The Autosexual Thread

[chair jockey]

I'm hoping this thread gets enough traffic to become a sticky, because I did a forum search and didn't find a thread about autosexuals in the results.

An autosexual is someone who is capable of sexual arousal when alone, but is unresponsive and uninterested with a partner. Autosexuals can and often do fantasize about sex with a partner, and some masturbate and/or consume pornography, but they either do not want or are incapable of sex with a partner. That description, which comes from the FAQ, fits me perfectly. I consider being auto a form of asexuality because partner sex is not desired by autosexuals and might be impossible for some of us.

If there are any members here who want to come out as auto, then maybe we could talk in this thread. Or, if you don't want to come out openly, PMs to me are warmly invited. I've never met another person like me. :(

Michael

[Tanwen]

Moving to Relationships

Tanwen Q&A Co-Mod

[Topher]

*signs up to join dialogue*

I still don't really know what I define as (Yeah... I've been here nearly a year now, and defining vaguely as 'asexual' for at least twice that...), but this description pretty much suits me.

:) You aren't alone.

[chair jockey]

Glad to see a response so soon. And, yes, it feels better to know I'm not the only one.

Discussion in this thread might be difficult because autos' sexuality exists but is more private than that of sexuals and ace romantics. In fact, it is the privacy of our sexuality that pretty much defines us. We can also be the subject of additional stigma because our sexuality does implicate others in an indirect and passive way without really involving them. Sexuals who might not object to being found attractive by a sexual person with whom they'll never have congress, might object to being the source of arousal of someone they might want to share sex with, but never can.

These are all issues I'm raising in a very general and non-contentious way. Would be interested in hearing what people have to say about them.

Michael

[prettyeyes]

I have autosexual tendencies. Even if I was conceivably attracted to someone out there I'd rather take care of it alone and in fact can't even stand fantasizing about my body being involved in sexual situations. My sexuality is private and for me alone to enjoy, not others.

[Siggy]

If you pay attention to the Q&A forum, you'll find that someone brings this up every so often. "Is there anyone else here who masturbates, or is it just me?" And then, later, you'll see another thread saying, "I don't masturbate. Is anyone else like this?" (see recent example)

And this is all to say that you may think you're alone, but you're far, far from it. No matter what your experience is.

I don't identify as autosexual, nor as nonlibidoist, because I feel this is unimportant. That is, I think autosexuals and nonlibidoists have a lot more in common than they have differences. All the same, these differences are important to point out for the benefit of newcomers who feel alone in their experiences.

[Jockey]

I'm pretty sure I fit your criteria.

[Chickenpede]

Yep, this description pretty much fits me. In addition to that, I am a very private person, and have an inability to "open up" to anyone, including my closest friends. My sexuality is definitely not something I would want to share with anyone, and probably not worth sharing in my case. I don't think autosexuality invalidates asexuality, since you could still take care of your own libido while not being attracted to anyone.

[chair jockey]

Siggy, I think autosexuality is a lot more than whether or not somebody masturbates. Many sexuals masturbate even while they're involved in active sexual relationships, while some autosexuals don't masturbate at all. Plus the replies in this thread so far reflect something far more substantial and meaty than just whether people jack off or not. But what you say about nonlibidoists and autosexuals having something in common is correct enough. Sexuality has generally been defined as a _public_ private phenomenon which necessarily involves a partner. That isn't an accurate reflection of how sexuality really works.

Everyone else who has replied: As expected, I see a lot of concern with privacy here, because our particular brand of asexuality is essentially very private. I hope that we can still use this thread to discuss the things that are of interest and concern to us.

One thing I'm curious about is which ones of you draw on the wider world to nourish fantasies and which ones treat sexuality as purely a mechanical experience that needs no external input. I _do_ enjoy thinking about other people, real and imaginary, even though I wouldn't dream of actually getting into bed with them. But there are some of us who don't want to even imagine having a partner. One of you has already said so. Further comments?

Michael

[Siggy]

Siggy, I think autosexuality is a lot more than whether or not somebody masturbates. Many sexuals masturbate even while they're involved in active sexual relationships, while some autosexuals don't masturbate at all. Plus the replies in this thread so far reflect something far more substantial and meaty than just whether people jack off or not.

Well, yeah. But the Q&A threads are usually a lot more substantial than just masturbation too. Sorry if I gave the impression otherwise. :redface: In any case, my point still holds that you are far from alone. I'm not trying to say any more than that, really.

[Jockey]

One thing I'm curious about is which ones of you draw on the wider world to nourish fantasies and which ones treat sexuality as purely a mechanical experience that needs no external input. I _do_ enjoy thinking about other people, real and imaginary, even though I wouldn't dream of actually getting into bed with them. But there are some of us who don't want to even imagine having a partner. One of you has already said so. Further comments?

Michael

I get off purely mechanically sometimes and with erotica or occasionally porn other times. I have no sexual fantasies of my own whatsoever.

[Salt Shaker]

I could probably be classified as an autosexual... People have to tickle my fancy just right for me to be attracted to them. -_-

[chair jockey]

Well, yeah. But the Q&A threads are usually a lot more substantial than just masturbation too. Sorry if I gave the impression otherwise. :redface: In any case, my point still holds that you are far from alone. I'm not trying to say any more than that, really.

No worries, Siggy. And thanks. :)

Are there any autos who DON'T masturbate? I'll go out on a limb and guess that, yes, there are.

On an unrelated note, which autos pay a lot of attention to their own appearance? I have to admit that, aside from basic adequate grooming, I haven't been concerned about how I look for a good 30 years now.

Michael

[Salt Shaker]

I pay a lot of attention to my appearance mostly because I want to live up to my own standards. 8)

[oneofthesun]

I'd say your description fits me to a T. Though I can go through long spells of having no libido whatsoever.

Sexuality has generally been defined as a _public_ private phenomenon which necessarily involves a partner. That isn't an accurate reflection of how sexuality really works.

I like this. Many people ask how an asexual person could be capable of masturbation... Yet if masturbation was equivalent to sex then why would anyone go through the trouble of finding a partner? Masturbation is not a substitute for sex but a different sexual activity; one that some of us happen to like better.

I have fantasies about imaginary people only. I also care about my appearance only as it relates to work or other professional activities.

[maddox22]

I would say this describes me pretty well. I don't fantasize about actual people, real or imagined, but reading about or (very rarely) seeing sensual stuff can sometimes turn me on. Although I do have an extremely low libido as well.

In terms of personal appearance--I would say I take reasonable care, but I don't wear any makeup or hair styling products, and very limited jewelry; my usual style is pretty casual. But I don't typically go out in public (except to walk the dog) in really ratty clothes either.

[chair jockey]

Hi, guys,

Now that we have ourselves a convoy, maybe we could talk about modifying the definition/description of autosexuality in my original post, as already modified by people's replies. What does it _really_ mean to be auto, in enough detail and in clear enough language for non-autos to understand?

I'm asking for my own benefit as well as everyone else's, because we seem to be an articulate and thoughtful bunch, and I'd like to stick as clear a description of being auto as I can in my back pocket so that I can take it out and use it as needed.

Michael

[Topher]

I have autosexual tendencies. Even if I was conceivably attracted to someone out there I'd rather take care of it alone and in fact can't even stand fantasizing about my body being involved in sexual situations. My sexuality is private and for me alone to enjoy, not others.

Me. :lol:

I don't think autosexuality invalidates asexuality, since you could still take care of your own libido while not being attracted to anyone.

Not at all. Asexuality is solely a lack of sexual attraction. libido =/= attraction. making use of libido =/= attraction.

I _do_ enjoy thinking about other people, real and imaginary, even though I wouldn't dream of actually getting into bed with them. But there are some of us who don't want to even imagine having a partner. One of you has already said so. Further comments?

I kind of agree, but almost always in terms of imaginary (or at least people I don't know) and never in terms of me+them, if that makes sense?

On an unrelated note, which autos pay a lot of attention to their own appearance? I have to admit that, aside from basic adequate grooming, I haven't been concerned about how I look for a good 30 years now.

I wouldn't say that I don't take care of my appearance, but my hair is a permanent mess and I don't seem to be able to colour co-ordinate clothes etc. even if I try, so generally I don't try too hard ;)

[chair jockey]

I have some anxiety about coming out as an auto. The focus is that I _do_ get attracted to real-life people and sometimes use them to nourish fantasies. I would never dream of actually having sex with them because I have no interest in doing it and, frankly, am not able to, despite being physiologically non-pathological. How do I tell people I'm an auto without having them get angry about the possibility that I might fantasize about them?

Michael

[Jockey]

How do I tell people I'm an auto without having them get angry about the possibility that I might fantasize about them?

Michael

You don't have to tell them that who you are fantasizing about specifically. Women don't get mad at men for simply being straight, nor do non-homophobic men get mad at men for being gay.

Aside from that, it seems to me that a lot of people are flattered if you're attracted to them, and actually don't mind that you might fantasize about them, as long as you don't specifically say that you do.

[test account]

Yep, I think it would be unwise to tell someone you fantasize about them, because it's probably gonna be interpreted as a suggestion that you want to have actual sex with them. Otherwise might just sound creepy.

[EasyGoing]

--

[chair jockey]

I am asexual, and autosexual, by your definition. It took me quite a while to identify as asexual, because I am somewhat aroused by the idea/image of an aroused woman. However, I'm not attracted. Arousal is a physiological(physical and biological) response. Attraction is a psychological(mental) response. I guess I felt like I was heterosexual (due to the arousal wrt women) but somehow not very good at it (due to complete lack of any interest in any sexual activity with anyone). Although I used to masturbate and use porn sometimes, I have decided to stop for religious reasons.

Also, I'm basically aromantic. Are other autosexuals aromantic, too?

I'm aromantic. In fact, I don't think I've ever loved another person in any sense of the word (although I did love my late cat in a non-romantic way).

Michael

[eee]

I am asexual, and autosexual, by your definition. It took me quite a while to identify as asexual, because I am somewhat aroused by the idea/image of an aroused woman. However, I'm not attracted. Arousal is a physiological(physical and biological) response. Attraction is a psychological(mental) response. I guess I felt like I was heterosexual (due to the arousal wrt women) but somehow not very good at it (due to complete lack of any interest in any sexual activity with anyone). Although I used to masturbate and use porn sometimes, I have decided to stop for religious reasons.

Also, I'm basically aromantic. Are other autosexuals aromantic, too?

it sounds like me because I am a ex-sexual. I do feel arousal but only to the idea of arousal, on my own or a vague image of a man like figure. I cannot fantasize people because my brain blocks out emotions, people's presence, so my main asexuality is due to my complete lack of attraction to anyone.I been in love before and have been a sexual due to that matter. Somehow like a childhood thing I just grew out of it. I no longer feel romantic love but am still very sociable and friendly which granted me extremely close friends! I am not a bitter or sad person but rather pretty happy and aromantic seems perfect for me. I don't plan to analyze why I became this way because complication is *&%^%%%#$@. Yeah, you are not alone. Although people think of us somewhat strange and scary...like sociopath because we lack strong emotions, attachments,and still possesses a sex drive. I personally have to admit I been around the block many times, emotionless as usual, and did break a bunch of hearts and felt no shame. Somewhere in my brain I know it's morally incorrect and damaging to others or could be detrimental to my health. Besides that was way back where I just wanted to experience at people's cost with my own self interests. Turned out, still don't like sex with anyone...it was like using people as lab rats. I no longer have such mentality.

[Jacqui]

I'm not autosexual but I do consider myself kinda autoromantic. Or maybe that's just my big ego messing with my head. All I know is that I'm not exactly romantic, but if an exact clone of myself (mind and body) came by, would probably end up marrying it.

[Chickenpede]

I'm not autosexual but I do consider myself kinda autoromantic. Or maybe that's just my big ego messing with my head. All I know is that I'm not exactly romantic, but if an exact clone of myself (mind and body) came by, would probably end up marrying it.

This seems appealing to me as well. There are too many people who don't conform to my high standards and expectations, so if this clone was exactly like me, these issues would be gone, and I would trust them completely.

[Jacqui]

I'm not autosexual but I do consider myself kinda autoromantic. Or maybe that's just my big ego messing with my head. All I know is that I'm not exactly romantic, but if an exact clone of myself (mind and body) came by, would probably end up marrying it.

This seems appealing to me as well. There are too many people who don't conform to my high standards and expectations, so if this clone was exactly like me, these issues would be gone, and I would trust them completely.

Exactly. I'm the only person that I agree with on everything, that fits my standards, etc. When I think of myself, or more specifically, my thought processes, I think "If only I could marry an idea..."

Does my sorta-kinda crushing on myself make me some degree of gay?

[Chickenpede]

I'm not autosexual but I do consider myself kinda autoromantic. Or maybe that's just my big ego messing with my head. All I know is that I'm not exactly romantic, but if an exact clone of myself (mind and body) came by, would probably end up marrying it.

This seems appealing to me as well. There are too many people who don't conform to my high standards and expectations, so if this clone was exactly like me, these issues would be gone, and I would trust them completely.

Exactly. I'm the only person that I agree with on everything, that fits my standards, etc. When I think of myself, or more specifically, my thought processes, I think "If only I could marry an idea..."

Does my sorta-kinda crushing on myself make me some degree of gay?

I don't think so, unless you're attracted to your body, and it doesn't seem like you are.

[Ged of Earthsea]

I'm not autosexual but I do consider myself kinda autoromantic. Or maybe that's just my big ego messing with my head. All I know is that I'm not exactly romantic, but if an exact clone of myself (mind and body) came by, would probably end up marrying it.

This seems appealing to me as well. There are too many people who don't conform to my high standards and expectations, so if this clone was exactly like me, these issues would be gone, and I would trust them completely.

Exactly. I'm the only person that I agree with on everything, that fits my standards, etc. When I think of myself, or more specifically, my thought processes, I think "If only I could marry an idea..."

This discussion is diverging from the main thread, but if either of you wanted to start a separate thread about the spectrum from self-sufficient to narcissism, I'd be happy to join in (Title? "Marrying yourself"?).

[Romeburns]

Ah, there is a thread for autosexuals! Yes, I'd agree very much with the OP's summation as largely my own current proclivities.