TransWhatevers of AVEN

[Killjoy Danni]

I have no Idea what's goin on.

but I sang this song alone, in front of my school chior

impressive.how did they react?

and yes adriatic..it has.

Well considering the fact that I did an acoustic version and really only the first bit and the fact that most of them are hard core christians. . . jaws dropped

could have also done

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=58426552

or King for a Day, a song about crossdressing

should have done king for a day

[Brackets]

Well, paint me bitter that I missed the angstfest.

I have so much of it.

you didn't, Charles! you can still angst! in fact i left you a special invitation a few pages back. it's in big letters so you can't miss it.

I would just like to announce that though I am a "young 'un" in age, I had no hand in the plethora of emo videos.

duly noted, Brackets. i have amended my original statement.

Aww, you didn't have to do that, P.

Apparently I still have some leftover emo-hating from my metalhead days. Interesting.

[Killjoy Danni]

Dear Yadas,

Do I have your attention? Good.

I have a Health assignment about my personal philosophy, but I haven't develpoed one yet. Any input?

Love,

Danni

[Demacrux (emi star...)]

well what do you follow regularly as a ..code or something like that? I'd write about something similar to that.(helping peeps with hw today.)

[Killjoy Danni]

I mean like I'm writing it right now, so like help me with makin rules and stuff, not that I'm ever gonna look at the document after I turn it in, but still I need help makin up lies about my self.

[Brackets]

You could write about acceptance. I'm betting if you're a yada it's not a lie.

[MorbidNerd]

Apparently I still have some leftover emo-hating from my metalhead days. Interesting.

You are not the only one.

I go into conniptions of horror when anyone calls me an emo just for my combination of piercings, short black hair and black clothing with being shy and having said clothing comprised of suits, sweater vests and glasses. *Shiver*

[Brackets]

Apparently I still have some leftover emo-hating from my metalhead days. Interesting.

You are not the only one.

I still go into conniptions of horror when anyone calls me an emo just for my combination of piercings, short black hair and black clothing with being shy and having said clothing comprised of suits, sweater vests and glasses. Shiver.

Oh dear. My emo-raging is mostly limited to the music, as I had a bunch of emo/scene friends in high school and I didn't want to insult their appearances.

I didn't know people linked sweater vests and such to emo. I thought it was mostly tight pants and the like.

[Adriatic]

Apparently I still have some leftover emo-hating from my metalhead days. Interesting.

You are not the only one.

I still go into conniptions of horror when anyone calls me an emo just for my combination of piercings, short black hair and black clothing with being shy and having said clothing comprised of suits, sweater vests and glasses. Shiver.

Oh dear. My emo-raging is mostly limited to the music, as I had a bunch of emo/scene friends in high school and I didn't want to insult their appearances.

I didn't know people linked sweater vests and such to emo. I thought it was mostly tight pants and the like.

Maybe it's a cross-Atlantic thing?

[Killjoy Danni]

acceptance is now in the personal philosophy, any other ideas?

[asexual cake]

Yeah

[Sir Oliver]

CHARLES. THE POINT OF ANGST DAY IS TO NOT HIDE YOUR ANGST BEHIND SPOILERS.

[Brackets]

<removed>

[MorbidNerd]

Apparently I still have some leftover emo-hating from my metalhead days. Interesting.

You are not the only one.

I still go into conniptions of horror when anyone calls me an emo just for my combination of piercings, short black hair and black clothing with being shy and having said clothing comprised of suits, sweater vests and glasses. Shiver.

Oh dear. My emo-raging is mostly limited to the music, as I had a bunch of emo/scene friends in high school and I didn't want to insult their appearances.

I didn't know people linked sweater vests and such to emo. I thought it was mostly tight pants and the like.

Don't get me wrong, I do not have a problem with people who identify as emo, in fact I have gotten along rather well with a few, I just dislike the music and hate being mistaken for one.

Perhaps this is just the case in Europe, here in Dublin anything that looks like a cross between goth or metal and geek can get labeled emo in my experience.

[Brackets]

Apparently I still have some leftover emo-hating from my metalhead days. Interesting.

You are not the only one.

I still go into conniptions of horror when anyone calls me an emo just for my combination of piercings, short black hair and black clothing with being shy and having said clothing comprised of suits, sweater vests and glasses. Shiver.

Oh dear. My emo-raging is mostly limited to the music, as I had a bunch of emo/scene friends in high school and I didn't want to insult their appearances.

I didn't know people linked sweater vests and such to emo. I thought it was mostly tight pants and the like.

Don't get me wrong, I do not have a problem with people who identify as emo, in fact I have gotten along rather well with a few, I just dislike the music and hate being mistaken for one.

Perhaps this is just the case in Europe, here in Dublin anything that looks like a cross between goth or metal and geek or slightly old fashioned formal wear gets labeled emo.

Hm. I think it might be a little different between the continents. In the area where I live, at least, the emo thing seems to have died down quite a lot, but its label was mostly applied to people who had straightened dyed hair, tight black clothes, and wore a lot of makeup (plus listening to the music). Sometimes metalheads/goths got lumped in there too, but it seemed like there were some fairly strict definitions of each.

The old-fashioned formal wear would probably get you labelled goth, if it was black or some such, or just kind of prissy. That was the label that stopped me from dressing that way <_<

[Professor T. Pollution]

You know what? I suggested this angst day, and dammit, I'm going to participate whether or not you lot (mistakenly) think it's over. I already specialize in being fashionably behind the times, so it's not out of my way...

Although truly I have very little angst. I only have...reverse angst? Joe might have an idea of some of the things I'm talking about, judging by several comments I've seen hir write on other threads, but don't quote me on that.*

Just to let you know, I'm going to do some laundry now. Maybe dark colours, we'll see.

Ha. I don't bother — I practically only have dark clothing, so there's no point.

oh my lord yes. or doing that sort of pouty lip thing at me to indicate they feel sorry i feel sooooo saaaaaad. although my mom was even worse, in a different way. whenever there was a family gathering i had to attend when i was depressed (which was most of them--i suffered from severe, crippling depression for decades), she'd shoot me a look and say, "i don't care if you're not happy. pretend."

I got rid of the rest of the quote because my god we are a wordy lot, but anyway, I know precisely what you mean. My base expression is apparently melancholy and/or angry. It's true that the majority of the time that I spend with people, I am in fact seethingly annoyed or horribly amused (generally at their expense), but I am not "sad", and people asking that will make me annoyed even if I wasn't before. Christ.

Okay, now here's the part where I'm going to whine. Somebody brought up the idea of normal and average being an insult (ah, it was Pollution again), and I've always thought of it the same way. I'll add two words to the list - "boring" and "mediocre." I have always been exceptionally averse to both. Now, the annoying part is that occasionally, I think I am.

The thing is, lots of people think of themselves as interesting, unique, and exceptional. They think that they're so weird that nobody can understand them, or that they're so disturbing that mundanes don't want to converse with them, too creepy, too scary, too quirky, etc. For most people, I really don't think this is the case. It's just adolescent whining. There's lots of people like them. I think more than anything else, many people want other people to think they're that way, even if they aren't. So, why is this? I think it's because they do have problems that are out of the ordinary, or to a greater extent than most. Since they have different problems, it's nice to have the illusion that because of them, or in addition to them, they are different and special.

I get angsty because I must also by definition apply that argument to myself.

[snip]

The thing is, I don't want to be normal. I don't want to be counted amongst the masses.

[snip]

I want glory. Even small glory would be good.

Yes indeed, I've certainly thought about this. Although judging by friends' reactions when I do let slip anything that I usually hide, I don't actually worry much about this in terms of myself. And I don't mean they say, "woah, that was so creepy and awesome," they say "oh..." and then they stay away or they stay on their guard forever and lose any bonds we previously had.

When I make comments about being narcissistic, and psychpathic? They're not really jokes...frankly my most common and largest concerns are constant boredom, and annoyance at having to hold my mask in place to keep my place in society (which is important to some degree, but incredibly draining and obnoxious).

When people I'm expected to grieve for die, I'm not supressing the grief — I don't feel any. When I hear about something terrible, I'm really not concerned (amused, possibly). My emotional range is laughably small, and that's exactly what I do — laugh about it. I don't think I'd want to have more in the way of emotions. They seem troublesome and unnecessary.

But at the same time, I'm sick of being this way and always having to pretend not to be. I didn't choose this, people - so why then am I personally 'worse' than 'normal,' feeling people (if I keep myself in check)?

See, I told you: it's not even angst. It's annoyance at other people's angst about my lack of ability to feel angst.

I should be in control of me. I need to be in control of me. This is why I'm straight laced. Not because of any moral or legal compunctions. I don't consume mind altering substances because the idea of not being in total control of myself at all times is the most terrifying thing I can imagine. People drink to relax, to let their inhibitions slide away. That, to me, is an absolutely horrifying thing. I don't want to be more relaxed. If I need to relax, I will do the relaxing myself. The idea of something else doing the relaxing for me is frankly terrifying.

^I believe that was anamia, but the quoting didn't quite work out.

I avoid mind altering substanced for the same reason, although my reason for that reason is different. In other words, I do not savour the idea of relaxing my control/inhibitions, but not because I want to be in control of myself — it's because anytime I'm not, shit happens. I've hurt people (physically and emotionally). But that's the thing, I don't regret it — except for the part where I get punished for it. I'm basically a selfish bastard. Hurrah.

how did this suddenly turn in EMO DAY?!

no, no, no, people. i said it was all right to post angsty music, but you're abusing the privilege. two or three songs a page, fine; but this is getting ridiculous. especially for those of us who don't really care for that crap sort of thing.

Thank you god, for saying what i was thinking.

rAmen. I will freely admit that I enjoy some emo music some of the time, but that emo-frenzy was insane. If this were meatspace, we'd all have been infected with bad-hair-gel-ripped-skinny-jeans-converse-wearing-whining disease. I propose an andidote of multiple different genres of music.

P, I don't know if you'll like the song itself, but I think you'll approve of the lyrics/message.

I love Amon Tobin. Most people I share his music with just stare at me in blank uncomprehension, but I think I'll try my luck here. After all, we aren't quite "most people."

(If you enjoyed that at all, I recommend People Like Frank, Sordid, Reanimator, Chronic Tronic, Mighty Micro People, Ruthless, At the End of the Day...I can't narrow down my favourites much beyond that.)

*Now someone is going to quote me on that literally, I bet. But since I've written this down here, they might not. But now they might! Or not, again.

[Adriatic]

CHARLES. THE POINT OF ANGST DAY IS TO NOT HIDE YOUR ANGST BEHIND SPOILERS.

That exchange might only have come up later, to be fair.

...and Charles, since I'm not very good at expressing empathy, especially when I only have text to work with, I'm going to react the way I usually react in these situations and talk practical instead, to wit: even if you decide you're not going to transition, would there ever be a stage in your life when you could change your name to something you could be happier with? (A gender-neutral name? A name that shortens easily to something androgynous?) I had to go around with what felt like a girly and childish little name until my mid to late teens and I just could not bear to keep going through life with people expecting that person to turn up instead of me. There happened to be a variant of my own name that worked for me; if there hadn't been, I'd damn well have changed to something else, and I'm probably even further away from having ever considered transitioning than you.

[Adriatic]

If this were meatspace, we'd all have been infected with bad-hair-gel-ripped-skinny-jeans-converse-wearing-whining disease.

*is wearing Converse*

Sorry, there was obviously going to be someone...

[Herr Joseph von Löthing]

Although truly I have very little angst. I only have...reverse angst? Joe might have an idea of some of the things I'm talking about, judging by several comments I've seen hir write on other threads, but don't quote me on that.

I have?

[Brackets]

PROFESSOR. You win for posting Porcupine Tree.

[Professor T. Pollution]

Although truly I have very little angst. I only have...reverse angst? Joe might have an idea of some of the things I'm talking about, judging by several comments I've seen hir write on other threads, but don't quote me on that.

I have?

I've seen you write that you don't feel the same range of emotions that most people do — that's all I was referring to.

[Professor T. Pollution]

Apparently I still have some leftover emo-hating from my metalhead days. Interesting.

You are not the only one.

I still go into conniptions of horror when anyone calls me an emo just for my combination of piercings, short black hair and black clothing with being shy and having said clothing comprised of suits, sweater vests and glasses. Shiver.

Oh dear. My emo-raging is mostly limited to the music, as I had a bunch of emo/scene friends in high school and I didn't want to insult their appearances.

I didn't know people linked sweater vests and such to emo. I thought it was mostly tight pants and the like.

Don't get me wrong, I do not have a problem with people who identify as emo, in fact I have gotten along rather well with a few, I just dislike the music and hate being mistaken for one.

Perhaps this is just the case in Europe, here in Dublin anything that looks like a cross between goth or metal and geek or slightly old fashioned formal wear gets labeled emo.

Hm. I think it might be a little different between the continents. In the area where I live, at least, the emo thing seems to have died down quite a lot, but its label was mostly applied to people who had straightened dyed hair, tight black clothes, and wore a lot of makeup (plus listening to the music). Sometimes metalheads/goths got lumped in there too, but it seemed like there were some fairly strict definitions of each.

The old-fashioned formal wear would probably get you labelled goth, if it was black or some such, or just kind of prissy. That was the label that stopped me from dressing that way <_<

All of this.

Although...I don't mind being called goth (which used to happen quite frequently), or a metalhead (which few people do anyway).

[Herr Joseph von Löthing]

Although truly I have very little angst. I only have...reverse angst? Joe might have an idea of some of the things I'm talking about, judging by several comments I've seen hir write on other threads, but don't quote me on that.

I have?

I've seen you write that you don't feel the same range of emotions that most people do — that's all I was referring to.

Ohhh, I see what you mean now. And you are correct, I'm a cold hearted bastard.

[Sir Oliver]

Now, what is reverse angst? Can you explain that term?

[asexual cake]

Two things:

First, I just tried to go through everything I missed while at school and god damn are we a wordy bunch.

Second,

[P is for...]

oh, God, Professor--i'm practically crying right now. if you only knew. Amon Tobin? (of whom i had heard, but whom i had not heard?) if you took every single piece of vinyl i have ever owned in my life--and that's a lot; i used to collect--and smashed them all together, it would sound exactly like that.

i am going to go curl up in a little ball in the corner and die of joy now... back later...

oh, and the Porcupine Tree video? reminded me that all my life, i've reallyreallyreally wanted to throw a Molotov cocktail...

[Adriatic]

Although truly I have very little angst. I only have...reverse angst? Joe might have an idea of some of the things I'm talking about, judging by several comments I've seen hir write on other threads, but don't quote me on that.

I have?

I've seen you write that you don't feel the same range of emotions that most people do — that's all I was referring to.

Ohhh, I see what you mean now. And you are correct, I'm a cold hearted bastard.

I'm really not very expressive at grieving either (and I honestly don't think I'm bottling it up; I'm much more upset when I have to perform grief and don't know how to do it). Sometimes I console myself that at least it means that, if some awful tragedy happens in my family, I'd be the one who was calmly able to make the funeral arrangements. That's probably just exacerbating the problem, if problem it be.

[MorbidNerd]

Apparently I still have some leftover emo-hating from my metalhead days. Interesting.

You are not the only one.
I still go into conniptions of horror when anyone calls me an emo just for my combination of piercings, short black hair and black clothing with being shy and having said clothing comprised of suits, sweater vests and glasses. Shiver.

Oh dear. My emo-raging is mostly limited to the music, as I had a bunch of emo/scene friends in high school and I didn't want to insult their appearances.

I didn't know people linked sweater vests and such to emo. I thought it was mostly tight pants and the like.

Don't get me wrong, I do not have a problem with people who identify as emo, in fact I have gotten along rather well with a few, I just dislike the music and hate being mistaken for one.

Perhaps this is just the case in Europe, here in Dublin anything that looks like a cross between goth or metal and geek can end up being labeled emo in my experience.

Hm. I think it might be a little different between the continents. In the area where I live, at least, the emo thing seems to have died down quite a lot, but its label was mostly applied to people who had straightened dyed hair, tight black clothes, and wore a lot of makeup (plus listening to the music). Sometimes metalheads/goths got lumped in there too, but it seemed like there were some fairly strict definitions of each.
The old-fashioned formal wear would probably get you labelled goth, if it was black or some such, or just kind of prissy. That was the label that stopped me from dressing that way

Here emo seems to be one of the more common scenes for young people, though the majority of people tend to lump emo, rocker, and goth all into one category so there is significant crossover between these styles amongst teenagers here.
Heh, even though I occasionally get called emo, I nearly always get called goth… I guess that is what I get for liking Poe, classic horror, classical music, being a loner, wearing black and generally acting/speaking in a more formal and prudish way than anyone else my age.

[Herr Joseph von Löthing]

I'm not very expressive about anything. Happy is rare, sad is rare also. I'm either contented, numb or depressed.

[Professor T. Pollution]

Sheesh. I am multiquoting EVERYONE who has posted since my last post.

EDIT:When I was writing this, the above statement was true.

Although truly I have very little angst. I only have...reverse angst? Joe might have an idea of some of the things I'm talking about, judging by several comments I've seen hir write on other threads, but don't quote me on that.

I have?

I've seen you write that you don't feel the same range of emotions that most people do — that's all I was referring to.

Ohhh, I see what you mean now. And you are correct, I'm a cold hearted bastard.

Splendid, let's be coldhearted bastards together — we can make bastard cake and drink bastard tea. It will be a very exclusive club.

Now, what is reverse angst? Can you explain that term?

I just came up with it as I was writing it, so it's not a real term. I meant that I don't feel much, but what I do feel is annoyance about the fact that other people expect me to feel as much as they do and often get horrified if they find out that I don't. Essentially I don't feel angst at all, I feel annoyed that I have pretend I do (because society is not fond of people who do not feel). Hence 'anti angst', 'reverse angst,' etc.. Whatever term you deem appropriate.

Second,

I love you, Charles. And by that I mean...well, you know.

oh, God, Professor--i'm practically crying right now. if you only knew. Amon Tobin? (of whom i had heard, but whom i had not heard?) if you took every single piece of vinyl i have ever owned in my life--and that's a lot; i used to collect--and smashed them all together, it would sound exactly like that.

i am going to go curl up in a little ball in the corner and die of joy now... back later...

oh, and the Porcupine Tree video? reminded me that all my life, i've reallyreallyreally wanted to throw a Molotov cocktail...

Who doesn't want to throw a Molotov cocktail? (Well, I mean, plenty of boring people I'm sure.)

I had a theory you would appreciate Amon Tobin. I couldn't figure out which song to post — they all get ten times better when you listen to them together one after the other. I practically go into a trance state (one part stillness/blankness, one part bliss, three parts paranoia).