Transgender but not transitioning

[Copeland]

But it won't change because of you and you alone. Society doesn't change because Kaylee Saeihr tells it to--or because Sarah Lastname (that's my nom de website) tells it to, for that matter. Society changes the way it changes, regardless of what you or I do (unless you talk about the butterfly effect, where a single hand gesture by one of us can cause it to rain somewhere in Africa).

I'm sorry if I'm stepping out of line here, but I just felt the need to reply to this particular statement. Yes, a society can change because of a single person. It takes time, a lot of time, and effort to but it does happen. Be it indirect or totally under their control, one person must do something to start that spark to change society. For an example, in the US there have been many an occasion where a single persons actions have started a snowball affect. Over time the ideas of the person who started the spark are shared and thought by other people, who at the time are known as single people, and eventually merge together to fight for or change the social ideas of that idea. Ideas that were previously thought as insanity among most society are now common ideas by the ever changing mindset of the masses including woman's rights, rights of the colored people, and the outlaw of slavery.

Yes, society won't change because a single person tells it to but it can change if a single person's acts.

[oneofthesun]

1) People in our culture don't like transsexuals, and I would be seen as a transsexual, not a woman, because:

This might be true in some parts of the world, but not in my part of the world. And I don't mind being seen as transgender, it's better than being seen as male. And the only way to change society is to force it to. To be in people's faces about gender.

I know a transwoman who works at Chapters. She transitioned very late (in her late 40's) so she doesn't pass all that well, yet still no one has said anything to her or complained to her manager. It's all about where you live I think.

4) I'm happy being asexual.

Me too. But I don't see how that applies to transition or not to transition.

Me neither, though I realize things are different for transwomen vs trasnmen.

[GirlInside]

You'd be better off treating each person according to their merits. Especially if you want people to do that for you.

Well, I'm conservative, so I wouldn't want to live in a culture that would permit me to be as out as you are.

But Girl, why? Is it worth sticking to your political principles when living in accordance with them could/would make you miserable?

1) Who says it's making me miserable?

2) I don't really believe in the transgender cause anyway. It ignores the reality that transgender people are neither fully male nor fully female. Also, countries that recognize the existence of transgender people (such as India and Thailand) discriminate heavily against them, so I wouldn't want us to become such a country. I like being able to live in stealth by not transitioning.

3) The liberal areas that accept LGBT people also accept the men from far more conservative cultures who are disproportionately involved in the killings of the same LGBT people.

4) To quote Calvin and Hobbes: "I don't need to compromise my principles, because they don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway."

[P is for...]

Girlinside, as someone who has recently decided to transition after carefully considering all the points you've raised, i would merely ask that you accept that the path of transition is as right for some as it is evidently wrong for you. you say that this is a thread for transgenders choosing not to transition, and that therefore those who transition should expect disagreement here. i won't argue with that at all. however, i would point out that you can't start a thread like this and not expect it to start a conversation between both sides. ideally, that ought to lead to dialogue, even if no one changes anyone's mind. hopefully, even if we all still abide by our individual decisions, after hearing one another's reasons, we can respect and understand one another better, even if our lives take different paths. no one can claim that at some level we don't understand the issues with which one another is dealing.

the thing that makes me a little sad, Girlinside, is not your decision not to transition--that's entirely your decision, and i respect it absolutely--but rather the fact that you seem to have grave reservations about your acceptability as a person, and especially as a transgender person. you seem willing to abide by the judgement of people who don't know you as an individual. i know that you are a good, decent, loving, and moral person, who should not be judged by any standard other than the content of your character. the fact that you seem so uncertain about standing up for yourself makes me have nothing but compassion for you. you must have been hurt very badly in the past. but please believe that not everyone thinks ill of you, or is willing to reject you based on who you are; and please understand that those of us who are willing to go out and face discrimination and rejection as a result of our trangenderedness are doing so, not only for ourselves, but for you too.

i considered carefully before posting in this thread. i do not doubt that you will find some fault with my reasoning, and tell me why i'm wrong. but please know that i pay attention to your posts, both here and elsewhere. i see the big picture. and i have nothing but goodwill and compassion towards you. i'm not one of the people who has hurt you, so please don't take anything i say here as a personal attack. i just want you to know that, whether you transition or not, you are a beautiful woman in your own right, and you deserve to be seen that way. anything that i am able to do in my life by transitioning will not only be on behalf of myself, but on behalf of those who, like you, want to be who they are without transitioning. that's a brave choice in itself, and i hope you can see that the decision to support that and to advocate on your behalf as someone who does choose to transition is something beyond politics, or religion, or anything. it's simply kindness, and respect.

you are better than you know. please believe that.

[GirlInside]

Over time the ideas of the person who started the spark are shared and thought by other people, who at the time are known as single people, and eventually merge together to fight for or change the social ideas of that idea.

But how much time? Sometimes that's longer than the lifetime of the person who started it. I know there are people who have been influenced by my site, but that doesn't mean I'll live to see any society-wide changes that might cause.

Girlinside, as someone who has recently decided to transition after carefully considering all the points you've raised, i would merely ask that you accept that the path of transition is as right for some as it is evidently wrong for you. you say that this is a thread for transgenders choosing not to transition, and that therefore those who transition should expect disagreement here. i won't argue with that at all. however, i would point out that you can't start a thread like this and not expect it to start a conversation between both sides. ideally, that ought to lead to dialogue, even if no one changes anyone's mind. hopefully, even if we all still abide by our individual decisions, after hearing one another's reasons, we can respect and understand one another better, even if our lives take different paths. no one can claim that at some level we don't understand the issues with which one another is dealing.

Well, I guess that makes sense.

the thing that makes me a little sad, Girlinside, is not your decision not to transition--that's entirely your decision, and i respect it absolutely--but rather the fact that you seem to have grave reservations about your acceptability as a person, and especially as a transgender person. you seem willing to abide by the judgement of people who don't know you as an individual.

You know how on "America's Got Talent" that guy's always saying the words "America has voted?" Well, I think society has voted on how acceptable I am as a person. Except for my mom, the less well a person knows me, the better they like me.

i know that you are a good, decent, loving, and moral person, who should not be judged by any standard other than the content of your character. the fact that you seem so uncertain about standing up for yourself makes me have nothing but compassion for you.

Thank you.

you must have been hurt very badly in the past.

Yes, very badly, many times. I'd rather not go into the details--it'll make me cry. :(

but please believe that not everyone thinks ill of you, or is willing to reject you based on who you are; and please understand that those of us who are willing to go out and face discrimination and rejection as a result of our trangenderedness are doing so, not only for ourselves, but for you too.

To put oneself through so much for complete strangers is such a foreign concept to me.

does[/i] choose to transition is something beyond politics, or religion, or anything. it's simply kindness, and respect.

you are better than you know. please believe that.

Thank you.

[Salmacis]

The concept of long-term transitioning doesn't really apply for people, like myself, who identify as pan-gendered. Since we already embrace into our lives the entire plethora of potential modes of identity/expression among the gender spectrum, there is no single gender that we aim to isolate and focus on transitioning towards. Every conceivable gender is just as much a part of our identity as any other - it's just that on some days, certain gender-leanings may be more salient than on others. And vice versa. I suppose it's just another way of describing gender-fluidity.

In fact, being pan-gendered, every day for me is a kind of short-term transition in its own right - a transition of the way I express myself (i.e. deciding what clothes to put on that morning) in order to match up with however I happen to have woken up feeling (masculine/feminine/both/neither) up there in the old mind-tank.

I guess I'm just gender-whimsical ^_^

[Nathan Blair]

I'm in a similiar position, although I'm not entirely female.

[Hiraeth]

I'm not transitioning, for two reasons.

I have a strong aspiration to become a Buddhist monastic. Seeking ordination as a 'transsexual' would be much much more difficult.

I've read hundreds of testimonials, and have only ever come across two (both on AVEN) who reported no sudden crazy assertion of libido and genital sensitivity after starting T. I'm often in a state of denial that my genitalia even exist. I can't imagine what it would be like for some strange sensation to be emitting from that area of my body constantly. Transitioning is meant to decrease dysphoria. In my case, it would just make it worse.

And I definitely acknowledge the possibility that I may change my mind in the future. But as of now, in case something really serious alters the course of my existence, I don't see it happening.

Really glad this thread is here, btw.

[left_aven]

I would not transit, cause i don't want to be of female sex (besides, i have a phobia of operations).

I want to be from a mix of masculine and feminine gender