Is nonverbal "sexual" like a 2nd language to you?

[Princess Brat]

"I know there's supposedly a language, but I don't get it at all."

From what I heard from my bonussis I'm sending "not interested vibes" which is good even that I wasn't aware I was sending anything.

Normally people pick that up and leaves me alone apart from a few of the stalkerish , won't-take-no-for-an-answer-type but it was luckily a while ago now.

(Or maybe that's the only kind that are interested... :roll: )

[Shivers]

I miss these sortd of things all the time. I say something, people chuckle, then half the time they have to explain it to me.

[hyperfine]

I have no clue, honestly. When I am out with friends, I am contantly being told that "That guy/gal was TOTALLY into you!" And I'm all like, "Huh?" And then they tell me, "And you were TOTALLY giving the signals right back!" :shock: I was doing WHAT, now? Makes me totally want to give up attempting any kind of communiction, really. Go lie in a cave, somewhere. . . .

This happens to me much too often.

Or a friend will say: I saw you totally flirting with that guy. And you always say you're not interested.

Me: :shock: We were talking about skiiing/physics/a mutual friend/something else completley innocuous.

My friend: You were totally flirting.

But usually I can tell when OTHER people are flirting. I guess it just never occurs to me to think about myself that way.

I miss these sortd of things all the time. I say something, people chuckle, then half the time they have to explain it to me.

This happens to me too. I must learn to screen for sexual innuendoes before speaking. :roll:

[Wild Seven]

I understand sexual language really a lot, however, I don´t SPEAK that language myself. ASL feels definitely easier to communicate by, though. I dont understand why should I respond sexually, and this is the point. Why should I be acting like sexual and misleading, when actually I am not at all and not interested? Well, there are times I experience tidbits of sexual attraction, but it still doesnt mean I am interested.

And like Hyperfine, I am better at decoding others flirting etc. than thinking about myself. Perhaps I flirt, but it is not that I do it consciously... it just happens, I dont know what I am talking. It is like when you are in trance, something like that- I dont control my body language at all. And most of time, I am just not communicating sexually.

So, I am somewhat speaking sexually sometimes, but never I want it. Never ever, I dont want to participate in their world, in sexual world with sexual attraction. I am more into emotions and more interesting parts of the world, even if I acknowledge that such a thing like sexual attraction exists and it is communication system, I dont belong in that universe.

cheers,

Nat

[Opel the Old]

my gf kept telling me there is a language

when i was in college, some dude was tryign to date me out and i didnt even realise

i am just clueless, its something i cant cope!

[Goonie]

I voted for more than one

sometimes naturally fluent depending on the situation

Most of the time I have to decipher the meaning if someone points it out

Not interested in the messages

Most of the time I don't care what messages I am sending. I am just me :lol:

[Jartan]

The human race spends millennia developing spoken language and what happens?

Person#1 - *Right foot Tap Tap Tap*

Person#2 - *Left elbow Wiggle Wiggle*

Person#1 - *Hops on one leg Hop Hop*

Person#2 - *Clicks heels together Clickety Click Click*

Person#1 thinking – Wow, her name’s Dorothy, she’s my age, grew up in the next town and wants me to buy her a Bacardi Breezer. I’d better say yes and ask if she wants to leave with me afterwards. *Raises right eyebrow* *Taps left shoulder with right ring finger Tap Tap*

Suffice to say I’m told it exists but I’m absolutely clueless. :)

[Mom]

OMG!!! I keep on finding more and more that I have in common with you guys!!!

(Spockie, remember David Crawford????)

David was a guy who originally lived next door to us, and who went to the same University I did. We became friends. For YEARS! Like 9 years!

So, it's 1992! And I'm getting married to another guy. And David and his girlfriend-at-the-time were invited. At the reception, I was doing the hostess thing, and thanking people for coming etc. And I get to David (who was sitting down) and he stands up and says kinda into my ear "You know. This should have been OUR wedding, because I've always loved you."

I was CHOKING :shock: because I HAD NO CLUE!

And he was choking because his girlfriend heard what he said to me, and dragged him outside by the earlobe, to have a HUGE FIGHT right then and there!

So, how on earth could I have missed 9 YEARS of clues???????

~~~~~~~~~~

I also am told that I am "flirting" A LOT, when I think I am just being a nice person!

Spookifying this whole unwritten language that nobody's clued me into.

Maybe Berlitz offers a course??? :mrgreen:

Love,

Mom

[DeathOfRats]

Sometimes I have no idea, other times I can stop and think about it to decipher the meaning if I realize there is something to decipher. Not just for flirting etc. either. If someone doesn't actually ask for what they what, I won't get what they're saying until later.

For example:

Person says "I really want to see this movie but I don't want to go alone."

Me: "Oh OK. See ya."

Me (later): "Oh. Wait. I guess they were asking me to go with them. Why didn't they just say so?"

[Synchronicity]

I'm extremely good at translating body language and innuendo -- for other people. But if it's directed at me ... zzzzzzz. Oi, gerroff. What? Grrr. NO.

Therefore I come under 'I understand it just fine, I'm just not interested in the messages'.

[junie99]

I voted 'I understand it just fine. I'm just not interested in the messages.'

[Orbit]

Oops, I misunderstood the question - I didn't realize it was non-verbal, I thought it was sexual inuendos.

When people make sexual jokes or someone makes on on accident, I usually have to ahve it explained to me.... Then I think about it for a bit and I get it. I don't think it's funny, but I get it.

hawke

[Islander9]

Voted #4 - I dont see sexual signals between other people let alone directed to me. It's not that I'm body-language illiterate: I can easily pick anger, diffidence, embarassment, fear or folk who are ill-at-ease, along with unhappiness, depression and pain. There is this- sexual-signs-dyslexia? They do not compute...

[fig]

Any time I've actually had sex it has been because someone has crawled in with me and said, "Do it or I'm gonna kill myself." except for the first gal that I went out with, who, though I wanted to have sex with her for a long time wouldn't, then after she went and did with someone else for a while practically forced me. I was in a bar tonight. saw a few I could, had some beers and came home. What is this language?

[Peix]

I usually have no clue. I have to think about it. Wish I did understand it though.

[Shivers]

I need to change my answer.

Of late I've become fairly sensitive to this kind of stuff.

[Tanwen]

I'm glad to be too old (too fat and too ugly) to need to worry... :roll:

[Wario]

I'm too ugly too!

I'd like to say I'm decent at picking up others' emotions. But I do not catch sexual innuendos and such. I think it has to do with the fact that I do not consciously, or subconsciously, think in that way, so if anything like that happens, I ignore it. Not consciously, it's just that because I simply don't think that way, these things go past me. And even though I've learned I shouldn't, I always try to make excuses that they aren't trying to hit on me or someone else, and then my friend/acquaintence will be like, dude, you or whoever was being hit on, or something like that.

So basically, it's just the way my mind works and the way I think. I guess that's the best way to put it.

[Squick]

I think I've had a bad history at detecting whether someone's flirting--the difference between flirting and just being friendly and joking around. Not that anyone ever flirts with me. :-p

Sex "talk," though? That's easy. When a guy puts his hand on your thigh, what else could it mean? (Perhaps, "What a lovely denim these jeans are made from"?)

[Ranger]

I think I've had a bad history at detecting whether someone's flirting--the difference between flirting and just being friendly and joking around. Not that anyone ever flirts with me. :-p

Not to make you paranoid but since you can't tell the difference how do you know they aren't? lol I've been told after the fact what certain girls really wanted when I just thought they wanted to learn to dance. poor frustrated girls ;-)

Sex "talk," though? That's easy. When a guy puts his hand on your thigh, what else could it mean? (Perhaps, "What a lovely denim these jeans are made from"?)

I voted clueless but yah as I have recently discovered there are things a girl can and WILL :shock: do that are impossible to misunderstand. Before last saturday I had no idea a girl would grab a guy between the legs(no she did NOT miss) in the middle of a bar... :shock: :shock:

[Wario]

lol

I actually find that funny, but also surprising. Kids these days......becoming more bold every day.....*mumbles off*

[Ranger]

If you want it to get funnier I'd guess she was in her 30's maybe late 20's(older than me(24)) and has 2 kids of her own.

[Lors]

Went with "what! there's a language?"

I don't understand nonvebal language at the best of times. I don't even usually notice it's there.

Until you mentioned this, I don't think I was aware there was a language.

Not that it's ever a problem for me - I just don't talk to people.

[maco]

I'm always afraid I'm sending the wrong vibes. Apparently I am sometimes because some dude asked me out the 2nd day I knew him (wtf?). I often see people's actions as possibly being interested, but they're usually a) people I can't stand B) people I like but not *that* way c) not actually interested and I'm a dolt.

[artistic_trees]

I know there's a language, but I don't think I'd understand it even if I had a dictionary.

[Xenon]

I am totally oblivious to the language. I've been told more than once that someone was sending me some very strong nonverbal cues, which I seemed to ignore. I wasn't ignoring them -- I wasn't even detecting them in the first place.

[sab7503]

Can somone who understands this language please explain it to those who don't? I checked more than one above, because I know theres a language (well, sort of knew, after thinking about it) but I also would like to understand it more so I dont send the wrong signals! :P

[cait]

Umm, what the heck is "ASL"? I can only deceifer it as "age, sex, location" o.o

Okay, but seriously, what language? I think I have a learning disability!!!

[fledchen]

I'm almost clueless with a lot of this. I don't understand body language very well, and I'm not sure if this is primarily a result of being visually impaired (although this problem existed long before I started going blind), or if I am just inept, or if I have some form of autism.

[borrowedTime]

Umm, what the heck is "ASL"? I can only deceifer it as "age, sex, location" o.o

Okay, but seriously, what language? I think I have a learning disability!!!

Err, I realise it's a long time since you asked this, but since nobody else replied... I think it just stands for "A Second Language", going by the title of the thread.

I puzzled over it for quite a while... couldn't work out what American Sign Language had to do with anything...