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For 30-somethings and those around that age


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I just tell them the truth. If they don't like it, tough. I'm over worrying what people think of me. 

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19 hours ago, TreMartEyes said:

Do you ever feel like something has passed you by? I am 33 and asexual and I see all these posts of kids and families. I can't stop and think did I miss  something? I am biromantic and sex repulsed. I feel like the pressures of being in your 30's people ask when is the family coming? My only answer is never!  I don't want anyone to touch me and I don't want a relationship. How do other 30 year olds navigate these fraught waters.

Also 33. Read a quote that I like - "I would rather have a dog with the right person in my 50s than have a child with the wrong person in my 30s". (can't remember where it originated from...). I like it, I like it a lot ^_^

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20 hours ago, TreMartEyes said:

Do you ever feel like something has passed you by? I am 33 and asexual and I see all these posts of kids and families. I can't stop and think did I miss  something? I am biromantic and sex repulsed. I feel like the pressures of being in your 30's people ask when is the family coming? My only answer is never!  I don't want anyone to touch me and I don't want a relationship. How do other 30 year olds navigate these fraught waters.

I think there's some kind of vibe emanating from me that makes people believe it when I say I don't want kids. Or maybe it's because I laugh when they ask. In any case nobody really asks more than once.

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bluedragonwings

Along with other questions about “adulting”.  My gf got angry with me because I keep saying I will never own a house. 

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On 6/3/2019 at 6:54 PM, LVG said:

I wish the ads were like that here, but no. I have to hear "if you have an erection lasting more than four hours, call your doctor." Thanks, but I really didn't want to hear about a prolonged boner on TV. And don't get me started on all the other "ED" remedy commercials. They make it sound like limp dicks are the next black plague. 

^ Very well-said, LOL. 😁 I just saw this post a few hours ago.

 

By the way I knew a guy who is a year younger than I am and has a live-in GF, two kids, a house and works in engineering. Sounds like the basic nightmare to me, plus he didn't seem at all excited about the first one coming. Even with only one kid he lamented having almost no free time; I can't imagine how he felt when he learned he knocked up his GF a second time. I don't envy him at all.

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AceMissBehaving
2 hours ago, ByeYall! said:

Isn't it funny though that people lament having children yet there are so many ways to avoid it? I mean we don't live in the dark ages anymore.

I think it’s a path a lot of people take because it’s what they think they’re “supposed” do, even if it’s not really something they really want to

do 

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AceMissBehaving
22 minutes ago, ByeYall! said:

that's a weak excuse to have a child though. 

I 100% agree, and that’s why I have cats instead 

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On 11/10/2019 at 9:36 PM, TreMartEyes said:

Do you ever feel like something has passed you by? I am 33 and asexual and I see all these posts of kids and families. I can't stop and think did I miss  something? I am biromantic and sex repulsed. I feel like the pressures of being in your 30's people ask when is the family coming? My only answer is never!  I don't want anyone to touch me and I don't want a relationship. How do other 30 year olds navigate these fraught waters.

I understand this as I near 35 I am starting to feel aromantic when I never would call myself that before. I think I lost the desire for a relationship without knowing it. The strange thing is that I still do want a relationship and no realize that I can get married later in life if I want to. I just have accidentally emotionally distanced myself with romance to the point that I probably can't even read the signals any more. 

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On 11/11/2019 at 4:36 AM, TreMartEyes said:

I feel like the pressures of being in your 30's people ask when is the family coming?

People actually stopped asking me when I was around 28/29, because apparently now it's too late at 30 :lol: Or it's just that so many people around me are settling down and getting kids that they divert the attention. But it's getting really weird that people several years younger than you have the whole marriage, house and kids thing going on. 

 

But listening to my colleagues with young kids and/or not functioning relationships, I am so glad that's not me.

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5 hours ago, SpaceDustbin said:

But listening to my colleagues with young kids and/or not functioning relationships, I am so glad that's not me.

This ^^^^^^^^^

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HI All, 

 

I have been lurking and reading posts for a while but decided to say hello! The fact that I identify as Ace only hit me (in a good way) fairly recently, past 6 months. The moment it clicked for me so may other things clicked, like of course I'm Bi(romantic) - that somehow was difficult to figure out before I realized I was asexual because I couldn't understand the nature and nuances of my attraction to people.  

Now I am trying to soak in as much information and community as possible and also trying to figure out how to come out to people. I am only out fully as Ace/Bi to a handful of people. I would usually just say I'm Bi but neglect to say the Ace part because I don't know even where to start explaining it to people and I dread the line of questioning that comes after. And don't even get me started about my family, I can't even imagine that conversation in my head and I'm 35! I am a fully grown human but when it comes to this I feel 11 again. 

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AceMissBehaving
58 minutes ago, jys1620 said:

HI All, 

 

I have been lurking and reading posts for a while but decided to say hello! The fact that I identify as Ace only hit me (in a good way) fairly recently, past 6 months. The moment it clicked for me so may other things clicked, like of course I'm Bi(romantic) - that somehow was difficult to figure out before I realized I was asexual because I couldn't understand the nature and nuances of my attraction to people.  

Now I am trying to soak in as much information and community as possible and also trying to figure out how to come out to people. I am only out fully as Ace/Bi to a handful of people. I would usually just say I'm Bi but neglect to say the Ace part because I don't know even where to start explaining it to people and I dread the line of questioning that comes after. And don't even get me started about my family, I can't even imagine that conversation in my head and I'm 35! I am a fully grown human but when it comes to this I feel 11 again. 

First of all, congratulations!!!

 

I had that “11 again” feeling too. You don’t have to come out to your family. The way I guess I did it was I just posted a photo from a Photoshoot I did for ace week on my instagram which anyone can see as if I had been out forever. My mum saw it, but didn’t ask about it. It was kind of a non coming out so to speak.

 

As to the the questions, yeah, I dread them too. I don’t want to talk about “how does that work?” with regards to my husband, and don’t want to talk about my masturbation habits. Like why is masturbation one of the first questions?

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@jys1620, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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On 11/8/2019 at 12:04 AM, AceMissBehaving said:

From my experience this is pretty much being in your 30’s!

 

heh yikes xD Be careful !!

 

I have started hydrating more. Now I drink between 60 and 80 fluid ounces of water a day :'D I was always good when it came to drinking water but apparently properly hydrating is even more important as you enter your 30s

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Janus the Fox

Yeah I’ve noticed needing to drink more... well after a longer lifetime say... 15 years of drinking alcohol as part of the family tradition.  Yeah that and needing to take up exercise regularly.  On balance about 1 litre spread across the day.  Easily done with the British tradition of large mugs of tea, the decaf variety To avoid too much caffeine.  2 years without alcohol, I really just couldn’t tolerate or derive pleasure from the stuff. Weather it’s age or medication, it’s not my thing no longer.  Sometime I’ll have to convince my dad being 60 with complex medications, don’t drink much though I can see he struggles in his own way.

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12 hours ago, AceMissBehaving said:

As to the the questions, yeah, I dread them too. I don’t want to talk about “how does that work?” with regards to my husband, and don’t want to talk about my masturbation habits. Like why is masturbation one of the first questions?

Because people's curiosity outweighs their manners. 🙄 At least the questions I get aren't as intrusive as they can be for trans folks.

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On 11/12/2019 at 12:27 AM, Eutierria said:

Also 33. Read a quote that I like - "I would rather have a dog with the right person in my 50s than have a child with the wrong person in my 30s". (can't remember where it originated from...). I like it, I like it a lot ^_^

This quote is so freaking beautiful. 😃

 

14 hours ago, jys1620 said:

And don't even get me started about my family, I can't even imagine that conversation in my head and I'm 35! I am a fully grown human but when it comes to this I feel 11 again. 

Can relate. On the other hand, I'm still sticking to my it's-nobody's-business-policy for the time being. But I can't rule out that I'll have a proper coming out one day.

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fooledbysecrecy
6 hours ago, Nylocke said:

 

 

 

I have started hydrating more. Now I drink between 60 and 80 fluid ounces of water a day :'D I was always good when it came to drinking water but apparently properly hydrating is even more important as you enter your 30s

!!!!!!

i can't believe there was a time i didn't carry a water bottle with me. 😳

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bluedragonwings

I got off of the habit of drinking enough water. Or eating enough vegetables. At the same time as falling back into the sweets = soulfood bad habit. It is proving hard to break.

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I don't have a water bottle with me at all times, but I wish I did. I'm not quite at that level of adulthood, where I make wise decisions every day. :P I love water. I don't track how much I drink, but I figure I probably don't have to worry since I listen to my thirst (which is quite active).

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22 hours ago, AceMissBehaving said:

First of all, congratulations!!!

 

I had that “11 again” feeling too. You don’t have to come out to your family. The way I guess I did it was I just posted a photo from a Photoshoot I did for ace week on my instagram which anyone can see as if I had been out forever. My mum saw it, but didn’t ask about it. It was kind of a non coming out so to speak.

 

As to the the questions, yeah, I dread them too. I don’t want to talk about “how does that work?” with regards to my husband, and don’t want to talk about my masturbation habits. Like why is masturbation one of the first questions?

Thank you! This is very helpful. I've been agonizing over the coming out to my family part mostly because I don't want to be making up little lies and excuses about my life anymore. I want to be free to speak up. It never occurred to me that I don't have to have "the talk" with them and that there are other ways :) 

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On 11/17/2019 at 12:50 AM, jys1620 said:

And don't even get me started about my family, I can't even imagine that conversation in my head and I'm 35! I am a fully grown human but when it comes to this I feel 11 again. 

Cool!

 

I think if I were asked what it feels like to be close to 40, I would draw a blank. What's it supposed to feel like? Lol. I was 11 when I started liking girls; naturally I didn't want sex back then but it seems my development in that area pretty much halted then. Even the hormones going at warp 9 during my teen years never pushed me past that point.

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I'm heading directly into, well, not crisis, but mid life worries. I'm 39. I feel like most of my life is over, and I don't know what I want to do with what I have left. I'm not missing having a family, but I just try to picture where I am in 10 or 20 years, and there's a blank. It is... distressing.

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On 11/17/2019 at 3:27 PM, fooledbysecrecy said:

!!!!!!

i can't believe there was a time i didn't carry a water bottle with me. 😳

 

I did take the initiative to drink more water for hydration and because of the fact that I exercise regularly xD Back then I didn't drink water so much because I felt like it just made me go to the bathroom more then I wanted to. Though proper hydration is important when you're older because apparently you get dehydrated easier. Though I am in a warmer climent now so I have to also hydrate for that reason even though its cooler outside this season.

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Hey guys happy I found yall and I just wanna say that I'm embracing who I fully am and I feel a shift in the universe that things are going to look up for me. You have no idea what my life has been like. I'm very spiritual (far from religious) I believe that fate has away of showing you things like I believe that everything is connected and has a reason.

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At 38, I feel the age of 40 coming.

 

That ominous milestone of dread and despair (and bread that tastes like despair) where you go from being a 1,262,304,000 seconds old invulnerable Adonis to being a 1,262,304,001 seconds old dessicated husk who could play a zombie on The Walking Dead... without makeup.

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