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Yay aromantics! :cake:

Some asexuals can be romantic, some can be aromantic.

There are, in fact, three categories. The romantics, the aromantics, and then everyone else. There are many reasons people choose not to identify as aromantic or romantic. Those reasons include:

being unsure

being between

changing over time or in specific situations

being one orientation in principle but the other in practice

not experiencing romance as distinct from other relationships

otherwise being outside of the box

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AFlyingPiglet

So we've seen anti-sexuality on Aven, is anti-romance the new craze?

I hope you are not confusing aromantic with anti-romantic. Because I'm aromantic. What the hell is wrong with that?!

nothing at all, I was referring to Verp's post (I just didn't bother quoting). Maybe you should ask Verp the same question.

Yep, Verp is the only one who can really answer this.

I've just read the post to which you are referring. It could just be me, but I just read it as a rant and nothing more. I'm not anti-romantic, but I do get sick to death of how romantically orientated the world seems to be - to the point that I feel I can't even talk about it anywhere, not even on aven.

As Siggy has pointed out, amongst those who define as aromantic there will also be a broad spectrum. I've come across some who define as aromantic because they don't want to be in a romantic relationship at the moment. If that is how they wish to define then that's up to them. But for me, being aromantic isn't a choice. Its just that I don't experience romantic attraction. Period

Fridayoak - I hope you have sobered up now?!!

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Yay aromantics! :cake:

Some asexuals can be romantic, some can be aromantic.

There are, in fact, three categories. The romantics, the aromantics, and then everyone else. There are many reasons people choose not to identify as aromantic or romantic. Those reasons include:

being unsure

being between

changing over time or in specific situations

being one orientation in principle but the other in practice

not experiencing romance as distinct from other relationships

otherwise being outside of the box

Some = Some, anywhere between few and many. Generally an uncertain amount anyway. 2x "some"s don't always add up to a whole in my words. ;)

I'll update the post to make it a little less ambiguous.

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CreepyCrawler

Maybe I'm going to sound bitter, maybe I'm going to soun resentful, that's probably because I am.. It continually frustrates me that there are few characters in fiction on tv that I can relate too. It continually frustrates me that there is this seemingly ubuiquitous notion that people need to perform certain rituals and behavioural protocols to be thought of as human (sound familiar?) It frustrates me that people who do not perform said protocols are thought of as losers, as immature, as incomplete, as people needing to be 'fixed'. and it frustrates me that anybody, anybody who so much as even dares try to question romance, who attempts to be objective, who wants to question and thinks that romance has the potential to create rigid gender roles/other related issues which are problematic for everybody involved is immedietely dismissed, and always end up being wrong, punished somehow.

Trust me, look around. See how many characters are allowed to say that they have no interest in looking for a romantic partner, or looking for romance period for whatever reason? 9 times out of 10? They usually end up the following

1. She/he was just out of a bad relationship

2. She/he is just immature and hasn't found the 'right one' yet

3. she/he is just mean/bitter and will never ever be happy with his/her life

4. she/he is just dense/oblivious to her/his own feelings and doesn't know what he/she is talking about.

5. Something is obviously wrong with him/her (i.e traumatic past) and needs to be 'fixed' and learn all the glories of romance

and personally, because of romance, I resent the fact that other relationships between men and women are subsequenlty considered inferior, invalid and illegitimate, because I would love to be able to form the same bond with other guys as well as other women. I find it incredibly disempowering

Ah! It's so true! This is why my favorite characters are nonhuman/genderless, immature (eew, girls!) or 'side characters' whose romantic leanings are never discussed.

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Maybe I'm going to sound bitter, maybe I'm going to soun resentful, that's probably because I am.. It continually frustrates me that there are few characters in fiction on tv that I can relate too. It continually frustrates me that there is this seemingly ubuiquitous notion that people need to perform certain rituals and behavioural protocols to be thought of as human (sound familiar?) It frustrates me that people who do not perform said protocols are thought of as losers, as immature, as incomplete, as people needing to be 'fixed'. and it frustrates me that anybody, anybody who so much as even dares try to question romance, who attempts to be objective, who wants to question and thinks that romance has the potential to create rigid gender roles/other related issues which are problematic for everybody involved is immedietely dismissed, and always end up being wrong, punished somehow.

Trust me, look around. See how many characters are allowed to say that they have no interest in looking for a romantic partner, or looking for romance period for whatever reason? 9 times out of 10? They usually end up the following

1. She/he was just out of a bad relationship

2. She/he is just immature and hasn't found the 'right one' yet

3. she/he is just mean/bitter and will never ever be happy with his/her life

4. she/he is just dense/oblivious to her/his own feelings and doesn't know what he/she is talking about.

5. Something is obviously wrong with him/her (i.e traumatic past) and needs to be 'fixed' and learn all the glories of romance

and personally, because of romance, I resent the fact that other relationships between men and women are subsequenlty considered inferior, invalid and illegitimate, because I would love to be able to form the same bond with other guys as well as other women. I find it incredibly disempowering

Ah! It's so true! This is why my favorite characters are nonhuman/genderless, immature (eew, girls!) or 'side characters' whose romantic leanings are never discussed.

Not the best source in the world, but not a bad example, either-- and we're mentioned on here. :)

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Asexuality

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So we've seen anti-sexuality on Aven, is anti-romance the new craze?

I hope you are not confusing aromantic with anti-romantic. Because I'm aromantic. What the hell is wrong with that?!

nothing at all, I was referring to Verp's post (I just didn't bother quoting). Maybe you should ask Verp the same question.

What, you mean like what the hell's wrong with being aromantic of whether I'm confusing aromantic with anti-romantic? I don't think there's anything wrong with that and I don't think I've maid any claims about aromanticism and anti-romanticism that would hint that I wouldn't be able to tell them apart.

I do openly admit that I heavily dislike many social phenomena associated with human courtship and what we call romance and I'm not at all convinced that they are all necessary or beneficial parts of our culture or our society. If that's anti-romanticism for you, so be it.

By the way, has anyone felt like trying to find aromantic sexuals? To find out how they're doing, what they're thinking about?

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CreepyCrawler

By the way, has anyone felt like trying to find aromantic sexuals? To find out how they're doing, what they're thinking about?

*waves* Yo. I can't speak for all, but for me it's not the irresponsible picnic I think most people would assume. I avoid sex because for me it is inseparable from relationships and only complicates things. I would love to be totally asexual, because sometimes my desires lead me to awkward situations. Even if it's mutually understood to be a fling, it wouldn't feel right. To me, sex, like any other drug, isn't something to be taken lightly. It may be fun at the time, but the consequences can ruin you.

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'sup aromantics. Let's hope this is the start of a huge, sprawling thread where we can all... be platonic with each other. :cake:

Personally I don't have anything against romantic relationships themselves... just against how stupid they can make some otherwise very decent people act. One of my childhood friends... he's a good guy, really. Nice, reliable, simple (I mean it in a good way) with a tendency to think outside the box. But man, he's constantly in heat... Romantic heat, that is, as to be honest I don't ask him much about his sex life. It's like he wants to go out with every girl he meets, no matter how... weird they are (currently, he's dating a racist skinhead girl... according to him, she'll "get better"), and man, the conversations they have on Facebook are just intensely stupid. Constantly making asinine private jokes and saying "hihihi I love u" every other message or so. It seems so unlike him.

I hope that when they break up (let's be honest, it always ends that way), he'll realize how stupid he acted. <_<

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There are, in fact, three categories. The romantics, the aromantics, and then everyone else. There are many reasons people choose not to identify as aromantic or romantic. Those reasons include:

being unsure

being between

changing over time or in specific situations

being one orientation in principle but the other in practice

not experiencing romance as distinct from other relationships

otherwise being outside of the box

:cake: for this post! I'm one of the "everyone else". Although I've experienced romantic attraction, I've never been "in love" with anyone, and I've never been in a romantic relationship.

but it does get tiring sometimes to have romantic relationships held up as the highest form of social connection all the time.

And "tiring" would be a massive understatement in my view. :P

I also wish there were more positive representations of aromantic people in the media, be they asexual or sexual.

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:cake: Nice to finally meet my fellow Double-As :P

but it does get tiring sometimes to have romantic relationships held up as the highest form of social connection all the time.

And "tiring" would be a massive understatement in my view. :P

Oh yes. I find it especially frustrating when two fictional characters are just really close friends but the fans think they must be romantically/sexually involved <_< This is why I hate most fanfics that ship non-canon couples. (Yes, I take my books/fiction very seriously. Respect the author's decisions! sheesh).

I have two books I want to write, and in both them, the main characters are best friends. And nothing more. Won't stop the shippers though if I ever get my stories published... <_< *sigh*

/endrant

I feel better :)

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I found heaven integrated with bionic pleasures........that is gibberish. By the way, as a aromantic, i find potent emotions crippling.

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singinglupines

Another fellow aromantic here :) I consider myself a romantic aromantic, meaning I like the idea of romance and find it sweet, just it's not applicable to me at all.

:cake: Nice to finally meet my fellow Double-As :P

but it does get tiring sometimes to have romantic relationships held up as the highest form of social connection all the time.

And "tiring" would be a massive understatement in my view. :P

Oh yes. I find it especially frustrating when two fictional characters are just really close friends but the fans think they must be romantically/sexually involved <_< This is why I hate most fanfics that ship non-canon couples. (Yes, I take my books/fiction very seriously. Respect the author's decisions! sheesh).

I have two books I want to write, and in both them, the main characters are best friends. And nothing more. Won't stop the shippers though if I ever get my stories published... <_< *sigh*

/endrant

I feel better :)

My thoughts exactly! I'm a huge fanfiction reader and wish that people could write something more then non canon romance since I can't relate to it at all.

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i personally think aromantics, us are really freakin cool............like we define coolness........the whole androgynous thing, none romantic tie downs, free spirits, just so freakin cool

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I think we need something iconic to identify ourselves with across these forums and other places over the internet....like a flag or something. For now I'm sticking "AA" in my sig. ;)

Although I'm not exactly aromantic, I'm more hetero-aromantic. While in general I don't fall in love (romantically at least) I do tend to lean towards the opposite gender. But asexuality has many sub-types (most notably grey-area), so why not aromanticality? :cake:

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Trolley Girl

I wouldn't say loneliness isn't an issue. I don't feel the need for a romantic relationship but I definitely need platonic ones. I know I found it lonely sometimes when I moved to the city I'm currently in for my job, living on my own and not knowing anybody.

Well, for me, it isn't. Simply put. Maybe for you, it might be an issue, but that doesn't mean that it would be an issue for absolutely everyone else.

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In the story I'm writing, my main character is asexual and he gets ah...stuck being with someone. But it's just that and nothing more. No relationship, nothing sexual--

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I think we need something iconic to identify ourselves with across these forums and other places over the internet....like a flag or something. For now I'm sticking "AA" in my sig. ;)

Although I'm not exactly aromantic, I'm more hetero-aromantic. While in general I don't fall in love (romantically at least) I do tend to lean towards the opposite gender. But asexuality has many sub-types (most notably grey-area), so why not aromanticality? :cake:

I don't think we need to go that far. :P An "AA" in the sig sounds perfectly sufficient :)

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I wouldn't say loneliness isn't an issue. I don't feel the need for a romantic relationship but I definitely need platonic ones. I know I found it lonely sometimes when I moved to the city I'm currently in for my job, living on my own and not knowing anybody.

Well, for me, it isn't. Simply put. Maybe for you, it might be an issue, but that doesn't mean that it would be an issue for absolutely everyone else.

Yeah, that's all I meant.

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Aromantics! Yay! :cake:

I'm so glad to see we've got a stickied thread now. I certainly wish it'd been around when I first discovered asexuality. It may have saved me a couple of months of angsting at the time about not being capable of having a romantic relationship. I eventually remember I didn't want any of that. Might have remembered that sooner if I'd had a clear idea of what aromantics were :lol:

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CreepyCrawler

it does get tiring sometimes to have romantic relationships held up as the highest form of social connection all the time.

Ah, I missed this and I must agree heartily! I find friendships are much more meaningful to me than romance. Personally I strive to love someone as purely and wholly as a dog loves their person.

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Aromantics are definitely not broken in any sense, although as someone pointed out, a lot of media portrayal shows us as such. D: I don't get hints very easily (not even normal ones :D) and romantic ones fly right over my head. Doesn't make me broken, I guess it just is like... my brain simply can't process it. It's not even so much a want or a desire as how the way I am.

:) I like being this way and I can't imagine being any other way. I've never even been able to imagine marriage for myself, my mind blanks out and stuff that's really fantasy-stuff is more easy for me to picture.

It's the same for me - I think it's because my brain just doesn't have the framework for processing social interactions of that nature. Sort of like, I know intellectually that romance happens, and I can observe it in other people (from learning how to see social cues) but if it relates to myself it's just completely incomprehensible. The closest metaphor I can think of would be the idea of pain from childbirth for men, or the pain from being kicked in the groin for women. You know it exists, but it just doesn't apply. (Sorry if that metaphor is a bit graphic =/)

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Aromantics are definitely not broken in any sense, although as someone pointed out, a lot of media portrayal shows us as such. D: I don't get hints very easily (not even normal ones :D) and romantic ones fly right over my head. Doesn't make me broken, I guess it just is like... my brain simply can't process it. It's not even so much a want or a desire as how the way I am.

:) I like being this way and I can't imagine being any other way. I've never even been able to imagine marriage for myself, my mind blanks out and stuff that's really fantasy-stuff is more easy for me to picture.

It's the same for me - I think it's because my brain just doesn't have the framework for processing social interactions of that nature. Sort of like, I know intellectually that romance happens, and I can observe it in other people (from learning how to see social cues) but if it relates to myself it's just completely incomprehensible. The closest metaphor I can think of would be the idea of pain from childbirth for men, or the pain from being kicked in the groin for women. You know it exists, but it just doesn't apply. (Sorry if that metaphor is a bit graphic =/)

Oh, no! That is a perfect metaphor. :D

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Trolley Girl

I've had people tell me that a woman is the "perfect" compliment to a man, and that "there is someone out there for everyone"

I beg to differ. I've known plenty of people mwho are single, but who very happy with their lives, and I've known people who are married or in relationships, but who are MISERABLE. So to say that marriage is the ultimate fullfillment of happiness is completely disproven by these honest facts which I have observed over time.

Cripes, my dad is a perfect example of someone who has been married TWICE, and has been miserable with BOTH marriages.... and people WONDER why I never want a woman in my life! Note: I very rarely divulge the fact that I'm double-A, so I just use this as an attempt to shut people up without divulging my identity.

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corduroyjackalope

With books and movies I find normal romance really boring. One example is So Long and Thanks For All the Fish by Douglas Adams. I adore the Hitchhiker's Guide series, but I read through the Arther and Fenchurch romance once and skipped it the rest of the times I read it. Chick flix are the same way. I think they're stupid and I don't know why everyone is running around after eachother. If you take the romance out of it, you are left with logic, and logic says that person's not worth all the trouble. That's probably why I go for gay romantic movies. Everything else is the same thing over and over again. They need to change it up more.

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tintinnabula

I don't mind chick flicks and other romance movies. They're not my prime watching material and I'd never watch them unless I was doing so with another person, but I feel this way about all movies. Romance novels are pretty alright, too, though again not the genre I would seek out normally. I really liked Pride and Prejudice, for instance, and I can't think of a more romantic book.

Romance, like sex, is something that I find fascinating from a very impersonal point of view.

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singinglupines

I don't mind chick flicks and other romance movies. They're not my prime watching material and I'd never watch them unless I was doing so with another person, but I feel this way about all movies. Romance novels are pretty alright, too, though again not the genre I would seek out normally. I really liked Pride and Prejudice, for instance, and I can't think of a more romantic book.

Romance, like sex, is something that I find fascinating from a very impersonal point of view.

Same here. I love Jane Austen novels, though I tend to prefer the old-fashion romance type books and movies.

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Trolley Girl

As I see it: Romance is for the weak-minded, just to sum it all up from my perspective.

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CreepyCrawler

As I see it: Romance is for the weak-minded, just to sum it all up from my perspective.

...why?

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Wow, nice to see an AA thread! xD (I'm adopting the AA abbreviation - I like it!) I was wondering why I hadn't seen this before and what I've been missing out on...and then I saw the time stamp! LOL

I'm in the "indifferent aromantic asexual" class. I have never been in a romantic relationship, never pursued one, and I don't really care. When it comes to romance and stuff, it's like I get a mental block, an emotional brick, steel-enforced wall. No matter what, I can't see anyone as more than close friends. Every now and then, I might see a good-looking guy and my imagination goes on a wild journey as to what it would be like to date, but I soon realize that on an emotional level, there's no real passion or attachment. Just a passing interest in what they're like as a person.

A good friend, who knows I have never once dated or expressed a romantic interest in anyone, once asked me, "Do you avoid relationships because you don't know what to expect or because you don't care?" so I answered, "I don't care." Thankfully, she simply said, "Oh. Ok. I don't really get it, but ok." Even though she didn't understand it (she's a very romantic and sexual person), she accepted it.

I'm not repulsed by romance, though. I can watch romantic movies and I can watch TV series and anime that have romance in them (although, I generally dislike something that is purely romance, but if it has other genres, then it's more palatable). I am genuinely happy when my friends and family get involved in functional relationships, and I love weddings (well, maybe more for the food and the dressing up pretty than anything :P I've never had a dream to be a bride, though, even throughout my childhood). I, too, just see romance as something for other people but not for me, just as green peppers may be for other people but not for me xD

As I see it: Romance is for the weak-minded, just to sum it all up from my perspective.

I actually think that it takes great courage and strength to pursue something as tricky and insubstantial as feelings for another person. It's a great risk that one takes to expose his/her emotions to another, who might reject them or with whom the relationship might not go well.

I sometimes wonder if I'm deluding myself with excuses for my lack of romantic relationships. Sometimes I wonder if I really am just a coward ^^;

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