How Old Do Boys and Girls Start Wanting Sex?

[Kumi]

Most of the girls in my school said they lost their virginity at around 16 although a small minority said they were sexually active much younger (although to their credit promiscuity after molestation isn't that unheard of).

I personally felt I should be starting to want sex when my hips, boobs and waist popped out of no where. When my period started at 10 and I realized biologically there was nothing stopping my body from being able to carry a child full term I began to wonder 'Shouldn't I be feeling something?! Anything' but no never came. Never even had a crush.

When the girls in class started having sex dreams and doing interesting things with barbies and pillows I was busy staring out the window admiring the way light cascaded over leaves and enjoying the feeling of mud between my toes.

Around that time the boys starting noticing they couldn't stop themselves from groping my boobs, putting their hands up my skirt and recoiling in agony as I promptly stabbed them with a well aimed hb pencil. Then after that I got sick and had a nervous breakdown and no time to even observe the developing sexuality of my school yard 'chums' (<= please note if I was speaking this would be spat in disgust)

[CornOnDaCobb]

*cough* Boys want sex at age 15. *cough* I can ask any of my male peers, it's at least 15, if not earlier. Why am I still so far from adulthood and yet I can't climb out of the sinkhole of sexuality around me? Can't it just spit me out and let me watch from the edge as everyone I know descends into inevitable sexual development. Huff, the burden of the young aces these days...

[Ace of Swords]

My son has started taking a marked interest in sex. He's 12 almost 13. That's 'normal' for my family. I was forced into sex. When I was 15, my mother started asking me if I was having sex yet and when I said no, she was all... why not? I got peer pressured by my Mom.

[Angy]

What I meant was that if you can tell that a person has the potential to be romantically or sexually--especially sexually--compatible with you and yet you don't feel that sexual attraction on an instinctual level, you're probably asexual. Basically if you use your own knowledge and intellect to say "Hey, I could be compatible with this person" but you don't feel the sexual compatibility instinctively, then...well, that's my personal litmus test for whether or not you're ace.

Thanks for clarifying. I've never seen myself having sexual chemistry with anybody because I get disgusted by the thought of it. That being said, I do experience romantic chemistry frequently, so I can understand what you're talking about. My fiance and I are very affectionate, but the thought of having sex with him repulses me as much as it'd with anyone else.

Around that time the boys starting noticing they couldn't stop themselves from groping my boobs, putting their hands up my skirt and recoiling in agony as I promptly stabbed them with a well aimed hb pencil. Then after that I got sick and had a nervous breakdown and no time to even observe the developing sexuality of my school yard 'chums' (<= please note if I was speaking this would be spat in disgust)

Buncha sickos!

Why am I still so far from adulthood and yet I can't climb out of the sinkhole of sexuality around me? Can't it just spit me out and let me watch from the edge as everyone I know descends into inevitable sexual development. Huff, the burden of the young aces these days...

I agree! It's terrible watching this happen. Disgusting. I hate society. School is terrible. Even the teachers make sexual jokes. I can't escape it! The books we're forced to read, and the health class lectures... why can't I stay innocent if I want to? I just want to block all of it from invading my mind!

I was forced into sex. When I was 15, my mother started asking me if I was having sex yet and when I said no, she was all... why not? I got peer pressured by my Mom.

That's sick. I don't know what I'd do...

[TreacleSponge]

I think I agree with the majority of posters here - it varies a lot, but somewhere around 13 seems about right. Ann Frank's diary was written when she was around that age, and you could hardly say the 1940s was a sex-drenched period for teenagers.

Most of my knowledge here comes from fiction rather than real life. Lolita was about that age too, and Dave Lister was so young when he lost his virginity on a golf course that he wouldn't even have been a full member.

[musk almond]

good question:) I have no idea, I never felt anything of this sort ;)

[Question?]

I'd say that being an asexual teenager now is weird and a bit hard becuase most of my friends 15-19 are sexually active. This sounds shocking, but I know that one of my mates lost her V at 13...thing is it doesn't really bother me, if she judged herself to be ready to make that rather large/terrifing step into the adult world of sex then who am I to say she's wrong? I think that teen years are definitly when most people experience sexual attraction, possibly because of pressure from some of their other friends, its like you tell someone that you're a virgin (at 16) and they look at you like you have 2 heads or something...I don't get it but thats the way teenagers think in this sex orientated society. It's quite depressing to think about it though...

[Moondragon007]

I would say that at 17, it's possible - but not likely - to become sexual. If you're still ace at 20, I'd say it's permanent. Which is not a bad thing - the world needs more Aces! :D

[Ensign Toast]

I would say that at 17, it's possible - but not likely - to become sexual. If you're still ace at 20, I'd say it's permanent. Which is not a bad thing - the world needs more Aces! :D

That could be viewed as somewhat condescending. If someone is 17 years old and they've never experienced sexual attraction in their lives, that seems like it would be rather solid ground for them to view themselves as asexual. I mean, it's not as though people give this sort of scrutiny to people who claim to be heterosexual at 17. I can't fathom how a person of one age group could be more likely to be of a certain sexual orientation than someone of another. Waiting three years isn't going to dramatically change how you're wired.

[WünderBâhr]

I would say that at 17, it's possible - but not likely - to become sexual. If you're still ace at 20, I'd say it's permanent. Which is not a bad thing - the world needs more Aces! :D

That could be viewed as somewhat condescending. If someone is 17 years old and they've never experienced sexual attraction in their lives, that seems like it would be rather solid ground for them to view themselves as asexual. I mean, it's not as though people give this sort of scrutiny to people who claim to be heterosexual at 17. I can't fathom how a person of one age group could be more likely to be of a certain sexual orientation than someone of another. Waiting three years isn't going to dramatically change how you're wired.

True, people of all ages have to deal with the expectations of sexuality and attraction. Adults don't always figure themselves out by a certain age (as you can very well see from plenty of threads on AVEN--especially Q&A), so it's not necessarily that it is impossible for a teenager to identify as asexual.

However, the majority of the teenage years are rife with self-discovery and learning about others in a somewhat close environment. That is your life for a good portion of those years, whether you actively participate in a group or not. As an adult, you can move away from people you don't want to associate with, live on your own, have responsibilities that can take more priority and time than what you used to have time for--figuring yourself out. It's not a comment, in my mind, that is meant to say what you can't do (no one else can really decide for you on this particular subject matter). There are always exceptions to the rule... Perhaps, with more visibility and acceptance, we will see ideas shift and it will be a completely understandable thing to think of a teenager coming to the conclusion that they are asexual without the added explanation why.

Also, I think moondragon said "sexual" not asexual, so I believe there was a bit of misunderstanding there. I don't think 3 years would make much of a difference, anyway (regardless of age).. but it all depends on the person and particular circumstances. Nothing is set in stone. Sexuality is fluid.

[BlackRose]

Warning: may be graphic.

Sexuality builds over time, but it started very young for me. I masturbated and thought about naked girls at a very young age, younger than 5 or 6. The first time I felt an attraction to another person I was 7 or 8, but I didn't think about intercourse, I just masturbated and thought about taking off her clothes and fingering her. I didn't start thinking about oral sex or intercourse until I was 13 or 14.