Jump to content

For 30-somethings and those around that age


test account

Recommended Posts

Good and bad things happened for me at 30. I would say that I chilled out a lot on many negative things. I developed a fair bit of confidence, as well. But I also had some severe bouts of depression that year, related to a job I hated (and got to quit, hooray).

Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, SaturnOOO said:

30 was actually a hard year for me. I went through A LOT of questioning my life choices and where I was going. Fortunately 31-33 have been largely positive so far with a lot of personal growth made, so there is hope!

Definitely what I'm experiencing right now. It feels like up to now i've been making the wrong choices.

 

I'll try to stay positive!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

Good and bad things happened for me at 30. I would say that I chilled out a lot on many negative things. I developed a fair bit of confidence, as well. But I also had some severe bouts of depression that year, related to a job I hated (and got to quit, hooray).

How do you cope up with it? I feel depressed on how things are going...like my decisions haven't matured at all. Sometimes i am stuck in bed thinking of what to do but couldnt think of anything. I end up being not productive at all.

Link to post
Share on other sites
19 minutes ago, mOonday04 said:

How do you cope up with it? I feel depressed on how things are going...like my decisions haven't matured at all. Sometimes i am stuck in bed thinking of what to do but couldnt think of anything. I end up being not productive at all.

I still feel like that sometimes. I feel like I've stagnated in many ways. But I've also accomplished a lot of what I said I would many years ago. Being lost and indecisive was part of that vision of my adulthood. That was in my early/mid 20s. I feel like if I aimed higher I would've achieved more, but that's "higher" mostly in society's definition of accomplishment rather than anything intrinsically rewarding. I don't really have an answer for you. I would say to seize opportunities to volunteer for things. Remove your screaming internal self from your mind and just throw yourself into situations that seem remotely appealing. I've attempted things like community leadership and advocacy for the things I really value. They're not always going to lead to a sense of purpose, but at least I can say I tried. AVEN has definitely helped give me a sense of belonging, and it's reaffirmed other things about me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ There's no easy answer.

Link to post
Share on other sites
45 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

I still feel like that sometimes. I feel like I've stagnated in many ways. But I've also accomplished a lot of what I said I would many years ago. Being lost and indecisive was part of that vision of my adulthood. That was in my early/mid 20s. I feel like if I aimed higher I would've achieved more, but that's "higher" mostly in society's definition of accomplishment rather than anything intrinsically rewarding. I don't really have an answer for you. I would say to seize opportunities to volunteer for things. Remove your screaming internal self from your mind and just throw yourself into situations that seem remotely appealing. I've attempted things like community leadership and advocacy for the things I really value. They're not always going to lead to a sense of purpose, but at least I can say I tried. AVEN has definitely helped give me a sense of belonging, and it's reaffirmed other things about me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ There's no easy answer.

Thanks.. yeah, how we get out of our own mess depends solely on us alone.. :) maybe i'll try the volunteer thing. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/27/2018 at 1:15 AM, Idontknowaboutthat. said:

Is the mid to late 30s the period when you just turn into a cynical asshole? I mean in the last 3 years or so ive just became so cynical that im almost unbearable to myself. Anyone else notice this? Am I alone in this?

 

That being said, I've become that cynical arsehole long ago. Other than that, I have no idea what I'm doing or what I'm supposed to do. Me being here is totally pointless, but I didn't ask for being here so I don't feel bad being useless  ¯\_(ツ )_/¯

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi. New to Aven :). I've been lurking for a few weeks now. It's hard to explain that though I knew about asexuality a bit for the past 5? years or so, and I knew it described me fairly accurately, I'm just now connecting to the term, if that makes sense. I'm 33, about to be 34... this month. uggghhhh.

giphy.gif

 

Also, cynical? NEEEVVERRRRR. :P

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

Are you making fun of me? How dare you :D

 

Welcome to AVEN :cake:

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome @trickstur  :cake: I also took a while to really settle on accepting that asexuality reflects me. I would've saved some time/grief if I did so earlier, but I'm glad I'm here now. 😛

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/31/2018 at 12:03 AM, mOonday04 said:

How do you cope up with it? I feel depressed on how things are going...like my decisions haven't matured at all. Sometimes i am stuck in bed thinking of what to do but couldnt think of anything. I end up being not productive at all.

I mean, in my personal experience this did abate a lot when I finally got treated for my depression, not that that will apply to everyone. Finding this community at around the same time also helped a lot because owning my (lack of) sexuality has really helped me gain a lot of confidence in myself and my decisions. For me I don't think my decisions have "matured" at all; rather I've just stopped beating myself up about it and accepted that I'm just not cut out for a lot of the aspects of a traditionally-accepted definition of a desirable life.

 

On 5/26/2018 at 7:15 PM, Idontknowaboutthat. said:

Is the mid to late 30s the period when you just turn into a cynical asshole? I mean in the last 3 years or so ive just became so cynical that im almost unbearable to myself. Anyone else notice this? Am I alone in this?

I turned into a cynical asshole at exactly 18 years of age. :P 

 

 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
11 minutes ago, SaturnOOO said:

Finding this community at around the same time also helped a lot because owning my (lack of) sexuality has really helped me gain a lot of confidence in myself and my decisions. For me I don't think my decisions have "matured" at all; rather I've just stopped beating myself up about it and accepted that I'm just not cut out for a lot of the aspects of a traditionally-accepted definition of a desirable life.

We already talked about this in Ireland, but I want to add to the conversation here that this is the same for me. 😛

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, trickstur said:

It's hard to explain that though I knew about asexuality a bit for the past 5? years or so, and I knew it described me fairly accurately, I'm just now connecting to the term, 

I had stumbled across the term a few years before finding aven but didn't even consider it describing me. I think because the context in which I first heard of it was a super cutesy fanfiction where an asexual character who was clearly written by a teenager wanted all sorts of lovey romantic times but never ever sex. I just thought it was a naive idealized version of puppy love dreamt up by those who didn't know any better and immediately forgot about it. :P 

Knowing me my thought process was along the lines of "honey keep dreaming... you're gonna have to grow up and learn to put up with that shit just like the rest of us!" :P 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
uisblackcat

I'm new here. I dealt with a lot of traumatic feelings over the past few years. Any other aces out there who sorta forced yourself to have sex with people in hopes of approval from them and you more or less felt raped through the entire process? 

Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, SaturnOOO said:

I mean, in my personal experience this did abate a lot when I finally got treated for my depression, not that that will apply to everyone. Finding this community at around the same time also helped a lot because owning my (lack of) sexuality has really helped me gain a lot of confidence in myself and my decisions. For me I don't think my decisions have "matured" at all; rather I've just stopped beating myself up about it and accepted that I'm just not cut out for a lot of the aspects of a traditionally-accepted definition of a desirable life.

 

Yeah.. maybe just the lack of someone to identify with in the real world adds to the pressure of making decisions that conforms to the norms.

 

But yeah, i'm on the process of accepting i'm different and it's okay. :)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, mOonday04 said:

Yeah.. maybe just the lack of someone to identify with in the real world adds to the pressure of making decisions that conforms to the norms.

What is it with this need to "identify with" something and having a "label" to "describe" you in order to "fit in"? Genuine question. I don't get it at all.

Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, mOonday04 said:

i'm on the process of accepting i'm different and it's okay.

That's a really important step. And it's great that you can say it's okay, too.

Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, Homer said:

What is it with this need to "identify with" something and having a "label" to "describe" you in order to "fit in"? Genuine question. I don't get it at all. 

Identifying with someone can be quite different from something to identify with. Words help us find people to relate to.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On ‎5‎/‎30‎/‎2018 at 10:48 PM, mOonday04 said:

Am I the only 30yearold who still doesnt know what to do in life?

I'm 36 and don't know what to do, so I reckon you're not the only one! 

 

But there's a quote that I seem to be living by: 

 

"Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t." 

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/30/2018 at 2:48 PM, mOonday04 said:

Am I the only 30yearold who still doesnt know what to do in life?

Definitely not. I thought I had things figured out in my 20's. I had a career, etc. Then everything went to shit. Eh, this isn't helping is it? Um. It's taken a bunch of years, but I feel like I'm headed in a good direction even if I still don't have it all figured out. You'll get there. I know lots of folks who would say, "my life isn't where I thought it would be at this age," and so it just seems, normal. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/26/2018 at 4:15 PM, Idontknowaboutthat. said:

Is the mid to late 30s the period when you just turn into a cynical asshole? I mean in the last 3 years or so ive just became so cynical that im almost unbearable to myself. Anyone else notice this? Am I alone in this?

I have my moments. I've been known to veer from dispassionate rationalism, to biting sarcasm, and to cold apathy on a whim.

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/30/2018 at 2:48 PM, mOonday04 said:

Am I the only 30yearold who still doesnt know what to do in life?

I'm about to hit 35 and I still don't have a clue...

Link to post
Share on other sites
bluedragonwings

If i make it to 40 i still wont have a clue.

 

Also I'm in this weird space as far as identity in that I am testing boundaries. Trying to figure out what I want/like/ or only like the idea of but maybe not reality of. Its frustrating. 

 

LIke I am dating someone currently and the fact they were a stranger (still getting to know each other) makes it awkward at times for me. I just have to start paying more attention to my anxiety/discomfort and try and narrow down the why's when then happen.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/27/2018 at 1:15 AM, Idontknowaboutthat. said:

Is the mid to late 30s the period when you just turn into a cynical asshole? I mean in the last 3 years or so ive just became so cynical that im almost unbearable to myself. Anyone else notice this? Am I alone in this?

I'm beginning to care a lot less about what others think of me, and so my brain-to-mouth-filter is becoming less functional. It's rather fun how people can be amazed at the things I say out loud.

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/30/2018 at 5:48 PM, mOonday04 said:

Am I the only 30yearold who still doesnt know what to do in life?

I feel like there's enough of us that we can start a club. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Tempesta said:

I'm beginning to care a lot less about what others think of me, and so my brain-to-mouth-filter is becoming less functional. It's rather fun how people can be amazed at the things I say out loud.

I also started to care less about what people think of me when I got into my 30s, though it's more in what I look like than what I say. I've been pretty much the same size as I am now since I was a teenager, but the clothing I wear now is usually simply what I want to wear, rather than worrying about how I look or what people will think of me or the rolls of fat they'll see. :P It's been very liberating.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, trickstur said:

I feel like there's enough of us that we can start a club. 

I'm in for the membership! 😂

Where do I sign?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

So, there have been developments at my job right now that have made me even more dissatisfied with this position and the idea of staying in it any longer. I've applied for three new opportunities within the same organization (it's a rather large one) and I'm going to apply to two more - one outside the organization, and one within my own department. The one within my own department is very much a possibility, but it's not really a job I want. It's on a temporary basis as an acting status position for now, but I think if I apply for it and get it, that I'll apply to the competition for the permanent position in a few months. I really have no intention of doing that. I'm not looking for more money or more status in a management role. I just want to apply a wider range of my skills and feel like there's mobility in my career. I'm suffering from some serious ennui - not really something worthy of complaining about in the grand scheme, but still affecting my daily mood and motivation for everything.

 

I'm not really looking for advice on this, but I decided to share it here because it's tied in with being asexual and being in my 30s and it's relevant to the current subject. I don't have a love life/sex life/family life in which to immerse myself and/or find meaning outside of work. I don't think it would be much better if I were sexual, because that would just be another need I'd have to fulfill. But there's less on which to blame this frustrated feeling of aimlessness and stagnation. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
19 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

So, there have been developments at my job right now that have made me even more dissatisfied with this position and the idea of staying in it any longer. I've applied for three new opportunities within the same organization (it's a rather large one) and I'm going to apply to two more - one outside the organization, and one within my own department. The one within my own department is very much a possibility, but it's not really a job I want. It's on a temporary basis as an acting status position for now, but I think if I apply for it and get it, that I'll apply to the competition for the permanent position in a few months. I really have no intention of doing that. I'm not looking for more money or more status in a management role. I just want to apply a wider range of my skills and feel like there's mobility in my career. I'm suffering from some serious ennui - not really something worthy of complaining about in the grand scheme, but still affecting my daily mood and motivation for everything.

I'd hire you and give you lots of monies if I could :P You work so hard and I'm very confident the folks at your job are lucky to have you. I hope something positive that allows you to utilize your skills in the way you want happens for you soon!

 

20 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

I'm not really looking for advice on this, but I decided to share it here because it's tied in with being asexual and being in my 30s and it's relevant to the current subject. I don't have a love life/sex life/family life in which to immerse myself and/or find meaning outside of work. I don't think it would be much better if I were sexual, because that would just be another need I'd have to fulfill. But there's less on which to blame this frustrated feeling of aimlessness and stagnation. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I think about this kind of stuff too sometimes. Isn't it so nice that I have no sexual urges to deal with? Plus, my emotions aren't all tied up in it so I won't ever feel bad if someone didn't want to have sex with me!

 

But there's also the reality that maybe it also leaves some kind of something missing, some intimacy that I'm not getting to participate in. Obviously, different people have different needs, so I'm not necessarily lacking from not participating in that intimacy, it's just that I perhaps find myself more focused on career or purely non-physical bonds than a sexual might, that I might be more hungry for growth in those areas than sexuals.....

 

Interesting things to wrestle...

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...