TransWhatevers of AVEN

[nerdperson777]

10 hours ago, Gethealien said:

What ways so you guys cope with disphoria without coming out? I only have unhealthy coping skills for feelings around gender and sexuality. I really need to find better ways of coping that don't invole my parents finding out and are more healthy.

 

Thanks

Usually a good start is getting clothes that you like.  That tends to be the lowest risk thing that people do as their first step.  I have a friend who is no longer around, she would tell her parents that the bra in her room belonged to her girlfriend, but it's not an excuse that you can use all the time.

[Gethealien]

5 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

Usually a good start is getting clothes that you like.  That tends to be the lowest risk thing that people do as their first step.  I have a friend who is no longer around, she would tell her parents that the bra in her room belonged to her girlfriend, but it's not an excuse that you can use all the time.

I try to dress more like it, but because I can't go out alone it creates difficulties to get hold (I have to feel it because of sensory issues). Which is frustrating!

[Karst]

Article on trans people in the Black Lives Matter movement:

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/33ab8fbd-792f-44ee-85de-5dd3894f60bf

[LeChat]

@Karst Thanks, for sharing the article.

 

This ruling sounds good for some LGBT+ people throughout the country, although it still won't be for all states (I wish it would because it still means other states like where I live, still are allowed to mostly discriminate against LGBT+ people in jobs, housing, etc. throughout the entire state because they only offer limited protections in a few counties--around 4 or 5, only either job protection for sexual orientation or gender and only for government workers).

 

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/supreme-court-rules-existing-civil-rights-law-protects-lgbtq-workers/ar-BB15vgF6?ocid=spartan-dhp-feeds

Quote

...Across the nation, 21 states have their own laws prohibiting job discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity. Seven more provide that protection only to public employees. Those laws remain in force, but Monday's ruling means federal law now provides similar protection for LGBT employees in the rest of the country...

 

 

[Destan]

Sometimes I think to myself: I'm glad that I don't live in Asia.

One of the reasons are the terms they use.

For example, how younger people have to call older people "big brother" or " big sister" even though they're not related at all.

Since I rarely talk to other fellow Chinese people, I don't have to hear kids calling me " big .... " often.

Do you know how awkward it is when your mom tells the kids to call you " big ... " when you don't look like one at all.

Those kids stared at me in awkward silence while I stood before them in cold sweat. 😅

[Karst]

6 hours ago, Destan said:

Sometimes I think to myself: I'm glad that I don't live in Asia.

One of the reasons are the terms they use.

For example, how younger people have to call older people "big brother" or " big sister" even though they're not related at all.

Since I rarely talk to other fellow Chinese people, I don't have to hear kids calling me " big .... " often.

Do you know how awkward it is when your mom tells the kids to call you " big ... " when you don't look like one at all.

Those kids stared at me in awkward silence while I stood before them in cold sweat. 😅

A lot of Romance languages, like French and Spanish, have similar issues.  There aren't any neutral pronouns- even inanimate objects have grammatical gender.  So, when you're speaking French, it's possible to misgender not just the person you're talking to, but also your cup of coffee.

[Interference]

@Destan: as a person living in SE Asia, it's hard. it's really hard. most people'd address you as 'older brother/sister' as a form of respect - it's equal to calling someone ma'am or sir.

 

fortunately, my primary language is set up in such a way that pronouns are somewhat optional - you can omit pronouns and change it to a formal you, or just not use pronouns altogether. there's also a neutral term for a big sibling, that more people are using simply because it's faster to say. i still have to deal with 'older sister' when i use my other language irl, though. >>

[Destan]

15 hours ago, Karst said:

So, when you're speaking French, it's possible to misgender not just the person you're talking to, but also your cup of coffee.

Ah that's true, I forgot about that because I rarely speak French (not that I'm good at it). I get what you mean. 

 

@Interference oh that's great that your primairy language is set up like that. I wish that my native language had such an option. Unfortunately, we only have he or she. There's also not a word like sibling so we have to say either brothers and/or sisters. I find the word sibling more convenient though. 

[nerdperson777]

@Destan Omg I totally get that.  Except that I don't usually have to experience it.  Part of the reason is that since I'm in the US, I'm probably really Westernized at this point.  Another reason is that I am the youngest in my entire generation on both sides of my family.  No one has to call me older cousin with the sister or brother attachment.  Then I don't have human siblings so no one calls me brother or sister anyway.  I call my dog brother/sister but it's not like I get called it back.  Technically I do have nieces and nephews in England but I've hardly interacted with them.

 

EDIT (in order to not make a new post): My mom made a comment on how big my stomach was.  I said that it's always been that big.  Probably also from my deep breathing exercises, it's kind of muscular.  My belly isn't exactly round, it's flat straight down.  My dad said that I just finished eating dinner so of course I'd have a big belly.  But inside I was thinking that they didn't know about my top surgery so that makes my belly look bigger.

[ClaryFray1984]

Hello um. I'm not transgender but I just wanted to say how amazing all of you are and I hope others around you embrace your truth with you. Hope that's ok.

[Karst]

An interesting video:

 

 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Hii. How are you all? I havent been around for a bit.

I'm still trans, lol. I've been on hormones for more than half a year now. I'm still not publically out, it's hard to think about being able to do that, but I still try to get some clothes I like a bit more than before, even if I can't get super feminine stuff yet.

I wish luck to all of us

[Kimmie.]

The fact that I am so much more confident when I present as a woman most mean something right?

[Calligraphette_Coe]

Sometimes you just give up and want The Asteriod to be the Final Solution?

 

I had a session with a new therapist which was a condition of being turned loose from the local hospitals psych ward, where I eneded up because for the past 2 1/2 months, I've had trouble just swallowing because of some as-of-yet undiagnosed cause. I've lost 50 lbs over the last 3 months and 2 Sundays ago the PTSD and 20 panic attacks just wore me down, so I let them admit me. After 10 days of coloring books and group therapy populated mostly with substance abusers, they decided that I probably wouldn't hurt myself anymore and turned me lose, with the requirement that I see one of their therapists. Actually what helped me the most was two other patients that were fallen angels like me who had had worse strokes than I had-- they knew exactly what to  tell me to do cure the dysphaegia. and as I write this, I'm chowing on chocolate ice cream.

 

So you know shrinks, they always go for the sexual stuff. A lot of my PTSD came from being sexually assaulted, so I told him pretty much everything; how it made feel that I still have the flashbacks and that I've been sex -free for over 30 years. I danced around the 'T' word, having had experience with revealing that at Johns Hopkins too early in the game.

 

 

Aaaaaaaand we're off to the races. You can probably guess where it went from there.

 

"Next time, we need to find out why you have guilt and shame about your latent homosexuality....."

 

Craaaaaaap..... and just when I thought it might work....... looks like the government is going to pay again for a practiontoner to learn that T is not =LGB.

 

[Drwho314]

I have recently figured out that I would like to go on hrt. My brain thought it would be fun to hide the fact that I'm transfeminine from me. Ultimately I'm still agender I just would like having a more feminine body. 

[anisotrophic]

On 7/10/2020 at 4:38 PM, Calligraphette_Coe said:

for a practiontoner to learn that T is not =LGB.

Ugggggh I hate that stereotype. It’s such a cishet stupidity.

 

”Durrr if you want to be a chick it’s ‘cause you wanna screw dudes! If you want to be a dude it’s because you wanna screw chicks!”

 

QED, folks. Quid erat demonstandrum.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

My psychologist wasnt trained in trans matters at all, and it was obvious enough, he couldn't help me too much directly, but he never once asked me about my sexuality, which is interesting. Funnily enough the only person to assume I was into guys was the lady who does my laser treatments. I told her I was bi, didn't say anything about being less sexual lol.

[nerdperson777]

15 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

My psychologist wasnt trained in trans matters at all, and it was obvious enough, he couldn't help me too much directly, but he never once asked me about my sexuality, which is interesting. Funnily enough the only person to assume I was into guys was the lady who does my laser treatments. I told her I was bi, didn't say anything about being less sexual lol.

My therapist probably finds me strange with my lack of attraction.  Especially when I had a hard time after my favorite teacher wanted nothing to do with me.  She kept suggesting relationship type answers to my problems, but at this point, she probably can tell my lack of interest in them to not suggest anymore.  How can I be in my 20s and not have any conversation about romantic or sexual stuff?  I probably only said once that I didn't like having boobs.  My dysphoria was small because they were small.  I didn't really know what else to say about them anyway.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

50 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

My therapist probably finds me strange with my lack of attraction.  Especially when I had a hard time after my favorite teacher wanted nothing to do with me.  She kept suggesting relationship type answers to my problems, but at this point, she probably can tell my lack of interest in them to not suggest anymore.  How can I be in my 20s and not have any conversation about romantic or sexual stuff?  I probably only said once that I didn't like having boobs.  My dysphoria was small because they were small.  I didn't really know what else to say about them anyway.

After a while if your teacher keeps trying to help that way you could tell her youre aro ace. But I know it's not always something someone wants to talk about. I mostly always just say that I'm not very sexual, i dont have a problem with that. I am romantic tho, but I dont see how relationships fix things plus sometimes they're hard to find.


I told the lady to does my laser that I was trans, and today she corrected herself on her own when she said male things for me. I wouldnt have done anything, so I'm glad she was self-aware about it. I told her my female name and she called me Sylvia at the end, it was cool. Some people do want to respect it, which is nice.

[nerdperson777]

4 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

After a while if your teacher keeps trying to help that way you could tell her youre aro ace. But I know it's not always something someone wants to talk about. I mostly always just say that I'm not very sexual, i dont have a problem with that. I am romantic tho, but I dont see how relationships fix things plus sometimes they're hard to find.


I told the lady to does my laser that I was trans, and today she corrected herself on her own when she said male things for me. I wouldnt have done anything, so I'm glad she was self-aware about it. I told her my female name and she called me Sylvia at the end, it was cool. Some people do want to respect it, which is nice.

Oh I said therapist.  But even then I'm not sure if she has gotten the whole picture about me.  She probably hasn't understood that I'm not binary, as I haven't really mentioned about that.  She doesn't know much about autism so she can't really help me there.  Once I said that I talked to a summer class roommate for 3 hours and she thought that it was great that I was able to do that, despite autism.  I didn't find anything special about that.  I originally found her for LGBT issues, not autism, so it's fine with me.  Plus I don't want to find a new therapist and have to explain my whole story again.

 

I think my actual teacher, I don't think she explained to her hair removal lady.  I went with her once or twice after her shift.  She went to some lady's house who turned one of her rooms into a hair removal business.  I'm pretty sure she would've gotten hair removed from her genitals so the lady would know what parts she has.  But I guess she didn't seem like the type to get trans people, and I would guess my teacher wouldn't be coming out to people a lot since she tends to keep herself private most of the time.  Then I was telling this teenage girl in our group about something that led to revealing that she was engaged.  I had forgotten that out of everyone who was currently in the group, I'm the only one who was there at the time she was proposed to.  Even if I was not in the group again until now, everyone else was from the year after or later.  I thought it was common knowledge in the group that she was engaged, but I guess not.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

On 7/21/2020 at 11:10 PM, anisotrophic said:

Ugggggh I hate that stereotype. It’s such a cishet stupidity.

 

”Durrr if you want to be a chick it’s ‘cause you wanna screw dudes! If you want to be a dude it’s because you wanna screw chicks!”

 

QED, folks. Quid erat demonstandrum.

The frustrating thing is that even told him I was a devoted asexual, chaste for over 30 years! Besides, that shouldn't have a lot to do with PTSD except the flashbacks come from the sexual assault, so why would I want anything at to do with sex? I don't guess in their minds, anyone can say that, we're ALL supposed to be indelibly linked to wanting sex. While that may be true for most people, as I've said before, to me it's the Big Nothing Burger.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

56 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

Oh I said therapist.  But even then I'm not sure if she has gotten the whole picture about me.  She probably hasn't understood that I'm not binary, as I haven't really mentioned about that.  She doesn't know much about autism so she can't really help me there.  Once I said that I talked to a summer class roommate for 3 hours and she thought that it was great that I was able to do that, despite autism.  I didn't find anything special about that.  I originally found her for LGBT issues, not autism, so it's fine with me.  Plus I don't want to find a new therapist and have to explain my whole story again.

 

I think my actual teacher, I don't think she explained to her hair removal lady.  I went with her once or twice after her shift.  She went to some lady's house who turned one of her rooms into a hair removal business.  I'm pretty sure she would've gotten hair removed from her genitals so the lady would know what parts she has.  But I guess she didn't seem like the type to get trans people, and I would guess my teacher wouldn't be coming out to people a lot since she tends to keep herself private most of the time.  Then I was telling this teenage girl in our group about something that led to revealing that she was engaged.  I had forgotten that out of everyone who was currently in the group, I'm the only one who was there at the time she was proposed to.  Even if I was not in the group again until now, everyone else was from the year after or later.  I thought it was common knowledge in the group that she was engaged, but I guess not.

So your therapist doesn't know about asexual and aromantic people? Even if she didn't I'm surprised she wouldn't inform herself. Or have you tried to avoid saying it directly?

Here almost no one is used to trans people lol. The pharmacist says it was new to her and I'm the only one with this kind of medication, and I was the first trans to see the laser lady I go to, though she said a niece in the family turned out to be a trans boy, so she's not completely unfamiliar. Still, we need enough trans so people are more familiar lol.

[nerdperson777]

16 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

So your therapist doesn't know about asexual and aromantic people? Even if she didn't I'm surprised she wouldn't inform herself. Or have you tried to avoid saying it directly?

Here almost no one is used to trans people lol. The pharmacist says it was new to her and I'm the only one with this kind of medication, and I was the first trans to see the laser lady I go to, though she said a niece in the family turned out to be a trans boy, so she's not completely unfamiliar. Still, we need enough trans so people are more familiar lol.

I don't think I ever explicitly said that I was asexual or aromantic.  With relationships the furthest from my mind, it's probably not even a topic of conversation, especially now when I barely mention anything beyond my discontent with my roommates or my parents.

 

I live in a big blue rainbow state so it shouldn't be uncommon.  I actually remember, I was in college in Southern California, and I'm from Northern California.  I was tabling for my club and wearing my club jacket that had my birth name on it.  This one girl comes to our table, sees this masculine looking person with a feminine name on the jacket.  The guy with me didn't really know so he was just kind of awkwardly, "uhh.."  I said what I appeared to be might not be what I am, or something along those lines.  She just said that she was from San Francisco (which is in Northern California) so that she totally got it.  I was thinking, being from SF doesn't automatically mean acceptance, but I'll take it.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

1 hour ago, nerdperson777 said:

I don't think I ever explicitly said that I was asexual or aromantic.  With relationships the furthest from my mind, it's probably not even a topic of conversation, especially now when I barely mention anything beyond my discontent with my roommates or my parents.

 

I live in a big blue rainbow state so it shouldn't be uncommon.  I actually remember, I was in college in Southern California, and I'm from Northern California.  I was tabling for my club and wearing my club jacket that had my birth name on it.  This one girl comes to our table, sees this masculine looking person with a feminine name on the jacket.  The guy with me didn't really know so he was just kind of awkwardly, "uhh.."  I said what I appeared to be might not be what I am, or something along those lines.  She just said that she was from San Francisco (which is in Northern California) so that she totally got it.  I was thinking, being from SF doesn't automatically mean acceptance, but I'll take it.

Wouldn't it be worth mentioning it to your therapist if she brings up relationships?

I think it's cool that the guy who was with you didnt even know. I'd love to be able to have kind of reaction Xd

[nerdperson777]

On 7/23/2020 at 4:14 PM, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Wouldn't it be worth mentioning it to your therapist if she brings up relationships?

I think it's cool that the guy who was with you didnt even know. I'd love to be able to have kind of reaction Xd

I don't know.  I talk about people in a casual context only.  And I said that none of these are traditional relationships that I'm having with these people, so it's not even discussed.

 

I guess it was earlier in my transition.  I must've had my hair cut short by then if the girl was wondering about the mismatch.  Really all I needed in order to pass at least 60% of the time was to have short hair.  People seem to fill in the gaps with my mostly emotionless expressions and passable voice.  Only towards my last term there did I actually officially kind of say that I was trans.  My club went to eat out often after a meeting and I guess since one guy saw me coming out of the male bathroom, he had to ask my pronouns.  The club also went to competitions a lot and trained at that level.  The last college competition I could go to was within a year of my graduation so I competed as male that time.  They found out what name I changed to.  I haven't been to a competition since then.  I am lucky though, that the category I competed in, there's no real noticeable skill difference between the binary gendered categories.  I actually got the gold medal in one.  The second category I was last because I made a small mistake that caused for a big deduction.  Both had three competitors total so either way we'd all get a medal, just depended on which one.  I actually competed against the guy with the awkward reaction.  I only won the gold because he got a minor deduction.  Otherwise, we would've tied.

[Kimmie.]

Why is it so hard to talk or think about my dream body without feeling like a perv? 

[Bloc]

3 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

Why is it so hard to talk or think about my dream body without feeling like a perv? 

Because society teaches you to do this, as it is hostile against trans people and then add misogyny to it.

 

I know the feeling. *offering hugs* I could use some.

[Kimmie.]

6 minutes ago, Bloc said:

Because society teaches you to do this, as it is hostile against trans people and then add misogyny to it.

 

I know the feeling. *offering hugs* I could use some.

*Hugs back* 

[nerdperson777]

I think my gender is being weird again. 

 

I was looking in the mirror and noticed that one side of my hips had more fat than the other.  And this is the opposite from my legs.  I've mentioned previously about my "male" leg and "female" leg based on the dominant hormone that I added muscle with.  So my "male" leg has "female" hips attached to it, and the "female" leg has a "male" hip.  I don't know what this is supposed to mean.

 

Then I was looking up breast forms on Amazon for my crossplay ideas.  I was really wondering, "I really did just get a mastectomy so I can fake it back on."  Well yes, boobs caused me dysphoria, I never actually want to have them.  With my experimenting with femininity, I may just add in the fake ones to cosplay a girl.  It feels a little weird though, looking at A cups, and it's probably even bigger than what I originally had.  I will find out if it'll make me dysphoric.  Later I thought, since I'll be moving back with my parents, would I use these fake ones to make them think I didn't have surgery yet?  It is probably too much effort.

[Kimmie.]

I am happy that I have not had that much dysphoria lately but actually more euphoria when I present as a woman. I have mentioned this before but I get so much more confident. And I kind of like how I look then except the face that is.