The Aromantic thread

[Nameless123]

Some people may realize that they are far too complex to be completely emotionally satisfied by one other person. That's all.

It's a misconception that people in romantic relationships are completely emotionally satisfied by one other person. Romantic people have friends they share things with their SO isn't interest in, for example, and not all romantic people abandon everybody else upon falling in love with someone. Believe it or not, romantic people are even capable of putting a friend's interest before that of their SO's. It is a matter of personalities, not romantic or aromantic orientation.

I believe you, I just wish that was the reality of my life and the people I know. People start to become suspicious and jealous when at least 110% of their time isn't spent with SO, or they keep something personal from them. I'm young, this is the world I've lived in up to this point.

Then I hope you'll have some better experiences with people in the future :)

[sparker]

I'm creating this thread in hope that it would be stickied so all us aromantics of any type can have somewhere to stick to ('scuse the pun) when hanging out with fellow aromantics, as well as somewhere for others to study, ask questions, etc. Everyone is welcome and sub-topics are allowed! ;)

I was torn between two forums when deciding where to post this, but the musirants won since I know Zeal promised to sticky this if it was posted here. Of course, you mods and admins can move this later. ;)

What is "aromanticality"?

Akin to asexuality, aromance in my terms means a lack of romantic attraction. Some people who identify as asexual can be romantic of any sort, while some can be aromantic of any sort. Some people who identify as sexual can be romantic of any sort, while some can be aromantic of any sort. Although aromance is generally more common in asexuality than sexuality, they don't necessarily include each other and are certainly not the same.

Aromantics may still experience some other form of attachment or admiration, mostly platonically. Contrary to popular belief, aromantics can still be as emotional as romantics and need just as much empathetic support. What we don't have is romantic attraction, we're indifferent or repulsed by romance towards any gender.

That's more or less my definition, I could be wrong. But that's what this thread is for - discuss aromance and anything alike. :P

Most of us aromantics here are asexual (most regular members here are asexual of some sort anyway), but we could come under just as much (if not more) scrutiny because of false impressions, misunderstandings, plain ignorance and stereo-typing. Also we may come under pressure from those who wish to engage us in a romantic relationship, but with little or no experience, desire and drive as well as no attraction, we often find it difficult and highly stressful. We also like to let others know that we are more or less satisfied with our life-styles and there is more to life than romance.

Am I aromantic?

You might want to dig around first and discuss here, but (for example) I call myself aromantic because I have never been in any romantic relationship before nor actively desire one. I also don't feel romantically attracted towards anyone. I still see beauty and whatnot in others and admire some, but I don't want to whip them away to some candle lit romantic dinner or kiss and cuddle with red hearts flying everywhere. Cuddling pets or your favourite family members can be compared to deep platonic relationships, since it wouldn't be romantic now would it? If you have been in a romantic relationship before but didn't feel comfortable and didn't felt 'attracted' to the idea, then yes you could still be aromantic. Ultimately it's up to you to decide though.

So discuss, befriend, teach, learn, debate, etc here. (And of course, eat lots and lots of cake)

Thanks; according to your definition, I am an aromantic asexual. The closest I would get to romance would be a loveless, sexless marriage for the sake of convenience -- to a good friend of the opposite sex.

[federica]

i personally think aromantics, us are really freakin cool............like we define coolness........the whole androgynous thing, none romantic tie downs, free spirits, just so freakin cool

wonderful post. I totally agree

[Trolley Girl]

i personally think aromantics, us are really freakin cool............like we define coolness........the whole androgynous thing, none romantic tie downs, free spirits, just so freakin cool

wonderful post. I totally agree

I also agree completely! 8)

[Locke]

Wow, there's some interesting discussion in this thread.

I've never been interested in romantic relationships, and I've never felt as though my lack of romantic relationships meant I was missing out on anything (or, as some people are prone to suggest, somehow broken or sub-human). The thought of being involved in a romantic relationship makes me feel deeply uncomfortable. I have tried exactly once. This was a couple of years ago, and I was intent on proving to myself that I wasn't unable to be in a romantic relationship, just unwilling. Of course, it turned out that I was in fact unable, and the whole unfortunate experiment lasted for less than a week. I just don't have those kinds of feelings for people. I sometimes think that aromanticism is a bigger deal for me than asexuality - I find it easier to engage in sexual contact with other people than romantic, although neither are desirable.

However, strangely, this:

For me, romance is pure fantasy, and can be enjoyed as fantasy, but has no practical purpose. When I really think about it, romance is in its very nature a fantasy played in real life (I'm differentiating romance from long-term partnership).

also applies to me. I don't have a problem with romance in fantasy, it's just the reality of the thing that puts me off. I also don't mind romance in fiction - I figure it's pretty much unavoidable, since it's such a major topic in pop culture (and, obviously, people's lives). It would be nice though if there were more representation out there(especially for women, since it seems that in nearly all media women's lives are presumed to revolve entirely and exclusively around the pursuit of romance, and that really does push all my buttons).

[Almagest]

It would be nice though if there were more representation out there(especially for women, since it seems that in nearly all media women's lives are presumed to revolve entirely and exclusively around the pursuit of romance, and that really does push all my buttons).

Me too. I'll just have to finish writing my aromantic book and publish it :P

[Lors]

For me, romance is pure fantasy, and can be enjoyed as fantasy, but has no practical purpose. When I really think about it, romance is in its very nature a fantasy played in real life (I'm differentiating romance from long-term partnership).

also applies to me. I don't have a problem with romance in fantasy, it's just the reality of the thing that puts me off. I also don't mind romance in fiction - I figure it's pretty much unavoidable, since it's such a major topic in pop culture (and, obviously, people's lives). It would be nice though if there were more representation out there(especially for women, since it seems that in nearly all media women's lives are presumed to revolve entirely and exclusively around the pursuit of romance, and that really does push all my buttons).

For a very long time I thought romance was just something for fantasy i.e. it only existed in books, films and TV. After all you see it all the time in stories, but never see it in real life. I didn't quite understand how real people could actually want it. I knew people dated but I thought that was a game, and I knew people got married, but I thought that for practical reasons.

It doesn't bother me seeing it all the time, I just can't apply it to myself and I don't understand when real people talk about it.

It re-occurring in films is a bit like cars going over cliffs always explode and spaceships "sinking". Just something people put there to make it more interesting. It occasionally makes me sigh, rarely rant.

[Aiko_spacer]

For a very long time I thought romance was just something for fantasy i.e. it only existed in books, films and TV. After all you see it all the time in stories, but never see it in real life. I didn't quite understand how real people could actually want it. I knew people dated but I thought that was a game, and I knew people got married, but I thought that for practical reasons.

It doesn't bother me seeing it all the time, I just can't apply it to myself and I don't understand when real people talk about it.

It re-occurring in films is a bit like cars going over cliffs always explode and spaceships "sinking". Just something people put there to make it more interesting. It occasionally makes me sigh, rarely rant.

I second this I guess, tho a fling of apathy is also on my side, mebe cuz I'm flirtblind. Romance is something 'from the movies' when I saw it IRL I never really seem to have really wanted it. And the eternal 'why' pops up. Why would you want to kiss him for more then 3 seconds egh ... Also why do they want to be together ? I never understood this opposites attract' thing at all, I have know allot of people who are 180degrees and for real, I can't keep them in my life at all. My mom and dad have noting in common , NOTING at all jet they are together and my mom loves him I guess.

[Jin Kisaragi]

I certainly wonder, but no attraction.

Well met.

[fish]

I'm so happy to not be alone in aromantisism! New to aven, but I've always been double A all the way. Since the good ol' days of middle school I always tried to slip away when people talked about crushes because I seemed to be the only one left unafflicted with this mysterious disease. I remember being so terribly afraid that soon I would start "liking" people too, and I wouldn't be able to control my own feelings anymore. But then I asked myself "why?" And I realized that it there was no reason for it at all, and that I was going to be just fine (actually I think there may be some kinda hormones going on in that, but I didn't know!) I've always been very confident in being an aromantic since, but I never was able to make any of my friends fully understand this. I just don't love people like that, I can't even think about people that way. At least now I've found my own kind :lol: I'm generally okay tolerating romance in the media and life, going through it too in depth in books or movies though gets painful. I suck at empathy though, I hate it when friends have relationship issues because my idea of consolation is usually a subtle suggestion that they should not get themselves in these situations in the first place. I can't relate on a romantic level, it all just seems theoretical to me even though I know its real to them. A life of just friends is fine, but I'd be okay without them too.

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

Why would you want to kiss him for more then 3 seconds egh ...

I think that. aha :lol:

What about the term affectionate? I read someone was a-romantic, a-sexual but pan-affectionate. Do any of you guys relate to that? I see affection and romance as the same thing... =/ If I evaluate that more and had to differentiate them I'd say I know I'm affectionate but I don't really see the difference between that and romance. So maybe I don't understand romance fully? =S

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

There is a certain idea about men in general, that they really enjoy sex but don't care the slightest for romance because romance requires more responsibility and commitment. Of course this is referring to stereotypes.

Theres meant to be some chemical reaction that triggers bonding in women that men don't have during sex. But people will find evidence to support what they want, whether guys have an equivalent or not hasn't been mentioned in studies I've seen.

=/

In other words, I myeslf am appalled at how the word "beauty" is so freely and thoughtlessly used as if it actually exists and as if everyone is agreement about it, and as if there is a standard for it that is based on fact rather than prejudices and trends. Usually anyone whom even mentions the word "beauty" does not bother to define it or mention that it is his/her opinion because he/she practically assumes that everyone else has the same idea.

I don't know if there is a word meant to define being unattracted to so-called "beauty." So-called "beauty" (when attributed to people) and/or the attraction toward it says a lot about the person whom "sees" it or projects it. Too often people pass up noticing or caring about more importnat aspects of a person to concentrate on how much a person fits or does not fit some socially constructed description of beauty.

An interesting point. i also agree, I did the concept of beauty for the subject of controversy in art this year.

It is something complex and far too subjective but is verbalised as a universally agreed definition to something.

I personally find something beautiful when it has more meaning. So personality shapes my concept of a persons beauty. But beauty for me can be something like a shade changing from one hue to another, or a movement. And I am always aware it's a completely personal thing.

For me beauty is something that is interesting and draws me into it, not to participate in anything but to just observe it's interesting nature (separating it from activities or sexual interest in my opinion). But again, even my definition of beauty will not be the same as everyone elses. But for me beauty is very personal and I don't feel the need to make others see it the same way in particular. [it's just a shame they don't. Like a genuine smile is beautiful to me. =/ Very simplistic.]

I agree though this has little to do with sexual or romantic attraction or lack of. Although it can play into it, it doesnt determine one or the other.

[Professor Godric]

I've never felt romantic attraction to anyone, or felt as though I needed anyone else. The idea of having a boyfriend or a girlfriend is foreign, and when I try to imagine it, the person I imagine in my place is not me. It is different, though, not to need that at all. A lot of the time I feel like I'm almost human. Close, but not quite there. It's not just being aromantic, it's other things as well, but "almost human" is a good descriptor. Not less than human, not more, just something different.

[*killer*queen*]

I've never felt romantic attraction to anyone, or felt as though I needed anyone else. The idea of having a boyfriend or a girlfriend is foreign, and when I try to imagine it, the person I imagine in my place is not me. It is different, though, not to need that at all. A lot of the time I feel like I'm almost human. Close, but not quite there. It's not just being aromantic, it's other things as well, but "almost human" is a good descriptor. Not less than human, not more, just something different.

This is how I've often felt when thinking about relationships and the fact that I don't want one coupled with the difficulty I can have in simply making friends. I sometimes feel like I'm missing something in me, but it's not necessarily something I feel bad about it, but it does make me feel like I'm not quite human.

Whenever I fantasize about having a relationship (of any kind, whether just to be close or sexual) it's also never me that I see. Maybe it's the inner me, lol, the inner projection of me. idk.

[Aiko_spacer]

I just found this thread now, and I'll go back and read the other 2 pages later (it's almost 4am and I should really get to bed) but I saw this post and wanted to comment:

I'm probably an extreme example. I even find the idea of platonic friendship sort of alien. Most of my friendships are on a cerebral, non-emotional level. It's rare for me to have anyone I just like to "hang out" with. I dislike any physical contact (even high fives and handshakes bug me) and a romantic relationships is so completely out of the question it might as well be from another planet. Still, I recognize that I'm the alien here. The vast majority of human beings seem to do just fine with their romantic, sexual, and platonic lives.I think it's interesting to note that the idea of romantic and sexual orientation not neccesarily being in line is something that sexuals experience too. I know someone who identifes as homosexual and biromantic; he is romantically (but not sexually) attracted to women and both sexually and romantically attracted to men. In that context, being a romantic asexual makes sense, or any combination of sexual or romantic orientations.But for me: no thanks, and no thanks.

I totally relate to the bold parts. I go out and socialize only when my room mate drags me out, and I'd totally be happy stranded on a desert island with just me and a volleyball with a face drawn on it. I recently spent 5 days camping alone with my dog and could have stayed out there for weeks on end. I have only had one squish (crush-thing) since discovering my asexuality (or well, putting a proper term on my asexuality) and the feelings it brings up make me really uncomfortable. I can talk about that more after I've read through these other posts but I just wanted to put in my two cents while I'm still conscious.

Yay for boldlining !

not to mention I often wonder how human I really am :s but whatever. I'm happy. thats what really matters I guess. I do need some friends, I got a few and I see them once in a while, thats enough for me.

eeeh I'm so like that ! Socializing only happens when my friends ask me, and one of the things I have planned in life is to travel, with no one. Sure might not be considered safe, but I'll be feeling great =D

ho and I want a dog, something big and impressive to scare off creeps, not an ankle biter.

[anamia]

I CBF to read through the whole thread, but I will ask anyway.

Are there any other Aromantic souls out there who feel jealous of their romantic counterparts? Almost every time I see someone happy in a relationship, specifically in asexual relationships (something about sexual relationships freaks me out, I don't know what it is), I feel a pang of longing, wishing I could feel the same way as they do.

That would be me. I'm still uncertain about my romantic orientation, though I suspect it's that I still haven't come to terms with it yet. Which is stupid, because I hate denial as anything more than a river in Egypt. But anyway...

Looking over my life, the obvious conclusion is that I'm aromantic. No crushes, no urges, no nothing. But emotionally I'd love to spend the rest of my life with someone, and the idea of my not is a little sad. I'm leaving the door open for the moment and not declaring myself any romantic inclination, but I suspect I'll either meet someone (unlikely, sadly) or come to terms with my aromanticism eventually. -le sigh- So yeah, I'm jealous. I want what they have and I want to know how they know they have it. I read once that if you have to ask yourself whether or not you're in love then you're not, and I definitely have to ask. Meaning it's probably wishful thinking on my part. -shrugs- I think I need a cat. Cats make everything so much better. Shame I'm living in the dorms this year...

[vrazda verlaine]

I CBF to read through the whole thread, but I will ask anyway.

Are there any other Aromantic souls out there who feel jealous of their romantic counterparts? Almost every time I see someone happy in a relationship, specifically in asexual relationships (something about sexual relationships freaks me out, I don't know what it is), I feel a pang of longing, wishing I could feel the same way as they do.

That would be me. I'm still uncertain about my romantic orientation, though I suspect it's that I still haven't come to terms with it yet. Which is stupid, because I hate denial as anything more than a river in Egypt. But anyway...

Looking over my life, the obvious conclusion is that I'm aromantic. No crushes, no urges, no nothing. But emotionally I'd love to spend the rest of my life with someone, and the idea of my not is a little sad. I'm leaving the door open for the moment and not declaring myself any romantic inclination, but I suspect I'll either meet someone (unlikely, sadly) or come to terms with my aromanticism eventually. -le sigh- So yeah, I'm jealous. I want what they have and I want to know how they know they have it. I read once that if you have to ask yourself whether or not you're in love then you're not, and I definitely have to ask. Meaning it's probably wishful thinking on my part. -shrugs- I think I need a cat. Cats make everything so much better. Shame I'm living in the dorms this year...

The question is, are you aromantic, or are you romantic but have no romantic options at the moment? Do you think, hypothetically, you could be romantically attracted to someone and form a romantic relationship, but you just don't know anyone you're compatible with in that way right now? If so, you may be the latter. If you are aromantic, on the other hand, it's important to remember that while some people make the romantic kind of love out to be the best or most fulfilling kind out there, that may be true for them, but not for everyone. Someday you may have a best friend who ends up being the love of your life, but not romantically, and is just as significant to you as a romantic partner could be. Being aromantic doesn't mean "being alone forever," as some nonbelievers so charmingly put it - if you don't want that kind of love, platonic friends and interests you're passionate about can be enough love to take its place.

Now a lighthearted question - do any of you have celebrity, musician, or fictional character crushes, despite being aromantic? I totally have a few, and I think it makes perfect sense to be attracted to people or characters one has no connection to in reality, because that means it doesn't have to be romantically inclined at all. Not like I would actually be romantically attracted to these people if I did know them, I just really like admiring their personae (spell check says that's a word, fabulous-ass business,) mannerisms, and - yes - sometimes looks.

[Almagest]

Now a lighthearted question - do any of you have celebrity, musician, or fictional character crushes, despite being aromantic? I totally have a few, and I think it makes perfect sense to be attracted to people or characters one has no connection to in reality, because that means it doesn't have to be romantically inclined at all. Not like I would actually be romantically attracted to these people if I did know them, I just really like admiring their personae (spell check says that's a word, fabulous-ass business,) mannerisms, and - yes - sometimes looks.

Oh yes. I have a squish on Tuomas Holopainen, the keyboardist of Nightwish (my favorite band). He writes the lyrics and I love his writing

I also like quite a few fictional characters. Remus Lupin and Severus Snape (don't look at me like that! :P ). Faramir (he's much more awesome in the book, but the movie version is cool too). And Riku (especially with his blindfold and Organization XIII cloak ).

[anamia]

I CBF to read through the whole thread, but I will ask anyway.

Are there any other Aromantic souls out there who feel jealous of their romantic counterparts? Almost every time I see someone happy in a relationship, specifically in asexual relationships (something about sexual relationships freaks me out, I don't know what it is), I feel a pang of longing, wishing I could feel the same way as they do.

That would be me. I'm still uncertain about my romantic orientation, though I suspect it's that I still haven't come to terms with it yet. Which is stupid, because I hate denial as anything more than a river in Egypt. But anyway...

Looking over my life, the obvious conclusion is that I'm aromantic. No crushes, no urges, no nothing. But emotionally I'd love to spend the rest of my life with someone, and the idea of my not is a little sad. I'm leaving the door open for the moment and not declaring myself any romantic inclination, but I suspect I'll either meet someone (unlikely, sadly) or come to terms with my aromanticism eventually. -le sigh- So yeah, I'm jealous. I want what they have and I want to know how they know they have it. I read once that if you have to ask yourself whether or not you're in love then you're not, and I definitely have to ask. Meaning it's probably wishful thinking on my part. -shrugs- I think I need a cat. Cats make everything so much better. Shame I'm living in the dorms this year...

The question is, are you aromantic, or are you romantic but have no romantic options at the moment? Do you think, hypothetically, you could be romantically attracted to someone and form a romantic relationship, but you just don't know anyone you're compatible with in that way right now? If so, you may be the latter. If you are aromantic, on the other hand, it's important to remember that while some people make the romantic kind of love out to be the best or most fulfilling kind out there, that may be true for them, but not for everyone. Someday you may have a best friend who ends up being the love of your life, but not romantically, and is just as significant to you as a romantic partner could be. Being aromantic doesn't mean "being alone forever," as some nonbelievers so charmingly put it - if you don't want that kind of love, platonic friends and interests you're passionate about can be enough love to take its place.

Now a lighthearted question - do any of you have celebrity, musician, or fictional character crushes, despite being aromantic? I totally have a few, and I think it makes perfect sense to be attracted to people or characters one has no connection to in reality, because that means it doesn't have to be romantically inclined at all. Not like I would actually be romantically attracted to these people if I did know them, I just really like admiring their personae (spell check says that's a word, fabulous-ass business,) mannerisms, and - yes - sometimes looks.

I'm not sure yet. I've never met anyone that I would even begin to consider entering a romantic relationship with. Heck, I'm not even really sure what a romantic relationship looks like once you take out the kissing and the sex (neither of which are in any way appealing.) Sounds a lot like what I do with my friends: spend time together, go out for coffee or films, miss them when they're not around, etc. Then again, I've always seen romance as a deeper friendship, so I suppose that's not surprising. Like I said, I'm keeping my options open for the moment and not declaring myself anything.

As for celebrity crushes, oh Lord... I find lots of people excessively pretty, so tend to claim them as my crushes. Thus, we get Tom Felton when playing Draco, Benedict Cumberbatch playing Sherlock, Nathan Fillion playing Mal, and Bruno Pelletier playing... well, playing anyone, actually. With him it's the voice. Ditto with Anthony Stewart Head, who I only like when he's singing.

[Sciatrix]

If it helps, anamia, I can relate to a lot of that. I mostly define myself as aromantic because I figure romantic attraction's probably a lot like sexual attraction--if you don't know whether you experiencing it, you probably aren't. It just seems sometimes like all the societal approval is for long-term romantic relationships, and if you don't fit the paradigm of "crush, then dating, then marriage/long-term partner" you're a bit left out in the cold.

[ily]

If it helps, anamia, I can relate to a lot of that. I mostly define myself as aromantic because I figure romantic attraction's probably a lot like sexual attraction--if you don't know whether you experiencing it, you probably aren't. It just seems sometimes like all the societal approval is for long-term romantic relationships, and if you don't fit the paradigm of "crush, then dating, then marriage/long-term partner" you're a bit left out in the cold.

Yeah, I feel like romantic relationships are the only game in town. I was satisfied just having a group of friends in college, because my friends were actually a group, and because people didn't seem as serious about romantic relationships then. But when I graduated it seemed like everyone was in this sudden rush to pair up with someone. Maybe it had always been there, but I never noticed until then...I don't know. But now, I feel like none of my friendships are growing, rather, I'm just constantly straining to keep them afloat. I get annoyed with my friends a lot because even with people I'm ostensibly close to, I'm always put last. So no, I'm not "alone", but I feel like my relationships are not up to the quality that I'd want. Although I'm not aromantic, I was always 1,000 times more friendship-oriented then I was ever romance-oriented. Friends always came first with me, but I feel like that's not the case with most people, and so it's like there's never equality in our relationships.

/total rant 8)

[michaeld]

OK, question to aromantics. If I understand correctly what some aromantics say, it's quite possible to be aromantic and yet to fall in love (in the romantic sense) with the right person.

But doesn't being in love with someone entail being romantically attracted to them - and therefore not, strictly speaking, being aromantic by the usual definition? I'd have thought demi-romantic might be a better term than aromantic, but of course it's up to each person how they self-identify.

Or maybe I'm wrong that being in (romantic) love with someone entails being romantically attracted to them?

[Sciatrix]

Well, how does romantic love after the infatuation stage differ from long-term friendships? Aside from any romantic cultural fripperies like flowers and that sort of thing, what is the difference? I'm essentially unable to tell at this point, my Human Sexuality book is worthless, and I haven't found anyone who can make sense of the difference in feelings once the initial infatuation stage is over, unless possibly we're talking about some level of exclusivity within the relationship. Strong attachment is, to me, strong attachment.

So no, I don't necessarily think that we're talking about "falling in love" here when we talk about having strong emotions for people. To say that every close relationship of that magnitude is necessarily a romantic relationship is to essentially denigrate the importance of platonic friendships, which again leaves those of us who do not fit into traditional romantic narratives straight back out in the cold.

[CreepyCrawler]

OK, question to aromantics. If I understand correctly what some aromantics say, it's quite possible to be aromantic and yet to fall in love (in the romantic sense) with the right person.

But doesn't being in love with someone entail being romantically attracted to them - and therefore not, strictly speaking, being aromantic by the usual definition? I'd have thought demi-romantic might be a better term than aromantic, but of course it's up to each person how they self-identify.

Or maybe I'm wrong that being in (romantic) love with someone entails being romantically attracted to them?

I agree that someone who says that they're in love with another person may want to reconsider the label aromantic. There's also the people who long to have a 'partner for life' type relationchip (or friendchip), to find someone they value more than anyone else in their life, and who values them most back.

This I can't really understand.

There are three people (and one cat ^.^) in my life I love more than anyone else. Two of them are in committed relationchips with other people, one of them is in fact in love with me (but totally okay with my aromanticism). Sometimes the one person starts talking about how I'm soo special to her, more than anyone else in her life, and it makes me really uncomfortable. I just can't reciprocate. She will never be more special to me than my other two friends are.

[Guest]

.

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

OK, question to aromantics. If I understand correctly what some aromantics say, it's quite possible to be aromantic and yet to fall in love (in the romantic sense) with the right person.

But doesn't being in love with someone entail being romantically attracted to them - and therefore not, strictly speaking, being aromantic by the usual definition? I'd have thought demi-romantic might be a better term than aromantic, but of course it's up to each person how they self-identify.

Or maybe I'm wrong that being in (romantic) love with someone entails being romantically attracted to them?

There should be such thing as demi-romantic, or at least grey-area aromantic.

Agreed

[Epsilon]

I know that I'm asexual, but I've been having a lot of difficulty pinpointing my romantic orientation. I tend to believe that I am aromantic, but I'm just not sure.

Sometimes, I think a romantic relationship would be nice, but I know I could be just as happy with a strong friendship. I've never really enjoyed kissing or hugging. I remember after my first kiss I told my older sister that I didn't really like kissing, and she thought I was very odd. All of my "romantic relationships" have turned out to be quite platonic. We just ended up being good friends.

I find myself drawn to people, but I can't tell if I am drawn to them because I want to be their friend or because I'm romantically interested in them. I'm not sure how to tell the difference. I know that I am equally drawn to all genders in that I find them beautiful and interesting. I just don't know if the draw is simply interest and intrigue or romantic interest.

[GreenMouse]

I'm aromantic with a tendency for multiple, devoted squishes, which border on love, but... yeah. I'm a gray-aromantic? :lol:

[Old_Bean]

I am still uncertain about how romantic i may or may not be. And while this thread has been enlightening to say the least, I'm not sure its helped me all that much.

Here is the problem i see:

Romance is not the same as affection.

As i would understand it, romance has to do with falling in love, the desire for a long term relationship and having crushes. Whereas, to me, things like hugging and kissing are displays of affection rather than romance.

I absolutely love cuddling. I can think of nothing better than curling up on a couch with someone to cuddle and watching a movie with a bottle of red wine. But the person doesn't have to be my partner, or my crush it just has to be another person, male or female, who also likes cuddling because, well, it's nice. As such i see myself as a very affectionate person

That being said i have no real desire to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I have never been in love and the very concept of love is completely alien to me. I hear love songs or read sonnets and see it in movies. Heartbreak, tears, euphoria, unconditional surrender, and i think to myself 'I wonder what that's like?'. And to that end i feel that i am aromantic.

What do you guys think? Is it unreasonable to think of myself as an Affectionate Aromantic? or am i just Grey-Romantic?

[Almagest]

I think "affectionate aromantic" is perfectly fine because you're right--being affectionate doesn't always equate to romance. :)