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A question for homo/hetero romantics


Herr Joseph von Löthing

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Herr Joseph von Löthing

Ok, on the subject of romanticism, I'm clueless. Seriously, I have no idea, no matter how much I wish I was romantic.

Anyway.

My question to hetero and homo romantics is, what are you romantically attracted to in a person, their gender or their sex? Because, if someone was of the same sex, but transgender (Of the other side of the binary, for the purposes of this question people like me don't exist ;)), would you find them romantically attractive? Would it matter if they were out or not? Assuming, of course, that you could see the opposite gender to your own in them, consciously or unconsciously.

So, that question has been on my mind a few days, and I'd like to see some peoples views.

Thanks

Joe

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I consider myself hetero romantic as I have (until now) only been romantically interested in guys. I don't know how much use my answer will be as I don't think my romantic attraction is due to their gender or sex.

When I think about it, it seems to be more about their personality and aspects of behaviour and those that I find attractive tend to occur more in guys than in girls. It's pretty hard to explain really, as I can be aesthetically attracted to anyone, again, their gender or sex does not really play much of a part in my finding them attractive.

If someone was of the same sex, but transgender, it is possible that I would find them attractive, but it would depend on the person they are rather than their biological sex or their gender.

So yeah, until this point, I have only been romantically attracted to guys, but I have not ruled out romantic attraction to girls. The defining factor for me just isn't their sex or gender. My attitude is that in finding someone attractive, I find them as a person attractive. Their sex or gender is not a defining or determining feature.

This post really makes no sense, but I've actually never given any real thought to it until just now. I may refine/ alter this later :P

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I'm not greatly romantic, but I have to admit it would be their sex, even if that feels a little shallow. Obviously personality would make the person but I can only imagine myself being with someone female bodied. If a trans person can present well enough as female to pass, then maybe. I have wondered before what I'd do if I found out a girlfriend of mine was intersexed or a transsexual who hasn't had full surgery and I know if the relationship is sexless then it shouldn't matter but I'm not sure...

To put it another way, I think romantic and aesthetic are linked in my case, I find female bodied people more aethetically nice to look at than male bodied people. Having said that, I'm more interested in "average" looking women- that is to say, supermodels or whatever really don't interest me and although I can find women beautiful, I'm usually not romantically interested in people considered good looking. It's usually a balance between not-greatly-attractive-but-not-ugly and mainly compatible personality. I think if I'm attracted to someone's personality, they sort of become more beautiful in a different way above their physical features.

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Hmm. Since I've been on here I've been starting to wonder whether describing myself as lesbian or homoromantic is actually as accurate as I always thought it was. (And before that, in fact, after one of my major celebrity crushes transitioned. Balian Buschbaum FTW.) I mean, I certainly wouldn't rule myself out of a relationship with a trans guy.

I think what I've actually meant when I've thought of myself as homoromantic is 'someone who's a bit like me really as far as the gender spectrum is concerned rather than someone who's completely on the opposite end of it'. That doesn't make for a snappy prefix, though....

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I haven't met any (openly) transgender people until rather recently and I haven't been romantically attracted to anyone in a while, but I imagine the person's gender would be more important. Although I'll still think vaginas are weird-looking.

I think what I've actually meant when I've thought of myself as homoromantic is 'someone who's a bit like me really as far as the gender spectrum is concerned rather than someone who's completely on the opposite end of it'. That doesn't make for a snappy prefix, though....

This this this this this.

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I think what I've actually meant when I've thought of myself as homoromantic is 'someone who's a bit like me really as far as the gender spectrum is concerned rather than someone who's completely on the opposite end of it'. That doesn't make for a snappy prefix, though....

This this this this this.

So then what are we supposed to call ourselves so as not to give anyone the wrong impression...?

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I think what I've actually meant when I've thought of myself as homoromantic is 'someone who's a bit like me really as far as the gender spectrum is concerned rather than someone who's completely on the opposite end of it'. That doesn't make for a snappy prefix, though....

This this this this this.

So then what are we supposed to call ourselves so as not to give anyone the wrong impression...?

Going by Wikipedia's suggestion, "homeoromantic": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E1%BD%8D%CE%BC%CE%BF-#.CE.9F

That is, if you're not afraid of sounding like quack medicine.

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I consider myself hetero romantic as I have (until now) only been romantically interested in guys. I don't know how much use my answer will be as I don't think my romantic attraction is due to their gender or sex.

When I think about it, it seems to be more about their personality and aspects of behaviour and those that I find attractive tend to occur more in guys than in girls. It's pretty hard to explain really, as I can be aesthetically attracted to anyone, again, their gender or sex does not really play much of a part in my finding them attractive.

If someone was of the same sex, but transgender, it is possible that I would find them attractive, but it would depend on the person they are rather than their biological sex or their gender.

So yeah, until this point, I have only been romantically attracted to guys, but I have not ruled out romantic attraction to girls. The defining factor for me just isn't their sex or gender. My attitude is that in finding someone attractive, I find them as a person attractive. Their sex or gender is not a defining or determining feature.

This post really makes no sense, but I've actually never given any real thought to it until just now. I may refine/ alter this later :P

^Somewhat like the above. It's not that by calling oneself hetero/homo one excludes romantic relationships with guys/gals/etc., but calling oneself hetero/homo can be a more honest approach to describing one's romantic attraction than biromantic or panromantic. That's my take, anyway.

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Here are some more thoughts from the dark depths of my brain.

Since I'm a transyada, it's a bit weird to call myself homoromantic because I don't know whether it's supposed to relate to my sex or my gender. If it's the latter, I guess I'm shit outta luck because I'm not sure if I've really met anyone who shared my particular variant of yadaness. If it's related to sex, I guess that makes more sense since in the last five or so years I've been exclusively romantically attracted to male-bodied people men, but still, when I first fell in love, it was with a girl. To make things even more complicated, she was rather masculine personality-wise.

Lately I've been wondering whether this romantic orientation of mine is perhaps more of a pan than homo thing and I just have a strong preference for males/masculinity in terms of both gender and sex (but mostly gender). Being myself, I never came to any conclusion and I'm not sure if I ever will. Good thing I don't care that much. Still, it's entirely possible that I have the potential to love anyone and I'm just drawn to the masculine rather than the feminine for whatever reason.

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I think what I've actually meant when I've thought of myself as homoromantic is 'someone who's a bit like me really as far as the gender spectrum is concerned rather than someone who's completely on the opposite end of it'. That doesn't make for a snappy prefix, though....

This this this this this.

So then what are we supposed to call ourselves so as not to give anyone the wrong impression...?

Going by Wikipedia's suggestion, "homeoromantic": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E1%BD%8D%CE%BC%CE%BF-#.CE.9F

That is, if you're not afraid of sounding like quack medicine.

You've either just invented a new word or made me sound as if I'm best enjoyed by diluting me until there's nothing left :P

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In decending order of importance; a kind heart, a like mind, a similar sense of humour, a sense of fun, good manners, romance, a handsome face (pretty eyes, a smile that makes me smile automatically when I see it) and a nice body. And then, you know, their sex - I've said before that I could have a relationship with a transman, but he'd probably need to be post-op if I wasn't going to be getting my fill of male genitalia elsewhere. I know it sounds shallow and ugly, but I'm just not attracted to female genitals; in fact, I'd go so far as to say I'm repelled.

P.

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For me, the fact that I am interested only in males is a two-part thing. I am attracted to males physically (though it is strictly a "look but don't touch" kind of attraction). I have always been attracted to males, and never females. Pretty straightforward, as far as that half of it goes.

The other half is that, while males and females are two very diverse groups with a lot of personality facets that fluctuate from person to person - there are certain generalities that can be said about either group. And, based on those generalities, it's pretty simple for me to say that I would not be happy in a relationship with someone with a female personality; I want to be with someone who thinks and acts like a guy.

Are there people who fall outside of these generalities? Certainly. It's possible that there are women in the world with exactly the type of personality I look to men for, and therefore would be an intellectually compatible choice for me. But given the inherent social difficulties associated with gay relationships (and the fact that I am only physically attracted to men), I'm quite happy to stick to men, even if it does mean that I'm missing out on the slim possibility of a woman I might be happy with.

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I'm heteromantic-lite. I approach the idea in the most sensible way my mind can figure out. Gender is not quite important to me, because I don't really get all the gender stuff...I don't really see things in terms of gender. There are certain characteristics that I prefer that others see as masculine; I prefer them because they are closest to me (I've been told I exhibit somewhat masculine behavior). Sex is important to me. Male is ideal for me. (Likely since I'm not extremely romantic I default to that) And for reasons of my lifestyle trans wouldn't do.

Basically what I mean is I'd more or less like a male version of me.

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I identify as heteroromantic because I am generally attracted to the opposite sex (sans actual sex, of course). But it's a pretty fluid status and easily changes on a person-to-person basis. As far as genitalia are concerned, I don't find any of them "attractive" ... at all. Quite the opposite. But I don't plan on mucking around down there, either, so I don't really care what's there. I'm interested in the person, not their package.

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WhenSummersGone

To me it's both. Personality and if they are male or female, what they were born as and still are. I'm attracted to males. There's been some females that I have been attracted to though, but that's really rare. If I was attracted to a female in some way then sure I wouldn't mind being with them but it's mostly males (inside and out) that I'm attracted to

As for what type of guy I go for is something I can't answer. Either I like someone or I don't. I've liked many different guys and there's not one thing they all have in common really

Even though I'm not sexually attracted to males, I would kinda hope that they still have male genitalia

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Herr Joseph von Löthing

Thanks for all the answers people. So it seems that in most cases, it's not a specific attraction towards the sex or gender of a person, but to how masculine/feminine they are, correct?

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I consider myself esthetically attracted to women. This means that when I first meet a woman I get attracted by her womanly body (hipps , legs and face) mostly.

A mans body would never make my eyes turn around.

To feel romantic towards her however I relate to the way she responds to my conversation efforts.

I love women which are clever, open minded, kind and with a strong sense of humor.

:rolleyes:

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest NotSoLonely

Wow. For me it's difficult to explain. Outside appearance in terms of style? I guess something unique, a little edgy, and clean! lol If it looks like it fits their personality, I'm cool with that. But that really isn't even what attracts me.

The best way I can describe my romantic feelings is that when I see someone for whom I feel romantic,...I just want to BE with them! I want to know what music they like, where they want to travel, what they think about politics, and...the list could go on. That ONE person just intrigues me. *sigh* L'amour, l'amour. But it would HAVE to be mutual. I totally respect if someone else is not attracted to me.

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Wow. For me it's difficult to explain. Outside appearance in terms of style? I guess something unique, a little edgy, and clean! lol If it looks like it fits their personality, I'm cool with that. But that really isn't even what attracts me.

The best way I can describe my romantic feelings is that when I see someone for whom I feel romantic,...I just want to BE with them! I want to know what music they like, where they want to travel, what they think about politics, and...the list could go on. That ONE person just intrigues me. *sigh* L'amour, l'amour. But it would HAVE to be mutual. I totally respect if someone else is not attracted to me.

Yeah, this is it. (And then the chances are it turns out they want to do more, and I have to have an awkward conversation with them. Or, in the case I was in this year where this actually happened, I have to sit back and take it when she rings me up and makes jokes about how I start going off and doing other things during the sex scenes on The L Word...)

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