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Are you out to your parents?


The A Life Team

  

52 members have voted

  1. 1. Are you out to your parents?

    • No and they don't need to know
      145
    • No, maybe I will tell them someday
      228
    • Yes
      99
    • Only to one of them
      59
    • I try, but they don't accept it/forget about it
      84


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The A Life Team

This episode of A life has it's hosts tell personal stories of their asexuality and parents, some sex education stories, and more.

Please do add your thoughts about the subject, but I urge you to listen to the show first. It will considerably clarify the poll and give tons of thought-provoking entertainment. You can find the show here:

http://alifepodcast.wordpress.com/

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This episode of A life has it's hosts tell personal stories of their asexuality and parents, some sex education stories, and more.

Please do add your thoughts about the subject, but I urge you to listen to the show first. It will considerably clarify the poll and give tons of thought-provoking entertainment. You can find the show here:

http://alifepodcast.wordpress.com/

Personally, I am not ashamed of being asexual. So I could care less if my parents, or any of my friends knew I was. I am more ashamed of those who are sexual to be honest.

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there is nothing wrong with sexual people

they shit like we do, pay bills like we do and fall in love like we do..the only difference is the messy bit

i understand why so many younger members feel unsure wether to declare thier asexuality or any other orientation other than asexual

but...in time if we are to be long term asexual which many are..then we have to think long term and that maybe ..being honest about who we are

and yes my dad knows..my mum i haven't seen in 24 years so in the words of rhett..frankly my dear I don't give a damm

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Neither of my parents know, but that's because I haven't found a normal way to introduce the topic. I came close once when my mom and I were talking about relationships but left it at "I'm not the only person in the world that really doesn't want sex" just because the conversation was becoming one of those "You haven't met the right person yet" conversations. I'm rather non-confrontational, so it's easier to leave it at that. Plus, my parents already know I'm not having children, so there's no point to throw in asexuality unless they ask about my orientation directly.

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It was hard for me to vote since both of my parents were already deceased almost a decade before AVEN first appeared.

I chose the option that applied while they were still alive, which was 'No, and they don't need to know.'

It would have been interesting to see their reaction if they had still been around when I went on TV talking about my asexuality, but that is just idle speculation.

(I think I would have gotten a lot of shit for it, TBH!)

-GB

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annwyl_cariad

I haven't come out to my parents, even though I'm out generally. I've talked to my mom about how I have no particularly strong desire to be in a relationship or get married, and she seems okay with that, but she still tends to talk in terms of "when you get married one day" and stuff like that. She has said, though, that when she was my age she, like me, was perfectly willing to remain single if she never met "the one." Of course, she met my dad when she was 20 (I think) and they married when she was 23, so I'm not sure if she would have felt the same if she continued to not meet "the one" for a long time.

My parents and I have never really talked about sexual stuff (we never had 'the talk'), so talking about my asexuality outright would be really out of character for us. They're pretty conservative and religious so I think they'd be fine with me not wanting to have sex now but a little freaked out that I don't want to have it ever. But they don't need to know, so we'll probably not go there. If one day they need to know that I'm panromantic, we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Also, with regard to sex education, yeah, abstinence-only education sucks. I went to a public school and this basically sums up my sex education experience:

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I voted 'no and they don't need to know' but I could just as well have voted the second option. I've never spoken about sex with my parents so I really have no willingness to bring it up, and I don't think I'd ever have the courage to do so- and I don't really see it as something they must know. But if my parents ever asked me anything I wouldn't lie to them, though I wouldn't outright say 'I'm asexual', at least initially anyway. I wouldn't be surprised if they suspected I wasn't 'normal' in this department anyway.

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I'm out to both of my parents, but I didn't really initiate the coming out. My dad specifically asked me where I fell re: sexuality, and I needed to explain that I was asexual to my mom because something else came up that was predicated on my being asexual. Neither of them had much to say about it, and both were fairly short conversations.

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I said that they'll have to know someday, because they clearly expect me to get married eventually maybe in my late 20s or early 30s (even though I'm aromantic), and after that, they will expect me to have kids. I don't think they expect asexuality, they probably think I'm an extremely late bloomer (I'm 18), and one time my mom sort of asked me if I was a lesbian. I had been holding my friend's hands, because they were extremely cold and needed to warm them up. I saw absolutely nothing wrong with this (maybe an ace moment?), but my mom told me to never do it again because then I could be giving the impression that I'm attracted to girls (which I'm not). I don't really like her intolerance of different sexualities. I mean, she supports the LGBT community, but doesn't want me to be "one of them".

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My mom and I especially have been pretty open talking about sexuality, even though she thinks gays are a media fabrication. When I told her I was asexual, she told me I was way too young to know (I was 17); that it was because our family had never put emphasis on sexual relationships (even though she and my sister talk about it all the time, even when we were younger); and that I hadn't met the right person yet. For the last point, she brought out that my sister had never had a boyfriend until she was 21.

I pointed out that she had had crushes since middle school and had described to me in detail what she wanted to do with those boys. I also brought out that she and my sister always talk about how hot celebrities and perfect strangers on the street are, while I'd always scratched my head at this game.

She later told my dad, who brought it up while we were driving. He simply said, "You don't know what you're talking about," and then dropped the subject.

Geeeez...

Anyway, they've been probing me since, trying to trick me into saying I'm sexual, and I always deflect it with something like, "I'm not interested in that. Ooh, look, a new topic!"

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50 Cent Piece

My madre knows. Whether she believes me? Ehhh, who knows. I haven't spoken with my dad for five years and I don't feel he's privy to any information about me. Last I heard, he thought I was lesbian, though. (Due to not showing an interest in boys...because that means I want to have sex with women obviously, psshhh)

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The MoUsY spell-checker

I'm out to my mum, but she thinks I'll change my mind. I've never mentioned it to my dad because it never came up in conversation, but I have worn my AVEN t-shirts in front of him, so he might actually have noticed.

Now, to pick on a minor detail from the podcast like I usually do, about the use of "asexual" as opposed to "nonsexual" because it's the correct Latinate word, "a-" is the Greek prefix, whereas "non-" is Latin. "Asexual" is used because other sexual orientations also have Greek prefixes.

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I am so far out only to my mom, who is 100% accepting. In fact, she considers it a blessing not only on my part, but also on her part as well. She even went so far as to say, "Well, I certainly don't have to worry about having to deal with some annoying chick who's hoping to get pregnant from you." But on the more serious side, she thinks it's great that I am being environmentally responsible by not ever bringing anymore children into this world than there needs to be.

As for my dad, he usually has alot on his mind. I am not so sure he knows anything about asexuality or even the mere fact that such a thing exists, but I've mentioned to him how I don't ever want to marry or ever have kids, and he is 100% accepting of this. I mean, he has a younger brother (my 47-year-old uncle whom I've mentioned several times) who has lived a lifestyle as such, plus a few friends in his age group whom have likewise lived a single, child-free life, so all this (in addition to the fact that my parents are divorced) allows him to be more open and accepting. In due time, I shall come out to him when I feel ready enough.

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Not per se. If they someday are interested enough to ask I'll answer. In truth, though, I think neither of them care either way. They are too busy to live their own lives with their new spouses that they wouldn't have the time in any case. They know they won't be seeing any grandchildren from me anyway, so I need not shock them anymore with things they speficially don't want to know. That's the good side of a non existant relationship with one's parents :)

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Yes, but it was a complete accident. If let up to me, I doubt I'd be out to them now.

The night I discovered asexuality, my older sister found my computer and saw what I had been reading/saying. She then went to my parents and told them. We had a "emergency family meeting" which I think will scar me forever, in which I was told that I am not asexual and this will pass. It was so awkward and upsetting. We've been avoiding it for years.

So yes. I am out to them. But I didn't choose; it was forced upon me.

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I'm 'out' to my mom who doesn't seem to get it and we never talk about it. I haven't outed myself to my dad in so many words but I keep dropping hints and I have used the word asexual more than a few times, mentioned the flag, had the flag on my face.... so I have no idea if he knows or not.

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I'm out to my dad, who was pretty accepting, if a bit skeptical, but he's still totally cool with it. My mom I think would be less accepting and understanding, so I'm putting off telling her(Although I frequently drop hints). It'll happen though.

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I've been out to my parents for almost exactly four years now. I decided to tell them about half a year after I figured it out myself, largely because I dislike having secrets from them, and hiding my asexuality seemed like lying. It was very emotional, at least for me, but they were ultimately pretty accepting. I told my mom, and then my dad, all in one phone call (I was at the time living at college, four hours away from them).

Since then, there have been ups and downs in their understanding. My dad and I don't talk about it very much. He's very supporting and accepting, but doesn't really feel the need to explore the definitions of things. My mom, on the other hand, has done a lot of assuming and/or questioning on the subject. It's been very hurtful on occasion. She's suggested I get my hormone levels checked, and hit a lot of other buttons, but I don't think she means harm. It's just that she doesn't know how to educate herself in a better way, and when I've explained why something is upsetting to me, she's generally accepted that pretty quickly. Conversely, she's also, on separate occasions, outed me to my grandpa without my permission and then later asked me to not come out to my grandma (his wife) because it would hurt her and 'do no good.' Those are still sore points; all in all it's definitely a mixed bag.

However, her understanding of asexuality and how it applies to me continues to evolve and grow, and the hints and questions about significant others and children have stopped. I'm glad that I'm out to them.

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No, neither of my parents know about my asexuality. I see no reason to tell them. If I was sexual, I wouldn't make a point of telling my parents which sexual acts I liked - so I see no reason to tell them the opposite, that I don't enjoy sex at all.

I find sex comes up as a subject more often among friends, so a few of my friends know that I don't like sex from it being mentioned in conversations where it was appropriate to the topic at hand.

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TheChronicWanderer

When I told my mom, she said "Well, only Jesus can know your REAL sexual orientation." I don't know exactly what that means. :/

And when I told my dad, he kind of shrugged it off as being a phase.

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When I told my mom, she said "Well, only Jesus can know your REAL sexual orientation."

That's awfully presumptuous of Jesus, if you ask me.

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My mom knows. She reacted well, saying that if I was asexual, that was cool, and (since sexuality is fluid and can change) if my asexuality changes, that's cool too.

I'm not surprised she took it like she did, as I imagine she's probably happy to hear that her teenage daughter isn't interested in sex.

My other parent and I are fairly close, but she has been skeptical in the past about teenagers knowing their sexuality. Not to mention we don't really talk about that kind of stuff.

Like someone else said, I'm not embarrassed of my orientation. Though it hasn't happened yet, if someone asks, I plan on telling them. I don't think I'm really going to 'come out' out of context, though, as I just see it as another facet of my identity.

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MatthewWilliams

I just outed myself to my mom today, who was 100% supportive except for the bit where she didn't believe me. Apparently I'm too young to know.

I'll just tell her again in a few years.

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Yes, and it went very well. Mum was a bit skeptical at first, but she's completely come around to it, and as for Dad . . . his reaction was quite funny.

ME: (summing up) So basically, I don't feel sexual attraction towards anyone, and I don't feel any need or desire for sex.

DAD: Ok . . . . . is some sort of "coming out"?

ME: :lol:

Love you guys!

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I was out to my parents before I even really knew the term 'asexual'... They still probably don't know much about the term, neither do they probably ever use it, but they know that I don't date, I'm not going to date, I'm not interested in sex, and I'm not going to give them grandchildren.

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  • 2 months later...

I have told my mother, she doesn't quite get it (like every sexual person) but she accepts it as a fact and she doesn't bothers me anymore with lines "you need to find someone"

When I told her though I had a great laugh because she turned to me "child...do do you by...err any chance...like err...girls more?"

I don't intent to tell my bitch of a father ever because I don't give a monkey's butt what he thinks, and there is no point really he is not up to discussions of any kind let alone sexuality! pff just another ignorant fool of this world

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I think I am out by default. They know I am not interested in a relationship. Even though my mom said that I am not asexual when I used the word. I wonder if it is just that she doesn't know what it means.

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Hell no. They still don't think I'm a virgin even though I keep telling them that.

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My mother shot me down point-blank. My father thinks it's "crazy talk". Now I realize that it doesn't matter, and I progressively less and less give a fuck about what they think. I'm out to my best friend though. She hasn't said much about it. I think she tentatively accepts it, but either doesn't understand it or has no comment on it.

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