Jobs and asexuality

[bligyn]

How do people who call themselves asexuals manage their jobs? And how do co-workers react to it?

[Sciatrix]

I am not out at work. Simple as that. I am lucky in that my coworkers don't talk much about relationships, to be fair.

Really, why would someone's sexual orientation interfere with their work? Unless you are worried about asexuals dealing with discrimination?

[duckduck]

i manage my job like normal.me being asexual doesn't change how i do my job. and none of my co-workers know about me being asexual

[bligyn]

Yes discrimination, my daughter is very open about her asexuality I worry about her once she joins the workforce.

[Sally]

If the asexual has a partner or is married, they can talk about their relationships, if they choose. If they aren't, they're in the same situation as many unmarried people or people without relationships. No one can tell you're asexual unless you choose to tell them. Your employer has not right to ask because it doesn't affect your job in any way.

[Dargon]

I never mentioned it at any of the jobs I worked at. Saw no reason.

[daveb]

I've not mentioned it at my job either. It's never come up and has nothing to do with my job or job performance. (I've been in my current job for about a dozen years and I love it)

[EverDreaming]

I can't imagine it coming up. I mean, it's up to each individual what they choose to tell others and what they choose not to tell. It certainly wouldn't be the business of anyone at work if someone chooses not to talk about it. The most I can see happening is a conversation where they ask, "So, are you married or dating?" And if told no, they might want to know why not.

[*killer*queen*]

I would think it wouldn't be much of a problem. I imagine one would either feel comfortable enough with your colleagues, superiors and underlings (well, maybe not them) to bring up personal stuff or you don't. If you feel comfortable then I would hope the people you tell are of the mind to still respect you even if they don't agree with it. And if you don't... well, they don't really need to know anyway.

[PracticalGhost]

Hmm, I try and avoid the topic of relationships at work. I've actually lied at work and I never usually lie if asked about my "marital status" :P. I do this because I work with aged people and I worry that if they found out I am in a same sex relationship some residents would feel uncomfortable having me care for them. Sad, but true. I just tell people I live with a friend if asked. Haha. Close enough. Anywhere outside work I just tell people I have a girlfriend.

[mad_scientist]

It's never come up. I don't volunteer the information, as I work tutoring high school students and parents can get weird about it, but it has nothing to do with my job anyway.

[ingenius]

Well right now my paycheck is a derivative of a man's, something I see as a product of a sexualized society wherein men have secretaries, maids, and nannies at home that they get paid more money for at work to cover. I'm supposed to do my job and that for a man so he can get paid more to afford me to do that for him. If they find out you are asexual, for a woman, and I don't knwo how it is for a man, there is some discrimination there, for sure. It's not something to be naive about. They expect you to get married and fall out of the workforce and pay you accordingly. If they find out you have no intention toward this, they may simply fire you. For the Old Boys clubs, you most certainly need a wife.

[Guest fridayoak]

Well right now my paycheck is a derivative of a man's, something I see as a product of a sexualized society wherein men have secretaries, maids, and nannies at home that they get paid more money for at work to cover. I'm supposed to do my job and that for a man so he can get paid more to afford me to do that for him. If they find out you are asexual, for a woman, and I don't knwo how it is for a man, there is some discrimination there, for sure. It's not something to be naive about. They expect you to get married and fall out of the workforce and pay you accordingly. If they find out you have no intention toward this, they may simply fire you. For the Old Boys clubs, you most certainly need a wife.

Huh? Surely if they equate asexuality with not getting married and having kids then that'd be an advantage cos they won't have to pay maternity leave?

[michaeld]

I've never mentioned it at work, and it wouldn't make a scrap of difference if I had.

[Lucinda]

I believe Mom is saying that they live in such a small town and her daughter is out on Facebook; therefore, the people at work may find out whether she specifically mentions it or not. I would think that someone who has been in this particular situation is better able to reply than me.

I guess the question I would ask is if Mom thinks there may be any problems for her daughter if her potential employers and fellow workers found out she was dating another gal?

Lucinda

[Sally]

Well right now my paycheck is a derivative of a man's, something I see as a product of a sexualized society wherein men have secretaries, maids, and nannies at home that they get paid more money for at work to cover. I'm supposed to do my job and that for a man so he can get paid more to afford me to do that for him. If they find out you are asexual, for a woman, and I don't knwo how it is for a man, there is some discrimination there, for sure. It's not something to be naive about. They expect you to get married and fall out of the workforce and pay you accordingly. If they find out you have no intention toward this, they may simply fire you. For the Old Boys clubs, you most certainly need a wife.

Huh? Surely if they equate asexuality with not getting married and having kids then that'd be an advantage cos they won't have to pay maternity leave?

And there seems no need for anyone to tell their boss that they have no intention of getting married. That's an improper question for an employer to ask, and it's silly for an employee to volunteer that information. That's your private life.

[Dargon]

And there seems no need for anyone to tell their boss that they have no intention of getting married. That's an improper question for an employer to ask, and it's silly for an employee to volunteer that information. That's your private life.

While that is illegal to even ask, marital status tends to get known around workplaces pretty quickly, especially in smaller companies. I was once asked if I could stay and work a weekend because I was single and all the other guys (including the boss asking me to come in) were spending time with their families that weekend.

[daveb]

While that is illegal to even ask, marital status tends to get known around workplaces pretty quickly, especially in smaller companies. I was once asked if I could stay and work a weekend because I was single and all the other guys (including the boss asking me to come in) were spending time with their families that weekend.

Long ago I worked in a job where they limited the number of people who could take extra time off around Christmas (vacation days beyond just the regular holidays off). The boss always gave the married people first crack at it. Most years I was had to go in because Iwas single. Yeah, it's not legal, but you can't always fight those things when you need the paycheck. I bided my time, got a higher education, and a much better job.

[Sally]

While that is illegal to even ask, marital status tends to get known around workplaces pretty quickly, especially in smaller companies.

True, but the question was whether an employer would be upset if they knew that someone didn't intend to get married at some point in the future. Future intentions don't have to be disclosed unless someone wants to disclose them.

[Theta Sigma]

My co-workers don't know my sexuality and I don't know theirs. It's not something I've ever had to discuss in the work place.

I couldn't imagine sexuality even coming up in conversation. I work in an independent cinema and conversations with my coworkers are usually about films.

However, if for some reason they did find out I was asexual, I don't think it would make any difference to the way anyone treated me there.

[LadyL]

What a perfect place to mention what happened to me my first day at work!

With my other jobs, like most of you, relationships never were brought up at work- not unless you became close with someone and that was only if you even had time for that. This job is not the case.

They (females) were offering bits of their lives and wanted the favor returned. Even with the reservation I had in sharing things I still ran into disapproval.

For one, I'm a few years younger than them. I was surprised that they commented on it in a way that made it seem like they felt superior to me.

When they mentioned their kids, their boyfriend/fiance situations, and sex lives (may I add that I never thought I'd hear such things in a professional place, let alone by people that I'm a stranger to) they expected me to share. I told them that they wouldn't hear certain things from me about sex- they asked if I was a virgin. I said no, then they asked if I had a boyfriend, and I said yes. Then one prodded me that I must have stories to tell because I'm quiet and you know about the quiet ones (I found that amusing because I was quiet, trying to concentrate on my job).

They kept pressing me. I eventually told them that I don't plan on having kids. That really made them frown. They then tried rationalizing it almost, between themselves, that it'll happen to me or that I'll change my mind and that "that's ok, not everyone is meant to be a parent" (I mean really, did all of that even need to be said?)

I've never been in this situation before...I mean sure people bring up friends, family, and SO's at work if everyone is friendly enough or if there's time but this was extreme. I know that if I were to bring up asexuality....man, I don't even know. I probably won't mention it.

[EverDreaming]

Wow, LadyL, how inappropriate! I think that was very disrespectful of your coworkers. I know, they were probably trying to get to know you in a female bonding sort of way, but honestly, it's kind of sad that they didn't understand how tactless and rude they were being.

[Animated Crime]

bligyn,

I have just joined the workforce and I must say, it doesn't interfere much because the topic of sexuality really doesn't come up. I think your daughter will be fine. I have a number of openly gay coworkers, and it's really not a subject of discussion. But then again, I don't tell people unless it comes up, which it only very rarely does.

If she is very activist (as in can't help but talk about it with everyone she meets), she may fit best in a more liberal workplace, one where it is part of the job to deal with those kinds of issues (therapy, human rights law, social work, etc.). Otherwise, just like a sexual person talking about sexuality and relationships all the time, it will interfere with work. People will wonder why she is bringing it up.

[Animated Crime]

And LadyL: it sounds like you have a very immature workplace. They should put their heads down and get back to work! How nosey!

[thylacine]

Work can be difficult because everyone is putting their nose in your business and trying to find out personal stuff. If you tell them personal stuff, it will be repeated. The person who repeats will be giggling about you the next day. Men are just as bad as women or even worse -- I got my tires slashed because I told a VP Marketing to keep his hands off. Co-workers can be very immature and say inappropriate things and make you very uncomfortable. You cannot tell then you're asexual because most people are too uneducated to understand that sort of thing and it will be broadcasted all over the company within five minutes and soon word will get around you've got both boy & girl parts or something... adults really act like middle school kids with a few gray hairs and some so-called adults never really grow up.

Watch out what you say in the workplace. People will use "news" about a co-worker to whisper at breaktime and jockey for social status in the office. Whoever has the best gossip will have more social status.

So if you're asexual, keep you're mouth shut at work.

... I remember one place where I worked, I was the only one who got anything done, because the rest of the crew were either bothering the men in the warehouse, or fighting with boyfriends on the phone, and after getting off the phone, they would burst into tears and all the rest of the girls in the office would surrounded them and comfort them... this disturbing drama went on all freaking day, from Mon. thru Fri. The phone fight would be like 45 minutes, then the person would need another hour to be calmed down by the other useless types, then they would all "go on break" for another hour... this went on a lot. One day this one who was frequently hysterical found actual work in her in-box. 'Oh my God. I gotta type a letter. I don't know how to type a letter... ' (No kidding. Really. The company was in this town with a low education level & they hired people with no skills other than dressing sexy... Lookit, I am not making this up... ) So I came over and goes, 'Look, first type today's date, then the address of the person it's going to... ' 'Can't you just do it for me???' Sigh... 'Okay.' The boss thought she did the letter and told her she did a good job...

The asexual person in the office (me) was the only one working in that freakin place. It was really frustrating. I carried the entire workload while everyone else flirted, fought, argued, took long breaks, did their nails at their desk... (this one who could not type liked to do her nails in purple with pink sparklies)... the dumb boss kept these girls (they were legally adults, but did not act it) because they dressed foxy... the boss knew I was dependable but never did anything about that useless crew. They looked too good to get rid off, maybe....

Conclusion: Companies should put job listings on the Aven website. They will get employees who can work and a lot less drama in the office.

[LadyL]

And LadyL: it sounds like you have a very immature workplace. They should put their heads down and get back to work! How nosey!

Yeah seriously. Lucky me, I found out that I won't be working with them...and if I do that's ok because it won't be everyday.

They were nice people, just obnoxious I guess.

Conclusion: Companies should put job listings on the Aven website. They will get employees who can work and a lot less drama in the office.

:lol: I like that.

Also, that's so ridiculous how you described that work environment to be. It makes me angry when I think about all the people who desperately need a job and would actually do what they're supposed to when others abuse their blessings

[Amputation Defenestration]

Well, it's definitely come up in my workplace. Everyone's sexual exploits and horror stories and rumors and all that crap. It's a small company, a casual work atmosphere, and most of the crew interaction is pretty immature. I tend to just ignore it and concentrate on my own work (but not being rude, haha) and was still recently asked point blank if I was "freaky." Apparently BECAUSE I don't participate in all the sexy-times talk. I'm currently out to two or three people there as a result of this incident, and I really doubt the information has spread in my case because while it's a diverting topic for a minute or two, before long they've all moved on to something else, something juicier. Whereas if I dropped hints I was a lesbian, everyone would be speculating and trading opinions within 24 hours. Honestly I think a lot of it depends on your work environment. If I were working in an office setting, I'd have immediately flagged that question as inappropriate. Here it's more like a bunch of casual friends hanging out making pizza and complaining together.

[Animated Crime]

Maybe it's just my workplace, but relationship gossip is considered horribly inappropriate where I work. It definitely happens, but it's very hush-hush behind closed doors in someone's office.

Courage to the rest of you! Crazy coworkers.

[kionx]

I feel a bit like the odd one out here, but I am out at work. Not because I've told anyone or because they read it on Facebook or whatever and none that I know of know anything about AVEN, but because it's rather obvious to anyone that spends more than an hour with me. The place I work in right now is very close-knit so pretty much everyone knows everyone's relationship status, if they're gay, straight, or, in my case, ace. I have plenty of friends there and some have even gone so far as to help me out when I'm being hit on by customers and don't realize it. A good clue helps me put a stop to that real quick. I'm never left out of anything and I'm always invited out to do stuff with the crew, but as far as work actually goes as long as you get what you need to do done, nobody really cares.

I love the job I currently have (just wish it paid more).

The being said, I used to work for a casino where if you did not have a relationship, everyone was constantly throwing either themselves or people they knew at you. You had to be heterosexual (or at least very, very closeted) and preferably married. We even had one employee in my division that was put on 'extended leave' when an interoffice affair came to light. He was allowed to come back when he got it all 'sorted out'. In that job, I was honestly miserable and dreaded coming in.

The big difference though is that the casino was tribal owned and they could get away with pretty much hiring and firing whomever they saw fit to, even based on sexual orientation and on marital status. The place I currently work does have to comply with federal and state anti-discrimination laws. That, and my coworkers are awesome.

[young.modern]

I'm not sure that telling my co-workers would have any affect what so ever. Although everybody at my work place is open about all sorts and very much into gossip and relationships, they're more likely to respond by saying "Uuh... why are you telling me this?". I don't see asexuality as a big deal tbh.