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Custard Cream
3 hours ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

But guys [sic} don't watch 'chick flicks'

It's a ridiculous thing to say,and blatantly untrue. It's bullying.

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nerdperson777
4 hours ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

::::sighs::::   Once again, I experienced transphobia in a hospital setting. Over the last 2 weeks, I had to go to the ER 3 times for really bad gastro issues, and they finally agreed that something was very wrong indeed and admitted me. I had a gastro procedure yesterday (finally!) and it seemed to have gone well. At least now I can eat without feeling like I'm going to choke.


In a cruel twist of fate, I was admitted on my birthday and just got out yesterday. I had to lie in bed propped up and there was little else to do but watch TV. I couldn't sleep at nights, and that's when a lot of the movie channels are the only things on.   


One of the movies had a trans theme, and I was shocked the way the nurses were misgendering and mocking  the characters when they came in to change IV drips. I had  experienced this before, but OMG this time they were really piling on. How's that old Bob Seger song go? " But you always feel outnumbered so you dare not take a stand."
On another night I was watching "Ghost" with Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze, and the nurse said something like Why are you watching that? Stupid me said I was feeling really depressed over being in there and watching that made me feel better. 'But guys [sic} don't watch 'chick flicks' and thought that it was funny.Not wanting to out myself and being the subject of converstation behind my back, I just caved and turned the channel to "Con Air"-- plenty of violence and brutality with "They thought I also had had a tiny stroke, and I felt myself thinking "I almost hope the next one gets me--  Free at last"
Just once, I wish I could Mr. Spock these driveby transphobes and have them feel what I feel.
 

I just thought of this: https://sarahcandersen.com/page/2

 

My rationale to this is more of no one can say with guarantee that no guys watch chick flicks.  Even if you aren't, the TV is there for you, not the nurse.  But I get not wanting to be trouble, as I usually can't think of the right thing to say when the time comes.  I've usually missed my time window to say anything related.

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Calligraphette_Coe
8 hours ago, Custard Cream said:

It's a ridiculous thing to say,and blatantly untrue. It's bullying.

It was kind of disheartening given even the remote possibility that I might not have walked out of the place alive, yanno? You're already feeling miserable and scared and you hope for finding some common ground with your caretaker so you feel a little less like a helpless pile of meat.: (

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Celyn: The Lutening

Helpless pile of meat is exactly how I feel in hospital. Big dissociate to deal with the dysphoria and sensory overload of it all. Just send my mind somewhere else and trust they'll fix me.

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Calligraphette_Coe
8 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I just thought of this: https://sarahcandersen.com/page/2

 

My rationale to this is more of no one can say with guarantee that no guys watch chick flicks.  Even if you aren't, the TV is there for you, not the nurse.  But I get not wanting to be trouble, as I usually can't think of the right thing to say when the time comes.  I've usually missed my time window to say anything related.

I guess some of it goes back to the old ball and chain guys are expected to lug around when it co. Maybe you could call it emotionalism shaming? But why would why would people who have dealt with different forms of shaming all their lives indulge in a different from of the same thing? Is it  habit? Something so ingrained in human nature that it's almost reflexive?

 

When I got to thinking more clearly, I started to ask them about their families, and that seemed to work better.

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nerdperson777
36 minutes ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

I guess some of it goes back to the old ball and chain guys are expected to lug around when it co. Maybe you could call it emotionalism shaming? But why would why would people who have dealt with different forms of shaming all their lives indulge in a different from of the same thing? Is it  habit? Something so ingrained in human nature that it's almost reflexive?

 

When I got to thinking more clearly, I started to ask them about their families, and that seemed to work better.

With all the patients they see, they're sure to know that everyone is different.  You would think they've learned to be more compassionate at their job, but at the same time, all the horror has numbed them.  I can see that submitting to gender roles may have felt perfectly natural to some.  I probably mentioned before, but at my last position, there was a designer who installed most of the stuff in the office.  Another co-worker offered to buy burritos for lunch so he didn't have to go anywhere and keep working.  His order was forgotten so a steak burrito was brought back.  It turned out that he didn't eat beef.  There's this one woman who's the most cishet femme co-worker I've ever had.  She told him that he should "man up" and just eat it.  He thought about it, but ultimately declined because he said he got sick just looking at it.  I sat there silently taking this all in, but it does make me wonder.  Before I realized I was trans, I thought these double standards where the man benefits most of the time were BS.  Even if I ended up being cis, I would've thought to not adhere to the gender roles that men decided.  I thought we want women to gain power, but just accepting that it's unfair and there's no other way to it just sounds odd to me.  That co-worker is also very religious and I don't think she likes gay people.  We had an openly gay co-worker and while she's usually the loudest, most talkative person ever, she stayed completely silent when the gay co-worker talked about his husband and just slightly smiled.  I think she was thinking of something else during those topics.

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9 hours ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

I guess some of it goes back to the old ball and chain guys are expected to lug around when it co. Maybe you could call it emotionalism shaming? But why would why would people who have dealt with different forms of shaming all their lives indulge in a different from of the same thing? Is it  habit? Something so ingrained in human nature that it's almost reflexive?

 

When I got to thinking more clearly, I started to ask them about their families, and that seemed to work better.

I think some people, when they've suffered from unfair expectations, get into a mindset that everyone else should go through the same kind of thing, too.

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Interference

my day have been summed up into this meme (in the spoilers, made by yours truly): 

Spoiler

20200513_232742.jpg

 

context:

Spoiler

my parents always told me how i was supposed to be born as a boy, judging from the usg and all the regular sex typing test, but i was born a girl and they jokingly 'blame' that for my boyish traits and mannerisms.

 

little did they know.....

 

(apologies if this is not the right place for it!)

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anisotrophic
On 5/12/2020 at 10:41 AM, Calligraphette_Coe said:

You're already feeling miserable and scared and you hope for finding some common ground with your caretaker so you feel a little less like a helpless pile of meat.: (

Ugh, I’m sorry that happened to you. One of my bad memories is how helpless I felt when a nurse was very irritated and uncaring when I weakly asked for help, after full anesthesia.

 

It’s such a place of vulnerability. Hospitals aren’t always bad, but it can all depend so much on how you’re being treated by the people taking care of you. 😕

 

hopefully your health is better, after the procedure!

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nerdperson777
19 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

Ugh, I’m sorry that happened to you. One of my bad memories is how helpless I felt when a nurse was very irritated and uncaring when I weakly asked for help, after full anesthesia.

 

It’s such a place of vulnerability. Hospitals aren’t always bad, but it can all depend so much on how you’re being treated by the people taking care of you. 😕

 

hopefully your health is better, after the procedure!

My roommate went through this.  They had somehow contracted tuberculosis in a foreign country a year or so before.  It finally decided to wreck havoc on their body then.  Being misgendered by the staff was only a part of it.  They had a multiple tubes in their body, and one was under the rib.  They even had to have an emergency surgery to go in there to procure a sample.  So they were in a lot of pain.  The medication wasn't going through the IV.  They asked for more pain reliever but the nurse on duty decided herself that my roommate just wanted more drugs.  Then they were on their period so they made sure to put their cup in before surgery.  But when it came to getting it out, that was the hard part.  I had joked that they got all the pain of top surgery without losing the boobs because of the numb band of skin at the pec line.  There was a male nurse and my roommate was desperately asking for help to get the cup out.  He had an attitude and didn't want to do it so they had to eventually do it themselves.

 

I had gone to visit, but I had to wear a mask to avoid being infected.  They were in this quarantined hospital room (wearing a period diaper that they said probably costed $100).  They were telling me about all the bad nurses and then this one nurse actually listened and gave them pain medication.  My other roommate said that she was cute.  This good nurse came into the room wearing some half hazmat suit thing while I was there.  Then I realized, this is my cousin's girlfriend.  That was a fun revelation.

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Interference

i'm fortunate enough to haven't experienced hospitalization, but i have heard from my mother (who had a lot) all sorts of bad things.

 

spoilers for a bit of tmi.

Spoiler

the last one she had was for a growth on her labia and it was...kinda hard, really.

 

all sorts of things were in the air from a benign tumor to cancer, we had difficulties applying with our insurance (to the point that my dad had to come to the hospital from work and confirm that yes, she's his wife and she'll undergo a surgery on the surgery day.). i had the privilege of being with her throughout most of the procedures, aside from the pre-op appointments, and it was not a good thing.

 

fortunately it went well, the lab test showed that it was benign and she didn't need any additional treatment, but it was still a big spook for the entire family. 

 

i felt like the whole event was one big dysphoric train for me, both socially and physically. it brought light to the issues i have with my lower area and makes me start to realize things i wouldn't be able to realize until much later. 

 

i wish everyone here a better hospital experience if you have to go there in the future. i shall offer a cat picture: 

 

20200516_090403.jpg

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From a book review I just read (Google translated)

Spoiler

nonbinary child is fighting loneliness and disgust

The literature was long starved on depictions of non-binary experiences in young people.

Hanna Höglund is affected by a mixture of science fiction and lonely pain.

By Hanna Höglund
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REVIEW. Some books are time machines that take their readers inwards, backwards in time, drill a deep hole in the heart pit and change one, maybe forever. These are big words, but when it comes to Ylva Karlsson's and Sofia Falkenhem's "The Moon, the creature and I" that's exactly what it is. I discovered last Friday.

When I was a little UFO in the countryside in the 1980s, there were no words for the non-binary being that this book about low-school kid Månne, who is neither girl nor guy, embodies.

What would have happened if they existed? Who had I been then? Who had I dared to be? There were no words then. But now, after books like "The Moon ..." and Jenny Jägerfeld's "Brother is King", it does.

And Månne, who is in control of Jägerfeld himself, knows that it is not them that is the problem, but the rest: the family who thinks that trans is trams, the sexes who are pursuing them on the break.

It is only in the meeting with society that the gap between what is Moon's body and real I becomes a problem. That's when the part of Månne that is outside the template starts to grow and becomes its own slimy, disgusting creature that goes wherever Moon itself goes. It is told so naked that it hurts.

The fantasy vision here, because that is where Ylva Karlsson often goes in his stories, is Moon's inner room. The protected zone where they can be themselves fully. But when the pressure from the outside gets too hard, that sanctuary also disappears and then you sit there and cry on the couch so the book becomes bulky.


Who would I have been today if Moon had existed when I was a kid? I can't let it go. What saves Månne are sensible parents, friends who take and a third dressing room in the swimming pool. To see that there are other "ibis" - nonbinary. Not to be alone.

And all of this captures Sofia Falkenhem's drawings on the dot. In Moon's large, pitch-black manga eyes, she reflects the feeling of being dressed in a girl's or boy's suit that is so tight that it is difficult to breathe.

After that no one can be the same.

 

NOVEL
YLVA KARLSSON

The moon, the creature and me

Illustration Ylva Falkenhem

Rabén & Sjögren

Age: 6-9

https://www.expressen.se/kultur/ungkultur/icke-binara-barnet-kampar-mot-ensamhet-och-ackel/

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On 5/18/2020 at 8:02 AM, Kimmie. said:

From a book review I just read (Google translated)

  Hide contents

nonbinary child is fighting loneliness and disgust

The literature was long starved on depictions of non-binary experiences in young people.

Hanna Höglund is affected by a mixture of science fiction and lonely pain.

By Hanna Höglund
Share


REVIEW. Some books are time machines that take their readers inwards, backwards in time, drill a deep hole in the heart pit and change one, maybe forever. These are big words, but when it comes to Ylva Karlsson's and Sofia Falkenhem's "The Moon, the creature and I" that's exactly what it is. I discovered last Friday.

When I was a little UFO in the countryside in the 1980s, there were no words for the non-binary being that this book about low-primary school kid Månne, who is neither girl nor guy, embodies.

What would have happened if they existed? Who had I been then? Who had I dared to be? There were no words then. But now, after books like "The Moon ..." and Jenny Jägerfeld's "Brother is King", it does.

And Månne, who is in controlaware of Jägerfeld himself, knows that it is not them that is the problem, but the rest: the family who thinks that trans is tramsnonsense, the sexes6th graders who are pursuing them on the break.

It is only in the meeting with society that the gap between what is Moon'sMånnes body and real Iself becomes a problem. That's when the part of Månne that is outside the template starts to grow and becomes its own slimy, disgusting creature that goes wherever Moon itself goes. It is told so naked that it hurts.

The fantasy vision here, because that is where Ylva Karlsson often goes in his stories, is Moon's inner room. The protected zone where they can be themselves fully. But when the pressure from the outside gets too hard, that sanctuary also disappears and then you sit there and cry on the couch so the book becomes bulky.


Who would I have been today if Moon had existed when I was a kid? I can't let it go. What saves Månne are sensible parents, friends who takeunderstand and a third dressing room in the swimming pool. To see that there are other "ibis" - nonbinary. Not to be alone.

And all of this captures Sofia Falkenhem's drawings on the dot. In Moon's large, pitch-black manga eyes, she reflects the feeling of being dressed in a girl's or boy's suit that is so tight that it is difficult to breathe.

After that no one can be the same.

 

NOVEL
YLVA KARLSSON

The moon, the creature and me

Illustration Ylva Falkenhem

Rabén & Sjögren

Age: 6-9

https://www.expressen.se/kultur/ungkultur/icke-binara-barnet-kampar-mot-ensamhet-och-ackel/

Just fixing where Google failed, if you don't mind Kimmie?

I really like how Google translated the slang word "ibbisar" to ibis though. I'm happy to be likened to a beautiful bird.

 

Sounds like a marvelous book. I have to ask the same question as Hanna; where would I be if the words had existed back then?

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7 minutes ago, Andrea KF said:

Just fixing where Google failed, if you don't mind Kimmie?

I really like how Google translated the slang word "ibbisar" to ibis though. I'm happy to be likened to a beautiful bird.

 

Sounds like a marvelous book. I have to ask the same question as Hanna; where would I be if the words had existed back then?

Thanks I did not proof read it I was at work when I saw it.

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13 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

Thank You @Kimmie. Someone on the Transammans facebook group also shared the article. 🙂

 

It's nice to read. I'm impressed by her and her parents. And Violetta is a beautiful name.

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nerdperson777

So I'm still taking my black belt test online during these times.  But I guess it's better than all the students that have to study on top of taking this test.  We've gone through three of our four pretests and this week is the last one.  Then a month later will be our final, which is all the pretests put together.  One of the requirements is that we have to make our own form.  I still remember most of the one from last year.  Each test I'm mostly just doing little modifications here and there to make it more difficult and impressive.  So I'm currently changing a part in the beginning.  I was told by a trans woman that I would keep my flexibility on T because she has an ice skating friend who stayed flexible.  So I have a standing splits but I'm unsure what to do after it to connect it to the next thing.  For those who don't know, standing splits is a flexible balance where one stands on one leg and the other leg is vertically upwards.  I'm not perfectly vertical, but it's close enough that I can grab my foot to hold it.  I was told that there's a move combo called the Atomic, which is when someone does a standing splits and then falls down into regular splits.  I can technically do that, since standing requires more flexibility than it, because I have no balls to crush.  But I'm thinking about what if I get asked questions about "doesn't that hurt? or aren't you worried?" as a male presenting person.  "I don't really feel pain" isn't a convincing answer when people consider testicles a very valuable body part.  The other thing would be that I'd have three splits in my form then.  I would then have more of that than the usual most overly used move.

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DarkStormyKnight
On 5/26/2020 at 5:12 PM, nerdperson777 said:

So I'm still taking my black belt test online during these times.  But I guess it's better than all the students that have to study on top of taking this test.  We've gone through three of our four pretests and this week is the last one.  Then a month later will be our final, which is all the pretests put together.  One of the requirements is that we have to make our own form.  I still remember most of the one from last year.  Each test I'm mostly just doing little modifications here and there to make it more difficult and impressive.  So I'm currently changing a part in the beginning.  I was told by a trans woman that I would keep my flexibility on T because she has an ice skating friend who stayed flexible.  So I have a standing splits but I'm unsure what to do after it to connect it to the next thing.  For those who don't know, standing splits is a flexible balance where one stands on one leg and the other leg is vertically upwards.  I'm not perfectly vertical, but it's close enough that I can grab my foot to hold it.  I was told that there's a move combo called the Atomic, which is when someone does a standing splits and then falls down into regular splits.  I can technically do that, since standing requires more flexibility than it, because I have no balls to crush.  But I'm thinking about what if I get asked questions about "doesn't that hurt? or aren't you worried?" as a male presenting person.  "I don't really feel pain" isn't a convincing answer when people consider testicles a very valuable body part.  The other thing would be that I'd have three splits in my form then.  I would then have more of that than the usual most overly used move.

Yo that sounds dope and you should go for it!!! Wish I had a standing split :( 

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I've never been able to do a full split, even when I was taking dance classes.

I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that I have pretty narrow hips?

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nerdperson777
6 hours ago, Karst said:

I've never been able to do a full split, even when I was taking dance classes.

I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that I have pretty narrow hips?

The reason why I could do a bunch of things was because I wouldn't realize how close I was to getting moves and started trying after noticing how close I was.  Just one day I noticed that my leg was close enough for me to grab it.  Then the supporting leg was the one I had more power and balance in anyway, so it just worked.  I didn't know I could do a kip up until I tried while teaching a class on it.  The hardest balance ever to my knowledge, same thing.  But after having injured my leg and had surgery, it doesn't look as good as it used to because my leg isn't straight as it's supposed to be.

 

I've always wondered about the science behind flexibility.  There's always that thing about "girls" being generally more flexible than "guys".  But what is the actual reason for it?  Having more muscles makes it harder to be mobile?  That's the only reasoning I was given.  At my place, the most flexible people there are this older woman who teaches yoga and her teenage stepson.  She has the flexibility but her moves don't have the power and intensity that define her moves as a martial art.  The stepson has been training since he was young, having been part of the class for kids between 4 and 6 years old.  In the next level class, students work on flexibility so that the class tends to be usually the most flexible or not flexible kids.  In the later classes, flexibility isn't as emphasized so that they lose their flexibility.  I guess being in a family that stretches a lot, he found the importance of it.  He has the power and the flexibility, which makes him stand out compared to most guys.  A lot of people, regardless of gender, can only envy his flexibility.  I'd say even male national competitors would too, because most of them don't do flexible moves like splits.  But he's also almost all muscle.  He definitely has the V shape body and a set of pecs.  So he definitely has almost everything that an athlete in our martial art would want.  I say almost because he lacks the flair that someone who has actually trained in competition.  But most of the students at the school don't know about that so he is the gold standard there.

So yeah, what is the thing with flexibility?  Guys or those who consider themselves guys in terms of flexibility may already unintentionally decide in their heads that they'll never reach those levels.  I know part of it is in the mind for that.  But what's the actual body mechanics part of this?

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On 5/25/2020 at 10:34 PM, Andrea KF said:

Thank You @Kimmie. Someone on the Transammans facebook group also shared the article. 🙂

 

It's nice to read. I'm impressed by her and her parents. And Violetta is a beautiful name.

Another one I just found.

https://www.amelia.se/relationer/familj/linda-45-min-son-anton-kom-ut-som-antonia/?utm_source=ettanettan&utm_medium=rotator&utm_content=rotator-item-6&referrer=exp-rotator-item-6

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1 hour ago, Kimmie. said:

Thank You Again!💜

That article is new to me.

Even so, I somehow recognise some of their quotes and have a strong feeling I've seen them somewhere before. But where?

 

I like the list with advice for parents, especially the last one. I'm like that. I'm like Linda and Pär who believed transgender persons was just drag queens.

 

I also want to learn make-up but don't know where to start

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Interference
3 hours ago, Andrea KF said:

I also want to learn make-up but don't know where to start

i'm moderately interested in makeup and have watched a lot of videos of it than i'd admit to, so i might be able to help a bit.

 

in my opinion, you should try to take things slow - make up is a wide, wild zone and it's easy to be overwhelmed.

 

one thing that i think is important is to know your skin - is it dry, oily, combination of both, or just normal. they affect some of your product choices, especially in the foundation part. some are formulated to last longer on an oily skin, but can result in uncomfortable dryness for dry skins that needs something more...moist, if that makes sense. you might also wanna learn about your skin's color and undertones, which is important in choosing your face products (foundation, bb cream, cc cream, concealer, etc). a weird match may result in your face looking ashy or off colored, which is not that great. 

 

make up is all about experimenting with what makes you feel good and what fits your style. start with something simple - foundation, a bit of neutral eyeshadow, a nice lipstick you like, and maybe eyebrows and mascara if you feel like it. if you feel particularly unhappy with your face shape, then i'd suggest you to look into countouring, which some people find helpful. i myself find it frustrating. 

 

if you want me to, i might compile a list of videos from people on how to makeup, when i'm properly rested and on my computer. 

the stuff about skin type and undertone should be googleable easily enough - though i'd admit, a lot of the resources are quite cis female coded and i haven't found much good and inclusive resources.

 

hope this helps! 

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2 hours ago, Interference said:

i'm moderately interested in makeup and have watched a lot of videos of it than i'd admit to, so i might be able to help a bit.

 

in my opinion, you should try to take things slow - make up is a wide, wild zone and it's easy to be overwhelmed.

 

one thing that i think is important is to know your skin - is it dry, oily, combination of both, or just normal. they affect some of your product choices, especially in the foundation part. some are formulated to last longer on an oily skin, but can result in uncomfortable dryness for dry skins that needs something more...moist, if that makes sense. you might also wanna learn about your skin's color and undertones, which is important in choosing your face products (foundation, bb cream, cc cream, concealer, etc). a weird match may result in your face looking ashy or off colored, which is not that great. 

 

make up is all about experimenting with what makes you feel good and what fits your style. start with something simple - foundation, a bit of neutral eyeshadow, a nice lipstick you like, and maybe eyebrows and mascara if you feel like it. if you feel particularly unhappy with your face shape, then i'd suggest you to look into countouring, which some people find helpful. i myself find it frustrating. 

 

if you want me to, i might compile a list of videos from people on how to makeup, when i'm properly rested and on my computer. 

the stuff about skin type and undertone should be googleable easily enough - though i'd admit, a lot of the resources are quite cis female coded and i haven't found much good and inclusive resources.

 

hope this helps! 

Thanks! I admit i know nothing about my skin and it's colours. I certainly didn't know that was important.☺️

 

I would be happy and grateful if you'd compile a list of videos, but take your time.

 

I've seen some videos on Instagram where boys and/or trans-women do make-up and Nikkie de Jager herself is transgender. My problem is that those videos are the expert courses.

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nerdperson777

The only thing I know about makeup is don't be a raccoon.

 

I think I was looking through some trans videos the other day and I clicked around to some trans girl's video.  Then I looked through her videos and saw the interesting progression from the effeminate boy stereotype into this definite girl.

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Some things about makeup:

First rule is to have fun. A professional makeup artist once told me that there are no rules, and it's okay to experiment and play around and see what you like.

Starting off light is good (not necessarily in color, but in how much you put on - keep it low key to start with).

It's an art and most people who do it well now (regardless of their gender or expression) had to practice and probably didn't look so great in their early days at it.

 

I'd look for videos that cover simple makeup and basics for beginners.

 

Figuring out colors is something I still don't feel like I'm good at. Several years ago I went to a makeup store to get them to do a color match for foundation for me. When it's safe to do so it can be a good idea to go to a makeup store or counter and get them to show you stuff. Usually they will request you buy a certain amount of makeup in exchange for a full makeup application, but some places will do smaller demos for free (like showing how to do eye makeup, for example).

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binary suns

Am I still transgender if I don’t transition and socially identify as my born gender?

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nerdperson777
5 hours ago, Float On said:

Am I still transgender if I don’t transition and socially identify as my born gender?

Of course.  It's about your identity.  Whether you transition or not doesn't disqualify your gender.  Some people have medical constraints so they can't transition even if they want to.  Then some people don't care about passing so they don't have to look a certain way.

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Spoiler

I just wish that I could be more open with people I love and care about about my gender, but instead, I am stuck here where if you say anything about how you feel, you're considered a "Snowflake" or an "SJW". Edit 2: I am questioning my gender again, please be patient with me. 

 

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