For 30-somethings and those around that age

[Snao Cone]

53 minutes ago, SaturnOOO said:

Welcome @œddy and @Eclectique! 

 

I think I must have an odd sense of humour. What I find hilarious and witty it seems like no one else sees the joke, and vice versa. I always lose Cards Against Humanity. 😒  

(Another case in point: if I make an AVEN post that I think is so clever and funny, it's usually met with radio silence.) 😆

The things I say that I find especially funny are all too often underappreciated by others. 

[SaturnOOO]

33 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

The things I say that I find especially funny are all too often underappreciated by others. 

The struggle is real. Unrecognized brilliance is a hard job, but someone's gotta do it.  

[œddy]

The jokes I have to explain must be the funniest ones

[Skycaptain]

Welcome to all our newcomers 🎂 🎂 

 

I have a crude sense of humour, so CAH is a gigglefest 

[Tyke]

4 hours ago, SaturnOOO said:

The struggle is real. Unrecognized brilliance is a hard job, but someone's gotta do it.  

You do it so well, though.

 

[LadyOracle]

Completely unrelated question... I notice the changes in my body now I'm in my thirties, skin that's less tight, floppy thighs and arms and stuff - I exercise a lot so it's not that, it's really the skin - and it just makes me giggle. I feel like it's supposed to make me insecure because of all the ads telling you to become slim and use all kinds of cream and stuff. But I just play with it and laugh out loud because of how it wiggles. Do you think it might be because I don't feel attracted to anyone based on looks I just don't feel that my body has to be attractive? Or is it something most people here still worry about? 

[Raire]

18 minutes ago, LadyOracle said:

Do you think it might be because I don't feel attracted to anyone based on looks I just don't feel that my body has to be attractive? Or is it something most people here still worry about? 

I have wiggles and wobbles that have appeared in the last... *realises how much closer to 40 than 20 he is now* six years, and they haven't bothered me. Neither has the grey hair and a few wrinkles! 

 

I've never been particularly enamoured with my body cosmetically, and wouldn't imagine many other people would either. I might feel happier if I were a little more toned, but at the end of the day it's only me that sees myself in any detail anyway. 

[LadyOracle]

Just now, Raire said:

I have wiggles and wobbles that have appeared in the last... *realises how much closer to 40 than 20 he is now* six years, and they haven't bothered me. Neither has the grey hair and a few wrinkles! 

 

I've never been particularly enamoured with my body cosmetically, and wouldn't imagine many other people would either. I might feel happier if I were a little more toned, but at the end of the day it's only me that sees myself in any detail anyway. 

I've never seen my body as a sexual thing. I don't 'feel sexy'. I feel cozy, if that makes sense. I love wrinkles on other people. Not on myself, weirdly enough they remind me of time passing and all the things I've missed in life (not a particularly nice youth) in a way that the other changes don't. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Raire said:

I've never been particularly enamoured with my body cosmetically, and wouldn't imagine many other people would either. I might feel happier if I were a little more toned, but at the end of the day it's only me that sees myself in any detail anyway.

Agreed.

 

Not that I ever cared, but apparently I was quite cute when I was younger. Being multiracial, I was often told I had "good hair" and the amount of attention I received in middle and high school was at best confusing and more often than not overwhelming. Up until my mid 20's I was in relatively good shape; I studied TKD and loved to swim and go biking, but was never one to find myself sexy. I'm trying to get back into better shape now, but that's more being healthy and improving the quality of life than anything. 

 

Honestly, the thought of someone finding my sexually attractive is.... weird... 

[TigerBalm]

Hello all. I thought I'd pop in here and say hi seeing as how I'm in the 30's club. I hope you're all having lovely days. Take care. 😊

[Spotastic]

Hey there @TigerBalm. Welcome to the club! But don't let the age ranges on the threads stop you from joining in at other places. I'm 35, but I bounce around in all the threads at times.

 

As far as feeling sexy goes, I never have, even though my wife and others have over the years have told me that I am. I've never been good with compliments in general, though. When I was still in the Marine Corps, I was proud of my physical ability, but still didn't care on an aesthetic level for myself. I just thought it was fun to tell people I could leg lift all of the weights at the gym on base (around 650 lbs) even though I had a bad knee.

[Charna]

Another one for the (late) 30s club, just posting to say hi.

[Snao Cone]

Welcome all the newer people!

 

On 8/11/2018 at 1:05 PM, LadyOracle said:

Completely unrelated question... I notice the changes in my body now I'm in my thirties, skin that's less tight, floppy thighs and arms and stuff - I exercise a lot so it's not that, it's really the skin - and it just makes me giggle. I feel like it's supposed to make me insecure because of all the ads telling you to become slim and use all kinds of cream and stuff. But I just play with it and laugh out loud because of how it wiggles. Do you think it might be because I don't feel attracted to anyone based on looks I just don't feel that my body has to be attractive? Or is it something most people here still worry about? 

Some of the changes make me a little self-conscious, but some of them are liberating to be honest. I've always had floppy thighs and arms because I've never been thin, so those things are nothing new. I've been going grey since I was 18, and I'm okay with that showing. My least favourite change with aging is that my face discolours more easily, so the breakouts I still get from time to time through my (mild) adult acne leave permanent damage.

[SaturnOOO]

Welcome @TigerBalm, @Charna, and newbies to the thread! 

 

On 8/11/2018 at 2:05 PM, LadyOracle said:

Completely unrelated question... I notice the changes in my body now I'm in my thirties, skin that's less tight, floppy thighs and arms and stuff - I exercise a lot so it's not that, it's really the skin - and it just makes me giggle. I feel like it's supposed to make me insecure because of all the ads telling you to become slim and use all kinds of cream and stuff. But I just play with it and laugh out loud because of how it wiggles. Do you think it might be because I don't feel attracted to anyone based on looks I just don't feel that my body has to be attractive? Or is it something most people here still worry about? 

 Some of this... For me the way I relate to my body has a lot to do with my mental health. My thirties so far has brought a lot of self-discovery and growing confidence, so I'm a lot more comfortable in my body now than I have been in the past. Finding out about asexuality has certainly played into that, so there's definitely an element of confidence due to my identity that I didn't have before. However I've gone through good mental health periods in my 20s as well where I was comfortable with my body as well, and I'm fairly certain that if I start to feel poorly again my brain will start feeling negatively towards my body as it does towards pretty much everything. Don't get me wrong, embracing asexuality has really affected my relationship with my body in a positive way, but as far as worrying about appearance goes, I definitely do't think that's the only factor for me!

[RakshaTheCat]

@Snao Cone, @SaturnOOO, and everyone who feels a bit self conscious about their look, I have a question. How much do you care how others look? Is it important to you?

 

My self consciousness stems from my belief that people will hate me if I wont look 'good' (I'd like to thank my parents for that...). But I personally don't care how others look like. Even if I consider someone for relationship, their look doesn't bother me, I'm much more concerned about us being able to have fun together and all the good stuff...

But how much others really care how do we look like?

[LadyOracle]

6 hours ago, Marcin said:

@Snao Cone, @SaturnOOO, and everyone who feels a bit self conscious about their look, I have a question. How much do you care how others look? Is it important to you?

 

My self consciousness stems from my belief that people will hate me if I wont look 'good' (I'd like to thank my parents for that...). But I personally don't care how others look like. Even if I consider someone for relationship, their look doesn't bother me, I'm much more concerned about us being able to have fun together and all the good stuff...

But how much others really care how do we look like?

They do. I didn't wear make-up one day a while ago and immediately someone commented how I didn't look healthy. Also people regularly comment on my weight. Or for example I post a picture of myself at the gym, because I'm working on some flexibility goals. I posted it somewhere and someone commented that my boyfriend was very lucky. I don't have a boyfriend, I didn't post the picture to attract attention to my body but to share my progress, and I didn't ask for nor care about his opinion. Men just assume you really want to be told what they think of how you look.

[RakshaTheCat]

1 hour ago, LadyOracle said:

Men just assume you really want to be told what they think of how you look.

Heh, and I have a feeling that women are annoyed at me for not telling them how awesome they look. Especially on dating sites...

[Snao Cone]

8 hours ago, Marcin said:

@Snao Cone, @SaturnOOO, and everyone who feels a bit self conscious about their look, I have a question. How much do you care how others look? Is it important to you?

 

My self consciousness stems from my belief that people will hate me if I wont look 'good' (I'd like to thank my parents for that...). But I personally don't care how others look like. Even if I consider someone for relationship, their look doesn't bother me, I'm much more concerned about us being able to have fun together and all the good stuff...

But how much others really care how do we look like?

Same here, I worry that I will be deemed unworthy of respect if I don't meet a certain standard, but I don't look at other people that way. It just doesn't register when I look at other people. I notice extremely poorly kept appearances (like if they haven't bathed in days) but I don't look at people thinking they should've put on nicer makeup or done their hair better. 

 

1 hour ago, LadyOracle said:

They do. I didn't wear make-up one day a while ago and immediately someone commented how I didn't look healthy. Also people regularly comment on my weight. Or for example I post a picture of myself at the gym, because I'm working on some flexibility goals. I posted it somewhere and someone commented that my boyfriend was very lucky. I don't have a boyfriend, I didn't post the picture to attract attention to my body but to share my progress, and I didn't ask for nor care about his opinion. Men just assume you really want to be told what they think of how you look.

Some of the people I work with (90% women) have commented on how I don't look like I feel so good when I wear lighter makeup.

 

I don't post pics of myself to get compliments on how I look. It's too have a record of a look I like or wanted to be a piece of what represents me. I don't like being called sexy or pretty or having my physical features commented on, especially not by straight men. Commenting on the quality of the photo or the clothes I'm wearing or the attitude my expression conveys is different...as long as they never mention anything about a boyfriend. 😛

1 hour ago, Marcin said:

Heh, and I have a feeling that women are annoyed at me for not telling them how awesome they look. Especially on dating sites...

I think it really depends. On dating sites it may be different, because it's implicitly solicited if the person has posted photos with a very well made up appearance. But it's always a good idea to say more about the content of the profile than the photos alone. 

[LadyOracle]

1 hour ago, Marcin said:

Heh, and I have a feeling that women are annoyed at me for not telling them how awesome they look. Especially on dating sites...

Actually research shows that compliments on other things make people happier, so I wouldn't worry about it. Compliment them on something they did or wrote, at least something actively chose to do, not something they were born with. I don't think you can go wrong there. What @Snao Cone said, you can always say something about their expression or smth. Probably there are women who enjoy being told they are hot, but many probably would feel uncomfortable. Hardly anyone would feel offended being told you like their expression, or they look happy or confident, or you like their style or whatever. Personally I prefer something about who I am, not the useless packaging. Ok, no, that's not fair, the packaging does transport me and enables me to make a living and eat food and stuff, so it's quite useful. But you know what I mean, right... And I think you shouldn't say it if you don't really mean it or it doesn't feel like you. You want to surround yourself with people who like you for who you are, I assume, not people who want you to be someone else. 
 

14 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

it's implicitly solicited if the person has posted photos with a very well made up appearance

I think many people just want to look nice or conform to what they think they're supposed to do without intending to get compliments. Or as a way of masking insecurities, not necessarily to attract attention but sometimes even to scare people away. Or as a way of expressing themselves. But of course there's also a huge difference between 'you look nice' and 'wow nice breasts' or 'your boyfriend is really lucky', although that would be a little weird on a dating site in most cases. 😉 

[Charna]

13 hours ago, Marcin said:

@Snao Cone, @SaturnOOO, and everyone who feels a bit self conscious about their look, I have a question. How much do you care how others look? Is it important to you?

 

My self consciousness stems from my belief that people will hate me if I wont look 'good' (I'd like to thank my parents for that...). But I personally don't care how others look like. Even if I consider someone for relationship, their look doesn't bother me, I'm much more concerned about us being able to have fun together and all the good stuff...

But how much others really care how do we look like?

I used to care more, but I think nowadays, when you are bombarded by the computerized, photoshop-perfect images of people everywhere you go, it's very difficult not to feel self-concious at all. What helped might be a bit unusual, but it worked - I went to portrait drawing classes. And the funny things is, when it comes to drawing portraits it's the impefections that make people interesting. That one time we had a model-pretty girl pose I was honestly disappointed, lol. So now I look at people and think that I'd love to draw them. (While they probably think, why is the creepy lady staring at me...?) And it helped not to judge myself too harshly, in turn.

 

 

 

[Spotastic]

@Charna My wife is an artist and would completely agree with you there. When others point to a stereotypically attractive person, she often says something like "They just look young. There's nothing special about that." I personally like to see attractive women, but I try not to judge anyone on their appearance. There are all sorts of reasons someone could look 'unkempt', so I'm not going to put a negative label on it.

[LVG]

I admit, I'm quite disgusting with the current state of my body. I was at my thinnest in years last year. All my clothes fit great and I was really happy with how I looked. This year, I somehow put on weight, despite having a physically demanding job, and can't seem to lose it no matter what I do. My clothes are all now too tight and I look like a cow in everything. The last straw was going off my birth control pill. I have a feeling it's the culprit, but only time will tell. At this rate, I feel like eating nothing but lettuce is the only way I'll shed these extra pounds.  

[RakshaTheCat]

6 hours ago, LVG said:

I admit, I'm quite disgusting with the current state of my body. I was at my thinnest in years last year. All my clothes fit great and I was really happy with how I looked. This year, I somehow put on weight, despite having a physically demanding job, and can't seem to lose it no matter what I do. My clothes are all now too tight and I look like a cow in everything.

Umm, wait, 'look like a cow' sounds very much like issues that I have, mainly with self acceptance... Are you sure you want to be thin because you want it, and not just because society is trying to shame you into that?

[Skycaptain]

If you're in a physically demanding job, maybe you've just gained muscle rather than flab 

[weedyt]

I've always had problems with the way I look - I've only realised how significant an impact depression has had on my weight in recent years and I'm struggling hard with it at the moment. But wanting to look 'good' stems, I think, from wanting to not be dismissed by a society that's so obsessed with an idealised physique. When I'm in a better place, I am quite content with how I look and can ignore anyone who says different. I suppose mind, body and emotions are more closely linked than we sometimes realise, and can each impact the others.

9 hours ago, LVG said:

This year, I somehow put on weight, despite having a physically demanding job, and can't seem to lose it no matter what I do.

I had a demanding job that should have made it pretty easy to keep my weight down, but I found it very easy to fall into the trap of scaling up meals/snacks with the 'excuse' that because I was working so hard, I would burn it off. To an extent, that's fine, but it was easy to take it too far without realising.

[SaturnOOO]

On 8/12/2018 at 11:50 PM, Marcin said:

@Snao Cone, @SaturnOOO, and everyone who feels a bit self conscious about their look, I have a question. How much do you care how others look? Is it important to you?

 

My self consciousness stems from my belief that people will hate me if I wont look 'good' (I'd like to thank my parents for that...). But I personally don't care how others look like. Even if I consider someone for relationship, their look doesn't bother me, I'm much more concerned about us being able to have fun together and all the good stuff...

But how much others really care how do we look like?

Honestly I don't know. I think in social contexts looks always do matter to a certain extent, though that doesn't necessarily mean mainstream attractiveness is important to individuals personally.. I mean, there are definitely people that I find aesthetically appealing, so I guess I  matters to me somewhat, but  it's not like I care if my friends fit the attractiveness norm or anything. I think appearance plays into who you are attracted in friendship because you probably take in various physical traits as mental stand-ins for other traits that you value. For instance I will gravitate towards someone in shorts and a t-shirt because to me that seems like someone who is more laid back and focused more important things than clothes than someone in a Prada dress. Not that it's necessarily true, but that's the judgment my mind makes based on appearance alone. Y'know?

 

23 hours ago, Marcin said:

Heh, and I have a feeling that women are annoyed at me for not telling them how awesome they look. Especially on dating sites...

I would really be surprised if this were the case. As others have said,  a genuine compliment on something other than looks is hard to go wrong with.

 

11 hours ago, LVG said:

I admit, I'm quite disgusting with the current state of my body. I was at my thinnest in years last year. All my clothes fit great and I was really happy with how I looked. This year, I somehow put on weight, despite having a physically demanding job, and can't seem to lose it no matter what I do. My clothes are all now too tight 

This is a huge one for me. I'm so picky about clothes to begin with that once I find something I'm comfortable in I like to be able to wear it pretty much constantly. When my clothes don't fit I get really down on my appearance even though if I look at myself naked I truly don't care one way or the other and just recognize that I'm a bit chubbier. But as soon as I try to put something on and it doesn't feel right I just can't stand being in my own skin.

[Charna]

@Spotastic

Your wife is right, younger people just aren't as interesting. It's the wrinkles and smile lines.

[PeterPanForever]

I went out this weekend and usually just wear shorts in the summer but decided to put on pants and a belt like a normal person but I couldn't get the belt around me for the first time ever. I couldn't wear it, there was no way. It is official, I am gaining weight. My diet isn't working, and I have decided to fast one day each week until I can wear it again, but I know that a major reason why I am gaining weight isn't because of my failed diet but because I am not exercising and being active enough. DC is my light at the end of the tunnel in which I believe that I will be more active and I will be out and about, and hopefully pick up some kind of exercise routine. I have been thinking about gym in the winter where I work on strength training and then cardio and running when it warms up. Running terrifies me for so many reasons. 

[RakshaTheCat]

9 hours ago, weedyt said:

I've always had problems with the way I look - I've only realised how significant an impact depression has had on my weight in recent years and I'm struggling hard with it at the moment.

Same here, I gained weight from depression too. It is kinda annoying, especially since I do love hiking and biking, and additional weight makes it little more tiring than it could be...

One good thing I got from depression though, I let my hair grow (because I didn't bother to get it cut). And now I realized I actually like it being longer, it's kinda nice to touch and play with... So I'm keeping it that way, just have to take care of it properly

 

7 hours ago, SaturnOOO said:

For instance I will gravitate towards someone in shorts and a t-shirt because to me that seems like someone who is more laid back and focused more important things than clothes than someone in a Prada dress. Not that it's necessarily true, but that's the judgment my mind makes based on appearance alone. Y'know?

Yes, I do exact the same thing with makeup. Someone without it looks independent and laid back, and these qualities I value a lot, so I will gravitate towards them!

[Nahteb15]

I've gained a lot of weight in the last few years, too many hours sitting at a desk, driving to/from work and not making time to go to the gym.  I was starting to get back on track in June, got a personal trainer and started getting to the gym in the mornings (which also reduces my desire to beat work colleagues to death with stationary or chairs) and then everything went a bit crazy.  I headed to the meet in Birmingham (and had an epic time), went to Germany for work, during the second day of my trip to Germany my mum was admitted to hospital.  Following on from that she was diagnosed with inoperable cancer and died within the week so I was all over the place for the best part of 6 weeks and still a little emotionally overwrought, last weekend I wanted to cry about everything and then during the week was a rage monster. 

 

I'm now back at work and being kept super busy due to everyone else holidaying during school hols, but i have caught up on all the stuff I should have done during June/July so now taking back that time to do something for me.  First post chaos session with my trainer in London on Monday so hopefully get some of the weight off in time for my trip to Norway in November.