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Is nonverbal "sexual" like a 2nd language to you?


KAGU143

"Sexual" as ASL?  

  1. 1.

    • Nope. I'm totally fluent! *shifts weight, raises brow* Let's DO IT baby!
      14
    • WHAT?! There's a LANGUAGE?
      44
    • Yes, I have to stop and think about it to decipher the meaning.
      21
    • I know there's supposedly a language, but I don't get it at all.
      61
    • I understand it just fine, I'm just not interested in the messages.
      25
    • I wish I could understand it so I don't send the wrong messages myself.
      36
    • I don't care what messages they THINK I'm sending. They should know better!
      19
    • More than one of the above.
      24
    • None of the above.
      5

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I was thinking about all of the misinterpretations that take place when people try to communicate, and it occured to me that it's very much as if we aren't QUITE speaking the same language sometimes.

Then I started thinking about my clumsy attempts at understanding and speaking Spanish.

Suddenly .....

A POLL IS BORN!!

If I can figure out how to do it ....

-Greybird

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I have no clue, honestly. When I am out with friends, I am contantly being told that "That guy/gal was TOTALLY into you!" And I'm all like, "Huh?" And then they tell me, "And you were TOTALLY giving the signals right back!" :shock: I was doing WHAT, now? Makes me totally want to give up attempting any kind of communiction, really. Go lie in a cave, somewhere. . . .

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Argh, there a LANGUAGE for this???? :shock:

Just call me clueless, oblivous, lost in my own little world, whatever...

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I know that there is an unspoken sexual language, like with body language and gestures.

I also know about subtle hinting like, "would you like to come up for some coffee?", but I might not be aware of other things.

I went with the "I don't care" option.

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I know of it. Why can't people just speak instead? It'd make life so much easier. "Hello, I think you are attractive." vs some weird combination of movements and shifting and every illogical action possible.

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I know of it. Why can't people just speak instead? It'd make life so much easier. "Hello, I think you are attractive." vs some weird combination of movements and shifting and every illogical action possible.

I agree, people act like they have epilepsy, squinting their eyes and doing stupid things with their lips and hands and all that. Why not just be blunt? "Hi, I'm a horny 28 year old bum that lives with my mother and I was wondering if you were interested in having sex with me?" So I can delightfully answer and say, "No hablo ingles" hehe. J/k. But I mean really, if you ever go out and watch people try to flirt with each other, geez *rolls eyes* If you videotaped it, you could send it in to Americas Funniest Videos and win the grand prize.

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I've always understood the language of sexuality, though historically it's been generally easier for me to read the signs between two other people than to tell if someone likes me.

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I believe that my inability to read facial expressions has always been a hindrance in reading flirting cues.

If someone is flirting with me, for the most part, I don't know it's happening.

There were two contacts in my life though, in which I was responsive to the flirting. My responses were non-physical, perhaps in my eyes, but totally involuntary. Both of these people surrounded me with themselves and I felt so much at home with them. I'll never forget them.

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I said more than one of the above because I know there's a language and sometimes I can decipher it, but other times I haven't a clue.

Cate

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Live R Perfect

I chose option 5, but now I realise I should have chosen 4! I am aware of some of the 'vocabulary' and can see it in other people at times, but its very rare that I've noticed it being directed at me (whilst my friends have pointed it out as obvious after the event).

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I also know there's a language but choose to ignore it. I'm overly aware of what is happening between people, or even towards me, sometimes, and I'd rather pretend that it's not there at all.

I wish I had a giant Deflecto mirror that would hurl those unwanted messages back at them. :twisted:

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I went #6 - I try to be cheerful and friendly to people I don't know so well ( I save the bitchiness for my friends :lol: ), but people keep on telling me I'm a flirt.

I honestly don't want to send the wrong signals, and I'd love to know how not to. :?

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I chose #4, but i think #6 would also fit with me, people often say to me i am flirting though i am only friendly to most people

One day a friend of me even came to me and said that she knew i wanted more than friendship but she didnt want to give it to me. i was very shocked and till today i havent found out what i have done wrong to make her think something like that!

perhaps someone should make something like a dictionary for this "language"

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I'm sort of a mixed bag. As far as body gestures go, they may as well be dirty-dancing around me, and I'll be like "What!? They LIKED me? How can you tell?".

But as far as spoken language goes, I can hold my own flirting as well as anyone. The only problem is I usually don't realise I was doing it until later!

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I honestly don't want to send the wrong signals, and I'd love to know how not to. :?

I don't think it's possible not to. In our culture if you are nice to someone of the opposite sex then you're perceived to be flirting with that person. So what're you going to do--be mean to everyone? (That's what *I* do, but it's really your decision.) It's just a cultural thing. Like how Americans call asking personal questions of strangers being 'friendly' while English people would call the same behaviour 'nosey'. Asexuals call talking to strangers 'talking to strangers' and sexuals call it 'preparing for the horizontal mambo'. Perhaps we should find a culture that doesn't think two people talking means one or both of them want to have naked time.

...

And that culture would be...?

Cate

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I picked 'I know there's a language but don't really understand it'.

I only tend to get the most obvious signals, ie like someone winking at me. But I can never tell if that means they like me romantically, if they're being friendly or if they're being funny. Even if I do have a slight clue to what they're getting at, I never know how to respond to it. So I'm left in the dark socially.

Someone needs to write a manual for all us A's (and Autistics) out there. :lol:

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I've had experiences where after I leave a situation and reflect, I realise that someone has been flirting with me without me really realising it at the time. When I do understand the signals at the time, I could care less. Sometimes I'd like to know the language so I don't put out the wrong signals. So yeah, I picked more than one of the above.

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Hmm, as of 36 votes, just over half have picked some variety of "I don't understand it"

5 for option 2 "WHAT?! There's a LANGUAGE?"

11 for option 4 "I know there's supposedly a language, but I don't get it at all."

4 for option 6 "I wish I could understand it so I don't send the wrong messages myself."

That makes 20 out of 36, or 5 out of 9... too lazy to convert to percentage, but just over half.

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SorryNotSorry

That is why human speech was invented... for body-language illiterates like me.

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I have no clue, honestly. When I am out with friends, I am contantly being told that "That guy/gal was TOTALLY into you!" And I'm all like, "Huh?" And then they tell me, "And you were TOTALLY giving the signals right back!" :shock: I was doing WHAT, now? Makes me totally want to give up attempting any kind of communiction, really. Go lie in a cave, somewhere. . . .

Argh, this happens to me all the time too. I wish it were possible to just be nice to people and not have it mean anything else.

Bah humbug.

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# 4 for me. It happened to me once (as far as I know). One of my friends and I were working at the same job, and we were supposed to train this new guy. After the first day, my friend tells me on the drive home that he was interested in me. Why? Because he looked at me more than her when asking and answering personal and training questions. I still think, even if she wasn't deluding herself, that it was probably because I was sitting directly across the table from him, whereas she was catty-cornered.... :shock:

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  • 2 months later...

I'm utterly clueless on such matters.... :? Fortunately, I come off as clueless, and not giving off unintentional sexual messages.

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