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confused if I am aromantic or not


wolfsinger

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So I read the definition of aromantic, and it sounds like me but I'm not sure. I'm not attracted to boys or girls, and I don't really want a romantic relationship. I am used to being alone, but lately I have been feeling very lonely. I don't like the idea of being alone the rest of my life. I guess what I really want would be like a best friend I could live with (roommate) but not have there be anything romantic about it.

Does anyone else feel like this? Like you don't want a romantic relationship, but you want a strong platonic one with someone?

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So I read the definition of aromantic, and it sounds like me but I'm not sure. I'm not attracted to boys or girls, and I don't really want a romantic relationship. I am used to being alone, but lately I have been feeling very lonely. I don't like the idea of being alone the rest of my life. I guess what I really want would be like a best friend I could live with (roommate) but not have there be anything romantic about it.

Does anyone else feel like this? Like you don't want a romantic relationship, but you want a strong platonic one with someone?

not exactly, when it comes to me. But I've seen several posts in here from ppl whom you might feel better related to, if I can use that word..?Have some cake for a start :cake: :cake: :cake:

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I feel the same way, I think. I'm confused about possibly being aromantic as well, because my ideal "significant other" would essentially be my absolute best friend, yet I like the idea of doing semi-romantic things like cuddling and sleeping together - nothing beyond that, though. I don't like the idea of a "typical" romantic relationship with all the kissing and flirting and cutesy/cheesy lovey-dovey stuff... no, just no. :lol: (no offense intended to those who are into that, of course!) I don't know if I'm really aromantic, or if I just have a low "romantic drive," or what... I'm so confused. :(

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I think this describes me pretty well. The most I would ever do with someone is cuddle, but it would be nice to have a live-in best friend with commitment. Someone who won't get a boyfriend/girlfriend and leave. Someone who can give you all the benefits of a spouse (like, say, a second income to fall back on) without all the drawbacks (like, say, sex). I've seen relationships like this called a romantic friendship or a Boston marriage.

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Having a romantic relationship is essentially having a best friend. The exception being that they compromise everything else to be with you. Most friends are going to have relationships themselves at some point though.

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I've been playing around with the idea of aromantic because no other label seems to make sense to me. I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with someone, but I have a difficult time seeing myself in that position. I don't crush on people in a romantic way. There are people that I squish on for sure and really enjoy their company, but even when I try to think of those relationships being romantic, they don't seem right. Ultimately, I'd love to have close relationships with someone (or a tight group or people?) where we are just there for each other and can share important life memories with.

I've also just kind of always had in it for couple-y relationship stuff. While I think relationships themselves are nice, I have never really thought of them as for life things. I guess I don't really connect "Wow these people have been in a relationship for 40 years!" with someone who is just starting a relationship with someone.

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Does anyone else feel like this? Like you don't want a romantic relationship, but you want a strong platonic one with someone?

Not me personally, no. But I hear the same sentiment expressed on AVEN perpetually. You are in good company! Welcome to AVEN!

Having a romantic relationship is essentially having a best friend. The exception being that they compromise everything else to be with you. Most friends are going to have relationships themselves at some point though.

I think that characterizing a romantic relationship as merely a stronger friendship does a bit of a disservice to both friends and romantic partners. There's a qualitative difference between a nonsexual romantic relationship and a platonic one. Though the difference is hard to explain (and does not just come down to a greater willingness to compromise), many people experience them as distinct. I do, anyway. And it's not just a matter of romantic relationships being stronger; I've had stronger friends than romantic partners.

Still other people don't experience much of a romance/friendship distinction. And good for them. That means that the distinction is more or less meaningless to them, but that doesn't mean that it is meaningless in general for everyone.

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I actually tend to form friendships like that. My best friend and I were practically a couple, even after she got a boyfriend. Whenever she had to choose to go somewhere with only one of us, she would always choose me. The strange thing is, she's not the first friend like that I've had, and she probably won't be the last.

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I meant more that the feeling you devote into the relationship tend to be stronger than what you do in a friendship. I've had romantic relationships that weren't that strong either and that was partly to do with it wasn't that strong of an attraction in the first place.

I am still curious as to what people consider a romantic relationship. This would clear up a lot.

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  • 1 month later...

So I read the definition of aromantic, and it sounds like me but I'm not sure. I'm not attracted to boys or girls, and I don't really want a romantic relationship. I am used to being alone, but lately I have been feeling very lonely. I don't like the idea of being alone the rest of my life. I guess what I really want would be like a best friend I could live with (roommate) but not have there be anything romantic about it.

Does anyone else feel like this? Like you don't want a romantic relationship, but you want a strong platonic one with someone?

Oh YES. Totally. Wow. It really feels good to see someone else express the same thoughts I have. (And I think romantic friendship can actually be a platonic relationship, though not always. But I'm still sorting all that out.)

I am still curious as to what people consider a romantic relationship. This would clear up a lot.

Me too. Anyone else? :)

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The more I read, the more people I find that are like me >>

So while I want to be alone, I like the idea of having someone near.

But then again, I haven't explained that to myself yet.

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Guest member25959

I am Aromantic aswell and a feel lonely from time to time. I also live a solitary life but I often feel like I should leave the house and talk to people, though it would be difficult with my condition.

All I can suggest is that you use the Chat room :rolleyes:

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So I read the definition of aromantic, and it sounds like me but I'm not sure. I'm not attracted to boys or girls, and I don't really want a romantic relationship. I am used to being alone, but lately I have been feeling very lonely. I don't like the idea of being alone the rest of my life. I guess what I really want would be like a best friend I could live with (roommate) but not have there be anything romantic about it.

Does anyone else feel like this? Like you don't want a romantic relationship, but you want a strong platonic one with someone?

i did in college and met some awesome people but i didn't know how to explain to them that i'm not interested in talking about sex and the roommate thing is very overrated, now if the "roommate" lived next door to me i'd be fine with it, but i'd rather be alone.

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  • 2 weeks later...
EastofSunWestofMoon

Wow, this is the topic I've been looking for.

My best friend is asexual and I am demisexual. We have a been very close for a few years. Our group of friends is very affectionate, lots of hugging occasionally pouncing. :) A year and a half ago I fell in love with her, but as time has gone by and i've discovered my sexuality i've realized i never wanted a sexual relationship with her i just want to share my life with her and not have to hide my love for her as much as i do.

do you think this is possible? i think my friend is like what you are describing, kind of borderline aromantic but very social and affectionate.

i would give up the minuet amount of sexuality that i do have for her in a split second. i've always felt like she is my other half. <3

:cake: :cake: :cake: k i just had to get that out of my system lol :cake:

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Thoughts For Otter

I've been kinda afraid to think about it, but if I had to put it in words, that's almost exactly how I feel...

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I've never wanted a romantic relationship.. never understood one, or had a crush..

I (and my twin sister, we always have the same friends) have the most wonderful best friend and I'm definitely.. completely fulfilled by the relationship. My twin and I.. are really physically affectionate people with our friends, and some people I know for sure don't understand that, because when we express that in public with friends- erm, not eachother, although that has happened when we're running and have to hold hands [to which we go "WE'RE TWINS, YOU IDIOTS!" *shudder* twincest]- (hand holding, cheek kissing, even lip family-like kissing, hugging), people will assume we're dating. Which is hilarious.

I can't think of anything else I could want from a relationship? I get hugged, I get love and fun and someone to share interests and emotions with.

What.. else.. is there? Other than pure sex, because, I mean, we have um.. what, intimacy? We are very adorable snugglers and we've slept in the same bed- but it's COMPLETELY platonic. As in, he'd be disgusted by the thought, as would I. xD

So that is my very strong platonic relationship. He is my brunchther and I am his sneiceter, is the way we put it. (brotherunclefather/sisterniecedaughter).

What more IS there in a "romantic" relationship, anyway? And if there is more.. why does anyone need it?

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do you think this is possible? i think my friend is like what you are describing, kind of borderline aromantic but very social and affectionate.

I want very much to hope this is possible. I'm more borderline homoromantic than I am borderline aromantic, and not quite as social as that, but I'd love to be more affectionate, just share my life with my best friend. I guess the best term I've found for it is "platonic love". If that can be defined as separate from romantic, that's what I have, because it's more than a squish but still not a romantic crush.

I hope it's definitely possible because that would make our happiness far greater, I think. :) I wish you the best with it!

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