Jump to content

When did you know you were asexual?


The A Life Team

  

44 members have voted

  1. 1. Well, when did you?

    • From birth
      6
    • Before puberty
      7
    • During puberty
      63
    • After puberty
      88
    • Mid-life crisis
      4
    • Death
      0
    • Still don't
      9
    • What is this, a joke or something?
      4


Recommended Posts

The A Life Team

Children. I can't stand them, but fortunately there were other panelists on the show, who have something more constructive to say. In the episode, the panel digs into the prospect of raising them and being one.

Please do add your thoughts about the subject, but I urge you to listen to the show first. It will considerably clarify the poll and give tons of thought-provoking entertainment. You can find the show here:

http://alifepodcast.wordpress.com/

Link to post
Share on other sites

I voted but should probably qualify it. I knew from puberty that i wasn't straight or gay, after having straight and gay relationships which only served to confuse me.

Society is obsessed with being something so I never considered that I might be nothing

I did have a bit of a midlife crisis in the sense that I wanted a name for what I am and found Aven just after it was set up. I didn't use it for a long time as it was clear that Aven has an average age of 18 and is very U.S-centric, so found it hard to relate to. I'm very grateful to Aven for giving me a word to describe what I am. That was important to me. Each time i've tried to come out I've been laughed at and made to feel ridiculous. probably it's a whole lot easier to be an asexual 18 year old in LA than a 50-year old asexual in Scotland, I imagine.

Link to post
Share on other sites
mylittlehazmat

I should qualify: I've always felt asexual, in that I've always felt the way I feel now, my sexuality has never been fluid, that is. But I only figured out that it was called asexuality after puberty, ie. a year and a half ago, so. Yer.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not quite sure how to answer. I knew I was different for years, probably from at least puberty on, but I didn't know why...I just thought something wasn't right with me. I didn't know I was asexual until about a week ago when I found the term and then this site (and I'm 38).

So, I'm not sure what choice would fit??

Link to post
Share on other sites

for most of my teenage years i didn't even know asexuality existed. i knew i was different than others for all my life, but i didn't know why or how i was different. i didn't know until after puberty. i didn't really know that there was a such thing as sexual attraction when i was younger because i didn't really care or like people that way.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've known since puberty that I was not interested in sex like everyone else seemed to be, but I didn't really realize that I was asexual for a long time because I've romantically loved several people of the opposite sex - I just didn't desire any kind of sexual relationship. What finally made me realize I was asexual was when I read the definition here - a lack of sexual desire - and realized that was me. I used to think asexual meant you didn't even want close relationships and I've had a good number of those.

Link to post
Share on other sites
theo_tatertot

That depends on how you define "know." I was pretty sure I was asexual (and romantic) from age 14 or 15, but I didn't investigate or talk about it much until I was 18 or 19. Since around then, I have become more sure that asexuality (or maybe demi-sexuality) is likely something that fits me well. However, I have simultaneously become aware of how fluid my sexuality/romantic attraction have become. What I feel/think about changes very frequently, from asexual to gray-A to late-blooming (eek I hate that phrase!) homo- or hetero- or pansexual to bi-romantic to pan-romantic to hetero-romantic. Phew!

So, I marked the "during puberty" option, but maybe I should have gone with "still don't." It's a conundrum, because as much as I support that fluidity is inherent to sexuality, I am hesitant to accept it in my own life. From ages 14 to 18 or 19, I may have "known" that I was asexual. Recently I am less sure. Because asexuality is so often perceived as a "late-bloomer" phenomenon, I am afraid to admit that I may not be asexual for fear that my asexuality will not be seen as a sexual orientation (but rather a phase.) I still do think of myself as ace/demi/gray-a, and I think if that changes it will probably change back at some point. Whatever happens, I don't know to what degree I will ever "know" my sexuality.

Link to post
Share on other sites

That's a complicated question for me. I discovered I was asexual in 1997 as a high school student. However, I didn't know the term "asexual" existed until 2 years ago. So, I spent 12 years thinking I was just weird and thought I was the only person not interested in sex. I was very excited to learn I was not alone.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I put during puberty, because that's when I realized I was different, I just didn't put a name to it for another year.

i remember this time when me and my friends were sitting around watching T.V. and everyone was like "He's so sexy!" and I said "yeah... :unsure:" and than I saw a lady and though "She's really pretty" so basically I like ladies and i'm asexual figured out in one situation :D

Link to post
Share on other sites

That's a complicated question because I spent a long time considering myself "not YET sexual", as was reasonable at that age. It was only once I was 17 or 18 that I figured, "Well, it's probably not going to happen."

Link to post
Share on other sites

My sister and a couple of my friends have all used the term "asexual" to describe me, but I'm pretty sure they all just thought they had coined a clever new term for being too shy to ask a girl out. I learned about asexuality about a year ago and identified myself as an aromatic, but I haven't really thought much about it until recently. I have been really good friends with a girl for about four years now, and while I've never actually explicitly come out as an asexual, there's always just sort of been an understanding between us that I just want to remain close friends. When she's dating other guys, she still introduces me to them as her "best friend," which always makes me feel a kind of awkward. She's been such a huge part of my life, we've been through so much together since we met, and yet I'm ashamed to say that I've still barely even mentioned her to my parents. It seems like everything in my life has just been one big secret. Now that I'm getting ready to graduate from college, my parents are starting to get excited about the prospect of me going off and starting a family of my own some day, but I'm afraid to let them down and explain to them how I truly feel.

Link to post
Share on other sites
TheChronicWanderer

I picked "before puberty" because I always knew I was different from other people. I thought kissing was the strangest concept, that two people would put their mouths together somehow meant they loved each other and that was just bizzare to me. I didn't hear the word asexual until I was 17 but once I heard the word I knew it described the way I've been all along.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I always felt different about sexuality than most people did, but I'm panromantic - I fall in love with people romantically, so I always assumed that my romantic interests were identical to the sexual urges that most people feel. I didn't realize that there was a significant difference between those two experiences until I had taken a class in college in which we had talked about asexuality. After that, everything just clicked, and here I am.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Before puberty, I knew I wasn't a boy, but I thought everyone was asexual. When I found out to the contrary, I was like :ph34r:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I voted after puberty, but it might have been during. At some point during my early teens it became clear that my classmates were getting interested in one another in ways other than friendship, and I wasn't. I had a boyfriend when I was about 12, but he was just a friend who happened to be a boy. Then one day, stuff like that became this massive deal to everyone else and they started getting weird and possesive about each other.

My best friend has sex for the first time when she was 13, or at least told everyone she did, with this guy in another class. The idea of that was just totally...what? But at that stage I still assumed I would catch up and start wanting to do that stuff too. I never did, but it wasn't until much later that I realized I wasn't ever going to, and it wasn't until I was in my early 20s that I came across the term asexual and everything clicked into place.

So I guess is was during puberty that I thought I might be different, and after that I realized I was.

Link to post
Share on other sites
The MoUsY spell-checker

What do we count as the end of puberty?

That's a complicated question because I spent a long time considering myself "not YET sexual", as was reasonable at that age. It was only once I was 17 or 18 that I figured, "Well, it's probably not going to happen."

Same here.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I believe I was asexual my whole life, but did not actually realize it until I was 19. I was on a naval vessel that was at sea for a few months... so after a while I was getting so bored and pensive and started to contemplate my life and how I got there and why I was who I was.

And I was standing communications watch from 4am to 8am and a message came across from the Canadian government warning the sailors of high STD and HIV rate in the area as we were going to stop in Canada. It made me think about how I never desired sex really, and further thinking led me to say that I've just never been attracted to anyone, and it just stuck. I didn't run and go tell everyone and sound off bells... I was just "eh... okay... well that makes lots of sense..." and went on with life. Though I was an elitist for a time.

Link to post
Share on other sites
SciFiCinderella

I knew I was ASEXUAL when I was 17 and stumbled across the term, but knew I was "different" long before I realised there was a word describing what I was.

The first time I encountered anything that could have been construed as remotely romantic was around the age of five, when two little boys from my class decided they liked me and started fighting over who would get to hold my hand. I found the entire incident bemusing to say the least, and just thought it was silly that they were fighting over something so dull when we were supposed to be playing computer games. The adults I later relayed the story to started laughing, and joked that I'd be glad of that sort of attention one day. That was when I pulled a face and declared that relationships were stupid as well as icky, and there was no way I was ever getting married or anything of the sorts. Of course, everyone assumed that was just the typical kiddy attitude and laughed it off, telling me I'd change my mind when I was older...

It's been 17 years now and I still think relationships are stupid and icky. :P

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

I guess, I sort of ALWAYS knew.

Even as a little girl, when the girls would fantasize about getting married, I was morbidly thinking about the cool songs I'd want played at my funeral. As a teen, I had no interest in dating/ and that never seemed to change. Even into my early 20's....I just kept telling myself "you are just a late bloomer..." - and mostly because I really DID want to have that deep, soul-mate connection. That's important to me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I found out that asexuality existed when I was 19, and I knew pretty much immediately that it fit me. If I'd known about it as a child... I'd probably still say after puberty. It was around grade 5 or 6 that I noticed a lot of my peers taking an unusual interest in boys, but it wasn't until grade 9 that I really started wondering why I'd never had any crushes.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Vampyremage

I've always known that I had a low and somewhat unusual sex drive but it wasn't until recently (at 25) that I realized that asexuality existed and that I fell under that category.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...