues to confuse my own sense of identity!

No one in my life, as far as I know, identifies as asexual so if there's a forum for new pals to connect, I would love to the do that!

Ā 

Xx

Ā 

Ā 

Welcome Monoaware :)Ā Over on the asexual relationships forum (it means relationships of all kinds including friendships) there's a PM an AVEN member you haven't before thread where you can post to say a bit about yourself and that you're interested in getting to know others who can then PM you and you can PM others who've posted on the thread too- that can be a useful way to connect with others.Ā  There's also (although not that operational now for obvious reasons) the Meetup Mart forum where physical meet ups with people in similar areas used to be organised but there's also an online section for online meets which is obviously the main thing at the moment!Ā 

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the great acescape

I turned 30 back in April and I've been experiencing a lot of angst around it. It doesn't help that I've become "a woman of a certain age", as my grandmother would put it, and I've noticed a lot more people asking me things like "do you have any children?" or "are you married?"

Ā 

I've accepted that I don't want children, and if I ever change my mind I would choose to adopt or maybe foster. My fear is not being able to find community.

Ā 

Right now I live with my parents and it's...tolerable, I guess, but not ideal. I'm a full-time caretaker for my mother and it's becoming clear that my dad isn't in the best health either. I can appreciate not being alone when I'm with them. Living by myself gave me more freedom, but I was desperately lonely and the silence of my apartment would drive me crazy. It got to the point that I actually considered shelling out some ridiculous amount of money for a cable subscription just so I could fill my tiny apartment with constant noise from the television.

Ā 

The thing is, I'm a walking contradiction in terms. I want desperately to be loved by others. I want to be able to walk into a room and have someone's face light up when they see me. I want to be someone's priority. Right now, I'm no one's number one.

Ā 

As it is, I'm ace and (at least I'm pretty sure) aromantic as well. How can I possibly expect for someone to love me like that if I can't show them that same love in return?Ā 

Ā 

I don't have any friends locally and I've always struggled to connect with others.Ā I do have one close friend, butĀ she's married with kids. I know she loves me a lot but I can't possibly expect to be her top priority. That would be selfish.

Ā 

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^ I feel you on so many levels.

Ā 

'm afraid that's the most useful thing I've got to say to that. Don't know how to solve anything, but I feel ya.

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My birthday is today, I'm 29 now and I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it. I guess I'm still pretty optimistic about it, but I don't know what I'm optimistic about. I'm still not sure if I'm ace and I have no girlfriend in life, and never have, but I hope that changes. I think that's one of the things I'm still optimistic about... unless of course, I am ace.

Ā 

I have a few friends, but I won't be seeing any today. I live with a parent for now (moving out again really soon, and probably for good,) but no ones been at the house for months, so I'll just be on my deck smoking the rare pack of smokes and doing some writing on my laptop, trying not to burn up in the sun.

Ā 

I never thought I'd get this old somehow, yet life moves fast. It's true about what they say about smelling roses... time is a sonofabitch.

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Happy birthday, @Rasluka! I hope you have a good and eventful year ahead of you, in spite of [insert vague pointing gesture] all this. Twenty-nine was a very formative age for me. I started it off with a super alcoholic prohibition party and ended it with four months of sobriety (and then drank again the day I turned 30). Basically what I'm getting at is makeĀ responsible decisions. ;)Ā 

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2 hours ago, Snao Cone (me) said:

Happy birthday, @Rasluka! I hope you have a good and eventful year ahead of you, in spite of [insert vague pointing gesture] all this. Twenty-nine was a very formative age for me. I started it off with a super alcoholic prohibition party and ended it with four months of sobriety (and then drank again the day I turned 30). Basically what I'm getting at is makeĀ responsible decisions. ;)Ā 

Thank you! I for sure intend to develop more healthy habits, and actually make them last, as I've already been working on some. Your drinking at 30 reminds me of my smoking at 29... when I was doing so well. Hah, why do we do this?

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@Rasluka, happy birthday and many happy returns for the day šŸŽ‰ šŸŽ‰ šŸŽ‚ šŸŽ‚

Ā 

@the great acescape, a lot of people I know have a radio on in the background just for the noise. Cheaper than a cable subscriptionĀ 

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ClaryFray1984

I hope sometime soon I can actually meet up with other asexuals. It's not necessarily that I want a partner but being with others who understand and accept would be awesome. Online friends are amazeballs but not the same as actually speaking to a person.

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Guest Invisible Pumpkin

Hello,Ā 

You may not remember me, although, I was pretty active before. I had a laptop's security issue and decided not to come around until I was sure no one was reading my stuff.Ā 

Anyway, here I am again, a bit older, some (lots) pounds gained andĀ  less confusing, as hopefully, my English has improved (but I'm not sure about that).

Ā 

Anyway, whatever I said before may not apply now hehe.Ā 
šŸ˜…šŸ™ˆ

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31 YO here. I'm still trying to build enough momentum to really get going in my life, but gravity sucks and people and the like keepĀ forcingĀ me to finely re-plot the course to what'll probablyĀ turn out to beĀ "nowhere".

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Hi. I'm new here. I've finally labelled myself as asexual even though I had an inkling of it for a while now. I come from a small island country where people don't even know what asexual is and talking about these things is not norm and from a cultural background where parents want their kids to marry once out of university and having a child soon after.Ā  I've always found it hard to talk to people about my feelings towards sex or theĀ lack thereof because its progressively an age of hookups and sexual exploration. So much so that I had just stopped trying.

Ā 

I too want a partner of course, one that I can have a conversation with and who will love hugs and who I can come back to and rantĀ after a bad day and make their own bad days become slightly less shitty but its hard when expectations are, well in quite the opposite directions when it comes to intimacy.Ā Ā 

Ā 

The fact that I'm a supersized introvert probably doesn't help I suppose but I'm body positive and I love who I am now.Ā 

Ā 

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Skycaptain

@Shivyn, welcome to AVEN šŸŽ‚ šŸŽ‚

Ā 

Ā 

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Oh wow! I just realised I can now post here as a member of the 30-somethings club. I was just 20 when I joined. Time flies!

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