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Is nonverbal "sexual" like a 2nd language to you?


KAGU143

"Sexual" as ASL?  

  1. 1.

    • Nope. I'm totally fluent! *shifts weight, raises brow* Let's DO IT baby!
      14
    • WHAT?! There's a LANGUAGE?
      44
    • Yes, I have to stop and think about it to decipher the meaning.
      21
    • I know there's supposedly a language, but I don't get it at all.
      61
    • I understand it just fine, I'm just not interested in the messages.
      25
    • I wish I could understand it so I don't send the wrong messages myself.
      36
    • I don't care what messages they THINK I'm sending. They should know better!
      19
    • More than one of the above.
      24
    • None of the above.
      5

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What I hate is when my guy friends tell me that I send off sexual signals without realizing it, but refuse to tell me what i'm doing okay, so they know I absolutely hate it to no end when they think of me sexually, and i've made it clear to them that it is not appropriate to think of me that way, but when i ask they should tell me so i can stop doing whatever it is that I am doing.

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I went with #2 (What? There's a language?) cause if there is one, I've been totally oblivious to it all my life. Probably part of the aspie syndrome thing, I'm pretty oblivious to other signals too unless I really pay attention.

What is this ASL of which you earthlings speak? I thought ASL stood for "American Sign Language".

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I'm strangely fluent for an asexual. I don't know. I guess I'm just a really close observer of people's non-verbal actions and yeah...I do have a bit of a dirty mind. Can't help it. >_<

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  • 2 weeks later...

I remember when I was in junior high being uncomfortable with such terms and having to ask a friend for lessons in telling who is and is not "hot", and him being very unhelpful.

Now I'm used to the terms, but for me talking about someone as being sexy means I find them aesthetically pleasing rather than the normal sexual meaning. But at this point it comes naturally to me - just with somewhat different meanings from what it has for everyone else.

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Elizabeth I

Misinterpreting body language is only part of the problem. Folks misinterpret entire concepts!

I would love to have a male companion, and HAVE used classified ads. I try to select the "just friends" category, because i am not interested in a sexual relationship.....but to a great many respondants "just friends" means "just sex with no strings attached"

I tried so many different ways of wording things, but invariably got responses from married men who loved their wives but were not getting enough sex from them, or had wives who were unwilling to participate in their perverted fantasies!

So ....you tell them "sorry...I'm not really interested in sex" and they come back with "I'm not looking for sex either..just an occasional oral pleasuring .."

AND they AREN'T referring to conversation!

So if we could agree on what "just friends" or "casual dating" or a "comitted relationship" MEANS... we would probably be a lot less frustrated!

Lizzie

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  • 2 years later...

Apparently, people think I'm a flirtatious tease. I don't get it. I just wanted a hug, I wasn't trying to lead you on, buddy.

If I'm in the mood for something, I'm not going to just sit there, since I'm never looking for sex, it's pretty easy to get what I want: a hug. I love hugs, and I like to get them as much as possible, for as long as possible. I think it brings me the same pleasure as those who have sex get from sex. xD

Although, hugs don't make me moan and groan. LOL

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Went #5, though I like deciphering it when other people do it but that's just so I can make fun of them.

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"None of the above". I'm pretty good at body language when it doesn't apply to me (ie, when I'm out with my friends at a pub). When it does apply to me, I get confused, because I think I know what they're on about, but I'm not sure. And because I'm desperately hoping they're not thinking what I think they're thinking.

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I know it and can use it just fine whenever I wish.

Very often, guys using this language to much 'turn me off' romanticly.

Sometimes I catch myself using it while I did not intend to do so.

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I can catch on decently quickly, but don't tend to care unless I can roll a joke off of it. It probably helps that my mind's dirtier than a Beijing hutong during their busiest hour, but hey.

And for a few who were asking for explanations... It varies? Gods, that's got to be annoying to hear, but I have problems putting it to words. Usually the stepping into personal space or making motions to "come closer" at decent conversation range are the more blunt ones, as are thrusting out the, ah, "assets". (And also, on occasion, the breastets.)

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I hope I am understand this thread correctly. You mean, like flirty gestures and such?

I sort of get it.

Mostly people think I'm flirting with them when I'm not.

I guess when I'm nervous I give off flirty signals?

So unfair. It's never on purpose.

And if someone tries to flirt with me, not that that happens often (as much as I'm aware), I get creeped out and want the person to stop.

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#1. I think I can understand nonverbal sexual language. Not sure if I'm fluent though. Picked up some of it from mistakes, some from just nowhere.

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I don't get it. No clue.

But I do know I hardly ever give off signals, because I'm constantly in a state of avoiding eye and physical contact with new people.

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I know there's supposedly a language, but I don't get it at all.

I'm not good with non verbal communication.

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  • 1 year later...

Im emphatic and obscenly good at reading peoples facial/body language although i do have to actually realise someones using the language before i start breaking it down and if i dont catch on quick enough i either subconciously block it out or run away lol

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I was of the "There's a language?!?!?" party until a few months ago, when my coworker scared the crap out of me by coming on to me. O.o What really confuses me now is that even being perfectly polite and friendly can be seen as a signal. Or at the very least not not a signal. Gah...I'd be lying if I said this was a huge problem but I dislike getting hit on. :/

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I know of this language, I just have no way to actually detect it's use. It just looks like someone being nice and/or friendly (of course in my case it probably is someone being nice/friendly, or maybe that's just me being unable to pick up on the language. Also I don't (or at least didn't) socialise much so there weren't many opportunities to notice (or not) anything).

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I'm yet another one of those people who knows it exists, but just doesn't understand it at all. I'm totally oblivious to it, really, and wouldn't even know how to go about doing it myself if I were to ever feel a need to.

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