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Oh I'm sure I will update our situation as soon as there is something to report. I just don't need to be spamming in your thread. :)

To get back on topic: sex is real super duper important! Frequency and particular behavior is less so-those things can be managed. But a lack of sex entirely is not necessarily a dealbreaker, at least for some of us. Like me.

However,being in a situation like mine (and I've read others say the same in some earlier threads) DOES make you ask yourself, "had I known this was going to be the case, would I still have married him/her?"

But that can be said for a great many things, as well.

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{[ Well, yes. But if the ace partner thinks the only reason you offered the massage was to set up the sex request, rather than as something nice in its own right, then it can slip out. ]}

Hm, I see your point there. ^^u I just figure that sexuals are so much more easily aroused, that maybe after they started, they decided they wanted something different. ^^u And besides, if nothing else, it's flattering, I think. :P Even if one isn't in the mood, it strikes me as kind of an indirect compliment. It's like saying, "You're very attractive" and "I love you". That generally seems to be the motivation, right? At least one of these two things. They're just asking if they can show it in their own way. ^^u Or maybe that's just me and my overly-romanticized mind speaking...

Nah, that's probably about right - for me it's usually both of those things, and yes, asking often comes as a result of finding something like giving a massage arousing. It's not usually a problem for us, but it has happened, probably after I'd asked for sex, got turned down, offered a massage instead, got accepted, spent an hour massaging and forgetting how we came to be doing this, got aroused, then asked for sex again. I can see how that might not look so good :P Still hurt, though, and even my wife admitted it was a shitty thing to have said.

lol. Overly simple comic strip in my head - "Can we have sex?" "No." "How about a massage?" "Ok..." "... Ok, how about now?" "NO!" (I know this isn't what happened, but that's what ran through my head. lol.)

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Oh I'm sure I will update our situation as soon as there is something to report. I just don't need to be spamming in your thread. :)

To get back on topic: sex is real super duper important! Frequency and particular behavior is less so-those things can be managed. But a lack of sex entirely is not necessarily a dealbreaker, at least for some of us. Like me.

However,being in a situation like mine (and I've read others say the same in some earlier threads) DOES make you ask yourself, "had I known this was going to be the case, would I still have married him/her?"

But that can be said for a great many things, as well.

Yeah, I hear ya. But when it comes down to it, there's more to the situation than that piece of information. You should include the things you like about the relationship. It's not so much, "If I knew sex would be this rare, would I have done this?" But rather, "If I had known I would be in this moment, right now, with all the ups and the downs, would I have chosen to be here?" And obviously you would, or else you probably wouldn't still be there. :P

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my boyfriend and I have slowed down to an average of around nine times a week (counting multiple times on each day of the weekend). Less than five times a week would make me toey.

:blink: nine times? No wait - slowed down to nine times a week? What?? O.O That sounds more like what my friends say. I thought 3 was about average for a sexual, maybe 5 if really excited, but nine??? Wow...

I've become aware that we're a bit unusual. We both have very high libidos, though his is slightly lower than mine (and I cheerfully compromise to that), and we have very strong sexual chemistry with each other. I don't know if I'd have as much sex with another boyfriend; I'd still want it (it bears mentioning that wanting to have sex is not the same thing as actively being aroused, because I am certainly not constantly in a heightened state of arousal or I'd go mad), but I don't know if I'd pursue that desire quite as often. My boyfriend and I are just exceptionally well-matched, base libido-wise, and sufficiently sexually attracted to each other that being in each other's presence heightens that drive, and sufficiently good at sex with each other (that chemistry I mentioned) that it's almost always a very good experience, and that makes us want to do it even more. Kind of like finding a really well-matched tennis partner; "Wow, that was fun! I've always liked tennis, but I like it even more when I'm playing with you because we just have a natural rythm together! I might step up my practice from a couple of times a week to every day, if you're available!"

And the more we practice, the better we get to know each other's "moves" and the better partners we become, so it's sort of cyclical. We've been together about a year, now, and we're having more and better sex now than we did in the beginning, because of that, rather than going backwards in both frequency and intensity, as seems to be common.

But like I said; we are quite unusual in that, by sheer chance, we pretty much have the perfect combination of factors to make for optimal sexual compatibility. There is a good chance your friends are boasting, or just talking about the amount they have in the first flush of "honeymoon period" lust, in the first few months, before things begin to drop off a little. ;)

P.

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* Responding to touch as if that touch is the most repulsive thing in the world. It's hard to describe, but it's a combination of "get that gross thing off me" body language and a disgusted grimace;

I've actually done this one accidentally. I'm a really light sleeper, and while I'm okay with intimate touch (from my romantic partner), I like to have some sort of warning first. My ex thought it would be a romantic/sexy way to wake me up if she started to fondle me in my sleep. I jumped like she'd dropped a hot frying pan on me! Then I felt bad because it must have seemed to her like her touch was repulsive, when really it was just startling.

It is totally not okay to initiate any sort of sexual activity with someone who is asleep, unless they have given prior permission; it's not okay because the sleeping person has no ability to assert their boundaries until they wake up, and some people can respond physically in their sleep without consciously waking (I have actually woken up to find myself involved in penetrative sex a couple of times with former partners, because one of us started canoodling the other, either them or me - apparently, I occasionally do start kissing and suchlike entirely in my sleep, which is why I no longer share beds with friends or family, even in a pinch - and they've run with it, thinking that, because I was physically reacting positively to the contact, that I was awake and, to be fair, in the dark, if someone is getting hot and heavy with you, it's easy to assume their eyes are open and they're fully conscious and consenting when you can't see well enough to tell that their eyes are still closed), but that actually doesn't constitute consent because they weren't aware of what was happening.

I always tell my partners, "If you're horny, or if I start canoodling you in the night, turn on the light, wake me up and ask me verbally if I want to have sex. If I don't respond with a clear, explicit answer, and my eyes open, abandon ship because I'm either still asleep, or half-awake (because you turned the light on and started talking to me) but too addled and still partially-asleep for anything to safely happen."

P.

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I want to have as much sex as Pamcakes does!!! At least I think I do.

Is jealous.

Edit: I know I said 3-4 times a week, but this lower amount is what I think I would be most comfortable with. I would like to TRY to be a machine like Pam. ;)

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I want to have as much sex as Pamcakes does!!! At least I think I do.

Is jealous.

Edit: I know I said 3-4 times a week, but this lower amount is what I think I would be most comfortable with. I would like to TRY to be a machine like Pam. ;)

^^U ......... Wait! *changes thought process* It's like how I feel when someone has really cool music not sold in iTunes... Ok, that's more understandable. :P

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I want to have as much sex as Pamcakes does!!! At least I think I do.

Is jealous.

Edit: I know I said 3-4 times a week, but this lower amount is what I think I would be most comfortable with. I would like to TRY to be a machine like Pam. ;)

Sorry, Not-Trapped, I didn't mean to brag, and I certainly didn't mean to make you feel any worse about your current situation.

I hope I didn't, because I've been there with my ex-boyfriend; he rejected my sexuality completely, and even viewed me masturbating as being disgusting, and made me feel dirty and ashamed of my sexual self. I do feel I've gotten very fortunate this time around.

If you ever need to chat to someone who's had similar experiences, PM me.

:cake: and *hugs* for you

P.

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Brief update (I know this is off-topic, but I don't know where to put it besides making a "Not-Trapped's Saga" thread--and that seems narcissistic or something):

El Wifo has been away at a pole-dance seminar (for fitness...I promise you, it's a real thing. They're fully clothed and don't really do anything lewd with the pole. It's more like a jungle gym than a stripping apparatus). She's brining back a pole that she was given. So now I have to deal with a sexy, asexy pole dancer in my house?

Think my brain is going to explode.

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Oh! Remembered a #3: I was administering a back rub and she told me not to get too excited, because she could already hear my "sex breathing." Umm...wow. I wasn't aware I had such a thing. Now, I am careful to pay attention to my BREATHING if we're doing anything romantic. Massages, cuddling, etc. Imagine that for a moment. Imagine having to monitor your own breathing simply so your loved one doesn't consider you a perverted sex maniac. It makes ANY sort of physical intimacy daunting to say the least.

That 'tip-toe' feeling is almost exactly how I feel when I'm dating someone whose sexual who keeps wanting to have sex long before I'm ready in the relationship, since it seems like that stuff always leads to them trying to start things...and not always *asking* before hand. <_< It really is a sucky feeling to have, and I'm sorry that you have to go through it.

I do think that browsing through AVEN and listening to different POVs have helped me realize what is hurtful and what isn't, so perhaps encourage your wife to do the same? She could learn about herself as well.

Do you think that part of being asexual can be, at least initially, an unwillingness to explore your own Ace-ness? Or is that something else?

Maybe - but I don't think that's something that could really be chalked up to being specifically *asexual* since I've heard of this happening with other orientations as well.

* Responding to touch as if that touch is the most repulsive thing in the world. It's hard to describe, but it's a combination of "get that gross thing off me" body language and a disgusted grimace;

I've actually done this one accidentally. I'm a really light sleeper, and while I'm okay with intimate touch (from my romantic partner), I like to have some sort of warning first. My ex thought it would be a romantic/sexy way to wake me up if she started to fondle me in my sleep. I jumped like she'd dropped a hot frying pan on me! Then I felt bad because it must have seemed to her like her touch was repulsive, when really it was just startling.

Ugh, I've never understood why anyone would want to be woken up like that -asexual or sexual. Idk...it just seems kinda...creepy to me. :wacko:

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Brief update (I know this is off-topic, but I don't know where to put it besides making a "Not-Trapped's Saga" thread--and that seems narcissistic or something):

El Wifo has been away at a pole-dance seminar (for fitness...I promise you, it's a real thing. They're fully clothed and don't really do anything lewd with the pole. It's more like a jungle gym than a stripping apparatus). She's brining back a pole that she was given. So now I have to deal with a sexy, asexy pole dancer in my house?

Think my brain is going to explode.

That's priceless.

But I know what you mean. Sex is just a foreign language to my wife - she has (by her own admission) no idea that certain things she does could be considered incredibly sexually attractive. No pole dancing, yet, though :P

* Responding to touch as if that touch is the most repulsive thing in the world. It's hard to describe, but it's a combination of "get that gross thing off me" body language and a disgusted grimace;

I've actually done this one accidentally. I'm a really light sleeper, and while I'm okay with intimate touch (from my romantic partner), I like to have some sort of warning first. My ex thought it would be a romantic/sexy way to wake me up if she started to fondle me in my sleep. I jumped like she'd dropped a hot frying pan on me! Then I felt bad because it must have seemed to her like her touch was repulsive, when really it was just startling.

Ugh, I've never understood why anyone would want to be woken up like that -asexual or sexual. Idk...it just seems kinda...creepy to me. :wacko:

First up, my original quote wasn't specifically about touch to wake someone up, just normal touch, or specifically sexual touch.

But as for being woken with sexual touch, it's just a personal thing. I personally find it rather enjoyable, to put it mildly, and my wife has explicit permission to wake me that way any time she wants. She's only taken me up on that once or twice, but I could live with more, for certain :)

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Brief update (I know this is off-topic, but I don't know where to put it besides making a "Not-Trapped's Saga" thread--and that seems narcissistic or something):

El Wifo has been away at a pole-dance seminar (for fitness...I promise you, it's a real thing. They're fully clothed and don't really do anything lewd with the pole. It's more like a jungle gym than a stripping apparatus). She's brining back a pole that she was given. So now I have to deal with a sexy, asexy pole dancer in my house?

Think my brain is going to explode.

lol. That sucks. Sorry, Not-Trapped. I wish you the best of luck! :P

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But as for being woken with sexual touch, it's just a personal thing. I personally find it rather enjoyable, to put it mildly, and my wife has explicit permission to wake me that way any time she wants. She's only taken me up on that once or twice, but I could live with more, for certain :)

I've never been woken up with sexual touching, but I was woken up once for the specific purpose of sexual touching. Once again, it was during the brief time when we were trying to conceive, and apparently that morning was good, cycle-wise.

Since then, I've wondered if that's what sexual/sexual relationships are like. It was amazing.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Venus meets Chastity

Sex is super important. When I was in a relationship with another sexual we did it at least 3 times a week, rarely two. Now I have had 0 in years. I hate it. But I love him. Sometimes I have no idea why i;ve lasted so long. I feel like i'm a miracle.

First excuses were "oh someone might come in" then it was "I don't believe in premarital sex" Then we get married... Well you've had sex with someone ayear ago, I don't feel comfortable with that. A year later... You might have had sex with somone on this bed years ago, then we get a new bed. You may have had sex with someone in this apartment. Your roommate may have had sex in this apartment. We leave the state... Next excuse is the dog is barking. Then we realize there's an inconvenience with phimosis. He sees a urologist, has the procdure conducted, no more phimosis, and still no sex. Then we attempt, and the erection is attained but when the act is about to happen "it" goes back to sleep. Then to combat that topic, too embarassed to see a doc he orders viagra through canadian pharmacy just to say he can't because he has a headache. When I put two and two together, i looked up asexual and it made all sense. He now has a new and valid excuse.

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Venus meets Chastity

my boyfriend and I have slowed down to an average of around nine times a week (counting multiple times on each day of the weekend). Less than five times a week would make me toey.

:blink: nine times? No wait - slowed down to nine times a week? What?? O.O That sounds more like what my friends say. I thought 3 was about average for a sexual, maybe 5 if really excited, but nine??? Wow...

I've become aware that we're a bit unusual. We both have very high libidos, though his is slightly lower than mine (and I cheerfully compromise to that), and we have very strong sexual chemistry with each other. I don't know if I'd have as much sex with another boyfriend; I'd still want it (it bears mentioning that wanting to have sex is not the same thing as actively being aroused, because I am certainly not constantly in a heightened state of arousal or I'd go mad), but I don't know if I'd pursue that desire quite as often. My boyfriend and I are just exceptionally well-matched, base libido-wise, and sufficiently sexually attracted to each other that being in each other's presence heightens that drive, and sufficiently good at sex with each other (that chemistry I mentioned) that it's almost always a very good experience, and that makes us want to do it even more. Kind of like finding a really well-matched tennis partner; "Wow, that was fun! I've always liked tennis, but I like it even more when I'm playing with you because we just have a natural rythm together! I might step up my practice from a couple of times a week to every day, if you're available!"

And the more we practice, the better we get to know each other's "moves" and the better partners we become, so it's sort of cyclical. We've been together about a year, now, and we're having more and better sex now than we did in the beginning, because of that, rather than going backwards in both frequency and intensity, as seems to be common.

But like I said; we are quite unusual in that, by sheer chance, we pretty much have the perfect combination of factors to make for optimal sexual compatibility. There is a good chance your friends are boasting, or just talking about the amount they have in the first flush of "honeymoon period" lust, in the first few months, before things begin to drop off a little. ;)

P.

I had written 3-4 times but I think I should have said days in the week. When I was in perfect rhythm, it was countless. I loved making love. Once or twice I wondered if i was a little nymph. Different elements worked as fantastic stimuli like privately public or fun playfullness. What I miss is being instigated. My Ace HUsband I realize never instigates. Never says I want this now. I know what can arouse him but he doesn't say "hey I want to play" So it can be tough

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So I guess what I want to know is how important do you consider sex? How often would you need/want to have sex in a permanent relationship (marriage), (or even in a dating relationship)? And how do you feel about it in general (disregarding emotional connection with a partner)? And how has that desire changed for you, from high school to adult hood, or whatever stage you're in? How has your view of sex changed (if at all)? How important is it to you to have an emotional connection with your partner? These types of things...

Hmm.. Good questions. Sex is the most important thing in a relationship to me. I pretty much think about it all the time. Ideally I'd have sex 3-4 times a day, depending on how busy I was and what else I had to do. There's nothing better than just spending hours in bed cuddling and kissing and having sex with a girl.

My view hasn't really changed... I've always loved and been interested in sex, and I've always seen it as something that feels really good and doesn't require an emotional connection. I do like it when the person I'm having sex with is a good friend, and is someone I care about, and who cares about me, and is someone I can have good deep conversations with. It makes the sex better, but for me who I'm having sex with isn't as important. It's like eating a meal when I'm hungry: it's nice to have a really good meal with a close friend and good conversation, but the main point is that I'm hungry and need food.

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I've gotta say this thread has been a good read! (no offence to those mentioning troubles with regards to this - hope for the best to you Not-Trapped :))

Dunno if it has a place in here (me being asexual n all) but still, something that shocked me was something my friend mentioned the other day... They had recently been to Hong Kong for part of their degree (we are both second years at uni) and apparently they all did this, where they would have a list of all the nationalities they wanted to have sex with before the time was up... I mean is this normal? Apparently she got all but one nationality and loved it when they would speak a foreign language... I dunno, it all seemed so very wierd hear! I could not bare the thought of it with anyone that I wasn't close to and even then couldn't do it more than a couple of times a week at a push :P

Admittedly I heared about this before realising / understanding what I was, was kind of the reason I stumbled upon this site :P

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I have a slighlty unusual relationship with a sexual person I intend to spend the rest of my life with, because she's my twin sister and she's what you might call 'sexual'. But she has always placed me and my relationship with her in a special category and she says that we WILL end up living together and any boyfriend of hers would have to be worked around the plan. Often I feel guilty at having to be the third wheel in her plans but I know she doesn't resent me. I just hope she finds a man who will accept that she comes with a twin and doesn't resent me as a spare part too.

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I just hope she finds a man who will accept that she comes with a twin and doesn't resent me as a spare part too.

I don't mean to be crude or vulgar here: but I suspect for many sexual men this would be a huge bonus. Even though he doesn't get to have sex with you, just the thought of you being there would be a huge turn on.

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@Sally:

Just personally, I have ONLY ever been with my wife. Having the only woman I plan on being with call me a pervert simply because I wanted to make love to her is incredibly painful. I took it exactly as "there is something wrong you, you need to fix it." I see your point about sexuals who have had other partners being able to shrug that off-but not me. Its the same thing as me telling her she's broken, which I have never done.

@coleslaw: I have been very gentle with my wife in regards to her sexuality. I complain every now and then but I never accuse or resort to name calling. She's been to the Dr. for hormone testing and she's been to a therapist to explore her childhood. When neither of those things had any help, I sat her down and told her that I was willing to simply not have sex again, ever. She refused (God bless her) and said we were going to schedule sex. That never happened, and I stumbled here. So a month later I suggested, gently, that she may be an Ace. She agreed, and so I sent her the FAQ. No feedback. So I'm waiting a bit to bring it back up. Something like, "hey, did you see that FAQ?" In my email to her w/ the link, I told her that, if she thinks she is an Ace that I will still love her just as much and that I won't leave her. I acknowledged that being asexual isn't something to "fix" and that I was okay with that. So I don't believe I was being threatening or accusatory.

Anyway-getting off topic. I'll stop now. ;)

It´s beatiful. You are an admirable man. Maybe true love really exists. Thumbs up!!!

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  • 1 month later...

they would have a list of all the nationalities they wanted to have sex with before the time was up... I mean is this normal?

I've heard of this too, but only in movies! I can't say I thought people actually listed it as a realistic goal.

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I just hope she finds a man who will accept that she comes with a twin and doesn't resent me as a spare part too.

I don't mean to be crude or vulgar here: but I suspect for many sexual men this would be a huge bonus. Even though he doesn't get to have sex with you, just the thought of you being there would be a huge turn on.

OmieWise, I think the relationship you have with your sister is amazing, and I really hope it all turns out well for you!

BlackRose, that sounds kinda scary... ^^u Is that really the majority of the sexual population and not a preference, such as a fetish of some sort...?

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BlackRose, that sounds kinda scary... ^^u Is that really the majority of the sexual population and not a preference, such as a fetish of some sort...?

I don't know if it's the majority, but it's a pretty common thought or fantasy. It's common and mainstream enough that Doublemint gum made a series of commercials selling their gum based on the sex appeal of the "Doublemint twins" and suggesting threesomes with them...

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Thank you very much for sharing, Averillo Armadillo. I expected to get multiple answers, not just one. But I thought maybe I could get a range for "average", and if not, at least a lot of interesting information/discussion. ^^u

I love your response - it sounds very sweet. I certainly agree that it should be something that is a little more private media-wise. I think it's wonderful that there are places where preferences, thoughts, differences, and such can be shared, but the media is not the right place for that. I'm sorry about your family. And I will say that I think you have a very realistic view of it. Of course, that could be a very biased opinion, but it's my opinion all the same. ^^u

Also, I wanted to say that I love the quote in your signature. ^^

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BlackRose, that sounds kinda scary... ^^u Is that really the majority of the sexual population and not a preference, such as a fetish of some sort...?

I don't know if it's the majority, but it's a pretty common thought or fantasy. It's common and mainstream enough that Doublemint gum made a series of commercials selling their gum based on the sex appeal of the "Doublemint twins" and suggesting threesomes with them...

Oh yeah? I think I missed those commercials. ^^u Thanks for the reply.

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BlackRose, that sounds kinda scary... ^^u Is that really the majority of the sexual population and not a preference, such as a fetish of some sort...?

I don't know if it's the majority, but it's a pretty common thought or fantasy. It's common and mainstream enough that Doublemint gum made a series of commercials selling their gum based on the sex appeal of the "Doublemint twins" and suggesting threesomes with them...

Oh yeah? I think I missed those commercials. ^^u Thanks for the reply.

Depends on how old you are (and maybe what country you're from). We're talking late 80's/early 90's USA television here when you bring up the Doublemint Twins.

Edit: here, give this a try. Incoming nostalgia bomb!

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Wow, I'm really glad I just read this whole discussion.

I'm asexual, and recently tried sex with my fiancé for the first time. I instigated it. He'd never once pressured me, but it was something that I suddenly realized I was comfortable doing, and happy to do for him.

Of course now I think about what comes next. He's perhaps demi-sexual, at least not as interested in sex as most. And here I am, asexual, but I've discovered that while I'm largely indifferent to the physical feelings I can at least enjoy sex for the emotional connection of trust and comfort between us. Honestly, our relationship seems pretty damned ideal. :wub:

But something I haven't thought about is how sex might go for us in the future. I haven't thought about how I should respond if he makes suggestions and I'm not in the mood. I haven't thought about the possibility of us planning ahead for future dates, so that we both can feel more prepared for it. I haven't thought about watching that I don't accidentally make him feel unwanted or disrespected.

And I'm thinking about that stuff now, so maybe I can avoid a lot of trouble in the future. Thank you all!

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FirstAidKit

I'll do my best to answer some of these questions for me.

So I guess what I want to know is how important do you consider sex? How often would you need/want to have sex in a permanent relationship (marriage), (or even in a dating relationship)?

I consider sex to be really important to me. Ideally I'd like to have sex every day, or maybe other day, depending on mood. I basically can't imagine a romantic relationship without some sexual component - I realise all the other reasons you are with someone, such as intimacy, comfort, common goals, and I have these things with quite a few people, male and female, but to me, that just makes them close friends.

Using a food analogy (that seems so common here!), I could survive on eating nothing but gruel and water alone for all my life and not be physically affected, but I'd feel deeply unhappy and like I was missing out on a crucial part of what I need. I'd want to cook my own food, and eat in restaurants, and eat with friends, and try new spices and flavours and recipes.

And how do you feel about it in general (disregarding emotional connection with a partner)?

The way I feel about it changes depending on my relationship with the other person. It can range from stress-relief, a neat thing we can do with our bodies, expressing affection and closeness, losing myself in someone else, just taking pleasure in each other, or any combination of these. In a purely physical sense, being touched makes me feel good. Sex is so physical it can drive out any niggling insecurities and worries out of my head and makes me feel grounded for a good time afterwards - I find the feeling I get after a hard workout quite similar. I also get a lot of pleasure from seeing someone attracted to me, and aroused, and giving them pleasure, regardless of my emotional connection with them. I often feel pent up and stressed and edgy if I don't get it.

And how has that desire changed for you, from high school to adult hood, or whatever stage you're in? How has your view of sex changed (if at all)?

I remember having sexual feelings at quite a young age, and being a very geeky child, looking up everything in encyclopeadias to try and understand how I felt about it. I had my first sexual relationship when I was 14, with a boy I cared about very much and stayed with for 9 months or so, and my predominant feeling was curiousity. I wanted to learn how my body worked, how his body worked, where and how to touch, to see what all the fuss was about. I still feel that way a lot now, one of my favourite parts of sex is learning the road map to someone else.

I generally think my views have stayed quite consistent, though now I'm more open to casual sexual relationships. Which brings me on to...

How important is it to you to have an emotional connection with your partner?

To sleep with someone, I have to at least like their personality and enjoy their company as well as finding them sexually attractive- essentially, would I hang out with them if they weren't naked?. An ugly personality, and meanness, and unkindness instantly makes someone unattractive to me. Recently however (in the past 2 years) I've discovered the great side of "friends with benefits". Ongoing, sexual friendships with people I genuinely feel affection and good feelings for but are non-monogamous and well, not serious.

However, even with all that, the best sex I've had has been with someone I was very in love with, but it didn't just feel like the physical side of sex (although that was an element) it felt like digging our fingers into each others vulnerable, emotional parts. So yeah, I'd say a strong emotional connection makes it better. But I'm aware that I've only felt that way about one person in my life, so as it doesn't come around too often, I can still enjoy other aspects of sex. To use a food analogy again: the love-sex is like, the gourmet 5 star meal of sex. But there's the pizza you know maybe isn't so good for you but still delicous, the mac and cheese you cooked and ate with your friends, eating fruit straight off the tree, and all of those are good in their own rights too.

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