Hello people! Sorry in advance I guess.

[Lex]

Well, hi, I'm Lex and I'm a junior in highschool. Clearly, I have a lot to learn about everything in life. Yesterday I finally decided to find out more about myself and my sexuality because the word "bisexual" has never really fit myself very well. I did some research as to what I would fit into better. After discovering that there is a lot more to know on this subject than I thought there was, I ended up more confused about everything... And then I stumbled accross this site, and read some of the posts and decided that maybe some of the members here could help me. I'll try to explain myself as best as I can now, I guess.

For starters, yes, I am a teenage girl, and as many of you already know, there are a lot of girls my age that call themselves "bisexual" just to get attention. I am definitely not one of them, and please do not ever think I am.

Ever since the raw age of ten, I have known that I am attracted to the female body much more than that of a male. I do not know what it is like just to have a "crush" on a guy. I have felt that way toward girls before, but never guys. I can look at a girl and see that she is very attractive, even if I hate her as a person.

Guys, on the other hand, are a completely different subject for me. I like them in different ways. I know when I find a guy attractive, but I never want to just... You know, rip his clothes off (the way I can get with a "hot" girl.). I have been with the same guy for over a year and I am completely in love with him. I have never felt this way about a girl. I don't know why, and maybe it is because I never met the "right" girl... But I just feel completely different about guys vs. girls.

I seem to always trust guys more than girls as friends and partners. But I get more... "turned on" by the female body. Don't get me wrong, I have never cheated on my boyfriend just because I got horny from some chick. But, yes, the idea of Megan Fox shirtless does get me more horny than the idea of any guy shirtless.

So, I guess, I know that I have had feelings for both men and women, but they are completely different types of feelings.

Someone, please tell me I'm not alone. The only reason I want to know if there is a more specific "label" for myself is so that I know that I am not completely alone.

Or, just tell me that I am just bisexual and am looking too deeply into this.

Thanks for your time and help. :)

[zoidberger]

I can see why you're having difficulty trying to label yourself with such a situation. Honestly, I've never heard of such differences in for someone who's bi, but I can't see why that couldn't be the case. If you're open to both genders whether romantically or sexually there'd likely be different qualities you'd find attractive in the different genders. If one of those preference differences ends up being physical attraction or even sexual attraction, I don't see why others couldn't feel the same way.

Here on AVEN the most basic definition of asexuality is not having sexual attraction. No one can really tell you what your identity is, though people might be able to make some suggestions. Try reading around the forums and hopefully someone who is bisexual/biasexual might fall in a similar situation as yourself.

Welcome!

[iammermaid]

sometimes it is more about finding out about what you don't want than what you do. Life is flexible and the only constant is change, and that's ok.

[Pandoren]

If I understand what you are saying, you are sexually attracted to women but romantically attracted to men? If that's the case, a more complicated label might be "homosexual heteroromantic" but I don't think it would be too inaccurate to use bisexual to be a shorter version of that.

[Sciatrix]

Hey, what have you got to apologize for? Confusion is not a crime, okay?

We usually make it a policy to not tell people what they are here, but we do have a concept that you might find useful called "affectional orientation," which doesn't necessarily match up with a person's sexual orientation. See, there are a lot of asexual people who get crushes and fall in love with others in the same way that nonasexual people do, and around here they usually identify as "*romantic asexual." For instance, a girl who exclusively gets crushes on and falls in love with guys might identify as "heteroromantic asexual." It sounds like you might be experiencing more sexual attraction to girls but more romantic attraction to guys, right? Which could mean that you have a more mismatched affectional and sexual orientation than is typical. You might be bisexual or biromantic on both scales but lean more towards men on your affectional orientation, or you might be homosexual and heteroromantic, or you might be a combination of these things.

Whatever your sexuality, you're welcome to hang around AVEN and try to figure it out more effectively. Take as long as you like, and have a slice of while you're about it. :)

[Lex]

Hey, what have you got to apologize for? Confusion is not a crime, okay?

We usually make it a policy to not tell people what they are here, but we do have a concept that you might find useful called "affectional orientation," which doesn't necessarily match up with a person's sexual orientation. See, there are a lot of asexual people who get crushes and fall in love with others in the same way that nonasexual people do, and around here they usually identify as "*romantic asexual." For instance, a girl who exclusively gets crushes on and falls in love with guys might identify as "heteroromantic asexual." It sounds like you might be experiencing more sexual attraction to girls but more romantic attraction to guys, right? Which could mean that you have a more mismatched affectional and sexual orientation than is typical. You might be bisexual or biromantic on both scales but lean more towards men on your affectional orientation, or you might be homosexual and heteroromantic, or you might be a combination of these things.

Whatever your sexuality, you're welcome to hang around AVEN and try to figure it out more effectively. Take as long as you like, and have a slice of while you're about it. :)

Thank you so much. This post (and all of the other replies) have made me feel so welcome and much less alone. I, being a complete newbie when it comes to looking into my sexuality more, have never heard of someone refering to themselves as "homosexual heteroromantic", but this really makes sense to me now. Thank you so much. :)

[Sciatrix]

I'm glad you feel welcome! I'm not sure how widespread discussion of mismatched sexual and affectional orientation is in the nonasexual queer community, but I think I remember seeing some indication that asexuals may have borrowed the term from LGBT people back in 2002 or so. There are so many people with mismatched orientation here that it became a very commonly-used concept.

Do you follow queersecrets at all? There have been some posts there that sound a bit like what you're going through recently.

[michaeld]

If I understand what you are saying, you are sexually attracted to women but romantically attracted to men? If that's the case, a more complicated label might be "homosexual heteroromantic" but I don't think it would be too inaccurate to use bisexual to be a shorter version of that.

Hmmm. I understand why some may use that "shorthand", but I would not be happy about it: I think the distinction between romantic and sexual attraction is a pretty important one.

Lex, you're definitely not alone. I remember another post, not too far back, from someone in almost exactly your position. Unfortunately I've lost the thread, but I'll post it if I find it.

EDIT: Actually I found it almost immediately. Here it is.

[Pandoren]

True Michael, to us it is important, but to someone else who might not want to have to explain what the hell a "homosexual heteroromantic" is, they might want to use bisexual to indicate an interest in both sexes, albeit not a fully sexual one on both sides.

[Lex]

Do you follow queersecrets at all? There have been some posts there that sound a bit like what you're going through recently.

Yes, yes I do. That blog makes me feel so less alone too. :)

Lex, you're definitely not alone. I remember another post, not too far back, from someone in almost exactly your position. Unfortunately I've lost the thread, but I'll post it if I find it.

EDIT: Actually I found it almost immediately. Here it is.

You have no idea how strange reading that was... That girl seems to have almost the exact same situation as me. I almost cried.

I'm not alone. :)