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For 30-somethings and those around that age


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On 1/8/2019 at 5:28 PM, Estrella Starr said:

For a while I identified as grey-ace, but to honest, that was because I was scared to identify as fully asexual (even though I am, but it felt like if I actually said I would live a life alone). So in working on that, I am a heteroromantic asexual. I have zero interest in sex. I believe people should have as much or as little consensual sex as they want, and I would prefer to have none.  

I had a similar process of coming to terms with my asexuality. I'm aromantic, so I didn't have the aspect of worrying I would deter romantic partners, but I have such a sex-positive attitude in a general sense that I worried that identifying as asexual would make people assume I was squirmish or had anti-sex attitudes. Your last sentence applies to me perfectly. I really like how it's worded.

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bluedragonwings
On 1/8/2019 at 6:28 PM, Estrella Starr said:

I believe people should have as much or as little consensual sex as they want, and I would prefer to have none.  

Agree with @Snao Cone. That is really well put.

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Estrella Starr
23 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

I had a similar process of coming to terms with my asexuality. I'm aromantic, so I didn't have the aspect of worrying I would deter romantic partners, but I have such a sex-positive attitude in a general sense that I worried that identifying as asexual would make people assume I was squirmish or had anti-sex attitudes. Your last sentence applies to me perfectly. I really like how it's worded.

Thank you! I'm glad you and @bluedragonwingsliked that sentence. It is funny because I'm usually the person in my group of friends who people talk about their sexual lives with, then when I say I'm asexual they feel weird. Like they are making me uncomfortable by talking about it with me, I always have to reassure them that it's better them than me lol 

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On 12/21/2018 at 10:31 AM, SaturnOOO said:

Like people would show up but just not talk? 😆

I shouldn't laugh. That would probably be me... That's the worst though. I guess if you're going to lead something like that you have to be very comfortable with engaging people and facilitating socialization. Some people are very good at that... Unfortunately I'm not one of them.

No, God, no lol. I'd have been mortified. They joined the group but never said anything, so when I'd try to set something up, I got radio silence.

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On 12/31/2018 at 10:50 AM, LVG said:

I guess I'm considered mid-thirties now. I'm 34. Or would I be in my final year of my early thirties? Either way, not a big deal. 

I say mid-thirties. I'll be 35 in July.

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I'm turning 36 this year. I think I like that better than 35, for synesthesia and mathematical reasons.

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Elftober Country
10 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

I'm turning 36 this year. I think I like that better than 35, for synesthesia and mathematical reasons.

I preferred turning 30...

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12 minutes ago, October Country said:

I preferred turning 30...

I wish I could remember that far back :P:P

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Elftober Country
Just now, Skycaptain said:

I wish I could remember that far back :P:P

Getting older sucks :( 

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On 1/3/2019 at 3:45 AM, bluedragonwings said:

Honestly. Fuck off humans is a pretty good default response to most things. 

I want to have this printed on a t-shirt!

 

2 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

I'm turning 36 this year. I think I like that better than 35, for synesthesia and mathematical reasons.

I can relate. I'm not really looking forward to turning 35 this year, not so much because it screams 'old', but because I liked being 34. It's some sort of a lucky number for me.

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I'll be (not)celebrating my 30, 10th birthday this year.

Really not looking forward to that one

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bluedragonwings

Cats, gothy, and telling humans to fuck off. Its like it was made for me.

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On 1/12/2019 at 12:36 PM, Snao Cone said:

I'm turning 36 this year. I think I like that better than 35, for synesthesia and mathematical reasons.

36 is definitely the better number. 

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On 1/12/2019 at 5:36 PM, Snao Cone said:

I'm turning 36 this year. I think I like that better than 35, for synesthesia and mathematical reasons.

Pretty soon we'll add up to 100, then....

 

:lol:

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bluedragonwings

Well as long as it adds up to something in the end.

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rachelpenguin

How do you deal with the “maybe haven’t met the right person” **** that others sometimes give when you tell them you’re ace? 😕

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34 minutes ago, Rach1234 said:

How do you deal with the “maybe haven’t met the right person” **** that others sometimes give when you tell them you’re ace? 😕

I flip it on them.  

 

"Maybe YOU haven't met the right person.  That's why you think you're straight.  You're probably just confused right now.  Don't worry, I'll help you find someone."  (Said in the most condescending manner I can muster.)

 

Allos hate that.  Works every time.  LOL 😂

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23 minutes ago, Rach1234 said:

What about when it’s said by a medical professional?

I'd just ignore them.

 

Granted I've never discussed my (lack of) sex life with a medical professional as it is none of their business.

 

If it's a psychiatrist etc I'd change to a different one

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Neutral Charge
2 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I flip it on them.  

 

"Maybe YOU haven't met the right person.  That's why you think you're straight.  You're probably just confused right now.  Don't worry, I'll help you find someone."  (Said in the most condescending manner I can muster.)

 

Allos hate that.  Works every time.  LOL 😂

this made me smile  =))) that will be my reply from now 😀 brilliant!

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2 hours ago, Rach1234 said:

What about when it’s said by a medical professional?

Were they speaking in a professional capacity? If so, find a new one...

 

If they were friends/acquaintance they need educating in case they come across this in their professional life. I'd go into full-on lecture mode

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5 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I flip it on them.  

 

"Maybe YOU haven't met the right person.  That's why you think you're straight.  You're probably just confused right now.  Don't worry, I'll help you find someone."  (Said in the most condescending manner I can muster.)

 

Allos hate that.  Works every time.  LOL 😂

Even without challenging their orientation, you can really mess with them by asking why they're staying with one person instead of continuing to look. How do they know??? Why get married now if you never know if you'll meet someone better? :P

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bluedragonwings

Maybe they just THINK they are attracted to that person, they should really just keep looking to be sure. 🤮🤢

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11 hours ago, Rach1234 said:

What about when it’s said by a medical professional?

I never had this discussion with a medical professional, but I'd give them a print out fact sheet about Asexuality.  Sadly a lot of these people are ignorant and uneducated, which is very scary considering that they're there to help you.

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8 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

Even without challenging their orientation, you can really mess with them by asking why they're staying with one person instead of continuing to look. How do they know??? Why get married now if you never know if you'll meet someone better? :P

LOL Yeah that could also work.  I usually just stick to making them question their sexuality though, because that's the BS they try an hit me with.  

 

"HoW dO YoU KnOw YoU DoN'T WaNt SeX iF YoU NeVer TRieD iT WiTh A GuY/GiRl?"

 

Me: But that's not what Asexuality is...

*eye roll* 😑 

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12 hours ago, Rach1234 said:

What about when it’s said by a medical professional?

 

43 minutes ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

I never had this discussion with a medical professional, but I'd give them a print out fact sheet about Asexuality.  Sadly a lot of these people are ignorant and uneducated, which is very scary considering that they're there to help you.

I'm a medical professional who is asexual, and I hadn't heard of it until a few years ago. I'm glad I did... Definitely finding AVEN has changed my life for the better, but it's just still not a widely known about orientation. Bare in mind medical professionals deal with people of all orientations and sex behaviours, and by far a bigger problem when it comes to individual and public health  is ensuring people are comfortable sharing these behaviours with their providers, as holding back info due to embarrassment or fear of judgement still happens on the daily. A lot of energy goes into normalizing sexual behaviour in order to decrease stigma and fear of embarrassment and facilitate open communication between patient and provider. It may be as simple as that professional just does not know that asexuality exists and would benefit from referral to reputable sources of info on it. I suspect that the origin of the comments you're getting, as annoying and invalidating as they may feel, is not judgement but simply an effort to keep the dialogue about sex open, with consideration for the fact that the vast majority of us, asexual or not, will eventually experience some sort of sexual behaviour or situation. 

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I haven't talked to any medical professionals about asexuality, but they also don't ask. I told my GP that I haven't had sex in over three years and she didn't react any differently than other answers I would give to her routine questions. She asks questions like that because it affects how often I should get pap smears, and because medications I'm on could complicate pregnancy. I've learned to interpret doctor questions in more dry and scientific ways (though I'm still not perfect at that).

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