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For 30-somethings and those around that age

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Ged of Earthsea

I'm not a shy person, I take the initiative. But I hear the same thing all the time, "I don't know what you want." Well, it's simple: I want you to spend time getting to know me as a person. If you enjoy that, I want you to ask me on a date. If you enjoy that, ask me on another date. If you enjoy that, kiss me. If you enjoy that, ask me to be your girlfriend. If you enjoy that, ask me to marry you. I will let you know how I like it every step of the way. But you need to have the guts and the incentive to give it a go.

And perhaps that's the problem. I just don't meet anyone with the guts and the incentive, whose efforts I also enjoy. I'm not terribly hard to please I think, but perhaps I'm mistaken. :wacko:

I don't enjoy these implicitly assigned roles. I would happily spend time getting to know someone, but the asking-on-date, etc. does not come naturally to me. Wouldn't that be the initiative to take? As for the marriage, I don't see it as a question anyway. It would be a mutual decision in a situation involving me.

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AnotherMember

[quote%2

Again, im sorry for the multiquote issue, i guess i cant not reply using my cellphone lol! well i will reply again as soon as i get the time...

Edited by YouAreYummy

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Runawaybrain

I'm in my 30s and I like them more than my twenties. Everybody I know at this age is married or having kids. I would like not to be the odd man out .. as always. I know that by their 40s, a big percentage of them will be divorced and complaining about their kids telling me how smart I was not to married. Then they would find someone else to start their new divorcee lives together.

I would like to find someone to love and be love in whatever way we asexual do it. In my 30s I'm lucking for a wife. I wish I could sexually please some that I know I have great chemistry with, but my asexuality is on the way. I guess I'll keep looking for my asexual half on that the lonely road called life ;)

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Blitzentan

I suppose I'm fortunate that I still have a reasonably good relationship with my sons - it's by no means certain and I know that if I didn't get on with my daughter in law then I wouldn't see my younger son as often as I do. I'm sure I don't (really) need to say it; needs constant work...and I still couldn't categorically say I wont be alone in future.

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Samael

I guess its hard to find, or we are doing something wrong lol! XD hahaaha ummmm ok ok not SO FUNNY! lol hahahaha XD

I'm not a shy person, I take the initiative. But I hear the same thing all the time, "I don't know what you want." Well, it's simple: I want you to spend time getting to know me as a person. If you enjoy that, I want you to ask me on a date. If you enjoy that, ask me on another date. If you enjoy that, kiss me. If you enjoy that, ask me to be your girlfriend. If you enjoy that, ask me to marry you. I will let you know how I like it every step of the way. But you need to have the guts and the incentive to give it a go.

And perhaps that's the problem. I just don't meet anyone with the guts and the incentive, whose efforts I also enjoy. I'm not terribly hard to please I think, but perhaps I'm mistaken. :wacko:

Is that how it goes usually? I should study the human mating ritual in more detail, I think.

I've never wanted to date or to be in a romantic/sexual relationship so I wouldn't know what "normal" people wanted exactly. You are normal, though, are you not? :)

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TheEvaTree
I feel like I've never done anything 'normal'. I started off intending to be a missionary (for f---s sake!). I worked my butt off 7 days a week, preaching at people and holding 2 part-time jobs before I decided I would never make it to Africa (partly because my church wouldn't take single women to Africa -- I looked for a husband who would be my plane ticket but nobody suitable showed up. Anyway I was insane at the time so nobody would've had me). Then I decided it was all nonsense and quit that. I'm working full time now and I'm studying visual arts and literature. I've dated all sorts of creeps and weirdos since quitting church, though fortunately I've kept my self-respect in tact. I just can't seem to find my people. I feel most at home in art galleries and I hope to be a portrait painter and illustrator soon.

I look at my life and I think, "why the hell can't you do anything the easy way??" I'm bored with craziness. I want normality. I want to meet a stable, intelligent, ordinary person who likes trees. I don't care if they're losing their hair. As long as they aren't obese and have the use of their limbs. Jeez, you wouldn't think that'd be too hard to find! :P

Hahahaha - I know! I'm so happy to meet likeminded fellow un-normal freaks(Yes, I count myself in) who've also taken their own special tours outside the beaten track...each of you make me feel I'm not so un-normal after all :) :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake:

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Samael

Ohh,

Are the gender roles important in your opinion? I've experienced this but with reversed gender roles up to the stage 2 or 3 or so at which point I usually wake up and notice something funny is going on and let them know I'm not interested in that way. Oh well.

Thanks for sharing your experiences :)

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Damaris

And now for something completely different...

"Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works. Anything that’s invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it. Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things."

- Douglas Adams

"The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible."

- Jean Kerr

"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years."

- Oscar Wilde

Now back to your regularly scheduled posts...

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jagged

I'm sick of being single. It's just boring now. I had big career goals when I was younger, and I'm glad I didn't just get married and have kids like my friends. I wanted my own life, freedom, no complications. Now it's just boring. And I'm totally fed up with 'eternal bachelors' who seem to think that a single woman in her thirties must be a 'good time girl' because she's not married. Excuse me, I have a brain. And I'm not impressed <_<

I can totally relate to this, and alot of the comments that follow. I turned 30 this year, have been in the same unsatisfying job for 4 years and am perpetually single. I've felt for too long that I am plodding along and am not taking control. So on the positive side, I joined an online dating agency, so far I'm still waiting for a spark but I'm optimistic and am trying for the first time in forever, this week I even applied for a new job (watch this space). Destiny - I'm coming to get you! I've lost 20lb and am nearly out of the overweight bracket. So am feeling pretty good, did anyone else have this life changing revelation at 30?

I love my living arrangement, I share a place with 2 close friends, and we're all currently single. I do worry what will happen when they settle down and get married and I don't find someone who accepts the asexuality that I'll feel lonely. But hopefully, now that I recognise what I want I'll find someone 2.

I've loved reading this thread! Its like finding Aven all over again x

I have an 80s themed birthday party this weekend and I have thursday off work to bake a rubix cube cake... I also discovered that the UK number 1 the week I was born was unfortunately 'No-one quite like Grandma - St Winifreds school choir'...

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El3ktra

I hate being asexual. I'm sorry, but it had to be said. I wish that I could enjoy sex, everyone else talks it up so highly. Maybe it's good that I don't enojoy sex-- I long so much for companionship and warmth and acceptance that I would probably be one of those people who sleeps with everyone.

I think that is part of the reason that I can't relate to all these kids who seem to embrace asexuality as a lifestyle. Well, young'uns, live alone for fifteen years, watch all your friends start forming meaningful relations, open households, have kids, and watch yourself left behind, THEN let me know how you feel about being asexual. Because right now I am really not willing to toss on a gray triagle and dance over the world about it. One of the reaons that I probably don't tell anyone is that the more people that I tell, the more concrete it will be, and the more lonely I will feel.

Hopefully by the time they grow up, asexuality won't have the stigma that it has today. Because right now, the few people that I have come out to have tried to fix me, asking "have you tried this? Have you tried that?" Believe me, I have tried to fix myself, and probably wound up worse for the wear because of it. At one point, I figured that I would just find a nice impotent gentleman, but Viagra has killed that dream.

Anyway, so I didn't join AVEN really to talk about who I am, although that is something that I am starting to do. I need to acccept who I am, and that it is okay. But really, I just joined so that I could meet other asexuals, and I don't see anything wrong with that.

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Ged of Earthsea

I hate being asexual.

I think that is part of the reason that I can't relate to all these kids who seem to embrace asexuality as a lifestyle. Well, young'uns, live alone for fifteen years, watch all your friends start forming meaningful relations, open households, have kids, and watch yourself left behind, THEN let me know how you feel about being asexual. Because right now I am really not willing to toss on a gray triagle and dance over the world about it. One of the reaons that I probably don't tell anyone is that the more people that I tell, the more concrete it will be, and the more lonely I will feel.

Hopefully by the time they grow up, asexuality won't have the stigma that it has today. Because right now, the few people that I have come out to have tried to fix me, asking "have you tried this? Have you tried that?" Believe me, I have tried to fix myself, and probably wound up worse for the wear because of it. At one point, I figured that I would just find a nice impotent gentleman, but Viagra has killed that dream.

Anyway, so I didn't join AVEN really to talk about who I am, although that is something that I am starting to do. I need to acccept who I am, and that it is okay. But really, I just joined so that I could meet other asexuals, and I don't see anything wrong with that.

It is difficult coming to terms with one's own asexuality. I don't feel I have got there yet. While I may not be feel the comfort of a younger generation with their asexual identity, I understand it. I also don't expect them to have our experience, which is fantastic. They are not going to grow up with heteronormative expectations and aspirations. They will be more at home with their identity and aggressive about relationships that acknowledge their asexuality. Some of what you say can easily be reworded to echo the sentiment of a homosexual person 50 years ago. Look where they are now. Hopefully our community will get there too.

It is unfortunate that your coming out has not been met with sensitivity. I have talked to two people about it and they were receptive. One of them had a close friend who is a 40 year old asexual and knew more about asexuality than I did. That said, I would not dream of telling anyone else because I cannot imagine a similarly positive response and there's no need for them to know either.

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EGD

*comes back in and reads thru the thread*

Okay, there's a lot of stuff in here, but I just wanted to get a response off to Pied,

I totally relate to that--about hating being asexual at times. Sometimes I didn't feel comfortable stating it on the board... and am sort of relieved to see you post that.

Like, when I found AVEN I was 30. And I think when we are older and find out about asexuality it's a different experience. Personally, I hit these age/experience points in my life where I did reassessments... (like, I made myself try to be honest about how I'd found no one else like me by my mid 20s, and a few years later I reassessed if relationships perhaps weren't more trouble than they were worth)...

If I'd found out about asexuality when I was younger, i think it would have been a wonderful confirmation or relief of my hopes.

But I would suspect our journey before we got here was different, and that it will continue to be different in some key ways. *tries to not write a huge post here and apologizes if I end this a bit vaguely then*

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LaughingWolf

I'm pretty much a lurker but wanted to pop in and add myself to the list of 30-somethings. (I'm 32) :blink:

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TheEvaTree

I'm pretty much a lurker but wanted to pop in and add myself to the list of 30-somethings. (I'm 32) :blink:

Hi...

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Ged of Earthsea

This clip belongs on this thread.

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EGD

^^OMG, I bet this is secretly Disjointed/PIF... and we never knewww. :ph34r:

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Voyager6

My brother made me laugh today. We were talking about how annoying people can be when they don't see that there is more than one way to approach situations and end up causing problems because of not thinking laterally. I told him to be prepared for it to get worse from here on in because the population will become relatively younger and younger from his perspective, and apparently stupider and stupider. He replied that we just have to hope that dementia will take us sooner rather than later then. :lol:

On a serious note, I think this is one of the challenges of reaching 30 -- you become disillusioned and can see how much of life is just stupid stories invented by who knows who to perpetuate meaningless rubbish. Or maybe I'm just a cynic. I don't think so though. I'm just tired of all the lies.

Adding myself to the 30-somethings. :) Feeling sort of cynical myself the last couple years.

Not only am I a new member, I'm also new to the whole idea that there is an established group of people I've been wondering if they existed at all. I'm happy to have finally found AVEN to help me see myself.

However, only learning about asexuals now makes me feel I've wasted the last decade of my life, not knowing if I was alone in my feelings or not. Hopefully, I have the next decade to look forward to.

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Blitzentan

I only learned about asexuality a little over 6 years ago after spending a lifetime trying to fit in and wondering why I didn't. I'm 62 now (where did all those years go??? :o ) and yes, it does get a bit lonely at times but now I have my two dogs for company :)

*Oh and my two sons, daughter in law and granddaughter but they all have their own lives to lead :) *

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bostongirl

Hello,

Nice to find out this forumtopic. I am 39 ...

And I recognised something in the post nr 134 about whether, (as being in your 30's), you like (or don't like) to be asexual ...

For me, it changes from time to time. When everything goes normally - working, having a lots of things to do, being able to go where I want + to do want I want, I don't really mind. Then, I am happy that being axexual gives me the possibilities to live my life as I want it to.

The things become more complicated during holidays and at special occasions / situations (like now that I am revalidating from an operation). Then, you feel that you are left alone: everyone else chooses for their "most important ones", and you are never the most important one for someone else when you are not in a relationship. I don't know whether an asexual relationship with a sexual partner can exist. I did not yet succeed in it. And I doubt whether it is possible in the first place ... And I don't know where you can meet other asexuals in real life (other than on this site).

So, from time to time, I really don't like being asexual - different; because the consequences of it are so far-going. And at this time, I think I am more on the side of "not liking it very much".

On the other hand, I don't know whether I am a good one for a relationship either.

So, it feels nice to find here ... and a bit of recognition ;-)

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AnotherMember

Welcome to this lovely-superfriendly thread bostongirl!

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Kelly
So who here remembers the Doomsday Clock? Were you scared? I was terrified.

600px-Doomsday_Clock_graph.svg.png

bush_doomsday_clock.jpg

This is turning into a reminiscing thread :blush:

:wub:

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HvnlyEyes

Hi everyone! I'm 37 and I think a forum for our age group is a fantastic idea. I don't have any qualms about being asexual, I just wish it was easier to find a partner. I imagine finding a large amount of asexuals anywhere is a hard enough feat, but I live in the deep South...it's practically impossible to find a man that would admit he is asexual. I'm hoping that by joining this group, I will meet new friends that understand the difficulties we face. Hmmmmmm...that sounded terrible sad didn't it? Ok...I'm going to lighten things up... :blink: lol

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Damaris

At one point, I figured that I would just find a nice impotent gentleman, but Viagra has killed that dream.

I used to hope for that, too. :( Well, actually, I still do, but it's a lot less likely now. Damn you, Big Pharma! *shakes fist angrily*

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