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For 30-somethings and those around that age

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jys1620
22 hours ago, AceMissBehaving said:

First of all, congratulations!!!

 

I had that “11 again” feeling too. You don’t have to come out to your family. The way I guess I did it was I just posted a photo from a Photoshoot I did for ace week on my instagram which anyone can see as if I had been out forever. My mum saw it, but didn’t ask about it. It was kind of a non coming out so to speak.

 

As to the the questions, yeah, I dread them too. I don’t want to talk about “how does that work?” with regards to my husband, and don’t want to talk about my masturbation habits. Like why is masturbation one of the first questions?

Thank you! This is very helpful. I've been agonizing over the coming out to my family part mostly because I don't want to be making up little lies and excuses about my life anymore. I want to be free to speak up. It never occurred to me that I don't have to have "the talk" with them and that there are other ways :) 

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LVG

I'm currently drinking water. 

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Jon A.
On 11/17/2019 at 12:50 AM, jys1620 said:

And don't even get me started about my family, I can't even imagine that conversation in my head and I'm 35! I am a fully grown human but when it comes to this I feel 11 again. 

Cool!

 

I think if I were asked what it feels like to be close to 40, I would draw a blank. What's it supposed to feel like? Lol. I was 11 when I started liking girls; naturally I didn't want sex back then but it seems my development in that area pretty much halted then. Even the hormones going at warp 9 during my teen years never pushed me past that point.

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Zagadka

I'm heading directly into, well, not crisis, but mid life worries. I'm 39. I feel like most of my life is over, and I don't know what I want to do with what I have left. I'm not missing having a family, but I just try to picture where I am in 10 or 20 years, and there's a blank. It is... distressing.

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Nylocke
On 11/17/2019 at 3:27 PM, fooledbysecrecy said:

!!!!!!

i can't believe there was a time i didn't carry a water bottle with me. 😳

 

I did take the initiative to drink more water for hydration and because of the fact that I exercise regularly xD Back then I didn't drink water so much because I felt like it just made me go to the bathroom more then I wanted to. Though proper hydration is important when you're older because apparently you get dehydrated easier. Though I am in a warmer climent now so I have to also hydrate for that reason even though its cooler outside this season.

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Candy322

Hey guys happy I found yall and I just wanna say that I'm embracing who I fully am and I feel a shift in the universe that things are going to look up for me. You have no idea what my life has been like. I'm very spiritual (far from religious) I believe that fate has away of showing you things like I believe that everything is connected and has a reason.

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TableForOne

At 38, I feel the age of 40 coming.

 

That ominous milestone of dread and despair (and bread that tastes like despair) where you go from being a 1,262,304,000 seconds old invulnerable Adonis to being a 1,262,304,001 seconds old dessicated husk who could play a zombie on The Walking Dead... without makeup.

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Skycaptain

@Candy322, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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bluedragonwings

40 appear it will look like when I turned 30. Just another year of watching people make silly choices. 

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Snao Cone

Aside from wanting to continue with career momentum, I pretty much want to be in the same place at 40 as I am now. 

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njosnavelin

In one of the shining lyrical lines in the most recent Tool album “Fear Inoculation” 

 

He sings, “But the truth never got in my way. Before now, feel the sting Feeling time bearing down”


I feel like this is about getting old and realizing you aren’t as indestructible as you thought and coming to face that reality is harder than you might be able to imagine until you live it and accept it. 
 

tick tick tick tick..

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HelloSnakeEyes

ive been in a perpetual mid-life crisis since i was 25, so every year it goes on is a sign that i might live just a little longer. 

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TreMartEyes
On 11/18/2019 at 8:02 PM, Zagadka said:

I'm heading directly into, well, not crisis, but mid life worries. I'm 39. I feel like most of my life is over, and I don't know what I want to do with what I have left. I'm not missing having a family, but I just try to picture where I am in 10 or 20 years, and there's a blank. It is... distressing.

Yeah I know the feeling. I know the desire to have someone in you life but not want someone in your life 

 

-Tre 

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bluedragonwings

Somedays you just have to stay in bed till 2pm and deal with the fallout from work another day.

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DebtheDemi
On 12/5/2019 at 9:21 PM, bluedragonwings said:

Somedays you just have to stay in bed till 2pm and deal with the fallout from work another day.

My last job was so emotionally toxic, I swear I had mild PTSD. For months, when my new boss called me to his office, I thought it was because I was in trouble for something. 

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AJ 0688

Hey peeps I am Ally, I'm 31, pretty sure I'm Asexual/Aromantic. Not sure which one. And am looking for people around my age to get to know/talk too. 

 

Any idea how any of you were first sure or what type of Asexual you were? i. e. Demi, a romantic, gray etc. 

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Snao Cone
12 hours ago, AJ 0688 said:

Any idea how any of you were first sure or what type of Asexual you were? i. e. Demi, a romantic, gray etc. 

I thought I was grey at first because I'm not completely out of touch with sexuality, if that makes sense. I have an imagination and sense of empathy that have enabled me to grasp it and project things onto myself, which is why it took me until I was 30ish to even consider it. Talking with a variety of people, especially on AVEN, helped me decide that I'm simply asexual and don't need to give a breakdown or qualifying statement about that. I'm also aromantic, and I've always known to some extent that romantic relationships weren't my thing, but I wasn't aware of terminology for it until researching asexuality.

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AJ 0688
3 hours ago, Snaonderneath a Mistlecone said:

I thought I was grey at first because I'm not completely out of touch with sexuality, if that makes sense. I have an imagination and sense of empathy that have enabled me to grasp it and project things onto myself, which is why it took me until I was 30ish to even consider it. Talking with a variety of people, especially on AVEN, helped me decide that I'm simply asexual and don't need to give a breakdown or qualifying statement about that. I'm also aromantic, and I've always known to some extent that romantic relationships weren't my thing, but I wasn't aware of terminology for it until researching asexuality.

Aww so that's what Aromantic means. 😂 I'm getting so confused with different terms and not sure where I fit. I know I'm Asexual and that's about all I know. At first I thought I was demisexual, only feeling sexual attraction when emotionally bonded to someone but I don't think that's me either. I think I am just Asexual. I find sex awkward and confusing, I don't feel sexual attraction to anyone really and the only person I'll hug is my mum 😅😂

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Nima

even though I might be like 15 years off your base line here, I still feel like 30ish, don't think I changed much since even before that. don't dread the "big 4-0",  it doesn't really change anything.

even though, I almost envy you, for having figured yourselves out much sooner than naive me, but who knows what it was worth. Do any one of youse have married,  have kids or anything of the sort?

 

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Snao Cone
10 hours ago, AJ 0688 said:

Aww so that's what Aromantic means. 😂 I'm getting so confused with different terms and not sure where I fit. I know I'm Asexual and that's about all I know. At first I thought I was demisexual, only feeling sexual attraction when emotionally bonded to someone but I don't think that's me either. I think I am just Asexual. I find sex awkward and confusing, I don't feel sexual attraction to anyone really and the only person I'll hug is my mum 😅😂

I have seen some people identify as demisexual despite having no experience yet, because they're reluctant to use such definitive labels. Maybe they can theoretically see themselves in sexual relationships with the right person...but that doesn't always translate to reality. I didn't identify as asexual until my early 30s because I'm ideologically sex-positive and not sex-repulsed, so I always attributed my lack of motivation to seek out partners to something else. I honestly think some folks identify as grey or demi because they don't know what might come to them in the future, even though their practical reality right now is solidly asexual. There isn't any obligation to categorize yourself in a highly specific way to account for all possibilities. If you "fit" with the ace community and experiences in a general sense (and it sounds like you do) then you don't need to go any further in finding out what categories may apply to you. 

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LVG

I'm pretty sure I'm just flat out asexual. I'm too sex-repulsed to be anything else. 

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Saphoune

Hello and welcome 🙂

On 12/11/2019 at 3:34 PM, AJ 0688 said:

Hey peeps I am Ally, I'm 31, pretty sure I'm Asexual/Aromantic. Not sure which one. And am looking for people around my age to get to know/talk too. 

 

Any idea how any of you were first sure or what type of Asexual you were? i. e. Demi, a romantic, gray etc. 

I just found out recently about AVEN and I am still not completely sure myself. Sexuality is not black and white like libido. It can even be all in your head if you are a virgin/celibate/unlucky. Yet the labels that you announce have a big impact on your relationships with others. I learned that the hard way (after pretending that I was allosexual) so now I try to choose them wisely instead of ignoring this part of me.

On 12/12/2019 at 7:04 PM, Snaonderneath a Mistlecone said:

I honestly think some folks identify as grey or demi because they don't know what might come to them in the future, even though their practical reality right now is solidly asexual.

That is actually how I see things. When in doubt I want the positive things in a label (community, understanding) but not the bad things (limitations). I also don't want other people to feel attacked in their identity because I may not be as asexual as them.

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AJ 0688
On 12/12/2019 at 6:04 PM, Snaonderneath a Mistlecone said:

I have seen some people identify as demisexual despite having no experience yet, because they're reluctant to use such definitive labels. Maybe they can theoretically see themselves in sexual relationships with the right person...but that doesn't always translate to reality. I didn't identify as asexual until my early 30s 

Yeah I am only coming to terms with this now too. Did you ever feel like you've missed out on other things because you didn't know sooner? Like holding back on dating or not progressing through a relationship because somethings stopping you but you weren't sure what? 

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bluedragonwings

As we are winding down on the last months of my 30s, I realize a lot of self discovery/diagnosis from the last decade would have been better to have found out earlier. Asexuality, Demi-romantic(ish), Major Depression/Anxiety, aphantasia, and ASD (have not seen full writeup yet from my psychologist but we talked about preliminary on Friday). Any of these would have been useful a lot earlier in my life. It also would have been more apparent if people actually talked about their experiences instead of assuming that everyones are all the same. All I knew is that I was "off" "different" "broken" when compared to others, having names/reasons/explanations would have made life a bit more navigable. All I can do though is figure out what to do with that information now that I have it.

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Snao Cone
2 hours ago, bluedragonwings said:

It also would have been more apparent if people actually talked about their experiences instead of assuming that everyones are all the same.

Yes, definitely. I think this is something of great value that AVEN provides with both asexual and sexual folks here. The environment makes it safer for sexual people who are not like how sexuality is portrayed in the most commonly available resources (particularly popular entertainment) to talk about their experiences and give people are questioning a more accurate understanding of sexuality for them to compare themselves to.

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Janus DarkFox
20 hours ago, bluedragonwings said:

As we are winding down on the last months of my 30s, I realize a lot of self discovery/diagnosis from the last decade would have been better to have found out earlier. Asexuality, Demi-romantic(ish), Major Depression/Anxiety, aphantasia, and ASD (have not seen full writeup yet from my psychologist but we talked about preliminary on Friday). Any of these would have been useful a lot earlier in my life. It also would have been more apparent if people actually talked about their experiences instead of assuming that everyones are all the same. All I knew is that I was "off" "different" "broken" when compared to others, having names/reasons/explanations would have made life a bit more navigable. All I can do though is figure out what to do with that information now that I have it.

Quite the same, though discovered a lot and got a lot of diagnostics done at the end of my 20s.  Asexual, Aromantic, Agender, Manic Depression, anxiety, voices, delusion disorders. Tourettes-Aspergers, Dyslexic/Dyspraxic, Chronic Migraines, other chronic physical ailments... to the start of my 30s being Transex and my first relationship.  I never knew “differently” until there where serious problems getting along with the real world, like getting a job, an education, talking to people, doing things.  The starting point is getting the health back after becoming home bound for most of life.  It would have been useful knowing differently in my teens, but as a psych suggested, I may not of had a handle on anything in my teens and managing it in a mature way has perhaps helped me in a way that I couldn’t during the teen years, or likely that I developed puberty at such a slow rate as an autistic child perhaps shielded me away from the worst of teen experiences.  Here’s to my 40’s in 7-8 years time as a more fuller middle age female adult.

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JenniBee

Hey all! There is a lot going on in this thread! :)

just figured is drop by and say hi. I'm 33 and I have to say Im happier now then when I was in my 20s. Hopefully that trend will continue. 

I hope everyone is having a great day!

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njosnavelin

30’s are great. I have six month until I am out of my 30’s. To reflect back on the 10 years it has been wonderful. I understand myself better. I learned to take care of myself. There has been a wealth of learning I have accrued and I wish for that to never stop. Whatever stepping into the 40’s will bring me I am comfortable with it. It is all apart of our journey. 
 

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Snao Cone

Last week I realized I'm 40 months away from 40. Looking forward to turning another arbitrary corner symbolizing life progress! (But I guess I have 40 months to go before then...)

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Zagadka

I'm now 9 months away from 40, and I just want it to be over with. 30s are confusing, I'm ready to be old and crotchety.

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