In a bit of a rut..

[Elbereth]

Okay, here's the short version.

I didn't figure out until recently that I'm asexual, yeah I'm a little slow on the uptake and I really don't know many people that are the same way so the information wasn't 'out there' for me, I just thought I was weird.

I've been married for a year and five months, out of those seventeen months my husband and I have only actually been together for three of them as he's been deployed to Iraq.

He's sexual and when I told him about being A, he of course didn't understand and well.. the last few times we've talked he's been talking a lot about divorce but then saying that it isn't the only option. He wants me to go to doctors and get thorough examinations done, which is dumb because first of all, I do not like doctors and secondly there's nothing wrong with me, I've always been this way - sex was neither pleasurable nor ever really looked for in my case.

I guess what I'm looking for is a little support, I'm not getting any from my husband, obviously, nor my family for that matter. I feel... numb for some reason about the whole divorce thing. I mean, if sex is that important to him and our marriage then I guess there's really nothing I can do, right? All we do now is argue on the phone when he calls because he's demanding answers to questions that I have no earthly idea how to answer because they're almost always sexual in reference.

I'm so confused and, again, numb. :(

[pejoratist]

It sounds like your husband was a bit to quick in suggesting divorce. Not a very compassionate way to deal with someone to whom he is committed to love through thick and thin. And then to suggest that something is wrong with you? It sounds to me that he either wants you "fixed", or does not want you at all. I know that is a terrible thing to experience, especially after no doubt fretting endlessly about him whilst he was in Iraq, but if he continues to refuse to let the relationship work, then it won't.

Know that the people that matter will support you. Family, friends- if they are true, they will come to understand and accept you. Anyone that is careless with you and your heart is not worth the trouble. And until those dear to you come around, be certain that there is always a barrel full of open ears here.

[gypsylady]

He's sexual and when I told him about being A, he of course didn't understand and well.. the last few times we've talked he's been talking a lot about divorce but then saying that it isn't the only option. He wants me to go to doctors and get thorough examinations done, which is dumb because first of all, I do not like doctors and secondly there's nothing wrong with me, I've always been this way - sex was neither pleasurable nor ever really looked for in my case. :(

I also find it a bit disturbing how quickly he suggested divorce (although, as you said, you gave us the short version, so maybe it wasn't as quick as it sounds??). If he is that strongly sexual, and you are certain that you are A, then maybe you'll have to go with what he wants. Same thing with the doctor thing. I've been all through the medical tests - not a thing wrong with me - and there isn't anything that can be done about my "condition".

Did you guys get your wires crossed that completely while you were dating? If sex has never been on your top ten list, maybe you thought with time that the two of you could come to an understanding, or that love would conquer all... It sounds like a real heartbreak. I'm sorry it's happened to you. I can imagine that there is good reason for your feeling numb.

I agree with pejoratist. You can have all of my support. And hopefully that of many others.

[cijay]

I imagine being so far apart and so soon after you were married would be really hard on both of you. If the fact that you're A is what makes or breaks the deal and it's as cut and dried as that...it doesn't sound too positive.