Aromanticness

[Jacqui]

Right now I'm having a bit of a battle with my subconscious mind over whether or not I'm attracted to this one guy romantically, or if it's just my usual jealous form of admiration.

I think I can relate to that. I've never really been in love with anyone - I just get envious crushes on guys who have qualities I want myself. I think in my case it's a self-esteem issue. I grew up in a very abusive environment where I had only slightly more status than the family dog. I've identified that my crushes are all just cravings for someone to teach me skills that will enhance my status, even though I'm grown up now and don't live with my parents any more. Actually, lately I've been feeling more peace with myself and less susceptible to these sort of crushes. I hope it also means I might one day learn how to love romantically because I'd like to give somebody that gift if it's ever in my power.

Finally, somebody gets how I feel!

That sucks about your childhood. Personally, the guy I'm thinking about is somebody I admire because he's been able to overcome the restrictive environment at my school, while I bottle everything up and attempt to conform. I'm jealous of him because he's been able to do what I couldn't.

[test account]

Right now I'm having a bit of a battle with my subconscious mind over whether or not I'm attracted to this one guy romantically, or if it's just my usual jealous form of admiration.

I think I can relate to that. I've never really been in love with anyone - I just get envious crushes on guys who have qualities I want myself. I think in my case it's a self-esteem issue. I grew up in a very abusive environment where I had only slightly more status than the family dog. I've identified that my crushes are all just cravings for someone to teach me skills that will enhance my status, even though I'm grown up now and don't live with my parents any more. Actually, lately I've been feeling more peace with myself and less susceptible to these sort of crushes. I hope it also means I might one day learn how to love romantically because I'd like to give somebody that gift if it's ever in my power.

Finally, somebody gets how I feel!

That sucks about your childhood. Personally, the guy I'm thinking about is somebody I admire because he's been able to overcome the restrictive environment at my school, while I bottle everything up and attempt to conform. I'm jealous of him because he's been able to do what I couldn't.

I can so understand that! And you know what? Some people will say to you "don't be hard on yourself, don't be jealous, just be yourself" - but I think your admiration for this guy is a signal to you that there are parts of yourself which are yearning to be expressed if you only knew how. You say he's been able to do what you couldn't - I reckon that's only because you haven't learned how yet, and if you watch and practice a bit, you'll be able to do everything you want to do and in your own way.

[Changed773]

I know I'm aromantic because I always wanted to punch my ex-boyfriends in the face any time they got all cute and cuddly with me :lol: I've always been incredibly annoyed and turned-off by pet-names, cute lovey-dovey talk, and gentle "romantic" touching that leads into sex. Honestly, I really can't believe it when anyone acts this way. I know it's unfair of me to think so, but I just cannot believe that romantic actions or touching are sincere. I can't accept romantic cuddling and affectionate touching as anything other than trying to get between my legs...and that just infuriates me. (Even though I'm sure most people are sincere in these situations, it's just this trust issue I will never get past).

Also, as an asexual fetishist, I do not view sex as love. My ideal fantasy sexual situation involves rough pleasure without any emotion or attachment to the people involved. I have always had to pretend to care or enjoy affection from ex-boyfriends just so I could feel normal.

[WünderBâhr]

I'm romantic, but I don't go for the cutesy-huggy stuff, either. I mean, it's alright if someone wants to cuddle.. but no death by saccharine overdose, please & thank you.

[G-Max]

Yeah I'd have agreed with that maybe a year or two ago without a second thought. However, I've come to notice there seems to be a great deal of scientifically proven psychological and socio-behavioural proof for interpretating people's intentions without them saying a word. It can't all be wrong :D

Anyway, I'm not a native English speaker but I think the name of the topic is spelled aromanticism, not aromanticness

Oddly, your English is better than that of most native English-speakers :)

This might sound really lame or something, but I see romantic relationships and friendships this way: if life's a competition, a friend ranges from someone who you root for and who roots for you to someone who you playfully compete against. When you have a romantic partner, you're attending the competition as a team.

A more apt comparison would be that the two types of relationships are from completely different sports.

Romantic relationship is something more exclusive, something that often needs more compromising from both sides than a friendship. I know I am aromantic because while I do like showing support to others and reveling in friendly rivalry, I don't want to team up with anyone. I'm not alone and I don't mind being supported and sharing my victories with my friends, but I want my performance to remain a solo performance.

Apparently, you're not familiar with poly or open relationships...

Cuddling with him was about as fun for my as cuddling a spider.

Hey, tarantulas are extremely cuddly!

[JAG]

I identity as an aromantic sexual, but I only really just discovered that I was aromantic within the past few months. I was in a relationship with someone who was overly romantic, and was so confused by why I was so unhappy. That being said, I don't think you have to try out romantic relationships to find out if you don't desire them.

As an aromantic sexual, it takes a lot of time to sort through the various types of intimacy we're socialized to think are part of a "healthy relationship." For me though, I still wouldn't mind relationships because I still desire the emotional and sexual aspects of a relationship - deep friendship, spending time together, getting to know each other, having sex, etc... that is a stable relationship to me that can be completely absent of cuddling, holding hands (in the winter time I can relent to this, if necessary), the weird "butterflies in my stomach" feeling that I've never had, and all-around cutesy romantic things.